Boundaries

[1109]

My problem is that every time I find a desire it is a desire of not wanting something. Those are like basic questions most people succeed at answering without much trouble occupations/jobs/relationships/ dreams or simple day to day basis decision like what to eat, what to do with spare time?

What do I want to eat? I probably don't care but I can tell you a long list of things I don't want to eat.

What do I want to do? I am probably well with any outcome that is likely to happen today but I can tell you a long list of things I do not want to do.

How do I want to earn money? I don't have preferences but I am absolutely certain that I don't want to do most of the existing jobs.

What kind of person am I attracted to? I am well in the company of most people unless there are too much people around but I am certain I do not desire a close relationship with any being that is currently in my surrounding that is not already in my friends/family. I don't think I've let anybody get really close to me either but I have never felt enough of a strong connection to desire for closer connectrion with another self.

What was my dream when I was a kid was to be a good drummer. I have now reached a level far beyond what I could imagine at the time therefore I would mark this dream as checked. As of the present state this dream could have evolved into making money out of it. That is like a slow neverending and never really stable process but things are in motion nevertheless so I can't complain.

I have no trouble finding things I enjoy. I like listening to music, I like to move, explore and travel. I like spending time in nature and with animals. I like to enjoy the little things like eating breathing, thinking and learning. But it's like I have no expectations whatsoever about the future. What are the things I should want? On a purely energetic level I desire that all be well, that everybody around me be as well as they can, that there may be the least possible amount of resistance found on my path and on others path. In short, that everyone lives his freewill. I desire that everybody be at peace. I desire to enjoy my present time and I desire that others enjoy their time. But we are in a society and/or in a reality where it's like we MUST do stuff. And I have no desire of such things. THAT is something that I desire, that nothing MUST be done but that things that are done be seeked, worked out and succeeded with the most enjoyment possible out of it. It's like I have the good mindset to be well with the flow of life but I don't have what it takes to be what some would call a functioning member of society.

Oh my, this post is like looking in a mirror. My biggest issue right now is to find my passion in this life. It's like there's all this energy streaming in but I don't know where to channel it, how to make it useful on this Earth-plane. All avenues seem awful in one way or another. In the end I just keep reading my books and stay passive, which of course triggers backlash from the Law of Responsibility.