I have a confession to make.

[caycegal]

Horuseus' post makes a lot of sense to me. I spent many years reading and studying spiritual literature - anything I could get my hands on that resonated with me. Yet my personal life was frustrating and felt like a prison. I read Edgar Cayce's definition of "sin." It is as follows: "Sin is knowledge not applied." I knew somehow I was "sinning" according to this definition - I was hoping I could through knowledge and prayer alone, without involvement in the rough and tumble of the physical planes, without making hard decisions and taking personal responsibility for my decisions and actions, without ever hurting anyone's feelings or making anyone angry with me (although many people were angry with me for my passivity) advance to enlightenment. However, I finally "hit bottom" and started to get involved with others in a different way, take responsibility for my life and my actions. I put away my books, and read only as much as I could absorb and use at the present time. I continue to read and study. Now I know that the time I put into practicing meditation is more important than the time I spend reading about meditation. I guess I always knew that but was hoping I could somehow avoid the trouble of dealing with the world.

My path involved divorce, learning to live alone, and finally (after some years of personal development) meeting a partner with whom I am compatible.

Although like most people I have used some drugs, including Television, which is mostly a drug but can be used otherwise, I hope more and more to be able to "be" in this physical world, because that is where I am, and to pretend otherwise is another form of escapism. I have known for a long time that God is in the Now, and that is where we find God. "Knowing" with my monkey mind is one thing. "Knowing" in the sense of direct experience of God is another.