What is it with me?

[Glow]

As anyone can tell, I've got a lot of work to do.

I find the offered bit interesting, orgasm being described as death implies transformation.

I don't view opposition in Death itself, but suffering and love.

Death and Love, they make an interesting pair for learning purposes.  Gives you an ever greater appreciation.

All I know is my planets have given me a very strange life.  My stars, they make me mad.  I can barely believe I've held myself together this long somehow.

I didn't believe in astrology till I had my chart done. There hiding in capricorn was the almost anti-capricorn at my exact time of birth.
There I was like some freakish astrological mathematical recipe, nothing more than light desending into a co-ordinate to be as ordered, not really though.

I now see astrology is not who you are but the life, personality, and predilections you are born into. Just another mask.
Like all the others when we go deeper back to the soul remembrance that mask falls off too.
Though there likely are great aspects to keep and use for this life too, so not all to be done away with. Anyways I think you are doing great.

You talk about being judged but it seems you judge yourself rather harshly so maybe... stop that.
Its easier to grow love and accept love when you aren't always punishing yourself or reminding yourself of your perceived flaws.
Nothing to apologize for or regret, we are all a work in progress back to who we really are. ((((((hug))))