08-03-2015, 06:02 PM
(08-03-2015, 05:53 PM)Aion Wrote: Honestly, I think for me I am caught in between what I truly believe and what is comfortable in a social sense. There are many aspects of my personality I feel are only there to make others like me, but I don't think this is healthy. I think I need to get over the desire to have everyone like me or identify with me, and more so get over the fear of separation. I feel that I've worked so hard to be unified that I've lost myself and now anytime I experience difference or separation with others I experience it as a loss or sacrifice of self.
I feel like I'm supposed to sacrifice my views in favor of yours and not because I genuinely share your view but because I automatically destroy my own in an attempt to be 'united', but more lately my own beliefs have been fighting back and trying to gain their own space and this creates a lot of internal conflict.
Ah, that is very perceptive of you to realize that. I can relate very much because I felt like that as a child, as a teen, and even into my late 20s. Whenever I would talk to anyone, before saying anything I would wonder what I was 'supposed' to say. I couldn't just relax and be myself, for fear of not being accepted. In my case, it stemmed from growing up in a very negative, loveless, abusive household.
Does that sound anything like what you went through? Or, do you know what caused you to have these feelings? Have you felt like that all your life, or did it develop more recently?
In my case, many various healing therapies helped me, but probably what helped the most was getting a constitutional remedy from a homeopathic doctor. I remember very clearly feeling as though the mud had been wiped from my eyes, within literally one minute of taking the remedy. It was astonishing! I was still me, but that insecurity just vanished. Not that I don't still have other issues to work on, of course! (don't pounce on me for that, please!) but that particular issue literally vanished within seconds. It was the most amazing thing.
In my case, it was a combination of not actually knowing what I thought about something, and sometimes knowing what I thought but being afraid to express it, for fear of not being accepted. Because I had so much fear of not being accepted, I didn't allow myself to get clear on what I really felt about the issue.
Later, after the remedy cleared my thinking, I was better able to decide things for myself, and I marveled at how I didn't need approval from anyone to form my own opinions.
I was like that even with little things. I can see how it would be even harder, in regards to a topic as controversial as meat-eating! So you kind of have a double whammy there.
I hope you find healing! HUGS!
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