03-28-2010, 09:02 AM
Amen! *applauds*
I think you've got a break through right there Ahktu. I think your parental situation could easily be a root cause for the issues you describe. Though from your descriptions I cannot discern the mechanism or specifics.
I see you doing two things that I want to pay attention to because I had to learn them myself and well, I'm still learning about those.
First of all you say you require meditation and soul searching to stop doing it. You don't... You stop right here right now.. You'll make a mistake and will fall into the same trap. Just like everyone else does. But then you'll forgive yourself. And you stop doing it again right there and right then. It doesn't matter that there are setbacks they prove nothing. Growth is gradual. Choice is not, choice is "do or do not". Choice determines the state of your being, the state of being determines the circumstances of your life. Not the other way around.
Secondly you are still describing yourself as the victim. "This bothers you." "Time will heal." "You are willing to drop your shields." "The higher forces must assist." "Your friends from the other side must reveal to you."
Where's the creator in your life? Where's you?
You're Akthu. You've come from another world exactly as you've described. Your intuitions about your friends are essentially correct. You've been hurt in this world exactly as you've described. But no one needs to rescue you. Because you can stand up and pat off the dust yourself. In fact it would be better for you to do so because if you can deal with that by your own design you've essentially proven the obvious. That you're powerful. If they assist you could end up kicking away the rest of your responsibilities and become a monk in their religion. A gear in their institution. Thing is they don't have a place for people like that. The dark has places like that.
I'm hearing you say "If they help me"... I think you should say "Screw everyone, I'm doing this... Step aside.. Akthu with a plan coming through." No excuses, no external variables. Your life your choice.
Do you understand the difference? I've been where you're at... No one came to save me. Right now I'm happy for that. My happiness relies on me, not on some external entity, force or stroke of luck. The responsibility was always in my hands. Even when I was afraid to run with it. And I still haven't seen the depth of all it can do.
Terry Pratchet wrote as a piece of advice for witches : "Even when it's not your fault, it's still your responsibility!" It's not your fault what happened to you. But it's your responsibility simply because if you don't, no one will... And you can fix this. If you choose to, you will fix this. However you cannot shift the responsibility to the external and hope to fix this by hoping some knight in shining armor will come and kill the dragon for you.
Brutal honesty as you call it works. It allows you to be entirely congruent with your choice. And you may actually, in the fray of life, catch glimpses of your friends opening doors and leaving subtle cues. They are there and you can trust their presence but you cannot trust them to fix your life for you.
I think you've got a break through right there Ahktu. I think your parental situation could easily be a root cause for the issues you describe. Though from your descriptions I cannot discern the mechanism or specifics.
I see you doing two things that I want to pay attention to because I had to learn them myself and well, I'm still learning about those.
First of all you say you require meditation and soul searching to stop doing it. You don't... You stop right here right now.. You'll make a mistake and will fall into the same trap. Just like everyone else does. But then you'll forgive yourself. And you stop doing it again right there and right then. It doesn't matter that there are setbacks they prove nothing. Growth is gradual. Choice is not, choice is "do or do not". Choice determines the state of your being, the state of being determines the circumstances of your life. Not the other way around.
Secondly you are still describing yourself as the victim. "This bothers you." "Time will heal." "You are willing to drop your shields." "The higher forces must assist." "Your friends from the other side must reveal to you."
Where's the creator in your life? Where's you?
You're Akthu. You've come from another world exactly as you've described. Your intuitions about your friends are essentially correct. You've been hurt in this world exactly as you've described. But no one needs to rescue you. Because you can stand up and pat off the dust yourself. In fact it would be better for you to do so because if you can deal with that by your own design you've essentially proven the obvious. That you're powerful. If they assist you could end up kicking away the rest of your responsibilities and become a monk in their religion. A gear in their institution. Thing is they don't have a place for people like that. The dark has places like that.
I'm hearing you say "If they help me"... I think you should say "Screw everyone, I'm doing this... Step aside.. Akthu with a plan coming through." No excuses, no external variables. Your life your choice.
Do you understand the difference? I've been where you're at... No one came to save me. Right now I'm happy for that. My happiness relies on me, not on some external entity, force or stroke of luck. The responsibility was always in my hands. Even when I was afraid to run with it. And I still haven't seen the depth of all it can do.
Terry Pratchet wrote as a piece of advice for witches : "Even when it's not your fault, it's still your responsibility!" It's not your fault what happened to you. But it's your responsibility simply because if you don't, no one will... And you can fix this. If you choose to, you will fix this. However you cannot shift the responsibility to the external and hope to fix this by hoping some knight in shining armor will come and kill the dragon for you.
Brutal honesty as you call it works. It allows you to be entirely congruent with your choice. And you may actually, in the fray of life, catch glimpses of your friends opening doors and leaving subtle cues. They are there and you can trust their presence but you cannot trust them to fix your life for you.