02-21-2010, 05:14 PM
(02-21-2010, 04:40 PM)Peregrinus Wrote: No, one cannot help them. They must, just as the baby must do, take the first steps on their own. It is something one cannot do for the addict, or a baby. Can we live their life? or will they do as they desire to do until that desire changes? Can we change that desire for them if they do not have the need to change that desire?
I'm not disagreeing with you. As I mentioned, I had a boyfriend that was addicted to speed, and I too began to get addicted for awhile (though I caught it soon enough, before it took over my life, thankfully, but it was enough to give me a taste of what addiction is like). And, I learned a great deal from Danny's story in Wonderland Avenue...enough to know that that list of excuses you listed is very true...and more...even watching loved ones die isn't enough to bring them out of their downward spiral.
My point, though, is: You mentioned that the addict must take those steps on his own, like a baby takes those first steps. How do you identify those steps? How can you know that someone who seems to be having a breakthru, isn't actually taking those baby steps? How can you be so certain? Are you saying that if the crack addict or methhead or junkie still enjoys a glass of wine, or a toke, then he isn't serious about quitting the harder addiction? Are you saying that he must eliminate 100% of even mild substances like weed, to be taken seriously? What about caffeine and sugar? Must those be eliminated also, since they too are addictive?
Peregrinus, I appreciate the intensity of your passion on this issue...it is clear that you have had a very intense experience with an addict, and my own experience was probably mild by comparison. The scariest thing that ever happened to me was the time the drug dealers followed us in a limo! when my ex-boyfriend's brother's chemistry lab blew up. But I never had to deal with the really heavy stuff because I got out before it got that heavy, thankfully. So I definitely do respect your experience! But I question the absoluteness of your advice. I think that, even with some rock-solid evidence that 99% of people will do x or y, ultimately our personal guidance in that particular situation should take precedence over any dogmatic absolute rules. I guess I tend to have an aversion to such strict absolutes. I agree that letting someone take advantage of our compassion isn't cool, and I'm definitely not saying to do that...but at the same time, I like to leave open the possibility that this might just be that exception, that person that's in the 1%, or it just might be the point in time in which the person is at a crossroads, choosing to change their life...it might just be a matter of timing. Your experience was at a time in which your friend wasn't yet ready to quit...she was still in the midst of her addiction...and Questioner's young friend might also be at that point...OR, he might be at a different point. I'm just asking: How can you be so certain which point he is at?