Cultural Conditioning and Gender Roles

[Nicholas]

I feel I was an anomaly in this regard wherein I learned through studying others and how they 'expected' me to behave. I had an early trauma, combined with a dysfunctional home environment, to the point of becoming quite feral. I became an addict as early as 5 years old stealing from my mums purse to fund my sweet addiction. A Scottish mum in need of healing and with a fiery temper led to frequent conflicts, culminating in becoming homeless through her and my choosing.

Thus I became very self oriented and fiercely independent. I used to take myself to church down the road on Sunday's but all the talk went in one ear and out the other. It was the bread and wine offering that got my attention and the arts and crafts in sunday school afterwards that I went there for. I asked to be Christened when I was 7, so that was a conditioning if you like. Deep down though I was a sensitive kid and harboured a pain I had no conscious awareness of, hence the addictive trends in my childhood. My own inner work revealed that I did not trust adults at all, highly sensitive to controlling attempts and developed a 'butter wouldn't melt' and polite persona. This was merely a front though as I would grab and run if the opportunity arose. Getting banned from the cubs scout was a notable example and epitomised my sense of loneliness growing up as being excluded from things just galvanised me towards more self serving/medicating.

That said though I had a wonderful best friend aged 5 to 16 years. Soul mates for sure!

So my point regarding cultural conditioning is that I was on the fringe, like many others in an environment that was lacking in care. I simply refused to comply at the expense of isolation, while leaving me free to formulate my own perception which was ideological and subjective.

As a result of healing myself when I was 24 post drug addiction, I knew I was perceptively free from the 'consensus reality'.

I was at peace with the concept of death and can relate very well to the 'lacking in desire or will' that Ra described in the pre veiling part of our octave of experience.

82.22. Ra: I am Ra. Consider, if you will, the tendency of those who are divinely happy, as you call this distortion, to have little urge to alter or better their condition. Such is the result of the mind/body/spirit which is not complex. There is the possibility of love of other-selves and service to other-selves, but there is the overwhelming awareness of the Creator in the self. The connection with the Creator is that of the umbilical cord. The security is total. Therefore, no love is terribly important; no pain terribly frightening; no effort, therefore, is made to serve for love or to benefit from fear.

I had found peace and enlightenment and that was good enough for me!

This Question that Don asked raised my eyebrows when I first came across it.

80.11 Questioner: Could I say, then, that implicit in the process of becoming adept is the possible partial polarization towards service to self because simply the adept becomes disassociated with many of his kind or like in the particular density which he inhabits?

As for the male/female conditioning I feel this is mostly the evolutionary processes at work, combined with a subconscious fear within men generally that if they are not the leaders, they will be lead.

Apologies for the detailed context (me me me lol) but one final thing. I have a lot to give to other selves in our culture and I am not resting on this past attitude as a deep pain will result from the repression of that deep pre- incarnative desire that I cannot re-veil.