Sex in Today's Life and Spiritual Sex

[Jade]

Hi friends, I really appreciate when I see people discuss this with an open heart, because I feel the volatility in this subject.  I'm going to try my best, too. I truly try to understand how hard it must be for men (and everyone, but within this context men specifically) to grow up in society today. We're all exposed to constant stimuli and all sorts of things are implanted in our heads to confuse our true natures. I want again to point out the value of the "Every female is male, every male is female" balancing exercise - this doesn't just apply to others, this applies to the self, as well. It's well not to identify too closely with society's biased definitions of gender. We have all lived many, many lives - I doubt many here would deny that. I also believe we are living simultaneous lives... all of these, a mix of both genders. We all have the traits that we assign to each, good and bad. I think this is why the topic is so touchy for me - I've lived a life of gender abnormalities. I support my husband financially. My dad was a single father and my mother a deadbeat mother. So when I speak of gender dichotomies, it's forced, because I only recognize the tendency for others to fulfill the limited roles set before them by societal framework.

For the men who harbor feelings towards women that are not totally loving - have you ever truly empathized with what it's like to be a woman? Have you ever imagined yourself in a past life where you were a woman? Where you faced some extreme hardships that you tie that gender... rape, abortion, miscarriage, etc... again, not to say these circumstances don't affect men, but it's possible to carry this kind of trauma over from past lives, and I think it's by design sort of gender based in this way. But anyway, have you ever thought about what that must really be like? To be impregnated by someone you love and then left to bear the child alone? These are harsh traumas.

I can tell you for those who desire to potentially seek a relationship in the future, if you believe the word "feminist" to be in any part a dirty word, it will be very hard for you to find a balanced relationship. A woman can sense when you are innately repulsed by her gender - as can a man. However, if you think you want to connect with someone, you must inspect your own mind and thought processes for why you feel such ill feelings towards the other gender. If (sub)consciously you are repulsed, how can you expect a magnetic attraction to form?

If you harbor imbalanced views of the opposite sex, then you will continue to draw examples of those people into your life to perpetuate that worldview. That's just how it is. We create our own reality, right? So why do you blame women for your rejection? I mean, sure, I can see how a young boy can be rejected a couple times will let that get him down - but it's possible to keep trying, yeah? Giving up because of fear of failure isn't the right answer in any realm. But, of course, we build walls because, rejection hurts. We want to be the first ones to reject, and not the ones who are rejected. But, love requires vulnerability, trust. Just because one (or ten, or a hundred) examples of a human woman have rejected you, it's not fair to anyone to then blanket reject the whole gender. Of course, women do this too. From the time we are pre-pubescent we are sexualized and cat called by men our father's age. It's very hard not to judge all men that way - as sexual predators, to be blunt. When I was 11, my father started demanding that I wear a bra every time I leave the house - not that I had developed anything, my body looked exactly like a boy's my age, height and weight would. But it was made clear that, if I didn't wear a bra, I was flaunting myself, and I would receive unwanted male attention.

Another particularly jarring experience was an evening spent walking around downtown, playing capture the flag, as we did sometimes in high school. There was a very young girl there that night, quiet, shy, 13-14, very small. I was probably 16-17. She was on my team for capture the flag but we weren't that interested in playing so we were off wandering by ourselves. At some point a man in a pick up truck slammed on his breaks next to us and pulled over. He was fixated on the little girl. He was 35-40 by my guess. He got out of the car and approached us. He kept asking her, "Hey, do you need a ride?" and I kept trying to tell him off. "No dude, obviously we're fine." She was frozen petrified. "Hey, do you need a ride?" "Dude, she's 14." He eventually gave me a stare down and went back to his truck and drove away. But that wasn't the last time we saw him. He kept driving around the block, slowing down and speeding off, and continually trying to convince this tiny little girl to go with him. We had to retreat indoors to ditch him.

Now, these experiences and others where I've felt "preyed" upon could very well color my view towards all men, and make me put up shields that repel men away. This would make me reject almost all other men without a second thought. And, this definitely happens. Again, compounded with possible past life traumas involving sexual abuse, or even current ones, like my rape, can really make a woman fearful. Very, very fearful. One reason there is an imbalance in why women are more prone to be prey is that, by the time most men are 13-14, they are of sufficient size and strength to physically take most adult women. An adult man can overpower most adult women and almost all children. It's a terrifying thought that one can be overpowered and physically violated in such a way, and many women have had experiences where this was a possibility. I know some men have, too, and I think with children the gender dichotomy is less spread again (again, because of the physical strength).

So, I just want to point out the similarities instead of highlighting the differences. We are all human, and we have all been hurt. Sometimes it's easiest to make a blanket rejection statement, such as "All men are pigs!" or "All women are whores!", that explains the lack of "success" in the romantic realm. But the truth is, we can't blame others. It's like when people get fixated on the Illuminati causing all the world's ills - putting the blame for one's unhappiness on a group of entities outside oneself. Resolution comes from accepting oneself as worthy and acting without fear. When one resonates with being a victim, the situation will continue to present itself. If one resonates with being rejected and unworthy, this situation too will manifest. It takes a lot of work and it's not just about replacing old refrains with "I'm worthy and a relationship will find me!". It involves dismantling all the deeply rooted feelings that one has that would instinctively repel them from the opposite sex. I'll wrap it up without going into too much detail (it's been discussed) but I think a lot of the confusion on the male end of the spectrum today is that many of you had unlimited access to video porn starting at a very young age, very likely... it's well to ponder what regular (daily) pornographic input does to one's perception. People downplay the effects of media but we really do experience the realities that we spend the most time thinking about.