[split] "Some people eat animals, some don't."

[Diana]

Before I respond further, I would like to highlight that I haven never had to explain in detail the processes of my practice so there are times where I may use words or descriptions which are not quite but are just the way it flows. I am learning as well as teaching so bear in mind that I'm not coming in the pre-set ideas and laying them out, I am actually discovering the truth of my practices through exploring these explanations.

Yes, I love this aspect of posting here. I find it to be an invaluable teacher.

I do feel a little guilty though, not in regards to food, but because the comments that have been made, from Monica, Diana and TTP, have actually helped me to better understand my choice and actually helped me become more comfortable with it. That may be frustrating for you that your efforts had the opposite effect but you have given me the opportunity to have the utmost honesty with myself and I'm learning I have many expectations of myself based on how I believe I will be perceived by others. I'm learning to trust myself.


Let me just say, I am aware I polarize both negatively and positively at different times and that is one point that is relevant to my practice. As you said Diana, I was displaying some very martyr-like traits, but that was before when I would only try to do things in service to others and avoid service to myself at all costs. I've realized now that I am negatively polarizing towards myself because service to others excluding yourself is NOT service to ALL.

I am learning I have to both accept the results of self-service and service to others for service to be polarizing for me.

First, let me say that I like you a lot and appreciate your honesty and intelligence. I don't want to make you do anything, or change you, or even agree with what I say. I am here to discuss and shed light and learn. I feel everyone is equal in this matter. No one knows everything (or even much at all). By interfacing here we shed light.

I understand the impulse to want to be liked. Though I am very confident with good self-esteem, a challenging childhood has left me with the same impulse rearing its head from my subconscious at times (this is a very common issue with most people though its not widely known). I am aware of it, so when it surfaces I can observe it and the emotional charge dissipates. But it can make make things confusing sometimes.

I very much agree that STO includes self. Otherwise there is separation. This can be a challenging amalgam of service, and one I think that requires very good boundaries (respect for self) and honesty with self and others.