11-07-2015, 04:43 AM
I actually do not differentiate shadow and light. My dark shadow self IS ME.
My Ego IS ME. Its not a transcending thing, its an acceptance. Its why I accept others despite the pain they cause me.
I can't stand when people telle to trash my ego or let it go. That's not possible, I am my Ego, its not something to let go, its something to embrace and love, not reject and run from. Its my godly self as much as my soul. When It screams in pain, that's me.
When it loves compassionately, that's me. And when I try to 'overcome' myself, I'm just trying to be something I'm not, and that too is me.
My reality is a fickle one of confusion. There is no self to overcome, just an I to find. I have found myself. That does not mean I accept it all. Its why I dropped the Law of One as a Philosophy. It basically says I am all things, including the horror's of 3D. My ego can say, 'No, I refuse to be that.' My conscious says, 'All is Well' but my ego is not so easily satiated. It wants to know, its curious and alive and serious. Wants to understand despite knowing it Can't.
Wants the attention when it craves solitude, and wants the answers when it knows it Can't have any.
My ego is one to be of malcontent upon a happy disposition of a misanthrope. Fearful of what people can do. Aware of many horrors. But in a generally nonhorrific life with a few moments...
May I ask, what happens if I do what you say and nothing changes? What happens to me?
I get angry. I feel lied to enough as is by the Confederation but still I listen and wait and stick around. I don't want to start feeling those ways towards flesh and blood I can interact with directly. I just want the truth or the next best thing, answers.
But non exist here. Weird how I'd do this to myself. Maybe I'm exploring Anger of Higher Self, I don't know. And its I who has to find some way to use my precious time reaching out when I have so little emotionally calm times anymore. I have to meditate through noise and mental thoughts and emotional feelings. Its difficult but if I don't then I never will.
I don't have the calm time, I've the time but I'm not calm often lately. Highly emotional. And if I'm angry, I just can't meditate. I'm different, maybe I'm weak or stupid. I don't know, maybe I'm a punk junkie. I really don't know. I just want to be Godly Human and share enjoyment with others. Sadly my life looks like it'll be if this pattern continues, a malcontent misanthrope loner followed by a timely mid-life crisis suicide in my late 30's to mid 40's.
So, here's to not that road, cause I really want to be with someone and practice and study and experiment spiritual energy transfers, not just sexual ones.
I think the closest person to me is Parsons or Diana. I'm in Arizona, within The Valley of the Sun Hell Valley somewhere in the hottest circle of Hell (though I think its freezing over cause its finally cool, here we come frost burn!)
I used to want to move to Canada, now I think maybe a little Island might be better. I do love the beach...
My Ego IS ME. Its not a transcending thing, its an acceptance. Its why I accept others despite the pain they cause me.
I can't stand when people telle to trash my ego or let it go. That's not possible, I am my Ego, its not something to let go, its something to embrace and love, not reject and run from. Its my godly self as much as my soul. When It screams in pain, that's me.
When it loves compassionately, that's me. And when I try to 'overcome' myself, I'm just trying to be something I'm not, and that too is me.
My reality is a fickle one of confusion. There is no self to overcome, just an I to find. I have found myself. That does not mean I accept it all. Its why I dropped the Law of One as a Philosophy. It basically says I am all things, including the horror's of 3D. My ego can say, 'No, I refuse to be that.' My conscious says, 'All is Well' but my ego is not so easily satiated. It wants to know, its curious and alive and serious. Wants to understand despite knowing it Can't.
Wants the attention when it craves solitude, and wants the answers when it knows it Can't have any.
My ego is one to be of malcontent upon a happy disposition of a misanthrope. Fearful of what people can do. Aware of many horrors. But in a generally nonhorrific life with a few moments...
May I ask, what happens if I do what you say and nothing changes? What happens to me?
I get angry. I feel lied to enough as is by the Confederation but still I listen and wait and stick around. I don't want to start feeling those ways towards flesh and blood I can interact with directly. I just want the truth or the next best thing, answers.
But non exist here. Weird how I'd do this to myself. Maybe I'm exploring Anger of Higher Self, I don't know. And its I who has to find some way to use my precious time reaching out when I have so little emotionally calm times anymore. I have to meditate through noise and mental thoughts and emotional feelings. Its difficult but if I don't then I never will.
I don't have the calm time, I've the time but I'm not calm often lately. Highly emotional. And if I'm angry, I just can't meditate. I'm different, maybe I'm weak or stupid. I don't know, maybe I'm a punk junkie. I really don't know. I just want to be Godly Human and share enjoyment with others. Sadly my life looks like it'll be if this pattern continues, a malcontent misanthrope loner followed by a timely mid-life crisis suicide in my late 30's to mid 40's.
So, here's to not that road, cause I really want to be with someone and practice and study and experiment spiritual energy transfers, not just sexual ones.
I think the closest person to me is Parsons or Diana. I'm in Arizona, within The Valley of the Sun Hell Valley somewhere in the hottest circle of Hell (though I think its freezing over cause its finally cool, here we come frost burn!)
I used to want to move to Canada, now I think maybe a little Island might be better. I do love the beach...