(03-17-2014, 02:10 PM)Melissa Wrote: Yay, turtle. I absolutely agree! And it's something I've been struggling with for the longest time, continuously trying to 'prove' unconditional love, while, in the meantime, I felt like crap due to the immense difference in uhmm perspective/values/preferences etc. For me it's actually a form of self-hatred to keep myself in such relationships with others, where there is no mutual respect or acceptance. Stepping away after careful consideration is quite scary, especially when it involves family, but extremely liberating.
I made similar experiences like you, not in my family, but in my former circle of friends. This is a difficult issue because the edge is fluent between avoiding catalyst and going people out of the way which don't fit to oneself. But if there is no respect like you say, or no basis of interest or something else one shares, it is better to step away.
This is also an issue of self-love: If you are good to yourself, you just surround yourself with people you really like. With whom you really feel comfortable and enjoy to spend time with. This doesn't mean you don't love unconditionally imo, it just means that there are persons to which you can relate more than to others. You can still be respectful, caring and accepting to all others, or show your love in other ways. But it's wasted time to engage in relations where there is no respect, interest, acceptance or else. If others are not good to you and you let it be, you are actually not good to yourself.
In my case, I lacked self-respect and external reality mirrored this back to me. Took me a while to figure this out and to "liberate" myself from it. Ever since, I still experience this catalyst in other situations, but far less strong like in the past.