[split] "The dark attacks from the shadow ..."

[Jade]

Have any one of you ever spent several months being in as many ways you can actually intrinsically or judicially or...physically of Service to Others?  Where you trained your mind to have no ill will, to truly see God and to ennact love to All Beings before you?  Where toxicity was met with resolute peace, and anger or cruelty met with unwavering kindness.  To be in love with people for who they are no matter who or what they show or how or why?

The only responsibility I had in regards to pouring love into the reality, was To Love Unconditionally, to Feel Truly Love for AnOther.  That made my Reality, Love itself in 3D form.

The trouble came with weariness, not worrisome thoughts, and I consider that me having been burned out. A.

B, I was doing a lot of work in Consciousness (relatively speaking) in those months, all, completely, alone.

Yes, I have been through what you did. Here's what happened:

You opened your heart chakra, which was awesome, but then you got very gung-ho about serving others, which led to you sitting in the heart chakra without moving the energy upwards - this is the martyr vibration. This will exhaust you, and will eventually drain you empty. This is why it's important to consciously start balancing.

Where you went wrong is you forgot about yourself. STO to the exclusion of the self is 4th density martyr vibrations. STO with a balance of STS to preserve the self is the higher, indigo ray vibrations. The difference in actions between a green ray entity and an indigo ray entity are not much - both desire and will give generously to others. But the blue-ray is the wisdom of experience and recognition of patterns and sequences that allow one to recognize their worth as one to be served as well.

Let me use an example of my real life. Many years ago, my grandma had several falls which led to her needing someone with her round the clock to help while she healed. My husband and I moved in with her, and all in all it was a very stressful time - not much help from the rest of my family (while they still told me I wasn't helping enough), and I continually selflessly threw myself in the ring if anything was needed. I felt under-appreciated in general (by the rest of my family, not my grandma or husband), and I was very ill, taking lots of Xanax but still had extremely high blood pressure and anxious nausea every day. I was happy to take care of my grandma but it was at my own expense.

Now today, if I were in the same situation with this current incarnation of my brain, I would take the same actions, but my thought processes surrounding them would be different. I wouldn't feel so obligated by my service, but I would be excited for the opportunity. I wouldn't need outside validation from others, because I recognize the inherent worth of myself and my solitary actions. I would be more confident and willing to ask others for help, instead of just assuming that I'm the only one willing to do it. And this, in turn, the higher energies, recognizing that they come from an infinite source, will allow me more energy before I feel expended, because I am using it more wisely. I'm still performing the same actions, but I'm spending a lot less energy on anxious thought processes, primarily, and instead taking action to make changes that I feel need to be resolved, instead of letting them drain me.

So it seems to me now, what you are trying to do and embrace, is to be of service to others without focusing on just doing nice things for others, and with more of an emphasis on being yourself and acting on your true emotions. This is far more balanced than an entity that is martyring itself, and far more true to service. If I thought that you genuinely weren't service to others, I probably wouldn't spend this much effort talking to you, because it would fall on deaf ears. But you talk so fondly of the time when you had your heart totally open, because it is a delightful experience to not have animosity towards people, and something worth working towards, imo. That's why I share my experiences and my thought processes I have used to arrive at the conclusions I have, because that's really all I can do is share, because I feel as if I've had some success. I think Min is doing the same as do I think you are, Van. We are all just sharing pieces of ourselves with each other. I guess in this context it is good to focus on not communicating to others that we think they are wrong - because your point is a very good one, Van, that invalidation of one's feelings is not a desirable experience. All feelings and perceptions are valid. It's just important to work on being more inclusive as our beliefs and feelings go, instead of excluding the ones of others from our reality.