Chakra Readings

[Coordinate_Apotheosis]

I remember...The first time I read Living the Law of One.

I was enthralled.  Almost entrapped in Carla's words.

The chakras.  I only knew them from naruto, but even then I remember my favorite character was Rock Lee.

He couldn't use his chakra, he was unable to cast jutsu's of any kind, he relied solely on his body, his stamina, his 'Way'.
And he had a secret weapon, he could unlock the chakra gates and grow more powerful the further he unlocked them, at a cost of overusing his body and damaging his muscles.

I remember the first time he did this, all in a vain attempt to prove himself, where he had already long ago done so, he was fighting believing himself lesser.

I first felt a chakra charge from holding a quartz crystal I have had since childhood.  Like a surge of electricity going through my arm, I had tried to remove some astral gunk and discharge it, and it worked that one time, but it broke the lattice structure it had...A crack sits in its center now in the formation of the energy flow, like lightning trapped in crystal...

If it is true...That I am a Wanderer...that we come into this play of life with memories hidden but available without piercing the veil, I felt I had memories of chakras.  I felt it but did not want to believe it, I thought I was mad, mad in love with illusions and delusions...

Yet it sat insids of me, growing restless.  I have something to give to everyone and anyone, but I am nobody...What could I give?  I'm nothing, what is there to share?

And still it persisted like an itch.  Then finally one day I svratched it and looked at my own system.  I couldn't ever perform mental alchemy.  I couldn't change a vibrating energy, I couldn't heal, I'm have no magic to perform, but I could see, I could feel.

I realized from my own self examinations that I have many issues.  My red ray is destroyed, my yellow ray is deactivated, my indigo ray was too strong, my heart was far too open for it all to make sense.  I discovered I'm a female soul typically in bias learning to love the masculine and appreciate its loneliness on this world.  I learned that I cannot share myself because I fear it will mimic interactions with my mother, and so I shut down mh solar plexus.  I learned that I've more than all the love in the world, and it channels down into red as anger at my inability to share love.  I learned my indigo was always open, and that weed had damaged it because I was using it to look at things that hurt me, like rape, murder, torture, instead of things I wanted to see.  Love, happiness, a joyful smile, a warm hug.

And so, finally I decided to try.  I couldn't stop it, it was just inevitable, fate that I had chosen by dodging it repeatedly.  Finally I entered /div/ on /x/ on 4chan and titled Chakra Alchemist, before this another on there had done chakra readings, and at a proficiency that just made me look like an amateur.  Then they disappeared, so I took the plate.

20 readings 5 days later I realized I had a gift...  I didn't want to admit it because it felt wrong.  Its not my gift, but my soul's.  I as Joe am not the source.  Still, the need continued, I did readings on craigslist and took them on an email I had named after the previous chakra reader, Val, who happened to like zombies (much like me actually), I made a zombievalpocalypse email and it took off.  I got so many requests I ended up running away from it...

Then finally I felt it, it was undeniably a call.  It wasn't words or feelings but a need that was demanding fulfillment.

I've something to give back out of pure love to be of service.  I am terrified of failing this service, of being a fraud, a liar, sometime who makes it up as he goes...

But.  As a coward, I knew my greatest failures were outstanding anything else.  I have failed as a father, what worse could come of messing up a reading?  So I began doing them again, and I was lead to make a patreon, to come here and post it.  To begin making a life from this.  I cannot seem to find work, I cannot seem to hold a job, I lack the patience to be complacent with backwards apathetic jobs.  I just am too low energy...Too stubborn, too Angry.

I could barely handle volunteer work, seeing how many suffer because of a sick society, I couldn't handle being forced to be certain ways for certain jobs despite trying so hard to be.

I want to hone this...Whatever it is, skill, ability, memories.  To make a living from it.  6 readings at $10 a donation is an 8 hour days making, its possible if I ever become busy enough I can charge for these, especially if I get better and faster at them.

Even $5 a reading could get me somewhere with the traffic I experienced on 4chan.

I don't know if that's selfish, wanting to be of service for a price...  All I feel right now is that this is my path, my way.  I want to walk it even if it leads me into insanity or death, I just want to help people and this seems like my only real option in doing so.
And its...frightening because I'm so clueless to the process I use.  I can't explain why it works, only how.

But its real it'd seem, not hocuspokus hooplah.  What to do from here...

Does anyone have any suggestions or commentary on charging for a service like this or in following one's feeling that this is the right way for me to go?