Quade, I can totally relate to your dilemma. I've been there! Unfortunately, I don't know of an easy answer, but I will share with you my own experience.
I was raised Catholic, was a born-again Christian for awhile, then expanded my beliefs and now find truth in all religions but don't limit myself to any one of them, and personally consider the Bible to be of mixed polarity. This blew my mind when I realized it, while reading the Old Testament some 25 years ago. I felt that I had cleared my mind of some sort of centuries-old programming that had been based on fear and control. For the record, I have utmost reverence and respect for Jesus, as well as other spiritual avatars who have walked the Earth. And there is certainly a great deal of good in the Bible. But I no longer accept it as an authority, or any more 'from God' than any other religious text.
This didn't happen overnight, but over a transition of about 10 years, during which time I explored Christian mysticism and Bible-based metaphysical teachings, such as Cayce, Corrine Heline, Rudolf Steiner, Gnosticism, etc. So I still considered myself a Christian, though no longer a fundamentalist Christian.
During that time, I tried to find common ground with my Christian family and friends. I was open about the changes in my thinking, and thought they'd be ok with it, since I was still rooted in my Christian foundation. Even though I no longer considered the Bible an authority, I still felt it important to reconcile my new beliefs with Biblical teachings and principles. (I realize now that I still clung to some fear about totally rejecting the Bible, due to how effectively it had been hammered into my head that it was the 'word of God' so it made me feel better to find metaphysical understanding within its pages.)
Of course, my friends and family showed concern. No, that's not accurate. They freaked out, actually! It didn't matter in the least to them that I still believed in God. It didn't matter that Cayce, Steiner, and Heline were all Christians (though mystic Christians). No amount of reassurance helped. My Catholic family thought I was going to 'hell' for no longer being Catholic. My born-again Christian family members and friends thought the Catholics weren't really Christian, and we were ALL going to 'hell!'
I received long, impassioned letters from well-intentioned friends, begging me to give up my 'New Age' lifestyle ('lifestyle' being meditation, vegetarian, yoga, etc.). I was coerced into watching a video entitled The Dark Secrets of the New Age in which everything from acupuncture to vegetarianism was deemed 'satanic.' (Herbs for healing? Satanic. Yoga for relaxation? Satanic. Past life memories? Satanic. Chinese art depicting dragons? Satanic.) A midwife abandoned me 1 week before my baby's due date because I had a picture of a whimsical unicorn (complete with butterflies!) in my living room. I was called names like witch, satanic, deceived, destined for hell, and even the 'deceiver' himself both in person and on discussion forums, just for admitting I'd had past life memories, suggesting that Paganism might actually have some good points, or for daring to question whether there might actually be some bad stuff in the Bible along with the good and suggesting that maybe God intended for us to use discernment. I was accosted on the street by strangers for wearing crystal earrings, or for having a 'God without religion' bumpersticker.
Keep in mind I don't even dress like the stereotypical New Ager. Crystal earrings are about the most I do. I rarely wear pentacles in public. I don't have any anti-Christian bumperstickers, or a "My other car is a broom" bumpersticker. I don't look like I work in a New Age bookstore. I look pretty normal, actually. My bumperstickers are all about peace. But I learned the hard way that I had more conflicts when I tried to find common ground with the Christians, than my New Age and Pagan friends did when they expressed themselves openly.
I found this very curious. Apparently, the Christians I've encountered pretty much accept that the atheists, Pagans, New Agers etc. are all 'lost souls' so write them off quickly, but when confronted with an EX-Christian they feel they must save that lost sheep.
If anything, they seemed afraid of my Pagan friends, or at least that's how my Pagan friends interpreted their words and actions. The Christians sometimes told the Pagans that they were satanic, but seemed to back off quickly after they'd done their duty. But with me, they seemed to take me on as a project.
They couldn't grasp the idea that someone could actually understand Christianity and yet reject it. I kept trying and trying to convey that I did respect their choice, and was ok with God so why couldn't they respect mine? For awhile, I inadvertently took on a task to open their minds to the possibility that others might actually seek God in a different way. That's it. I wasn't trying to get them away from Christianity. I just wanted them to quit saying that everyone else was going to 'hell' because I find that a very dangerous mentality. It causes so much division in the world.
I tried sharing my own Christian experiences. I tried telling them about how I was on my knees in prayer, crying out with all my heart and soul, asking for guidance from God, and truly felt led by the Holy Spirit away from the Bible.
That didn't work. They told me my guidance was bogus and I was being deceived by the devil. I asked them why it was ok for them to trust THEIR guidance but I couldn't trust mine, and they said that God would never guide someone away from the Bible, since that was his 'word.' I asked: Weren't they putting the Bible in front of the living Spirit of God? Wasn't that idolatry? (I tried to use terminology that made sense to them.) Couldn't even the Bible itself be a false idol?
That didn't work either.
This was quite an eye-opener for me. Even though I was a Christian for 25 years, I don't remember ever having the degree of fear that seems to be so prevalent among so many people now. I do remember being uncomfortable with New Age people if they said Jesus was one of many masters or something like that, but it never entered my mind to tell them they were satanically misled or going to hell. So it never entered my mind that others would say that to me! Had I known then what I know now, I probably wouldn't have been as open about my beliefs. Each time I encountered such rigid, fear-based judgment, I was surprised and startled. I never quite got used to it.
I regret to say that, with only a few exceptions, my being open with my Christian friends, family, co-workers etc. didn't work. Now keep in mind that I rarely ever approached anyone with my beliefs. I just responded to them when they brought it up to me. I mean, it's not like I barged into their Bible study meetings or anything! These were just conversations that came up over the course of life. Since I am passionate about spirituality in general, whenever I hear someone mention God or anything spiritual, I might participate in the conversation. Then, invariably, they then ask me where I go to church. I answer honestly that I have a strong faith in God but no longer belong to any particular religion, and am comfortable in churches and temples of various religions, as long as there is a spirit of love and joy. So then, even a simple response like that will trigger concern and, in many cases, an agenda to bring me back into the fold.
Only occasionally do I encounter someone who is open-minded enough to ask me further questions about myself, instead of launching into proselytizing. I have a few dear Christian friends who honor and respect my beliefs, and some even ask me to pray for them! I treasure these friends. Among the Christians, I have found my Mormon friends to be the most respectful. Since they believe non-Mormons will have the chance to learn 'the truth' after death, they're cool with me not being a Mormon. (They are actually sympathetic, after having experienced discrimination firsthand.) And my Catholic friends and family generally don't give me near as much of a hard time as my born-again friends. The fear seems to be the most prevalent among those of the "I'm saved you're not" mentality.
So, over time, I have changed my approach considerably. I keep my mouth shut more often now than I used to. I now know that most of them truly do mean well, and many are terrified for their friends and loved ones burning in 'hell' for all eternity. That's why they try so hard to convert them. So instead of being annoyed by their zealousness, I try to have compassion for what it must feel like to face an eternity without one's non-Christian spouse or child. How awful that must be!
Now, I usually only volunteer my own views when either a.) they ask me directly (in which case I figure they can handle it, since they chose to ask me) or b.) if the person is really obnoxious and judgmental, like the preacher who showed up at a local college with the "all gays are going to hell" signs...in which case, yes indeed I speak up!
But in most cases, when I encounter a Christian friend who is obviously a good person and obviously their faith is important to them, I try to not rock the boat, because what good will come from it? Recently, several Christians, including 2 pastors, joined my business. One of them asked me about my beliefs before deciding to work together on the business, and I was very upfront about not identifying with the term 'Christian' but prefer to just say that I have a strong faith in God. Did I mention that I have found a channeled book from higher beings helpful in my spiritual journey? No, of course not! It would have only triggered fear and distrust. There was no reason to volunteer that information.
But neither did I lie. I fully expected this person to ask more questions about my specific beliefs, in which case I would have answered his questions at the level of detail in which they were asked. I knew that at any point I might say something he found offensive and I would lose the sale, but I prayed for guidance as I composed my responses.
To my surprise, he accepted my initial explanation of my faith without the Christian label, and didn't ask for any further details. This was an unusual case. In the past, I have found that many people like to nitpick details of beliefs, but this particular person seemed to recognize that faith in God was what was important, and didn't seem interested in specific beliefs, much to my relief! I believe he was praying too, and thus both of us got guidance to work together.
The other Christians, the pastors, are just beautiful people. We spent 2 hours talking about spiritual things, without my lack of Christian belief ever being an issue! True, I sidestepped many things that COULD HAVE been confrontational, but I found their joy and love so abundant that I just chose to focus on common ground, rather than point out petty differences of belief, which would have accomplished nothing.
At the end, one of them asked where I went to church. (The dreaded question!) I was honest and told her I wasn't a church-goer due to some bad experiences. Of course, she immediately invited me to her church, with the assurance that no one is judged there and there is no religious dogma. I politely thanked her, without making any commitment.
That pastor left thinking that I was a Christian. I didn't intentionally mislead her. She just made that assumption. She probably can't grasp that a Buddhist, Pagan or New Ager could find common ground with a Christian pastor and talk for 2 hours about faith and prayer. This pastor has written a book, and I read the reviews, so I happen to know that if she knew my beliefs, she would consider me 'satanic.'
Am I being deceptive by allowing her to think I am a Christian? Some of my non-Christian friends think so. They think I'm wimpy and deceptive for not being blunt about it. Some of these people have no qualms about telling a Christian, "What? You mean you still believe in the Bible? When are you going to wake up?"
I can't quite do that. That approach doesn't work for me. But neither can I quote Bible verses or pretend that the 'God' of the old testament was really God. Nor will I agree with them on the whole sacrifice thing. I won't go that far. But as long as they are talking about the teachings of Jesus concerning love and forgiveness, I will happily agree with them because I sincerely don't have any conflict with those teachings. It wouldn't matter to me if they were quoting the Bible, the Bhagavad Gita, or a Pagan magickal ritual...if the teaching is about love, I'm cool with it.
I don't know if my approach is the best one or not. I have struggled with this issue for years. Part of me wants to just blast them out of their blindness and rigidity, but I have no right to do that. Part of me is concerned about the future of this planet, because of religious fundamentalism. Look at what's happening right now, in the US! And this is Christianity! These are the very same people who decry the extremists found in the Muslim community!
I have concluded that fanaticism of any flavor is rooted in not only fear, but terror. Those who are the most judgmental and narrow-minded seem to be terrified. New ideas threaten the protective wall they've built around themselves.
And yet, some are where you were at a few months or years ago. The seed of a new idea is beginning to sprout in their minds. For those, perhaps voicing your true thoughts might be very helpful! Over the years, I've had a number of people thank me for articulating what they were already beginning to realize. So how can I have any regrets for being who I am? We each have a role to play. You and I shouldn't have to hide who we really are. As long as we're sensitive and compassionate, I think good will come from whatever we choose to say at that particular nexus.
You're right, Quade. Even if your letter to them isn't confrontational in the least, they might consider it so, just because your beliefs are now different. How do we deal with those who cannot respect the differences of others?
I wish I knew the answers, but I don't. I would love to hear of others' experiences. Maybe my experiences were more intense because of where I live. Maybe I attracted them, though I can't fathom why. I chose that Christian midwife because she was a Christian! I never dreamed that my baby and I would almost die because of her fanaticism. So yes, clearly I attracted her, along with all the others I encountered over the years, because it was all catalyst for me.
Sorry this is soooooooo long, but I am sharing all this in the hopes that some of it might be useful to you. I don't have an easy answer, other than to trust your own guidance and speak from the heart, and not be attached to the outcome. I agree with ayadew in that you aren't responsible for their reactions. As long as you're acting out of love, they will get out of it whatever catalyst they need.
Good luck! I hope you have a more positive experience than I did.
I was raised Catholic, was a born-again Christian for awhile, then expanded my beliefs and now find truth in all religions but don't limit myself to any one of them, and personally consider the Bible to be of mixed polarity. This blew my mind when I realized it, while reading the Old Testament some 25 years ago. I felt that I had cleared my mind of some sort of centuries-old programming that had been based on fear and control. For the record, I have utmost reverence and respect for Jesus, as well as other spiritual avatars who have walked the Earth. And there is certainly a great deal of good in the Bible. But I no longer accept it as an authority, or any more 'from God' than any other religious text.
This didn't happen overnight, but over a transition of about 10 years, during which time I explored Christian mysticism and Bible-based metaphysical teachings, such as Cayce, Corrine Heline, Rudolf Steiner, Gnosticism, etc. So I still considered myself a Christian, though no longer a fundamentalist Christian.
During that time, I tried to find common ground with my Christian family and friends. I was open about the changes in my thinking, and thought they'd be ok with it, since I was still rooted in my Christian foundation. Even though I no longer considered the Bible an authority, I still felt it important to reconcile my new beliefs with Biblical teachings and principles. (I realize now that I still clung to some fear about totally rejecting the Bible, due to how effectively it had been hammered into my head that it was the 'word of God' so it made me feel better to find metaphysical understanding within its pages.)
Of course, my friends and family showed concern. No, that's not accurate. They freaked out, actually! It didn't matter in the least to them that I still believed in God. It didn't matter that Cayce, Steiner, and Heline were all Christians (though mystic Christians). No amount of reassurance helped. My Catholic family thought I was going to 'hell' for no longer being Catholic. My born-again Christian family members and friends thought the Catholics weren't really Christian, and we were ALL going to 'hell!'
I received long, impassioned letters from well-intentioned friends, begging me to give up my 'New Age' lifestyle ('lifestyle' being meditation, vegetarian, yoga, etc.). I was coerced into watching a video entitled The Dark Secrets of the New Age in which everything from acupuncture to vegetarianism was deemed 'satanic.' (Herbs for healing? Satanic. Yoga for relaxation? Satanic. Past life memories? Satanic. Chinese art depicting dragons? Satanic.) A midwife abandoned me 1 week before my baby's due date because I had a picture of a whimsical unicorn (complete with butterflies!) in my living room. I was called names like witch, satanic, deceived, destined for hell, and even the 'deceiver' himself both in person and on discussion forums, just for admitting I'd had past life memories, suggesting that Paganism might actually have some good points, or for daring to question whether there might actually be some bad stuff in the Bible along with the good and suggesting that maybe God intended for us to use discernment. I was accosted on the street by strangers for wearing crystal earrings, or for having a 'God without religion' bumpersticker.
Keep in mind I don't even dress like the stereotypical New Ager. Crystal earrings are about the most I do. I rarely wear pentacles in public. I don't have any anti-Christian bumperstickers, or a "My other car is a broom" bumpersticker. I don't look like I work in a New Age bookstore. I look pretty normal, actually. My bumperstickers are all about peace. But I learned the hard way that I had more conflicts when I tried to find common ground with the Christians, than my New Age and Pagan friends did when they expressed themselves openly.
I found this very curious. Apparently, the Christians I've encountered pretty much accept that the atheists, Pagans, New Agers etc. are all 'lost souls' so write them off quickly, but when confronted with an EX-Christian they feel they must save that lost sheep.
If anything, they seemed afraid of my Pagan friends, or at least that's how my Pagan friends interpreted their words and actions. The Christians sometimes told the Pagans that they were satanic, but seemed to back off quickly after they'd done their duty. But with me, they seemed to take me on as a project.
They couldn't grasp the idea that someone could actually understand Christianity and yet reject it. I kept trying and trying to convey that I did respect their choice, and was ok with God so why couldn't they respect mine? For awhile, I inadvertently took on a task to open their minds to the possibility that others might actually seek God in a different way. That's it. I wasn't trying to get them away from Christianity. I just wanted them to quit saying that everyone else was going to 'hell' because I find that a very dangerous mentality. It causes so much division in the world.
I tried sharing my own Christian experiences. I tried telling them about how I was on my knees in prayer, crying out with all my heart and soul, asking for guidance from God, and truly felt led by the Holy Spirit away from the Bible.
That didn't work. They told me my guidance was bogus and I was being deceived by the devil. I asked them why it was ok for them to trust THEIR guidance but I couldn't trust mine, and they said that God would never guide someone away from the Bible, since that was his 'word.' I asked: Weren't they putting the Bible in front of the living Spirit of God? Wasn't that idolatry? (I tried to use terminology that made sense to them.) Couldn't even the Bible itself be a false idol?
That didn't work either.
This was quite an eye-opener for me. Even though I was a Christian for 25 years, I don't remember ever having the degree of fear that seems to be so prevalent among so many people now. I do remember being uncomfortable with New Age people if they said Jesus was one of many masters or something like that, but it never entered my mind to tell them they were satanically misled or going to hell. So it never entered my mind that others would say that to me! Had I known then what I know now, I probably wouldn't have been as open about my beliefs. Each time I encountered such rigid, fear-based judgment, I was surprised and startled. I never quite got used to it.
I regret to say that, with only a few exceptions, my being open with my Christian friends, family, co-workers etc. didn't work. Now keep in mind that I rarely ever approached anyone with my beliefs. I just responded to them when they brought it up to me. I mean, it's not like I barged into their Bible study meetings or anything! These were just conversations that came up over the course of life. Since I am passionate about spirituality in general, whenever I hear someone mention God or anything spiritual, I might participate in the conversation. Then, invariably, they then ask me where I go to church. I answer honestly that I have a strong faith in God but no longer belong to any particular religion, and am comfortable in churches and temples of various religions, as long as there is a spirit of love and joy. So then, even a simple response like that will trigger concern and, in many cases, an agenda to bring me back into the fold.
Only occasionally do I encounter someone who is open-minded enough to ask me further questions about myself, instead of launching into proselytizing. I have a few dear Christian friends who honor and respect my beliefs, and some even ask me to pray for them! I treasure these friends. Among the Christians, I have found my Mormon friends to be the most respectful. Since they believe non-Mormons will have the chance to learn 'the truth' after death, they're cool with me not being a Mormon. (They are actually sympathetic, after having experienced discrimination firsthand.) And my Catholic friends and family generally don't give me near as much of a hard time as my born-again friends. The fear seems to be the most prevalent among those of the "I'm saved you're not" mentality.
So, over time, I have changed my approach considerably. I keep my mouth shut more often now than I used to. I now know that most of them truly do mean well, and many are terrified for their friends and loved ones burning in 'hell' for all eternity. That's why they try so hard to convert them. So instead of being annoyed by their zealousness, I try to have compassion for what it must feel like to face an eternity without one's non-Christian spouse or child. How awful that must be!
Now, I usually only volunteer my own views when either a.) they ask me directly (in which case I figure they can handle it, since they chose to ask me) or b.) if the person is really obnoxious and judgmental, like the preacher who showed up at a local college with the "all gays are going to hell" signs...in which case, yes indeed I speak up!
But in most cases, when I encounter a Christian friend who is obviously a good person and obviously their faith is important to them, I try to not rock the boat, because what good will come from it? Recently, several Christians, including 2 pastors, joined my business. One of them asked me about my beliefs before deciding to work together on the business, and I was very upfront about not identifying with the term 'Christian' but prefer to just say that I have a strong faith in God. Did I mention that I have found a channeled book from higher beings helpful in my spiritual journey? No, of course not! It would have only triggered fear and distrust. There was no reason to volunteer that information.
But neither did I lie. I fully expected this person to ask more questions about my specific beliefs, in which case I would have answered his questions at the level of detail in which they were asked. I knew that at any point I might say something he found offensive and I would lose the sale, but I prayed for guidance as I composed my responses.
To my surprise, he accepted my initial explanation of my faith without the Christian label, and didn't ask for any further details. This was an unusual case. In the past, I have found that many people like to nitpick details of beliefs, but this particular person seemed to recognize that faith in God was what was important, and didn't seem interested in specific beliefs, much to my relief! I believe he was praying too, and thus both of us got guidance to work together.
The other Christians, the pastors, are just beautiful people. We spent 2 hours talking about spiritual things, without my lack of Christian belief ever being an issue! True, I sidestepped many things that COULD HAVE been confrontational, but I found their joy and love so abundant that I just chose to focus on common ground, rather than point out petty differences of belief, which would have accomplished nothing.
At the end, one of them asked where I went to church. (The dreaded question!) I was honest and told her I wasn't a church-goer due to some bad experiences. Of course, she immediately invited me to her church, with the assurance that no one is judged there and there is no religious dogma. I politely thanked her, without making any commitment.
That pastor left thinking that I was a Christian. I didn't intentionally mislead her. She just made that assumption. She probably can't grasp that a Buddhist, Pagan or New Ager could find common ground with a Christian pastor and talk for 2 hours about faith and prayer. This pastor has written a book, and I read the reviews, so I happen to know that if she knew my beliefs, she would consider me 'satanic.'
Am I being deceptive by allowing her to think I am a Christian? Some of my non-Christian friends think so. They think I'm wimpy and deceptive for not being blunt about it. Some of these people have no qualms about telling a Christian, "What? You mean you still believe in the Bible? When are you going to wake up?"
I can't quite do that. That approach doesn't work for me. But neither can I quote Bible verses or pretend that the 'God' of the old testament was really God. Nor will I agree with them on the whole sacrifice thing. I won't go that far. But as long as they are talking about the teachings of Jesus concerning love and forgiveness, I will happily agree with them because I sincerely don't have any conflict with those teachings. It wouldn't matter to me if they were quoting the Bible, the Bhagavad Gita, or a Pagan magickal ritual...if the teaching is about love, I'm cool with it.
I don't know if my approach is the best one or not. I have struggled with this issue for years. Part of me wants to just blast them out of their blindness and rigidity, but I have no right to do that. Part of me is concerned about the future of this planet, because of religious fundamentalism. Look at what's happening right now, in the US! And this is Christianity! These are the very same people who decry the extremists found in the Muslim community!
I have concluded that fanaticism of any flavor is rooted in not only fear, but terror. Those who are the most judgmental and narrow-minded seem to be terrified. New ideas threaten the protective wall they've built around themselves.
And yet, some are where you were at a few months or years ago. The seed of a new idea is beginning to sprout in their minds. For those, perhaps voicing your true thoughts might be very helpful! Over the years, I've had a number of people thank me for articulating what they were already beginning to realize. So how can I have any regrets for being who I am? We each have a role to play. You and I shouldn't have to hide who we really are. As long as we're sensitive and compassionate, I think good will come from whatever we choose to say at that particular nexus.
You're right, Quade. Even if your letter to them isn't confrontational in the least, they might consider it so, just because your beliefs are now different. How do we deal with those who cannot respect the differences of others?
I wish I knew the answers, but I don't. I would love to hear of others' experiences. Maybe my experiences were more intense because of where I live. Maybe I attracted them, though I can't fathom why. I chose that Christian midwife because she was a Christian! I never dreamed that my baby and I would almost die because of her fanaticism. So yes, clearly I attracted her, along with all the others I encountered over the years, because it was all catalyst for me.
Sorry this is soooooooo long, but I am sharing all this in the hopes that some of it might be useful to you. I don't have an easy answer, other than to trust your own guidance and speak from the heart, and not be attached to the outcome. I agree with ayadew in that you aren't responsible for their reactions. As long as you're acting out of love, they will get out of it whatever catalyst they need.
Good luck! I hope you have a more positive experience than I did.