I hear the overwhelming sadness and despair you are both expressing, TTP and Nowheretoday, and having lived through it myself, I understand it -- what it feels like to be in it, and also how to escape it.
Here are the three essential points:
1. antagonism = sadness
2. love (goodwill) = joy
3. we choose which of these we express.
Every moment, we radiate out to the Universe some degree of goodwill or antagonism (i.e., love or hate). If we honestly examine what we're putting out, we can see that the mood we're experiencing is in direct correspondence with this. Then, over years, if we continue putting out negativity, it congeals in us and creates a form of inertia that makes it difficult to change; we end up stuck in a rut of emotional misery.
You might argue that the worldview you so eloquently expressed, TTP, is the only reasonable one to have. So be it. Whether or not your worldview is true, I think you will agree that it's not helpful to you. It is not creating a satisfying or fulfilling life for you, nor is there some larger purpose which it serves. Others who have been through depression and come out of it would say that by focusing exclusively on the negative it is inevitable that you will only see the negative.
In any case, I've come to the conclusion that the only thing that has no downside in this world is love. It heals our broken psyches, relationships, and societies. When we find love, we can begin to heal ourselves and, by doing so, help to heal the world in a gentle but unstoppable way.
To love something does not mean to approve of it. It is more simple than that: the wish to heal and benefit, on the deepest level. Warmth and tenderness, even if in compassion to the suffering you are seeing. That wish itself is healing, because it is love. On the other hand, resenting - whether particular individuals or the world as a whole - actually causes harm and perpetuates the cycle of negativity.
How to heal - to find love? I think perhaps what is going wrong in your meditation is that the lid of the stored up pot of negativity is lifted, and it becomes more acute. Meditation does indeed bring us face to face with what we've stored up over the years; it activates unprocessed catalyst to give us another chance to process it differently.
My guess is that when this "stuff" comes up, instead of releasing it with acceptance and love, you may be reinforcing it with additional resentment and unhappiness about it, thereby adding to the pot.
What I have found supremely helpful - and have been advised to do by my guides - is to seek the highest pure Good in the Universe when you meditate, and open yourself up to it. Reach out towards it with your heart, and spend your meditation in that connection. By doing so, you're actually diluting the stored up negativity with pure light.
There are other exercises, but the point I want to make here is the simple, mathematical relation between how we relate to the world, and how we feel inside. Every moment of goodwill - toward anything, does not matter, for all is one - is a moment we add to our joy account. Every moment we do otherwise, we either keep the account neutral or go further into debt. No one is judging us when, by choosing to feel disgust, resentment, hate we make the choice that hurts ourselves - but there are many, many, many souls who love us deeply, and whose one wish and prayer is that we would finally begin choosing to heal ourselves and relieve our suffering instead. They cannot do it for us (free will) but it must be very frustrating for them to see that the solution is ever in our reach, yet we continue choosing not to avail ourselves of it.
Here are the three essential points:
1. antagonism = sadness
2. love (goodwill) = joy
3. we choose which of these we express.
Every moment, we radiate out to the Universe some degree of goodwill or antagonism (i.e., love or hate). If we honestly examine what we're putting out, we can see that the mood we're experiencing is in direct correspondence with this. Then, over years, if we continue putting out negativity, it congeals in us and creates a form of inertia that makes it difficult to change; we end up stuck in a rut of emotional misery.
You might argue that the worldview you so eloquently expressed, TTP, is the only reasonable one to have. So be it. Whether or not your worldview is true, I think you will agree that it's not helpful to you. It is not creating a satisfying or fulfilling life for you, nor is there some larger purpose which it serves. Others who have been through depression and come out of it would say that by focusing exclusively on the negative it is inevitable that you will only see the negative.
In any case, I've come to the conclusion that the only thing that has no downside in this world is love. It heals our broken psyches, relationships, and societies. When we find love, we can begin to heal ourselves and, by doing so, help to heal the world in a gentle but unstoppable way.
To love something does not mean to approve of it. It is more simple than that: the wish to heal and benefit, on the deepest level. Warmth and tenderness, even if in compassion to the suffering you are seeing. That wish itself is healing, because it is love. On the other hand, resenting - whether particular individuals or the world as a whole - actually causes harm and perpetuates the cycle of negativity.
How to heal - to find love? I think perhaps what is going wrong in your meditation is that the lid of the stored up pot of negativity is lifted, and it becomes more acute. Meditation does indeed bring us face to face with what we've stored up over the years; it activates unprocessed catalyst to give us another chance to process it differently.
My guess is that when this "stuff" comes up, instead of releasing it with acceptance and love, you may be reinforcing it with additional resentment and unhappiness about it, thereby adding to the pot.
What I have found supremely helpful - and have been advised to do by my guides - is to seek the highest pure Good in the Universe when you meditate, and open yourself up to it. Reach out towards it with your heart, and spend your meditation in that connection. By doing so, you're actually diluting the stored up negativity with pure light.
There are other exercises, but the point I want to make here is the simple, mathematical relation between how we relate to the world, and how we feel inside. Every moment of goodwill - toward anything, does not matter, for all is one - is a moment we add to our joy account. Every moment we do otherwise, we either keep the account neutral or go further into debt. No one is judging us when, by choosing to feel disgust, resentment, hate we make the choice that hurts ourselves - but there are many, many, many souls who love us deeply, and whose one wish and prayer is that we would finally begin choosing to heal ourselves and relieve our suffering instead. They cannot do it for us (free will) but it must be very frustrating for them to see that the solution is ever in our reach, yet we continue choosing not to avail ourselves of it.
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