Unfeeling

[Peregrinus]

Peregrinus, my friend.

I am currently in a state of non-feeling after my 25-day period of constant anguish and despair. I remember myself as having many feelings before this, but I just can't find anything inside of me these days. It's only been a week since I got out of the nightmare, so I am perhaps slowly regaining myself.
It's quite boring, just watching the world experiencing itself with not much desire from myself to interact. Is this how you feel or have felt?
People say they love me. I have almost forgotten what that feeling is like. I can remember it though, and sometimes there's a tiny spark, but not today.

"There's a season for everything" said those of Hosts of Heaven. Is this perhaps the season for a state of complete rest? It's almost like being dead inside.

Patience is perhaps the lesson here..

If you have no feelings, then what is there to be impatient about?

What I learned in all of this is that I did have feelings, though they were stuffed down and hidden so far away that I had forgotten they existed. I was numb, plain and simple, and perhaps this is where you are. If you are numb, then nothing will matter. Nothing will make you happy but for a fleeting instant.

Now, you will note that there are two feelings which you will still have, but they will only pop to the surface every now and then. The first is love, and the second is lack of love, manifesting itself by rearing its ugly head in some telltale short bursts of anger or despair.

My suggestion is to simply be unfeeling. Allow yourself time to heal. Talk about it. There is such therapeutic value in that. Watching a sunrise is still one of the most fulfilling experiences I have known on this earth. Watch a few. Pet a dog. Smell a flower. Find joy in the occasional moment, and if you do that enough, the period of time in-between the moments will get closer together.