Seeking Past Lives

[Aion]

I have definitely got some nasty, downright evil identities, as well as near saint-like ones. The many selves I have seen myself as has covered a huge spectrum, from the top to bottom. Now it seems I am working on a balance between all the many temperaments, refining them all in to a new expression of my own being. The Alchemy of the Soul, and to remember is to learn and discover the ingredients and processes of this alchemy.

Were the evil incarnations near or far from the saint-like ones? In terms of earth time, if applicable. I'm wondering because is it conceivable that a saint incarnation would manifest directly after an evil one? or vice versa? Or do these opposite ends of the polarity spectrum exist in parallel realities? I may be thinking about this way too linearly.

How did/do you deal with accepting the downright evil identities?  

Also, how do you view the saint identities as part of yourself? Why are you incarnating again assuming a) you are not currently a saint and b) those saint incarnations were positive enough to break you free from third density? (meaning how could you have been a saint 'then' and not be a saint 'now?')

I sense deep misunderstanding on my part, feel free to systematically dismantle my world views.

Well to start these are just words so there are always fluctuations and by 'saint' I merely mean that I was positively oriented and pursued it to the adept degree, and vice versa for the 'evil', if you will. I understand the word usually means a certain transcendence. I would say I am like a Bodhisattva except that I didn't 'start' as a human. (Well, really, I don't think any soul 'starts' human.) It is somewhat linear the way you are thinking of it but even though time is parallel and simultaneous it is consciousness which creates a linear stream from within the infinite flow of time. So even an entity so-called 'traveling through time' is still experiencing their own personally subjective linear time-stream. This is important to understand the nature of past/parallel/future lives I feel. It's all there 'in the cloud' if you will, but when a user 'logs on' they have a definite direct experience in terms of series, at least if you're not sitting in the causal, simultaneous body.

There was one major occurrence of an instant shift and that was from high positive in to deep negative which I then made my way back to positive and then remained as a 'wanderer' or part of the "elder race" whom would continue to incarnate despite qualifying for higher movement. Otherwise it has been more of a 'wave' pattern with certain peak lives and then other lives in between which would build to them, not necessarily linear in time.

As for how I feel about them all... I have been both in awe and greatly disturbed by myself, to put it simply. There are things I have seen myself capable of that are downright horrific and there are things I have seen myself do that are the epitome of service and sacrifice. It took a long time to just accept what I saw without needing to 'explain' it to myself. I stopped trying to justify things and instead looked to the feelings of what I felt and why I did the things I did. I found it was quite simple. The more I suffered, the more pain I felt, the more negativity would appeal to me. Sometimes that pain was 'not having what I want' and so was simply greedy, but other times there was genuine hurt.

My first 'fall' if you will was not of my own design. I was imprisoned and so twisted in my isolation. I became a being of war and vengeance and to this day I am still diffusing the rage and seeking peace within myself.

You could say that now the many versions of myself are beginning to approach eachother. The good seeks to help the evil, and the evil seeks to understand itself.

We're all saints and devils, it just depends on what we do with our choices. I'm not here to seek the image of the saint or the devil, only here to do 'my fathers' work, the Great Work. I will not be moving up until the very last human has crossed. It has been decided that I shall be the last, however long that takes, however many lives that takes. I will be here to see the end, just as I was here early in the beginning.