Must positive polarity awareness be sustained or can it be temporary to graduate?

[anagogy]

Our capacity for feeling is in itself an insatiable and bottomless abyss.  That was my experience with empathy.  I was drunk like Bacchus on the liquor of empathy which is why I need my mood stabilizer to keep me grounded.  Now I barely feel any empathy at all - - ever. So again, I feel like I’m lost, that I’m not gonna make the fourth density jump when Harvest happens.

I wish there were a way to somehow precisely measure what percentage service-to-others polarity I’m sitting at.  Obviously no such device exists.  And I can’t trust my intuition because my intuition tells me something different depending on the context when I ask myself the question. Some days, when I’m in the “creativity zone” - - as I pray contemplating my life purpose, as I’m listening to sacred music, as I’ve got caffeine and other legal stimulants flowing through my veins - - I know I’m a higher density soul from another planet who incarnated here on planet Earth to serve humanity as catalyst, by compassionately inspiring as many of my peers as possible.  But during my selfish, slothful, unproductive off days, I feel like a failure, that I’ve let my soul group down, that I’m not worthy of drinking from the cup of wine, or in other words, that I’m not worthy of fourth density.   I did mention my mood stabilizer which is necessary to keep me grounded but it also takes away much of the empathy.  So I can never know for sure whether I am on track or off track to be Harvested.  

This is why I am over-intellectualizing on this forum.  I’m asking for the impossible: certainty.

I sympathize with your concern, cel. It is very common in our society for people to have conditions that require chemical assistance which have some sort of "cost" to them, meaning, they may alleviate one distortion, but then, in turn, create another distortion. If the trade off is deemed favorable, the medication is continued. I used to have a very unfavorable opinion in regards to psychoactive medication, but nowadays I have come to recognize that all things can play a role in balance, or imbalance. There is no right or wrong. And "natural" is really just a point of view. Having said that, polarization is more than just what you empathize with but it is about how YOU feel. If your ability to feel empathy has been handicapped by your meds, I think your overall intentions/dedication/personal emotions will play a more prominent role. Above all, I think it is important to discern for yourself "what do I desire?".

For all you know, you are a wanderer and already harvested thousands of years ago. Unfortunately there is no way to know. My best advice is to simply treat others and yourself in the manner which brings you the most joy and happiness. That is a yardstick that I have found to most favorably calibrate my moral compass. Always ask yourself, how does this action make me feel? It is about how you feel. That is the spiritual journey. You feelings/emotions are the part of you most in contact with the spirit complex, and they will serve you the most powerfully. They will become more sensitive the more you pay attention to them, regardless of your meds. Intelligent infinity finds a way to express itself, no matter the conditions/chemicals/biological processes of your body. The more subtle and lighter energies always control the grosser and more physical energies. You can shuffle things around physically, but your higher self will simply reprogram/reform the illusion in such a way that the lessons/challenges you intended to experience are still presented to you. It will always manifest and maintain the "workout regimen" but you are the one who still has to utilize it. 

I do realize that we have forever.  I like the idea of possibly having to repeat my luxurious, cozy current incarnation - - being born on planet Earth in the 1980s, living a wonderful childhood and adolescence like a prince or king in a city in a prosperous first world country. Being given a second chance at this life - - encountering similar obstacles and overcoming mistakes made in my previous similar life - - would be an opportunity that I’d be very grateful for.  But if forever means that I have to repeat the entire 75,000 year cycle living mostly as a nomadic hunter-gatherer for one thousand lifetimes to only live like a prince in the last one of two incarnations at the end of the 75,000 years, then I’d rather wish to seize the current opportunity to graduate from third to fourth density now in this incarnation and move on.

I don't think it would involve another 75,000 year cycle personally. In my opinion, you can more or less look at the 75,000 year cycle and the minor 25,000 year cycles, as "lesson cycles". Each age teaches different lessons at different times, which could be linked to astrological influences in that each age is more oriented towards teaching certain lessons than others. Outside of space/time, though, all times are simultaneous, so those ages which teach the particular lessons you need to elevate your consciousness would be apparent, and you would incarnate into the appropriate incarnational nexus that would teach the appropriate lessons.

Just as there are locations in space, which are connecting point to different spaces, such as an airport for example, there are also stepping off points in time, and these are the ends of those cycles. These stepping off points lead to other time/spaces (other densities). But as I said before, outside of this incarnation, you are not stuck waiting around for a particular time to come about, you travel at will through time to the place appropriate for you to travel to given the patterns of your consciousness. 

If you don't harvest 4D STO it is because your soul would still be unsure about what it desires.

I tend to agree with this perspective to some degree. The whole graduation/progression through the densities is really about "evolution of desire". The creator simply exploring itself through its desire. As the indwelling consciousness becomes more and more filled with light, its desires tend to lean more and more in the direction of desires which are more and more consonant with undistorted oneness. So incarnation, from that perspective, is about placing consciousness in a veiled environment and then observing what desires that consciousness complex naturally gravitates to, without its pre-incarnative knowledge of what they "should be". No desires are wrong. It is simply about the reconciliation or evolution between who you are, and who you want to be in the sterile "observation chamber" that is space/time incarnation. No judgment, just empirical observation of where that evolution currently is in relationship to the One.