Help surrendering

[EvolvingPhoenix]

EP,
Quan just posted a beautiful quote today on the daily quote :
“ Each of you is a gallant, gallant soul and we both envy you and honor you, for you do much that you do not know; even as you suffer, you heal worlds."

This is you, EP ,

Thanks. Youve got no idea though what has just happened in the past 2 or 3 days...


I was taken to the E.R. and nearly got Baker Acted. Lied my way out of the hospital.

Uncovered more wounds.

Deep wounds.

In a moment of vulnerability and terror, I found myself having to argue with my parents and I, not incontrol of my emotions am exploding with anger to match my terror, and my mom has self control, but my dad does not. He's yelling back "I dont need to take this s***! a******!"

Mom had to restrain her anger and desire to fight me earlier when i was having another episode.

And without going into detail, I came tomthe realization my whole life has just been people fighting me.

And in my most vulnerable moments, I often have had to be able to defend myself.

And in my most vulnerable moments, I've been met with anger, with dominance struggles, with judgement, with PUNISHMENT.

And Im being told to just surrender.

God it's hard...