Boundaries

[Night Owl]

My problem is that every time I find a desire it is a desire of not wanting something.

Yeah, I think I understand: it's confounding to manifest a negative.  But a negative has one advantage: it makes room for the answer to a question.  Diana had a great suggestion: try just saying no to things and see how reinforcing that negative space opens up room.  It's worth a try, because I get what you're saying that you kind of aren't sure how to bootstrap this.

Also, remember that none of this is purely or even substantially intellectual.  I found that paying attention to my emotions yielded a tremendous dimension of experience that I had not really respected.  There is a lot of content there and it's not just baggage--that's what I used to think, effectively.

Actually I think I've been saying no too much. I'm actually trying it backwards lately. But what intrigues me is why would I incarnate knowing only what I don't want? How is that useful or purposeful? It gets frustrating never knowing what I want. I have a hard time figuring out what I am because of that. I have to work backward with pretty much anything. People always seem to project on me their impressions of me and it always seem so far from something I can identify with. Like they cannot identify me with anything else than what they think they would have to be to act or think like I do but different people do similar things for different reasons. But I can't blame them how can they know me if I don't myself. I am a strange creator indeed. Why is it that I can get a really clear picture of everything outside of me but anything about me is completely veiled except what I don't want and what I am not?