Honesty

[Ali Quadir]

First an apology, rereading my words and speaking with you Ahktu I realize I've been too direct and maybe projected some of my own stuff onto you. I was wrong to do so, and I will take more care in the future. I clearly have things to learn in that area.

I’d have to say my perfectionist nature did benefit me in school, and later in my various jobs. Teachers and bosses noticed that I paid attention to the details and made sure I produced quality work, allowing me to gain their trust and be offered opportunities other students and employees did not get because they were not setting the same standards. At my current job I’ve even been promoted to supervisor, though I really hate it. It’s a pain managing a bunch of people who don’t care about much of anything, but at least I’m getting some leadership catalyst, I guess.

We have a saying in Holland... Every upside has a downside... :-/

Oh I'm sure there must be something terribly terribly wrong with you so deep on the inside that the rest of us can't see it. You're different. Something like being cursed by the gods. Or having some extremely nasty karmic debt.

That is not the image I was trying to convey at all. I was simply trying to say that I feel there may be behavioral triggers whose source I have not yet discovered. I can’t just trace everything back to childhood and say “there, that sums it up!”. I’ve been around for almost a quarter of a century and a lot of stuff, both good and bad, has gone down. There’s roots upon roots upon roots in there, and untangling them could take a while.

This is one of those clear examples of projecting my stuff unto you... I did this self damnation routine, I've seen other people do it and was shown to understand we all do this in one way or the other. That doesn't mean you do it however.

I do still think this has to do with skills more than with understanding the roots. Things we can learn to deal with the world in a different way causing her to put a different weight on our shoulders. Like a computer program. Sometimes we've been doing something the hard way for years and then we figure out there's this small but easily accessible button that does the hard work for us.

I would still suggest looking in that skill set direction. I used to believe some things were "just me" but they weren't they were just "the only me I could envision".

Again my apologies Ahktu...