You're fat because you eat too much

[Ankh]

Hi Parsons,

I didn't read your post until now.

I have an addictional personality too. I used to be addicted to drugs in different periods of my life, but it has stopped now (thank you, GOD!!). I was recently even tested in this area on couple occassions, but passed those "tests" each time.

I've been addicted to other things in my life too, but all have fallen away except two. Smoking and drinking alcohol.

This night I realized that nothing I do or tried to do is helping with these last two addictions. Or maybe it is helping but the progress is so painfully slow that I can't see the light at the end of this tunnel for the moment. The realization hit me pretty hard and I cried a lot. Would I be alone, I maybe not care about it, and would let these two addictions slowly kill me or shorten my life. But I have a daughter who I care about so much, and I do desire a change into a healthier life style for her. I don't want this to affect her in any way.

I am still a highly functional addict as you called it (great expression btw!). I don't drink or smoke when I work, and can hold myself during these periods. I used to drink when I came home from work, but have stopped now and it feels good. So the progress is there, although it is depressingly slow. I am not able to quit "cold turkey". I tried it on many occassions but it just doesn't work for me. It feels like I'll get stomach cancer or something similar of equal seriousness if I use my will that strongly. I have to go about it in a different way. I tried to do it step-by-step, for instance only on special occassions (this applies to both drinking and smoking btw), but lose this struggle eventually. It works in the beginning but then I lose it again, and is back where I began. I tried to apply self understanding and awareness. What is happening when I drink for instance? Why do I desire it so much? Why do I seek it? What do I seek in it? Etc etc. It all comes down to seeking the Creator, desiring to be one with what we call the Creator. And without it there is like a big, black hole inside of me. Well, great! Then it's all about meditation and balancing and polarizing and serving others etc etc. But that is a SLOW progress, and doesn't happen over a night. At least not for me. And meanwhile I wake up each and every freaking morning to suffering and struggle with these two addictions! Some days I win. And many others I lose. Ugh!

You seem to go through a similar struggle, and you said that it's good to raise awareness of it and stop the denial. Ok, but then what? The craving is still there...

What spoke to me most is this well-known Ra quote in regards to these addictions:

"The proper role of the entity is in this density to experience all things desired, to then analyze, understand, and accept these experiences, distilling from them the love/light within them. Nothing shall be overcome. That which is not needed falls away.


The orientation develops due to analysis of desire. These desires become more and more distorted towards conscious application of love/light as the entity furnishes itself with distilled experience. We have found it to be inappropriate in the extreme to encourage the overcoming of any desires, except to suggest the imagination rather than the carrying out in the physical plane, as you call it, of those desires not consonant with the Law of One; this preserving the primal distortion of free will.

The reason it is unwise to overcome is that overcoming is an unbalanced action creating difficulties in balancing in the time/space continuum. Overcoming thus creates the further environment for holding onto that which apparently has been overcome.

All things are acceptable in the proper time for each entity, and in experiencing, in understanding, in accepting, in then sharing with other-selves, the appropriate description shall be moving away from distortions of one kind to distortions of another which may be more consonant with the Law of One.

It is, shall we say, a shortcut to simply ignore or overcome any desire. It must instead be understood and accepted. This takes patience and experience which can be analyzed with care, with compassion for self and for other-self."

So Ra says that what is not needed will fall away, when it is experienced, analyzed, understood and accepted. And our job is to distill love/light in these experiences. This takes patience and compassion. Great! So we understand that it takes time, but as I said, meanwhile there is struggle and suffering going on, and I am not even speaking about the damage it does to the body.

This night I realized that nothing I've done this far is working so that I can stop right away, or get a healthy relationship to these addictions (I would be VERY happy if I could drink and smoke only when there is a party or some similar special occassion). It felt like there is nothing more I can do here, like I have given up and leave it now in the hands of God so to speak. So I will be praying now for help with this problem in a positive way, as there is nothing more that I can do myself. Yeah, keep meditating of course, and trying to understand more and be aware of what is happening, but also praying a lot.

How about you? It's been some weeks ago since you wrote your post. How are you doing now?