02-21-2010, 05:50 PM
(02-21-2010, 05:14 PM)Bring4th_Monica Wrote: still enjoys a glass of wine, or a toke, then he isn't serious about quitting...
Monica, I have a working definition of addiction. I'm not sure if I came up with it myself. I might have read it somewhere like Dr. Drew's book.
To me, addiction is any time anything destructive or self-destructive is compulsively done. All just to try to escape conscious awareness of pain or unhappiness.
The central point is the anxious flight from presence with one's own life. At its core is a lack of compassion for one's own human suffering. Perhaps also fear that the pain will never end and consume all of one's self.
Any number of destructive actions or materials can be used. By this definition, it doesn't have to be the same thing each time for a person to be an addict. If the kid at the house took a different drug every day and never repeated one for a year, he'd still be an addict. By this definition, my folks were addicted to a cult: their mind-altering substance was misuse of the mind itself. They added clearly unhealthy ideas, so they didn't need to add unhealthy chemicals.
A person can have addictions triggered in some ways, but be completely sober in other ways. For example, my parents were 100% responsible and organized about paying taxes and utility bills. I wouldn't be surprised if P's ex was still somewhat functional enough to make people wonder if his suspicions and accusations were paranoid. In Slash's memoir, I'm amazed at how he could be too far gone to even stand up, but prop him up with a guitar and he could put on a show.
I think you might be saying exactly the same thing here, just in different words. For the kid, the trauma is repeated rejection by those with whom he wanted to share loving care and his search for a greater spiritual truth.
Lorna, thank you. I'm not familiar with Michael Newton's book. But I feel your analogy is right on. It might be that the kid crashes into the rocks now Later in life, he uses some other lighthouse as his guide to a safe harbor.
When the kid and I wrapped up our conversation, he said he was going to his room to toke up. I wasn't present while he did that.