Why should I care about becoming everything again?

[anagogy]

I feel like at times my higher self wants me to expand out of control. To where I cannot have a grasp on my thoughts because they are racing, and my mind feels like it is "slipping". I don't like feeling bad, and I feel bad a lot. It's hard to know what my higher self wants. Even harder to follow that plan, and live as my higher self desires. I try to live as I desire, but it doesn't bring me happiness.

Well, if you try to express your desires, but you are still activating resistance in the process, they never express in a satisfying way. Always consider there is a different way of looking at every situation you arrive at, and there is a perspective that feels better than others. You have to find your resonance with you. Everything that you want, you want for the feeling it gives you, so if you can lock onto the feeling first, the manifestation must follow in a way that reflects the feeling. If you approach things from a state of inherent dissatisfaction, you just find more dissatisfaction.

Your higher self wants what you want. It helps you find the vibration of what you are looking for. With your positive emotions it is saying "warmer, warmer, warmer, keep following that train of thought", and with your negative emotions it is saying, "colder, colder, colder, your thoughts are currently out of alignment with my perspective on the situation".

So all I have to be is myself and do what feels satisfying to me?

Yep. But the trick is being truly honest with yourself about what truly satisfies you. For a positive adept, it inevitably ends up being some kind of service to others. Not all satisfactions are equal.