Boring past life memories

[Adonai One]

Could be a bit distorted:

Back on the PTSD life... It was in the mid-20th century... For some reason, I was commanded to take a flame thrower to some civilian houses and burn people alive. Middle-eastern soldier? That wasn't very nice.

I also haven't disclosed that I have had visions of killing people in excess in combat BDUs with a machine gun in a little later of a period in a different life, taking a painful yet pleasurable satisfaction in watching people die. It was a great feeling of exaltation, bliss, meaning but with a great anxiety and hunger behind it. This is where I get my idea of the negative polarity from. It's a constant momentum of hate. I just had this insane, menacing stare... I was quiet, alone when around my fellow soldiers... I only joined the military to kill people. I was disobedient, deranged but they loved me for it.

Something went wrong with that life. Lots of laughter behind it all, such a great agony in the mind, such a trapped feeling that constantly expresses itself behind every falsification of a person. Yet so dead, so cold. Firey yet cold. So much hunger... Not so boring this one. Thought I should mention so people can have some background on my experience studying this.

It's just a constant agony that is so pleasurable that just feeds on itself until the mind totally collapses... and you get up again in a even greater trapped mental state.