03-30-2010, 08:58 PM
My dearest brother, I know exactly how you feel on this. I was a devout member of a strict sect of Christianity for 21 years. Not only did I go to church, but I was willing to fight and die for what I believed in. It crushed me so completely when my beliefs began falling apart and I was faced with the fact that everything I had known up until then had been, at least in my eyes, wrong.
Perhaps telling you a bit of my story will offer you some comfort or insight.
I was always a spiritual person, and since I was raised a Christian, I thought Christianity was the only spiritual outlet available to me. I was taught not to question the scriptures by my parents and many other adults that I looked up to, so naturally I listened to them and simply accepted everything that I was fed. When the inevitable questions about inconsistencies did occasionally pop up, I was told I just wasn’t supposed to think about it. I needed to have faith.
I lived in this sheltered little bubble all the way until college, where it suddenly popped with a terrible force. My world suddenly expanded, and I was presented with a whole host of new viewpoints. A torrent of new information was suddenly available, and I didn’t know what to do with it. All I knew was that, in light of this information, the faith I had held so dear suddenly seemed very flawed. All the “evidence” I had been presented with over the years suddenly seemed silly and nonsensical. And the deeper I dug into why I believed what I believed, the more I realized that I didn’t know.
I began to learn what really went into the making of the Bible, and I was flabbergasted that people could call this the word of God. Sure, some of it was likely inspired, but the level of corruption that men had worked into its pages was astounding. WHY did I believe in this? The holes in those sacred pages were enormous. My heart was starting to tell me that there was definitely something MORE out there. It was that little nudge we all end up getting…that little voice telling me it was time.
Bit by bit my faith in the doctrine I had been raised with was crumbling away. Peg after peg was knocked over as I began to trust my own reasoning over blind faith. Now I realize why that church was so swift to squash out questioning and using the intellect to verify what was presented. As soon as you realized you weren’t going to burn in hell for thinking for yourself, the entire system burned up instead.
But then there was fear. The people in that church were the best friends I had, and if I left I would literally be excommunicated. None of them would come to my wedding. They wouldn’t even be allowed to eat with me. And at the time I had no idea what I DID want to believe in. I’d experimented with Wicca and some Eastern religions, but nothing seemed entirely right and I was afraid that I’d end up some sort of atheist…that my connection with God was going to be cut.
Now we get down to that point that you’re at. That moment of decision. I will tell you, my brother, that it isn’t my place to advice you on one path or the other, because if you don’t listen to your own heart you’re going to be absolutely miserable. I would tell you to look deep within and listen for that still, small voice, and see what it says to you. Because, believe it or not, either choice is valid as long as you know why you believe in it and you choose to actively pursue it. The worst thing you can do is linger in indecision. I’ve been there, and it was one of the worst feelings ever.
Some people even manage to balance Christian and new age beliefs. I, personally, could not. There was a lot of pain when I let go of organized religion, but in the end it has been worth it for me. I am much happier now. Eventually the letters from concerned church members telling me I needed to repent or I was going to burn in hell stopped coming. My parents didn’t disown me, though there were some “tense” discussions. And once I simply opened myself up and asked to know the truth, I have entered into a world that I never imagined existed…a world so much more blissful and, well, sane.
That would be my one small piece of advice. Ask your higher self to know the truth as it applies to you on your journey. Ask your soul to reveal its true nature to you. As the Bible says, “Ask, and it shall be given unto you. Seek and ye shall find. Knock, and the door shall be opened.” The answers will come quicker than you imagine. You just have to start asking.
I hope this helps in some small way. I was nearly moved to tears reading your post because it was like reading a chapter from my own life. I know this is a difficult time for anyone experiencing this type of conflict, and if I can be of any further service, please, let me know.
Love and Light,
Lynn
Perhaps telling you a bit of my story will offer you some comfort or insight.
I was always a spiritual person, and since I was raised a Christian, I thought Christianity was the only spiritual outlet available to me. I was taught not to question the scriptures by my parents and many other adults that I looked up to, so naturally I listened to them and simply accepted everything that I was fed. When the inevitable questions about inconsistencies did occasionally pop up, I was told I just wasn’t supposed to think about it. I needed to have faith.
I lived in this sheltered little bubble all the way until college, where it suddenly popped with a terrible force. My world suddenly expanded, and I was presented with a whole host of new viewpoints. A torrent of new information was suddenly available, and I didn’t know what to do with it. All I knew was that, in light of this information, the faith I had held so dear suddenly seemed very flawed. All the “evidence” I had been presented with over the years suddenly seemed silly and nonsensical. And the deeper I dug into why I believed what I believed, the more I realized that I didn’t know.
I began to learn what really went into the making of the Bible, and I was flabbergasted that people could call this the word of God. Sure, some of it was likely inspired, but the level of corruption that men had worked into its pages was astounding. WHY did I believe in this? The holes in those sacred pages were enormous. My heart was starting to tell me that there was definitely something MORE out there. It was that little nudge we all end up getting…that little voice telling me it was time.
Bit by bit my faith in the doctrine I had been raised with was crumbling away. Peg after peg was knocked over as I began to trust my own reasoning over blind faith. Now I realize why that church was so swift to squash out questioning and using the intellect to verify what was presented. As soon as you realized you weren’t going to burn in hell for thinking for yourself, the entire system burned up instead.
But then there was fear. The people in that church were the best friends I had, and if I left I would literally be excommunicated. None of them would come to my wedding. They wouldn’t even be allowed to eat with me. And at the time I had no idea what I DID want to believe in. I’d experimented with Wicca and some Eastern religions, but nothing seemed entirely right and I was afraid that I’d end up some sort of atheist…that my connection with God was going to be cut.
Now we get down to that point that you’re at. That moment of decision. I will tell you, my brother, that it isn’t my place to advice you on one path or the other, because if you don’t listen to your own heart you’re going to be absolutely miserable. I would tell you to look deep within and listen for that still, small voice, and see what it says to you. Because, believe it or not, either choice is valid as long as you know why you believe in it and you choose to actively pursue it. The worst thing you can do is linger in indecision. I’ve been there, and it was one of the worst feelings ever.
Some people even manage to balance Christian and new age beliefs. I, personally, could not. There was a lot of pain when I let go of organized religion, but in the end it has been worth it for me. I am much happier now. Eventually the letters from concerned church members telling me I needed to repent or I was going to burn in hell stopped coming. My parents didn’t disown me, though there were some “tense” discussions. And once I simply opened myself up and asked to know the truth, I have entered into a world that I never imagined existed…a world so much more blissful and, well, sane.
That would be my one small piece of advice. Ask your higher self to know the truth as it applies to you on your journey. Ask your soul to reveal its true nature to you. As the Bible says, “Ask, and it shall be given unto you. Seek and ye shall find. Knock, and the door shall be opened.” The answers will come quicker than you imagine. You just have to start asking.
I hope this helps in some small way. I was nearly moved to tears reading your post because it was like reading a chapter from my own life. I know this is a difficult time for anyone experiencing this type of conflict, and if I can be of any further service, please, let me know.
Love and Light,
Lynn