12-22-2010, 12:03 PM
Procrastination is in my opinion often not so much laziness as it is a way to avoid failure. Your brothers car broke down and that sucked for him, but he knew it was coming and apparently felt it was better to have it break down without his trying to intervene than it was to break down after he had tried to avoid it breaking down. He didn't fail this way, only the car did. If your bother was very car savvy he would not have let it come to that point because he'd have the feeling of being in charge meaning that his investment of time and energy actually caused something.
Every time you jump in and solve his problems you're not changing that situation you will only reinforce his feeling of helplessness in the area where he calls for his big brother reinforcing his calling for you.
I'd suggest next time go there to assist, but instead of doing what needs to be done to fix it. Put the screwdriver in his hand. Lean back against a wall and tell him how to do it. Give praise for everything done right (or wrong) and make it light and fun, no judgment just unconditional positive regard and pragmatic advice. Then when it's done, refer to the situation as if HE fixed his problem. Which is true.
This has the benefit of you not feeling used. The benefit of him actually learning pragmatically how to solve a specific problem. The benefit of him learning emotionally that he is capable of doing this. He will not feel inferior to you but able to be equal. His success, the praise and the light hearted fun will make the experience become impressed upon him as a good thing.
The result will be that maybe next time(or the time after that) he has both the skills and the feeling of being able, and the memory that success equals pleasure.
I hope this helps.
Every time you jump in and solve his problems you're not changing that situation you will only reinforce his feeling of helplessness in the area where he calls for his big brother reinforcing his calling for you.
I'd suggest next time go there to assist, but instead of doing what needs to be done to fix it. Put the screwdriver in his hand. Lean back against a wall and tell him how to do it. Give praise for everything done right (or wrong) and make it light and fun, no judgment just unconditional positive regard and pragmatic advice. Then when it's done, refer to the situation as if HE fixed his problem. Which is true.
This has the benefit of you not feeling used. The benefit of him actually learning pragmatically how to solve a specific problem. The benefit of him learning emotionally that he is capable of doing this. He will not feel inferior to you but able to be equal. His success, the praise and the light hearted fun will make the experience become impressed upon him as a good thing.
The result will be that maybe next time(or the time after that) he has both the skills and the feeling of being able, and the memory that success equals pleasure.
I hope this helps.