[split] "The dark attacks from the shadow ..."

[Parsons]

Ananda was the only one left at the time of the first council of Buddha’s own disciples who didn’t become an arhat. He was Buddha’s attendant. He heard every word that Buddha taught, and memorized them all, but he didn’t meditate much because he was too busy.

Some time after Buddha’s death, there was a meeting of all the arhats, but since Ananda wasn’t an arhat he couldn’t go. So he kept meditating, trying at the last minute to become enlightened, and it got to be midnight, 2, 3 o’clock in the morning of the first council of Buddhist arhats, but still he couldn’t make it, even though he was the repository of all of Buddha’s words. All the other arhats wanted him to go, but he couldn’t since he wasn’t an arhat.

Finally it got to be 3:45 in the morning, 15 minutes before the 4:00 wakeup call. Finally, Ananda just gave up and said, “Oh ********, I’m not an arhat.” Then he got enlightened, because he saw things as they were. It was the end of the struggle. No more trying to become an arhat, and he became an arhat.

Many Buddhist traditions teach this story. That says something that is being yourself, rather than to mere doing and self-improvement. It expresses clear vision, seeing things just as they are, rather than as we’d like them to be.

I decided it was very important to 'be myself' about 6 months or so. I have been integrating the knowledge I have attained into my general personality and my whole being. It has been an extremely rewarding experience thus far. As you can see from earlier in this thread, I am not without doubt at times.

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In retrospect, the greatest thing learned from all of that was that Polarity does not change anything around me, only Myself.  And Myself, was in no way enough.

This here may be the biggest lie you are telling yourself. You are YOU, a facet of the Creator, and YOU are MORE than enough. Each of us is. That's why it's so important to work on ourselves first because changing our consciousness IS important, and it IS enough.

Seconded. My own self worth was the key to overcoming my extreme depression.