Interesting development (Addictions)

[Peregrinus]

Peregrinus, I respect your experience, but I'm confused. How can you be sure that this young man hasn't made the choice to choose life? Couldn't the fact that he chose to discuss this, and had an emotional breakthru, possibly be an indication of that first step towards choosing life? How do we decide whether their request for help is sincere or not? Are you saying we should never help addicts, but that they will always heal themselves on their own without any help? Are you saying that helping them is never appropriate?

This showed the want Monica, but did not show the need.

The want is powerful, but it is useless without the need. Even those addicts in treatment that do not have the need think they are doing so better, and they try hard. They even convince them self and others, very easily, that they have beat it. Those that have interventions, are given the choice to clean up or jail, go to jail, or end up in institutions, 99.99% of the time go back to using the first chance they get.

No, one cannot help them. They must, just as the baby must do, take the first steps on their own. It is something one cannot do for the addict, or a baby. Can we live their life? or will they do as they desire to do until that desire changes? Can we change that desire for them if they do not have the need to change that desire?

I agree that there there is truth in what you're saying. I started becoming addicted to snorting speed at age 21...I had a boyfriend who was into it and made all sorts of excuses for his addiction. At first, I used it to be more productive at work...but after almost a year, I realized I was becoming addicted, and I walked away from it, without any help. Later, I walked away from all other drugs as well. So my own experience supports your idea that most addicts who quit do so on their own, when they are ready. However, what about that 1.5% who do get helped via rehab of some sort? And how many others, that are not included in those statistics because they are unknown, who get helped via the support of family and friends? How can we be so sure that this particular person might not actually be ready to receive help?

I agree that if the person is in a downward spiral, to not get sucked into it. Been there done that! But I also don't think we can ever put a 100% absolute on any type of person or situation. Every person is unique and this might just be among that small percentage who do welcome help, or he just might be at the point where a little support might help nudge him in the direction he's already chosen...or even help him make that choice. I disagree that we should automatically assume that ANY addict is beyond our help and that we should just 'run away' from their call for help. I think the real question is not whether we should help them, but what kind of help is appropriate for this particular case. And only our own personal guidance can really give us the answer to that.

To be clear, I am talking about the three big ones, heroin, crack, and meth. All addicts have a DOC (drug of choice), but they will do whatever is available to make do.

Questioner said this young man sat there and smoked a bowl before going to bed while talking to him. Does that sound like someone who has hit their bottom? ...ready for the biggest change and the most difficult commitment he has ever made in his life?

If he is ready, he will fight tooth and nail for it. When the addict has made the choice by gaining the need, there is no doubt, and I mean NO DOUBT whatsoever. It takes every fibre of an addicts being to break free of the hold addiction has on them, and to remain clean. The first second one thinks the addict may have fallen off the wagon and might be using... they have been before you even suspected. Addicts have all the excuses, every lie, every trick in the book.. and use every one of them to be able to continue their use.

Until the addict has both the want and the need, cries for help are a lure for the unsuspecting do-gooder.

The truth is, you can catch an addict with the needle in their arm or with a pipe in their hand blowing out smoke, and they will tell you that what you saw is now what you think you saw. Mine swore that she wasn't using, swore the surprise drug test would probably lie... even though I knew she was using, found her stash, and the drug test came back positive... it just never ended. Here is a small list of the 1000's of things addicts say. I've heard them all, but there are so many I couldn't possibly list them here...

“I’m really hungry and I only have an eighth a tank of gas. I need to borrow $20 bucks so I can look for a job tomorrow.”
"I thought you loved me..."
"You are not helping right now"
"Can I have $200 to put my stuff in storage before I turn myself in for jail ?"
"I think I should just kill myself"
"If you don't give me the money they are gonna kill me/beat me up"
"If you don't give me the money he gonna come in here and just take whatever he wants and he is a real big man"
"I need $$$ !! You don't understand. This is a life or death situation"
"I am really trying to quit"
"I don't go looking for it. People be giving it to me for free"
"I cant go to rehab, I called and they don't have any beds available"
"Ive been doing this for 15 years so I'm used to it. It doesn't even have an effect on me anymore"
"I can handle it...Its not like I have to do it every day"
"You are not strong enough to handle my addiction"
"I lied because I love you"
“I know eventually I’m going to end up killing someone to get the money if you don’t help me.”
"I didn't want to tell you the truth because I know you wouldn't like it"
"I don't do it that often. "
"I am not hurting you. I am only hurting myself."
"You can drug test me anytime you want."
"I'm just going for milk."