A story I didn't want to share.

[One of Love]

Hi there, I'm new to this forum, not too new to the Law of One, a friend I'd met had clued me in to this stuff.  He said I was the only one interested in it that he knew of.

Honestly though, I had a crush on him and that's why I listened to everything.  Truthfully though, in retrospect, I felt bad.  I recognize loneliness emphatically.

Growing up my father was abusive, he took us to church, my mom and I, we'd pray, sing, learn about religion.  Then we'd go home and deal with him drunk.  When I was 15 he beat my mother into a hospital, and I ended up staying with her after they divorced.  I am ashamed of my heritage in all honesty because it is a very abusive one.

When I first learned of Heaven, I only had images of a grassy knoll with a river, tree, and mountains.  Then it turns out some Near Death Experiencers have described such scenery, sometimes describing it right out of my mental scenery of a part of Heaven.

I'm not big on spirituality though, and I've got my issues with faith and God.  I feel the many things new age spirituality has tried to use to explain these bad things about life as actually being part of a loving plan comes from a place of bad delusion.

It is my experience firsthand that most people are living in an ideal version of their world in their minds through their perceptions.  Otherwise we wouldn't make excuses for the bad choices made collectively in our society.  I find all people, everyone, is nearly identical, I had feelings that we were one, but...  Those feelings hurt me, because I know others don't intend truly to hurt me, they just can't help it, because it is who they are.

I forgive, but life doesn't give me the forgiveness I give it.

It is my experience that things like the Law of Attraction are part right.  I feel the same about the Ra Material.  My BS meter is especially high, and there were many parts of the Ra Material that set it off.

Ironically my friend who introduced me to this stuff says the same thing, but he says some pretty serious stuff in overgeneralizing ways, like how the mechanism of catalyst is designed behind a fundamental disregard for how the involved physical life is handled.  He made it sound like souls don't truly care about their physical lives, just learning from them.
I cannot argue some consciousness use physical life abhorrently.  But I do not feel that life is about learning or loving, but about living.  Not to grow or learn or to experience, but to enjoy.
If that means some life lives to enjoy hurting life, so be it, infinity is a big place in my head.

He says that the overall picture painted by the material was a fanciful hell.  I actually agree with him, and have had to help him see that he's got the ideas all overmixed with each other.

Anyway, he almost killed himself a few days ago, and cited this place as a major reason why.  Against his desires, I'm here to see what's going on here.  I don't intend to be completely nice as I've browsed the forum, seen his posts and others.

I really liked the introduction to the site, but I see it's a fantastical vision more so than reality, still.  Curiosity killed the cat.

My story was simple.  I was sexually abused growing up, physically abused, mentally and emotionally abused, mostly by family and friends, because of that I don't trust easily or believe in empty words, and because of the manipulative people who took up the challenge to use me through my defenses, I've acquired a BS meter that goes off at the slightest things.  I knew something was off about my life, that I was off.  I recognized patterns.  I saw clues.  My friend called it seeing things hidden in plain sight.

He's honestly been a source of information I couldn't begin to believe, we would read a session together and he'd answer my questions and we'd both learn from it.

It wasn't until we got to the dark drama of the story that my BS meter couldn't be stopped anymore.  He sat with me and told me that this information is tainted, he showed me the difference in tone and feeling and the answers given in the beginning of the story.  The channel becomes technical, almost cold.  Using technical information over the more ambiguous kinds given earlier.  Going from describing the Law of One, to describing the 3D drama.  Problem is I did dome Quo readings and overall I felt they were damaging to the core point trying to be conveyed.

I honestly do not believe an outside source was involved in these channelings, I feel that they come from our hearts when we're aligned successfully and come from our minds when they're not.  That the information comes from the soul, not an alien.  I believe there's a lot of misinformation and disinformation, and we were going through it when his cat died.

I never really cared for cats but that cat was the one person he could hug and kiss and cuddle with (wanted to with -jelly-)  With her gone, he had no love to give anywhere, he kind of went mad but I sat with him while it was happening.

I saw actual true love for the first time, more accurately, how it grieves...  There aren't tears or words to provide an image of what must have been happening to him internally.  I just know he's safe in suicide watch right now, but not safe internally.

I want to find answers.  I see he has left more than one account here.  He must have liked this place a lot if he left then came back.  He's Coordinate_Apotheosis, The Tired Philosopher.  I'm one of his more recent friends, well, now one of his few friends.  I kind of crush on him but he's already turned me down.  It hurts a lot seeing someone in such love with something, but conflicted so painfully over it.

I'm sure he won't appreciate me doing this, but I'm fairly tired like him, and I'm not in the mood to grope around darkness for answers.  He said some disturbing things about creator and soul life.  I need to find out just how he sees things so I can actually do something useful to help.

My life has culminated in basically a dead end job with no real familial support.  He's like my twin in life and I'm going to help somehow.

Honestly I don't know if I'll stick around afterwards, but if I do, it'll mean you all were nice to me enough to make me stay.

I wish to offer only my honest true self.  I will not offer false love or lie about something.  I am outspoken, I respond to problems I perceive.  I am human, if you hurt, insult, or annoy me, you'll probably get to hear about it from me.

With that said.  I'm here to find answers to help my friend heal, and to try and discover this sacred mystery of truth that has captivated even my mind.

There is One True Love out there.  It doesn't pretend or lie, it just is, and it's far greater than anything I could ever possibly everyone, the peak, pinnacle point of creation is that source, whether it be energy, being, or something more or else, I don't know, I just know there is a true God, and it would make all others pale before it.

I am a follower and seeker of the truth, not it's branches but it's core.  I found someone who feels as I do and he's ready to die.  I selfishly will not have that.  I will be selfish to this lower god of Earth and say, No!  We are human, we deserve love, not judgment!  And I'll drag his screaming angry soul from God's place back to his body.  I get it.  Here on Earth it looked like god screwed up.  But it wasn't the whole true one that did, it was a branched shadow of itself.

I forgive, but there will still be a talk, from the collective humanity to god, about the morality of these types of creations.  There will be love and forgiveness that even the lowly earth god will be unable to deny.

Please find patience for me, and if you like, pray.  I was warned you're all basically cult like.  Never interacted with a cult before so that should be interesting.  I'll make up my own mind for myself before coming to a conclusion.

I didn't really want to share this story, but I figure it's a good intro as to why I'm here.  It's a bit jumbled cause I'm multitasking but basically, I'm damaged goods trying to stop someone I really like from being more than damaged goods.

Otherwise I'm kind of a bad person and a b****, but I try to be good, it's not easy when you see through the vast lies and BS that comes from everyone everyday, I just want to yell at people, be honest!  Forgive the honest!

But I know it'll do nothing.  So I'll just settle for the little things.
I hope you'll all be as interesting as my friend has been.

[GentleReckoning]

It is not tainted, it simply that the group that channeled the information projected their fear into the material. That same fear causing a kind of exaggerated polarization (as the individual tries to become ONE HUNDRED PERCENT SERVICE TO OTHERS). As that was the seeking of the group.

I find our current society warrants little to no love, so I understand your position.

I can answer questions, but if you become dependent I will shoo you away.

[ada]

I don't really know him very well, but I remember when he was going through some hardships and made a journal here so I tried to cheer him up and listen to him when I could. But it wasn't long until he flipped and decided to leave. I wanted to speak to him so much, he seemed so hurt and lonely. And it is so sad to hear that he has tried to take his own life, I hope there is something we can do to help him.

I know there are times here when people "play" dark games with one another, mind games, clever manipulative thought patterns to freak someone (anyone) out yet make it seem unexplainable to others so one who's mind is broken and traumatized can't redeem itself because nobody will believe or understand.

As part of a forum who's orientation is towards service to others, I am truly ashamed that this is what we came to, as if there isn't enough evil and mischief out there.

If it is possible, tell him that I am sorry I couldn't help him at that time. There was a time when I read his journal and tears came down my eyes from all the pain and suffering he was sharing.

I call out Bring4th staff members to address this issue with outmost seriousness. This can't be real. This is not who we are.

[One of Love]

It is not tainted, it simply that the group that channeled the information projected their fear into the material. That same fear causing a kind of exaggerated polarization (as the individual tries to become ONE HUNDRED PERCENT SERVICE TO OTHERS). As that was the seeking of the group.

I find our current society warrants little to no love, so I understand your position.

I can answer questions, but if you become dependent I will shoo you away.

Whoo that was fast.  I can't conclude with any real reasonable belief that what you've said is accurate, my recollection includes ratios of 50 and 95, my BS meter says those are not singular percentiles but cumulative ones with that info not provided in the material, I just took it that way, because even Hitler wasn't 95%, seems unlikely, and Genghis Khan had no real modern technology, he had to hoof it to get it.  That guy made it, and yet perhaps that's because of the personal nature.

Hitler was distant, did he do executions?  Rape?  So polarity has mechanisms about it that we don't know in regards to how it functions as far as my Metaphysical common sense can see.

That all will be what I'll leave off at, cause otherwise I have to argue about the uncertain misinformation...

We were going to test out some functions, he's been through a kundalini awakening (so he says but no one was there to witness it except for his mother, who doesn't like me so I can't find out from her!)  He recognizes when he polarizes, he literally mapped out for me how polarity works in a situation.

His example was a water store he had been fired at for telling the management he'll call the health dept. On them for selling expired snow cones to kids.  He did what he consciously felt was right by informing the management first.  He was fired the next day with 15 extra hours tacked onto his paycheck.  He calls it hush money.  He says that he didn't polarize from that because he had a vested selfish interest in not giving children expired product.

Compared to when he would randomly help people at that job, he did so good the owner asked the other employees to do the same.  After that he felt he stopped polarizing because it was 'a part of the job that was unrealistic'.  He was forcing hindered by that point.

He claimed he got really clear ear buzzing with thoughts and actions that partly signaled to him an energy exchange or polarization.  We tried to map it out and got a clue but we'd need more sets of information.  As well as a control to make she it isn't a physical tinnitus issue, especially for him since he cleans out his ears with an old timey small hole key for doors, its like a flat head with a curved bottom on the handle.  So we have flaws in what little dinky research we've done.  But he was adamant about figuring it out and I was inspired to help.

We were going to start practicing what he said was the core practices, I'm sure you all can name the four ways to live the Law of One first given by Ra.  I'm most interested in the ratios.  The square root of 2 and 3, pi, phi, sacred geometry.  I'm bad at math and numbers.  He showed me this Fibonacci sequence of like 200 something numbers, there were these rows and columns of 9 that just looked too perfectly aligned in all of that.  It blew my mind to see how mathematics hold these seemingly sacred concepts.

So full circle, I often wondered if there was some mathematical consideration or operation or equation or something having to do with the numbers given that would reveal something.  Why 50?  Why not 51?  Why 95?  Why not 94?  Are they summations, rounded, are they only one piece of an equation?

They're not good with our numbering system (we're base ten, computers are base 2, they could be base 8 for all we know like the ancients in star gate).  Perhaps there's another significance to the numbers given.  50% good in this world is asking to pretty much selfless yourself out until you've lost it all.  Doesn't seem thoughtful to physical life unless that number wasn't the full picture.

I was onced asked by him to consider if a selfless person and a selfish person used each other to polarize how would it work?  I said it wouldn't, no selfless person would be able to help a selfish person as far as I understood the concepts given.  They'd literally energetically bounce each other away.  To help in a selfish way a selfless person is still to be selfishly helping them, and to let a selfish person use you selflessly is them helping positive polarization which would hinder them.  They'd get nowhere unless they were a mixed bag of polarity.

Polarity is actually a major issue for him.  I've spent a lot of contemplation on how to manage these ideals of polarity without them becoming a tool of immoral physical use. I've found some clues, but overall I'm in agreement with him that something is wrong, just not that it's all wrong.

I don't recommend this to the faint of heart, but until you've gone to some messed up threads on reddit or 4chan looking for people being hurt, and have seen a glimpse of the true darkness that lurks this reality, you need to ask if you truly know what's up or if we're being told not the whole truth.  To question the wisdom of the channel and it's contents.  When you see what Mexican cartels do to each other, when you see what violence is common in brazil, africa, china, you must ask yourself how much thought was given to the mechanisms in action in this place.

Even shadows of the true one would be disturbed.  The darkness occurring on this planet. To me anyways, it's unnatural, not normal.  Beyond atypical, it's almost delusional.

So, I have my opinions, but you helped me consider, and offer that consideration here, that those numbers may be more than just a percentile.  Maybe they're ratios somehow if that's possible?

[Foha]

Hello, One of Love.

I miss your friend, and it's a shock to hear he is in so much pain. I'm glad you two found each other.

I, too, am searching for the truth. I don't naturally accept everything the Law of One states either, but it's pretty dense so it's difficult for me to scrape together an educated opinion.

I'm starting to give up searching outside for the truth. I'm currently enrolled in an online course for kriya yoga, but I'm losing interest because their forums have a $20/mo. service fee tacked on, which I refuse to pay.

I am starting to think God is closer to our own hearts than we realize, and not blocked by external gatekeepers or gurus.

I hope your friend gets better, and that your friendship grows. I admire your bravery and choosing to be true to yourself and to your friend. I'm so sorry that it came to this.

[One of Love]

I don't really know him very well, but I remember when he was going through some hardships and made a journal here so I tried to cheer him up and listen to him when I could. But it wasn't long until he flipped and decided to leave. I wanted to speak to him so much, he seemed so hurt and lonely. And it is so sad to hear that he has tried to take his own life, I hope there is something we can do to help him.

I know there are times here when people "play" dark games with one another, mind games, clever manipulative thought patterns to freak someone (anyone) out yet make it seem unexplainable to others so one who's mind is broken and traumatized can't redeem itself because nobody will believe or understand.

As part of a forum who's orientation is towards service to others, I am truly ashamed that this is what we came to, as if there isn't enough evil and mischief out there.

If it is possible, tell him that I am sorry I couldn't help him at that time. There was a time when I read his journal and tears came down my eyes from all the pain and suffering he was sharing.

I call out Bring4th staff members to address this issue with outmost seriousness. This can't be real. This is not who we are.

I'll definitely say...  ah.  After I tell him I joined.  That you are sorry.  But honestly he only ever complained about a select few people who he noted were so delusional they couldn't see their own issues in the people they shamed.  He said his turkish friend was an example, he shared some sexist stuff and no real forgiveness was offered or any real attempt to reconcile the issue occurred.  He said that was when he began suspecting something of this place.

Now, I would be bothered if someone was saying sexist stuff about me for being born the way I was.  I have been bothered by that stuff...  but I think about my first job I had, I had a coworker who was way in to me, like uncomfortably getting close to me, touching my arms, shoulders.  One day I just asked him how he'd feel if I were to come onto him, he misinterpreted it and was super excited that I was seemingly showing interest.  I told him I'm not interested, and he became abusive, mean, thoughtless.  Yelled at me for leading him on.

So, I sat down with him, the way I had to do with an ex before, and I told him I was sorry starting out, that I didn't stop his behavior sooner, but I told him, if a girl he didn't like kept going after him, how would he feel?  I told him I'm a human being who was abused sexually when I was young, and that I didn't notlike him, I just don't like most guys.

That guy is still my friend today, and he doesn't go after me.  I found out he had a rough upbringing with just his dad, he didn't know how to spot the things in women he can spot in men.  He was sexist a bit because of it all, but he learned from me, because instead of yelling at him, like I wanted to, I instead tried to just be real about it all   real in that he clearly wasn't aware of me like he was himself.  That calls for help, sure I thought he was a prick and a pig, but did calling anyone those things ever really help anyone?

No.  It didn't.

So, I don't know what really happened so I'm going to not judge anyone here yet, bit if you're saying what he's saying.   Well, that's a good start for my search I guess.

You said he had a journal here?? Could you tell me where?  I never saw it while browsing.  I do see there are hidden forums for registered users, I'll check those out.  I did see his post count so I know I'll have some digging to do.

What do you mean by people play dark games here?  That's oddly synchronistic as I was once told by a fortune teller I'll come upon a dark game that I'll need every bit of my wisdom and experience to see through.  I thought she was talking about my mother's helplessness pattern of asking for monetary help from me and others somehow culminating into something big, but maybe it was about this?

[Aion]

Here is a link to his online journal, in the Treehouse Section that is members only.

https://bring4th.org/forums/showthread.php?tid=14073

I talked with him a number of times and we did some spiritual work together on a couple occasions, we exchanged 'readings'. I did Tarot for him and he did Astrology for me. He held a lot of the same conflicts and views I have always felt in myself but definitely dealt with and approached them in a different way. I am glad that he has found such a good friend in you and it is very saddening to hear he is in such a dire state (still).

If you do get a chance to talk to him soon tell him I said Hello and that he will not be forgotten by those hearts he has touched.

Also, welcome to the cult! I think as you browse along you'll start to see the patterns that he did as well. I've only recently 'returned' to the forum after a long hiatus as something has called me back. There is actually quite a history on the forum of many different kinds of personalities and various points of conflict. I've been perusing the forum since 2011 and I've seen a lot of great discussions and a lot of passionate arguments. I've seen people be suicidal, manic, aggressive, delusional, enraged and all sorts of other troubled emotions verging on pure insanity. There is no doubt the 'egregore' of the forum is a deeply conflicted entity.

[Relax]

I'm halfway through reading your first post to start this thread... but immediately want to offer you and your friend my very best wishes of love, listening and respect

very sincerely

it is really important that you have 'reached out (in/into)' here

for you - for your friend - for us all

[ada]

It is not tainted, it simply that the group that channeled the information projected their fear into the material. That same fear causing a kind of exaggerated polarization (as the individual tries to become ONE HUNDRED PERCENT SERVICE TO OTHERS). As that was the seeking of the group.

I find our current society warrants little to no love, so I understand your position.

I can answer questions, but if you become dependent I will shoo you away.

Whoo that was fast.  I can't conclude with any real reasonable belief that what you've said is accurate, my recollection includes ratios of 50 and 95, my BS meter says those are not singular percentiles but cumulative ones with that info not provided in the material, I just took it that way, because even Hitler wasn't 95%, seems unlikely, and Genghis Khan had no real modern technology, he had to hoof it to get it.  That guy made it, and yet perhaps that's because of the personal nature.

Hitler was distant, did he do executions?  Rape?  So polarity has mechanisms about it that we don't know in regards to how it functions as far as my Metaphysical common sense can see.

That all will be what I'll leave off at, cause otherwise I have to argue about the uncertain misinformation...

We were going to test out some functions, he's been through a kundalini awakening (so he says but no one was there to witness it except for his mother, who doesn't like me so I can't find out from her!)  He recognizes when he polarizes, he literally mapped out for me how polarity works in a situation.

His example was a water store he had been fired at for telling the management he'll call the health dept. On them for selling expired snow cones to kids.  He did what he consciously felt was right by informing the management first.  He was fired the next day with 15 extra hours tacked onto his paycheck.  He calls it hush money.  He says that he didn't polarize from that because he had a vested selfish interest in not giving children expired product.

Compared to when he would randomly help people at that job, he did so good the owner asked the other employees to do the same.  After that he felt he stopped polarizing because it was 'a part of the job that was unrealistic'.  He was forcing hindered by that point.

He claimed he got really clear ear buzzing with thoughts and actions that partly signaled to him an energy exchange or polarization.  We tried to map it out and got a clue but we'd need more sets of information.  As well as a control to make she it isn't a physical tinnitus issue, especially for him since he cleans out his ears with an old timey small hole key for doors, its like a flat head with a curved bottom on the handle.  So we have flaws in what little dinky research we've done.  But he was adamant about figuring it out and I was inspired to help.

We were going to start practicing what he said was the core practices, I'm sure you all can name the four ways to live the Law of One first given by Ra.  I'm most interested in the ratios.  The square root of 2 and 3, pi, phi, sacred geometry.  I'm bad at math and numbers.  He showed me this Fibonacci sequence of like 200 something numbers, there were these rows and columns of 9 that just looked too perfectly aligned in all of that.  It blew my mind to see how mathematics hold these seemingly sacred concepts.

So full circle, I often wondered if there was some mathematical consideration or operation or equation or something having to do with the numbers given that would reveal something.  Why 50?  Why not 51?  Why 95?  Why not 94?  Are they summations, rounded, are they only one piece of an equation?

They're not good with our numbering system (we're base ten, computers are base 2, they could be base 8 for all we know like the ancients in star gate).  Perhaps there's another significance to the numbers given.  50% good in this world is asking to pretty much selfless yourself out until you've lost it all.  Doesn't seem thoughtful to physical life unless that number wasn't the full picture.

I was onced asked by him to consider if a selfless person and a selfish person used each other to polarize how would it work?  I said it wouldn't, no selfless person would be able to help a selfish person as far as I understood the concepts given.  They'd literally energetically bounce each other away.  To help in a selfish way a selfless person is still to be selfishly helping them, and to let a selfish person use you selflessly is them helping positive polarization which would hinder them.  They'd get nowhere unless they were a mixed bag of polarity.

Polarity is actually a major issue for him.  I've spent a lot of contemplation on how to manage these ideals of polarity without them becoming a tool of immoral physical use. I've found some clues, but overall I'm in agreement with him that something is wrong, just not that it's all wrong.

I don't recommend this to the faint of heart, but until you've gone to some messed up threads on reddit or 4chan looking for people being hurt, and have seen a glimpse of the true darkness that lurks this reality, you need to ask if you truly know what's up or if we're being told not the whole truth.  To question the wisdom of the channel and it's contents.  When you see what Mexican cartels do to each other, when you see what violence is common in brazil, africa, china, you must ask yourself how much thought was given to the mechanisms in action in this place.

Even shadows of the true one would be disturbed.  The darkness occurring on this planet. To me anyways, it's unnatural, not normal.  Beyond atypical, it's almost delusional.

So, I have my opinions, but you helped me consider, and offer that consideration here, that those numbers may be more than just a percentile.  Maybe they're ratios somehow if that's possible?

Although it states in the forum rules that service to self practices and philosophy is forbidden people still find ways to do it, I mean those who consciously/purposely do so.

I won't go into detail as it is pointless. But this is my feeling to it, how one mind sinks into darkness and despair, exposes their wounds and reaches their hand for help and recognition, only to be sunken deeper by other minds who play with darkness.

[AnthroHeart]

I think you'll find some good support here. They've helped me through my darkest days.

[One of Love]

I think you'll find some good support here. They've helped me through my darkest days.

He spoke nothing but kind words about you, especially with how true and actual you were to him, nice to meet you.

Okay, so, my last post was lost to my phone dying on me.  But I'm already convinced there's something going on here because my phone just permadied on me, won't charge or turn on, it's brand new...  Hopefully it's just bad tech but honestly that is unusual timing.

@Blossom;
So you're saying this place is more of a mixed bag of polarity?  Funny how much the darkness likes to pretend to be light.  Seems like there's already a presence here, and from the sounds of it, the custodians of this site and material don't seem too concerned.  Kind of matches up with what he told me, but I will still attempt to wait and see, though I have a feeling I have already begun to.

@Aion;
I was specifically warned about you, I've been told you've got a lot of internal experiences to properly disseminate, no idea what that's supposed to mean about you though, but it's interesting you speak of an egregore, it's funny to me because I recognized it as a bad energy floating over the place, and something is currently attempting to dissuade my progress here...  It kind of worries me that you didn't notice that about it.  My understanding of an egregore from one of my friend's aunt's was that it's a culmination of desires and intents from many beings wrapped into one 'conduit', never knew what she meant by conduit until I read the Law of One.  If the egregore is as you say, that is a direct reflection of the state of the collective that spawned it according to my own metaphysical common sense.  Other's might disagree but overall, my overall being is telling me there is something going on here, and something tells me you know more about it than you wish to let on.  I mean that not like you're purposefully holding back or being manipulative, but more like you're 'aware' of something without being properly aware of it.

Have you ever heard the story about the scorpion and the fox?  The scorpion wants to cross a river but needs the help of a fox, and asks the fox for help.  The fox says it won't because it'll sting him.  It reasoned with the fox that if it did that it too would drown.  So the fox agreed.  Halfway across the river the scorpion stung the fox, and crying out it said you too will drown, and the scorpion responds.  I couldn't help it.  It is my nature.

Your nature reminds me of the scorpion, you mean well but you aren't sure if you can withhold your true nature.  In a VERY FUNNY WAY, you remind me EXACTLY of my friend.  You struggle with your shadow, that darkness you think you've got under lock and key, it's the one in control, and just like him, you're in a passenger seat with a fake wheel believing yourself in control.

I'll tell you what I told him that helped.  If your true nature is truly darkness, then your best bet is to realize you need to open your eyes, and see it, rather than just observing it.  Be it, because that's who you truly are, and it can't be changed until you're at that level holding it by the hand telling it, this isn't the place, we must move forward, together.

I haven't looked at my darkness so I speak hypocritically for him here, but I'm pretty sure when the time comes to look at my darkness, I too will be just as moved as he was at what lies within.  And not necessarily in a good way.

Thanks for linking me that thread.  I'm gonna try to let my phone charge (assuming it's getting any charge at all) and peruse that thread.

[GentleReckoning]

It is not tainted, it simply that the group that channeled the information projected their fear into the material. That same fear causing a kind of exaggerated polarization (as the individual tries to become ONE HUNDRED PERCENT SERVICE TO OTHERS). As that was the seeking of the group.

I find our current society warrants little to no love, so I understand your position.

I can answer questions, but if you become dependent I will shoo you away.

Whoo that was fast.  I can't conclude with any real reasonable belief that what you've said is accurate, my recollection includes ratios of 50 and 95, my BS meter says those are not singular percentiles but cumulative ones with that info not provided in the material, I just took it that way, because even Hitler wasn't 95%, seems unlikely, and Genghis Khan had no real modern technology, he had to hoof it to get it.  That guy made it, and yet perhaps that's because of the personal nature.

Hitler was distant, did he do executions?  Rape?  So polarity has mechanisms about it that we don't know in regards to how it functions as far as my Metaphysical common sense can see.

That all will be what I'll leave off at, cause otherwise I have to argue about the uncertain misinformation...

We were going to test out some functions, he's been through a kundalini awakening (so he says but no one was there to witness it except for his mother, who doesn't like me so I can't find out from her!)  He recognizes when he polarizes, he literally mapped out for me how polarity works in a situation.

His example was a water store he had been fired at for telling the management he'll call the health dept. On them for selling expired snow cones to kids.  He did what he consciously felt was right by informing the management first.  He was fired the next day with 15 extra hours tacked onto his paycheck.  He calls it hush money.  He says that he didn't polarize from that because he had a vested selfish interest in not giving children expired product.

Compared to when he would randomly help people at that job, he did so good the owner asked the other employees to do the same.  After that he felt he stopped polarizing because it was 'a part of the job that was unrealistic'.  He was forcing hindered by that point.

He claimed he got really clear ear buzzing with thoughts and actions that partly signaled to him an energy exchange or polarization.  We tried to map it out and got a clue but we'd need more sets of information.  As well as a control to make she it isn't a physical tinnitus issue, especially for him since he cleans out his ears with an old timey small hole key for doors, its like a flat head with a curved bottom on the handle.  So we have flaws in what little dinky research we've done.  But he was adamant about figuring it out and I was inspired to help.

We were going to start practicing what he said was the core practices, I'm sure you all can name the four ways to live the Law of One first given by Ra.  I'm most interested in the ratios.  The square root of 2 and 3, pi, phi, sacred geometry.  I'm bad at math and numbers.  He showed me this Fibonacci sequence of like 200 something numbers, there were these rows and columns of 9 that just looked too perfectly aligned in all of that.  It blew my mind to see how mathematics hold these seemingly sacred concepts.

So full circle, I often wondered if there was some mathematical consideration or operation or equation or something having to do with the numbers given that would reveal something.  Why 50?  Why not 51?  Why 95?  Why not 94?  Are they summations, rounded, are they only one piece of an equation?

They're not good with our numbering system (we're base ten, computers are base 2, they could be base 8 for all we know like the ancients in star gate).  Perhaps there's another significance to the numbers given.  50% good in this world is asking to pretty much selfless yourself out until you've lost it all.  Doesn't seem thoughtful to physical life unless that number wasn't the full picture.

I was onced asked by him to consider if a selfless person and a selfish person used each other to polarize how would it work?  I said it wouldn't, no selfless person would be able to help a selfish person as far as I understood the concepts given.  They'd literally energetically bounce each other away.  To help in a selfish way a selfless person is still to be selfishly helping them, and to let a selfish person use you selflessly is them helping positive polarization which would hinder them.  They'd get nowhere unless they were a mixed bag of polarity.

Polarity is actually a major issue for him.  I've spent a lot of contemplation on how to manage these ideals of polarity without them becoming a tool of immoral physical use. I've found some clues, but overall I'm in agreement with him that something is wrong, just not that it's all wrong.

I don't recommend this to the faint of heart, but until you've gone to some messed up threads on reddit or 4chan looking for people being hurt, and have seen a glimpse of the true darkness that lurks this reality, you need to ask if you truly know what's up or if we're being told not the whole truth.  To question the wisdom of the channel and it's contents.  When you see what Mexican cartels do to each other, when you see what violence is common in brazil, africa, china, you must ask yourself how much thought was given to the mechanisms in action in this place.

Even shadows of the true one would be disturbed.  The darkness occurring on this planet. To me anyways, it's unnatural, not normal.  Beyond atypical, it's almost delusional.

So, I have my opinions, but you helped me consider, and offer that consideration here, that those numbers may be more than just a percentile.  Maybe they're ratios somehow if that's possible?

Look up Himmler. He was highly STO. Because STS and STO are relative to the society that you live in. If you live in an ill or corrupt society, then being pure, true, and loving would cause you to be STS as you would be raining on the societal parade. You'll note that Don Elkins managed to get to 100% STO as he killed himself instead of channeling more information that would cause a negative outcome relative to the society in which he lived. This is because Ra is pure truth relative to your level of seeking.

This is why this material has people committing suicide. Because everyone wants to believe that it is perfect in every-way. Turns out, it becomes perfect only after you balance duality in it's entirety.

[Aion]

I think you'll find some good support here. They've helped me through my darkest days.

He spoke nothing but kind words about you, especially with how true and actual you were to him, nice to meet you.

Okay, so, my last post was lost to my phone dying on me.  But I'm already convinced there's something going on here because my phone just permadied on me, won't charge or turn on, it's brand new...  Hopefully it's just bad tech but honestly that is unusual timing.

@Blossom;
So you're saying this place is more of a mixed bag of polarity?  Funny how much the darkness likes to pretend to be light.  Seems like there's already a presence here, and from the sounds of it, the custodians of this site and material don't seem too concerned.  Kind of matches up with what he told me, but I will still attempt to wait and see, though I have a feeling I have already begun to.

@Aion;
I was specifically warned about you, I've been told you've got a lot of internal experiences to properly disseminate, no idea what that's supposed to mean about you though, but it's interesting you speak of an egregore, it's funny to me because I recognized it as a bad energy floating over the place, and something is currently attempting to dissuade my progress here...  It kind of worries me that you didn't notice that about it.  My understanding of an egregore from one of my friend's aunt's was that it's a culmination of desires and intents from many beings wrapped into one 'conduit', never knew what she meant by conduit until I read the Law of One.  If the egregore is as you say, that is a direct reflection of the state of the collective that spawned it according to my own metaphysical common sense.  Other's might disagree but overall, my overall being is telling me there is something going on here, and something tells me you know more about it than you wish to let on.  I mean that not like you're purposefully holding back or being manipulative, but more like you're 'aware' of something without being properly aware of it.

Have you ever heard the story about the scorpion and the fox?  The scorpion wants to cross a river but needs the help of a fox, and asks the fox for help.  The fox says it won't because it'll sting him.  It reasoned with the fox that if it did that it too would drown.  So the fox agreed.  Halfway across the river the scorpion stung the fox, and crying out it said you too will drown, and the scorpion responds.  I couldn't help it.  It is my nature.

Your nature reminds me of the scorpion, you mean well but you aren't sure if you can withhold your true nature.  In a VERY FUNNY WAY, you remind me EXACTLY of my friend.  You struggle with your shadow, that darkness you think you've got under lock and key, it's the one in control, and just like him, you're in a passenger seat with a fake wheel believing yourself in control.

I'll tell you what I told him that helped.  If your true nature is truly darkness, then your best bet is to realize you need to open your eyes, and see it, rather than just observing it.  Be it, because that's who you truly are, and it can't be changed until you're at that level holding it by the hand telling it, this isn't the place, we must move forward, together.

I haven't looked at my darkness so I speak hypocritically for him here, but I'm pretty sure when the time comes to look at my darkness, I too will be just as moved as he was at what lies within.  And not necessarily in a good way.

Thanks for linking me that thread.  I'm gonna try to let my phone charge (assuming it's getting any charge at all) and peruse that thread.

You got me! Pinned right down to the point. Glad to see you are just as observant as he is. (Although I had a hunch I might have been one of the 'mentionables'.)

Shall I bandy about and pretend to be your friend for awhile or start the psychic attack henceforth?

I jest... or do I? DUN DUN DUN

No but really, I'm the big bad wolf.

It goes way back really, there was some interest earlier in the forum, around when I joined but maybe before then, in the 'STS' side of things. Some individuals were doing 'STS' magical and channeling work. It has coloured the egregore since. While an egregore is a culmination of the collective intent of the initiators it also is shaped in 'real-time' by the current collective environment and so while the egregore at the outset of the forum may have been relatively pure it has been 'tainted' by the influence of many different wills seeking through the forums and the entities called and followed by those individuals. Mind you, maybe my own presence has helped it persist.

The forum definitely needs some help. Every time I mentioned these things I am brushed off, just as C_A was, but I am a bit more persistent. It is true, I am a somewhat chaotic individual and I have made some mistakes, but my intent and hope is to set right the damage done, I just haven't quite figured out how yet. I have tried to be more 'open' about myself, but not sure to what effect.

There is some part of me feeding on this place and I think, as you say, part of me is not sorry for it. Another part feels I should be, but hey, can't fight my nature right? People here are just so eager to pour their energy out. Their hurts and their pains, their joys and their fears and it all just swirls in to a big morass. I've tried just staying away. I deleted my account for quite awhile, but alas, here I am returned. Help an old vampyre out, will ya?

Sorry, I can't even tell anymore when I'm being sarcastic or not, you'll have to interpret that yourself. Like you said, I mean no harm, but my fiance also says I have a highly destructive nature unintentionally so there must be a fair amount of truth to it. I think I just like the chaos a tad too much.

[GentleReckoning]

I think you'll find some good support here. They've helped me through my darkest days.

He spoke nothing but kind words about you, especially with how true and actual you were to him, nice to meet you.

Okay, so, my last post was lost to my phone dying on me.  But I'm already convinced there's something going on here because my phone just permadied on me, won't charge or turn on, it's brand new...  Hopefully it's just bad tech but honestly that is unusual timing.

@Blossom;
So you're saying this place is more of a mixed bag of polarity?  Funny how much the darkness likes to pretend to be light.  Seems like there's already a presence here, and from the sounds of it, the custodians of this site and material don't seem too concerned.  Kind of matches up with what he told me, but I will still attempt to wait and see, though I have a feeling I have already begun to.

@Aion;
I was specifically warned about you, I've been told you've got a lot of internal experiences to properly disseminate, no idea what that's supposed to mean about you though, but it's interesting you speak of an egregore, it's funny to me because I recognized it as a bad energy floating over the place, and something is currently attempting to dissuade my progress here...  It kind of worries me that you didn't notice that about it.  My understanding of an egregore from one of my friend's aunt's was that it's a culmination of desires and intents from many beings wrapped into one 'conduit', never knew what she meant by conduit until I read the Law of One.  If the egregore is as you say, that is a direct reflection of the state of the collective that spawned it according to my own metaphysical common sense.  Other's might disagree but overall, my overall being is telling me there is something going on here, and something tells me you know more about it than you wish to let on.  I mean that not like you're purposefully holding back or being manipulative, but more like you're 'aware' of something without being properly aware of it.

Have you ever heard the story about the scorpion and the fox?  The scorpion wants to cross a river but needs the help of a fox, and asks the fox for help.  The fox says it won't because it'll sting him.  It reasoned with the fox that if it did that it too would drown.  So the fox agreed.  Halfway across the river the scorpion stung the fox, and crying out it said you too will drown, and the scorpion responds.  I couldn't help it.  It is my nature.

Your nature reminds me of the scorpion, you mean well but you aren't sure if you can withhold your true nature.  In a VERY FUNNY WAY, you remind me EXACTLY of my friend.  You struggle with your shadow, that darkness you think you've got under lock and key, it's the one in control, and just like him, you're in a passenger seat with a fake wheel believing yourself in control.

I'll tell you what I told him that helped.  If your true nature is truly darkness, then your best bet is to realize you need to open your eyes, and see it, rather than just observing it.  Be it, because that's who you truly are, and it can't be changed until you're at that level holding it by the hand telling it, this isn't the place, we must move forward, together.

I haven't looked at my darkness so I speak hypocritically for him here, but I'm pretty sure when the time comes to look at my darkness, I too will be just as moved as he was at what lies within.  And not necessarily in a good way.

Thanks for linking me that thread.  I'm gonna try to let my phone charge (assuming it's getting any charge at all) and peruse that thread.

You got me! Pinned right down to the point. Glad to see you are just as observant as he is. (Although I had a hunch I might have been one of the 'mentionables'.)

Shall I bandy about and pretend to be your friend for awhile or start the psychic attack henceforth?

I jest... or do I? DUN DUN DUN

No but really, I'm the big bad wolf.

It goes way back really, there was some interest earlier in the forum, around when I joined but maybe before then, in the 'STS' side of things. Some individuals were doing STS magical and channeling work. It has coloured the egregore since. While an egregore is a culmination of the collective intent of the initiators it also is shaped in 'real-time' by the current collective environment and so while the egregore at the outset of the forum may have been relatively pure it has been 'tainted' by the influence of many different wills seeking through the forums and the entities called and followed by those individuals.

The forum definitely needs some help. Every time I mentioned these things I am brushed off, just as C_A was, but I am a bit more persistent. It is true, I am a somewhat chaotic individual and I have made some mistakes, but my intent and hope is to set right the damage done, I just haven't quite figured out how yet. I have tried to be more 'open' about myself, but not sure to what effect.

There is some part of me feeding on this place and I think, as you say, part of me is not sorry for it. Another part feels I should be, but hey, can't fight my nature right? People here are just so eager to pour their energy out. Their hurts and their pains, their joys and their fears and it all just swirls in to a big morass. I've tried just staying away. I deleted my account for quite awhile, but alas, here I am returned. Help an old vampyre out, will ya?

Sorry, I can't even tell anymore when I'm being sarcastic or not, you'll have to interpret that yourself.

There are no seekers anymore. I think it died off with the Mayan 2012 awakening. Aligning with the amount of truth now available makes one immediately negative to Trump's America. All people wanted were miracles, to win the lottery so to speak. To be saved primarily I think. Realizing that the aliens were just projections of humans totally disconnected from their humanity was kind of a shock to people.

And I must be tired, I am beginning to confuse positive/negative vs STS/STO...

[One of Love]

It is not tainted, it simply that the group that channeled the information projected their fear into the material. That same fear causing a kind of exaggerated polarization (as the individual tries to become ONE HUNDRED PERCENT SERVICE TO OTHERS). As that was the seeking of the group.

I find our current society warrants little to no love, so I understand your position.

I can answer questions, but if you become dependent I will shoo you away.

Whoo that was fast.  I can't conclude with any real reasonable belief that what you've said is accurate, my recollection includes ratios of 50 and 95, my BS meter says those are not singular percentiles but cumulative ones with that info not provided in the material, I just took it that way, because even Hitler wasn't 95%, seems unlikely, and Genghis Khan had no real modern technology, he had to hoof it to get it.  That guy made it, and yet perhaps that's because of the personal nature.

Hitler was distant, did he do executions?  Rape?  So polarity has mechanisms about it that we don't know in regards to how it functions as far as my Metaphysical common sense can see.

That all will be what I'll leave off at, cause otherwise I have to argue about the uncertain misinformation...

We were going to test out some functions, he's been through a kundalini awakening (so he says but no one was there to witness it except for his mother, who doesn't like me so I can't find out from her!)  He recognizes when he polarizes, he literally mapped out for me how polarity works in a situation.

His example was a water store he had been fired at for telling the management he'll call the health dept. On them for selling expired snow cones to kids.  He did what he consciously felt was right by informing the management first.  He was fired the next day with 15 extra hours tacked onto his paycheck.  He calls it hush money.  He says that he didn't polarize from that because he had a vested selfish interest in not giving children expired product.

Compared to when he would randomly help people at that job, he did so good the owner asked the other employees to do the same.  After that he felt he stopped polarizing because it was 'a part of the job that was unrealistic'.  He was forcing hindered by that point.

He claimed he got really clear ear buzzing with thoughts and actions that partly signaled to him an energy exchange or polarization.  We tried to map it out and got a clue but we'd need more sets of information.  As well as a control to make she it isn't a physical tinnitus issue, especially for him since he cleans out his ears with an old timey small hole key for doors, its like a flat head with a curved bottom on the handle.  So we have flaws in what little dinky research we've done.  But he was adamant about figuring it out and I was inspired to help.

We were going to start practicing what he said was the core practices, I'm sure you all can name the four ways to live the Law of One first given by Ra.  I'm most interested in the ratios.  The square root of 2 and 3, pi, phi, sacred geometry.  I'm bad at math and numbers.  He showed me this Fibonacci sequence of like 200 something numbers, there were these rows and columns of 9 that just looked too perfectly aligned in all of that.  It blew my mind to see how mathematics hold these seemingly sacred concepts.

So full circle, I often wondered if there was some mathematical consideration or operation or equation or something having to do with the numbers given that would reveal something.  Why 50?  Why not 51?  Why 95?  Why not 94?  Are they summations, rounded, are they only one piece of an equation?

They're not good with our numbering system (we're base ten, computers are base 2, they could be base 8 for all we know like the ancients in star gate).  Perhaps there's another significance to the numbers given.  50% good in this world is asking to pretty much selfless yourself out until you've lost it all.  Doesn't seem thoughtful to physical life unless that number wasn't the full picture.

I was onced asked by him to consider if a selfless person and a selfish person used each other to polarize how would it work?  I said it wouldn't, no selfless person would be able to help a selfish person as far as I understood the concepts given.  They'd literally energetically bounce each other away.  To help in a selfish way a selfless person is still to be selfishly helping them, and to let a selfish person use you selflessly is them helping positive polarization which would hinder them.  They'd get nowhere unless they were a mixed bag of polarity.

Polarity is actually a major issue for him.  I've spent a lot of contemplation on how to manage these ideals of polarity without them becoming a tool of immoral physical use. I've found some clues, but overall I'm in agreement with him that something is wrong, just not that it's all wrong.

I don't recommend this to the faint of heart, but until you've gone to some messed up threads on reddit or 4chan looking for people being hurt, and have seen a glimpse of the true darkness that lurks this reality, you need to ask if you truly know what's up or if we're being told not the whole truth.  To question the wisdom of the channel and it's contents.  When you see what Mexican cartels do to each other, when you see what violence is common in brazil, africa, china, you must ask yourself how much thought was given to the mechanisms in action in this place.

Even shadows of the true one would be disturbed.  The darkness occurring on this planet. To me anyways, it's unnatural, not normal.  Beyond atypical, it's almost delusional.

So, I have my opinions, but you helped me consider, and offer that consideration here, that those numbers may be more than just a percentile.  Maybe they're ratios somehow if that's possible?

Look up Himmler. He was highly STO. Because STS and STO are relative to the society that you live in. If you live in an ill or corrupt society, then being pure, true, and loving would cause you to be STS as you would be raining on the societal parade. You'll note that Don Elkins managed to get to 100% STO as he killed himself instead of channeling more information that would cause a negative outcome relative to the society in which he lived. This is because Ra is pure truth relative to your level of seeking.

This is why this material has people committing suicide. Because everyone wants to believe that it is perfect in every-way. Turns out, it becomes perfect only after you balance duality in it's entirety.

Uh oh!  Ding ding, my BS Meter went off!

A quick Google search revealed that Himmler was one of the directly responsible individuals in pushing the holocaust forward.  Who exactly is was he benefiting with by endorsing and perpetuating their torture and slaughter?  I mean I'm literally laughing, in disgust.  This is a prime example of something having gone wrong with this material, to think it'd crop up in front of me so fast.  It's a farce, tricky tricky,

If you could offer some kind of editorial on your thought processes that brought you to believe service to self = service to others depending on circumstances.  I mean as far as I am aware, the laws of nature including the metaphysical laws are not flexible and mutable.  If the mechanics aren't going to flipflop for us, why would polarity?

Even Ra broke the Law of Confusion and incurred a polarity lose.  Yet they did so while helping someone, does their selfless acts of breaking the law come from a selfish place and if so, why?  To be honest I have had misinformative dreams of this material, I dreamed I read about some kind of pyramid sun meditation, but rereading I found no mention of it.  I also have a weird memory of recalling Ra saying they were something with polarity, outside?  Above?  Somehow detached from it despite being attached to it?  Even CA recalls this memory but neither of us could find it in the Material.  What's up with that?

Very tricky stuff here.  The mental illusions (like an optical illusion but on the mind itself) that have already shown up are interesting.  I like puzzles and all but this is more like a book of puzzles.  Don't mind if I crack it open, but beware, I like to read.

In fact, I'm actually enjoying his journal, he has a real life one that's personal that he won't let ANYONE read, but uhm, I might have sneaked a look.  Through it all!  But his handwriting made it kind of a rough read and you can tell when his hand gets tired cause his writing gets even worse lol, seemed to shorten things up compared to THAT journal.  You put that guy in front of a piece of paper or a keyboard with a blank document and you've given a magician his wand.


Hmm. I especially like the 'Ra is pure truth'.  I kind of feel that's wrong because Ra's pure truth is illogically and factually wrong in areas.  I guess your idea of pure is some weird dualistic view of im/pure if I were to guess off of what you've provided me so far, it seems the impure part got you more than the pure.

Honestly... That's a pretty concerning view, and I won't lie when I say I feel some concern for your mental health.

I can see this material has an interesting following.

(how do you guys quote multiple people??)

@Aion
Hi big bad wolfie, I've found even the biggest baddest wolf is just lonely.  They are a pack animal after all.  I sense a lot of loneliness here.  And I don't feel what you've described with this egregore, but that may be my own biases filtering my perceptions.  I just feel that it is out of place and 'stuck' here.  I think it wants to go but something else has it.  Are there magical practitioners here because if so, there mere presence is like a light to a moth that can't help fly into it.  In fact if I were to actually allow it a viable connection beyond just surrounding me, I'd have to say I'd be damaged afterwards, this energy is not a flexible one...  It wants to reshape things to it's way.  Maybe that's an issue here as, no one wants to be forcefully shaped (...Uh, unless they do...I had a weird ex once who was way too into femdom...)  But I can say I don't appreciate your egregore for it's pushiness.  It feels like a troll trying to get under my skin lol, I wonder how many of those are lurking here.

For real, I do not see at all what you see, are you sure that egregore doesn't have some wool cast over your perception of it?  If it's been taught these things, it is a mindless entity following instincts of a metaphysical energetic nature (I didn't even know metaphysical beings had instincts.)  And what will the instincts be of selfish users vs selfless users?  Think of a kitten, it's instincts are to play and pounce to learn how to hunt.  What would an egregore do instinctually if it had darkness in it?  I can't judge darkness well so I'm a bit clueless, I just have feelings that intuitively inform me, and from the moment I began interacting here I have felt and observed some 'BS' happening in real time.  My phone for starters.  I got goosebumps and knew some kind of energy found me, but beyond that, I never allowed it in because I don't allow anything in until I'm certain, and I'm certain I won't be letting the egregore in.

In fact, you all should do something about it if you're aware of it.  Just because you think it's being manifested by you or this community doesn't change the fact it is colored from all the visitors who allowed it to touch them, awarefully or not.  I do not sense the love in it that is claimed to be there.  That means something.  I wonder if my witch friend could parse it.  She probably won't though, she doesn't like working with negative energy, she says it taints her body and she has to flush it out.

It's interesting to already see these things, this is a magical community huh.  Maybe that's why he was so adamant I stay away.  I mean for real,  he told me when I first began reeading the Law of One with him that the attached community and it's forum were not an appropriate place for real or pure seeking or real research.  But I mean, you guys are called L/L Research so I didn't understand how he meant that.  Still, I wasn't going to join but with him the way he is I didn't feel any other avenue worth exploring.


You guys should know he hasn't done well since he left.  He's honestly a wreck, and I think he actually missed people here but was too stubborn to admit it because he spoke very positively about some people here, Geminiwolf, Glow, Isis, but other people it seemed just thinking about them upset him.  I will admit one of those people was a moderator, never gave me a name but said 'she' so it's a female.  Dunno who the mods are but even when I find out who she is I don't intend to judge, just to have my guard up.  He told me that he felt her issues with him were justified by his conduct and didn't blame her for her demeanor towards him, but he said the real issue was with her 'attitude' in general towards certain things.  I can guess what that means.

He also said someone named SMC was a mixed bag of awesome with some of the greatest caring he ever witnessed, but warned me he should have never of argued with her lol, so I can just imagine where that came from.  Oh, and he said something about not thanking her when she deserved it regarding some discussion on free will, he regretted that.  I can't apologize for him, but if that user is reading this, just know you left overall a positive impression on him.  He wished he felt as you did, so he could talk to you more easily.

He only spoke so much though because inevitably he'd get upset.  Most of what I know about this place is from discussions we had when I'd smoke his brains out enough to where he could talk and just laugh about something else immediately.  Some of those discussions were pretty mind blowing.  I never thought that down is up because a sphere's geometry with gravity allowed for the bottom to host a sky the same way the top does, causing the sky to be down and up no matter where we stand.  The geometry of the sphere, he used to say was, and I literally quote he used the exact word 'sexy' to describe it.  No clue how a sphere's geometry is sexy lol...  Unless he meant the curves?  He does like curves...

I'm sorry.  I like talking about him.  I wish.  Ah.  It sucks he doesn't date.  I feel like he's my soul mate or something, it's not fair other's got to have him before me and messed him all up...  Like, he can't shower most days because his mom has the only working shower, but no matter how dirty his hair is you can run your fingers through it, it's so filled with volume, I'm jealous of his hair, his eyelashes.  I mean, he is an ass no doubt but he directs it to those he feels deserve it.  Beyond that he is, a, fucking, angel.  I have never met someone so thoughtful and loving, yet so destroyed inside.  It really feels like fate to me, and it feels like he's fighting it...  And I don't blame that of him having been around him enough to see how life seems to throw him curveballs no matter what.

The adage you get what you give forgot about him.  He gave so much love to all of his friends and tried so hard to love his family, only for them all to take and give nothing back.  It actually has me tearing up, it's just all wrong to watch.  It's like he designed his life to f*** him up, became aware of it, and proceeded to attack his own soul for it.  I would sum him up with the song Mr. Self Destruct from his favorite band.  He does build himself up, he looks for work, manages things, and then like a precisely timed occurrence, it all collapses on him.

I can't fathom why, I just can't piece his life together in a way that makes sense, I can SEE his hell.  I have WATCHED life literally turn into hell for him right before my eyes from out of nowhere.  I have and.  It hurts.  It hurts a lot.  I don't know what to make sense of with it all.  He has the views he has for a reason, his life to him has been processed and observed, he's noted the patterns and he discovered how ruthless they were.

He gains three things and loses five.  He goes ten steps up and gets shoved down twenty.  My own life was rough but it had a consistent upside, his doesn't.  He is truly a sufferer of life.  He lurches from one suicide attempt to the next.  Did you guys know he's tried to kill himself literally over twenty times across his life?  And that's omitting the times when he didn't get things setup to follow through.  He knows he can call me whenever to talk, but I don't know if he will when the next time comes.

What really breaks my heart is this most recent time, only twice has he ever gotten into the car while it was running, the first time was in 2013, and he swears a spirit guide 'reminded him he wanted to play Watch Dogs' and he has admitted that because that was the thought that got him out of the car, he should've just stayed in it.  This time though the details I got were from his bestfriend who pretty much forcefully sat as a visitor to talk to him.

I just want to say, shame to whoever put this idea in his head.  He left a suicide note...Letter...  Novel...  No really it was a document on his laptop left open at home plugged in with the power settings set so the screen doesn't dim or shut after a while.  It was labeled '72nd Edition' and was literally a note dating back from his first suicide attempt, with an additional entry for every attempt he had after that.  Over 20 pages.

In it he mentioned someone from here gave him the idea to go to a peaceful place to avoid anyone he loved finding him, he didn't name 'her' but said she was one of the first people to talk to him here.  Shame to you.

He was on a hiking trail south of Sedona (or north?  I don't remember, sorry hard to take in information when you're crying), pretty much in his car with a hose running from the exhaust into the trunk into the cabin.  THANKFULLY his car had a catalytic converter on it because he was found barely conscious with vomit on him.  THANKFULLY he had his wallet and they could identify him and from there got his emergency contact info and called his mother.  Who informed his best friend.  Who was the only one to inform me.  When I visited him though...  He just yelled at me to get out, and apologized, then began crying.  And told me not to visit him, but I still did the next day.  Then the next and that's when he talked to me.

But the thing is I could hear in his voice that tone one makes when they're defeated.  He's been cold, doesn't smile.  I can't just leave him like that.  He's still angry, he's still so angry that he swears he'll spend eternity yelling at god for being a POS.

How.  Can you leave someone like that?  I don't know what to do either because he has the staff not allowing visitors now, I didn't even know you could ask that in a suicide watch.  You'd think they'd want the person to have visitors.  I mean he's supposed to be let out tomorrow (oh crap it's 2am????!!!!)

Long story short, I'm only here because I honestly am in love with him and I am desperate to find answers to help him.  Something.  Anything.  I have a friend who lost her best friend to cancer, and seeing how that destroyed her.  I selfishly admit, I don't want that to be me.  I don't want him to die because I want him.  Death can get in line.

Anyways, he's supposed to be let out in a couple of hours, and I intend to bring him back to my place, or to try anyways.  I don't even know what to say or do, I just want to start off with 'I love you' and then, 'Come live with me' or something.  I can't let him go back to live with his mom.  She has singlehandedly destroyed him internally.  My real concern is he seems to believe he will hurt anyone he's close to, and he has declined an offer to live with me in the past after we became really close friends and I can't fathom why.

I think he declined because he didn't want to burden me.  Which, honestly, I actually want that burden...  I don't mind supporting him, god knows his mother's support is more of a drain than invigorating.

Do you guys have any insights as to a way to persuade him?  I've heard that abused people instinctively form a strong bond with their abuser if it occurs over a long time as a defense mechanism.  He's had over 20 years since childhood being abused by her so I feel like I'm going to need to pull out a trump card or a low blow or something to get through to him.

[One of Love]

I think you'll find some good support here. They've helped me through my darkest days.

He spoke nothing but kind words about you, especially with how true and actual you were to him, nice to meet you.

Okay, so, my last post was lost to my phone dying on me.  But I'm already convinced there's something going on here because my phone just permadied on me, won't charge or turn on, it's brand new...  Hopefully it's just bad tech but honestly that is unusual timing.

@Blossom;
So you're saying this place is more of a mixed bag of polarity?  Funny how much the darkness likes to pretend to be light.  Seems like there's already a presence here, and from the sounds of it, the custodians of this site and material don't seem too concerned.  Kind of matches up with what he told me, but I will still attempt to wait and see, though I have a feeling I have already begun to.

@Aion;
I was specifically warned about you, I've been told you've got a lot of internal experiences to properly disseminate, no idea what that's supposed to mean about you though, but it's interesting you speak of an egregore, it's funny to me because I recognized it as a bad energy floating over the place, and something is currently attempting to dissuade my progress here...  It kind of worries me that you didn't notice that about it.  My understanding of an egregore from one of my friend's aunt's was that it's a culmination of desires and intents from many beings wrapped into one 'conduit', never knew what she meant by conduit until I read the Law of One.  If the egregore is as you say, that is a direct reflection of the state of the collective that spawned it according to my own metaphysical common sense.  Other's might disagree but overall, my overall being is telling me there is something going on here, and something tells me you know more about it than you wish to let on.  I mean that not like you're purposefully holding back or being manipulative, but more like you're 'aware' of something without being properly aware of it.

Have you ever heard the story about the scorpion and the fox?  The scorpion wants to cross a river but needs the help of a fox, and asks the fox for help.  The fox says it won't because it'll sting him.  It reasoned with the fox that if it did that it too would drown.  So the fox agreed.  Halfway across the river the scorpion stung the fox, and crying out it said you too will drown, and the scorpion responds.  I couldn't help it.  It is my nature.

Your nature reminds me of the scorpion, you mean well but you aren't sure if you can withhold your true nature.  In a VERY FUNNY WAY, you remind me EXACTLY of my friend.  You struggle with your shadow, that darkness you think you've got under lock and key, it's the one in control, and just like him, you're in a passenger seat with a fake wheel believing yourself in control.

I'll tell you what I told him that helped.  If your true nature is truly darkness, then your best bet is to realize you need to open your eyes, and see it, rather than just observing it.  Be it, because that's who you truly are, and it can't be changed until you're at that level holding it by the hand telling it, this isn't the place, we must move forward, together.

I haven't looked at my darkness so I speak hypocritically for him here, but I'm pretty sure when the time comes to look at my darkness, I too will be just as moved as he was at what lies within.  And not necessarily in a good way.

Thanks for linking me that thread.  I'm gonna try to let my phone charge (assuming it's getting any charge at all) and peruse that thread.

You got me! Pinned right down to the point. Glad to see you are just as observant as he is. (Although I had a hunch I might have been one of the 'mentionables'.)

Shall I bandy about and pretend to be your friend for awhile or start the psychic attack henceforth?

I jest... or do I? DUN DUN DUN

No but really, I'm the big bad wolf.

It goes way back really, there was some interest earlier in the forum, around when I joined but maybe before then, in the 'STS' side of things. Some individuals were doing STS magical and channeling work. It has coloured the egregore since. While an egregore is a culmination of the collective intent of the initiators it also is shaped in 'real-time' by the current collective environment and so while the egregore at the outset of the forum may have been relatively pure it has been 'tainted' by the influence of many different wills seeking through the forums and the entities called and followed by those individuals.

The forum definitely needs some help. Every time I mentioned these things I am brushed off, just as C_A was, but I am a bit more persistent. It is true, I am a somewhat chaotic individual and I have made some mistakes, but my intent and hope is to set right the damage done, I just haven't quite figured out how yet. I have tried to be more 'open' about myself, but not sure to what effect.

There is some part of me feeding on this place and I think, as you say, part of me is not sorry for it. Another part feels I should be, but hey, can't fight my nature right? People here are just so eager to pour their energy out. Their hurts and their pains, their joys and their fears and it all just swirls in to a big morass. I've tried just staying away. I deleted my account for quite awhile, but alas, here I am returned. Help an old vampyre out, will ya?

Sorry, I can't even tell anymore when I'm being sarcastic or not, you'll have to interpret that yourself.

There are no seekers anymore. I think it died off with the Mayan 2012 awakening. Aligning with the amount of truth now available makes one immediately negative to Trump's America. All people wanted were miracles, to win the lottery so to speak. To be saved primarily I think. Realizing that the aliens were just projections of humans totally disconnected from their humanity was kind of a shock to people.

And I must be tired, I am beginning to confuse positive/negative vs STS/STO...

Aww.  You do sound tired, spiritually.  I'd give you a hug, hugs usually help people.

[ada]

He needs to be with people who aren't talking in black and whites sto/sts. Real people with real life interests. You see the most important part in the Ra material, in my opinion, is when they say that this is not the density of understanding.

Once you start with the thought loop process of organizing everything into these baskets of sto and sts you just lose grip from life, from your thoughts, afraid to think thoughts because they might have "sts" to them or what not.

It's just not like that, it can't be. If everyone is indeed one then nobody, and I mean nobody is an angel, or a demon. Everyone, are everything, each different enough so these labels of polarity just shouldn't be applied on every single thing.

He needs to be reminded what life on earth is really about, and go out, out into the sun and the fresh air.

[EvolvingPhoenix]

He needs to be with people who aren't talking in black and whites sto/sts. Real people with real life interests. You see the most important part in the Ra material, in my opinion, is when they say that this is not the density of understanding.

Once you start with the thought loop process of organizing everything into these baskets of sto and sts you just lose grip from life, from your thoughts, afraid to think thoughts because they might have "sts" to them or what not.

It's just not like that, it can't be. If everyone is indeed one then nobody, and I mean nobody is an angel, or a demon. Everyone, are everything, each different enough so these labels of polarity just shouldn't be applied on every single thing.

He needs to be reminded what life on earth is really about, and go out, out into the sun and the fresh air.

Thanks for that blossom. I needed to read that.

[flofrog]

Hello One of Love,

Will you tell your friend hello from flofrog, i am so sad as everyone here. Many many thoughts towards you too

[Glow]

Hey!!!! I was just thinking about him the last few weeks. Please say hello for me.

I am not going to villainize or judge any of the forum members(self included).

Everyone does their best. We all have wounds to work through here and else where.

Anyways please let him know he is missed. (hug) Glad to hear he has someone close by(you) that has his back.

[GentleReckoning]

It is not tainted, it simply that the group that channeled the information projected their fear into the material. That same fear causing a kind of exaggerated polarization (as the individual tries to become ONE HUNDRED PERCENT SERVICE TO OTHERS). As that was the seeking of the group.

I find our current society warrants little to no love, so I understand your position.

I can answer questions, but if you become dependent I will shoo you away.

Whoo that was fast.  I can't conclude with any real reasonable belief that what you've said is accurate, my recollection includes ratios of 50 and 95, my BS meter says those are not singular percentiles but cumulative ones with that info not provided in the material, I just took it that way, because even Hitler wasn't 95%, seems unlikely, and Genghis Khan had no real modern technology, he had to hoof it to get it.  That guy made it, and yet perhaps that's because of the personal nature.

Hitler was distant, did he do executions?  Rape?  So polarity has mechanisms about it that we don't know in regards to how it functions as far as my Metaphysical common sense can see.

That all will be what I'll leave off at, cause otherwise I have to argue about the uncertain misinformation...

We were going to test out some functions, he's been through a kundalini awakening (so he says but no one was there to witness it except for his mother, who doesn't like me so I can't find out from her!)  He recognizes when he polarizes, he literally mapped out for me how polarity works in a situation.

His example was a water store he had been fired at for telling the management he'll call the health dept. On them for selling expired snow cones to kids.  He did what he consciously felt was right by informing the management first.  He was fired the next day with 15 extra hours tacked onto his paycheck.  He calls it hush money.  He says that he didn't polarize from that because he had a vested selfish interest in not giving children expired product.

Compared to when he would randomly help people at that job, he did so good the owner asked the other employees to do the same.  After that he felt he stopped polarizing because it was 'a part of the job that was unrealistic'.  He was forcing hindered by that point.

He claimed he got really clear ear buzzing with thoughts and actions that partly signaled to him an energy exchange or polarization.  We tried to map it out and got a clue but we'd need more sets of information.  As well as a control to make she it isn't a physical tinnitus issue, especially for him since he cleans out his ears with an old timey small hole key for doors, its like a flat head with a curved bottom on the handle.  So we have flaws in what little dinky research we've done.  But he was adamant about figuring it out and I was inspired to help.

We were going to start practicing what he said was the core practices, I'm sure you all can name the four ways to live the Law of One first given by Ra.  I'm most interested in the ratios.  The square root of 2 and 3, pi, phi, sacred geometry.  I'm bad at math and numbers.  He showed me this Fibonacci sequence of like 200 something numbers, there were these rows and columns of 9 that just looked too perfectly aligned in all of that.  It blew my mind to see how mathematics hold these seemingly sacred concepts.

So full circle, I often wondered if there was some mathematical consideration or operation or equation or something having to do with the numbers given that would reveal something.  Why 50?  Why not 51?  Why 95?  Why not 94?  Are they summations, rounded, are they only one piece of an equation?

They're not good with our numbering system (we're base ten, computers are base 2, they could be base 8 for all we know like the ancients in star gate).  Perhaps there's another significance to the numbers given.  50% good in this world is asking to pretty much selfless yourself out until you've lost it all.  Doesn't seem thoughtful to physical life unless that number wasn't the full picture.

I was onced asked by him to consider if a selfless person and a selfish person used each other to polarize how would it work?  I said it wouldn't, no selfless person would be able to help a selfish person as far as I understood the concepts given.  They'd literally energetically bounce each other away.  To help in a selfish way a selfless person is still to be selfishly helping them, and to let a selfish person use you selflessly is them helping positive polarization which would hinder them.  They'd get nowhere unless they were a mixed bag of polarity.

Polarity is actually a major issue for him.  I've spent a lot of contemplation on how to manage these ideals of polarity without them becoming a tool of immoral physical use. I've found some clues, but overall I'm in agreement with him that something is wrong, just not that it's all wrong.

I don't recommend this to the faint of heart, but until you've gone to some messed up threads on reddit or 4chan looking for people being hurt, and have seen a glimpse of the true darkness that lurks this reality, you need to ask if you truly know what's up or if we're being told not the whole truth.  To question the wisdom of the channel and it's contents.  When you see what Mexican cartels do to each other, when you see what violence is common in brazil, africa, china, you must ask yourself how much thought was given to the mechanisms in action in this place.

Even shadows of the true one would be disturbed.  The darkness occurring on this planet. To me anyways, it's unnatural, not normal.  Beyond atypical, it's almost delusional.

So, I have my opinions, but you helped me consider, and offer that consideration here, that those numbers may be more than just a percentile.  Maybe they're ratios somehow if that's possible?

Look up Himmler. He was highly STO. Because STS and STO are relative to the society that you live in. If you live in an ill or corrupt society, then being pure, true, and loving would cause you to be STS as you would be raining on the societal parade. You'll note that Don Elkins managed to get to 100% STO as he killed himself instead of channeling more information that would cause a negative outcome relative to the society in which he lived. This is because Ra is pure truth relative to your level of seeking.

This is why this material has people committing suicide. Because everyone wants to believe that it is perfect in every-way. Turns out, it becomes perfect only after you balance duality in it's entirety.

Uh oh!  Ding ding, my BS Meter went off!

A quick Google search revealed that Himmler was one of the directly responsible individuals in pushing the holocaust forward.  Who exactly is was he benefiting with by endorsing and perpetuating their torture and slaughter?  I mean I'm literally laughing, in disgust.  This is a prime example of something having gone wrong with this material, to think it'd crop up in front of me so fast.  It's a farce, tricky tricky,

If you could offer some kind of editorial on your thought processes that brought you to believe service to self = service to others depending on circumstances.  I mean as far as I am aware, the laws of nature including the metaphysical laws are not flexible and mutable.  If the mechanics aren't going to flipflop for us, why would polarity?

Even Ra broke the Law of Confusion and incurred a polarity lose.  Yet they did so while helping someone, does their selfless acts of breaking the law come from a selfish place and if so, why?  To be honest I have had misinformative dreams of this material, I dreamed I read about some kind of pyramid sun meditation, but rereading I found no mention of it.  I also have a weird memory of recalling Ra saying they were something with polarity, outside?  Above?  Somehow detached from it despite being attached to it?  Even CA recalls this memory but neither of us could find it in the Material.  What's up with that?

Very tricky stuff here.  The mental illusions (like an optical illusion but on the mind itself) that have already shown up are interesting.  I like puzzles and all but this is more like a book of puzzles.  Don't mind if I crack it open, but beware, I like to read.

In fact, I'm actually enjoying his journal, he has a real life one that's personal that he won't let ANYONE read, but uhm, I might have sneaked a look.  Through it all!  But his handwriting made it kind of a rough read and you can tell when his hand gets tired cause his writing gets even worse lol, seemed to shorten things up compared to THAT journal.  You put that guy in front of a piece of paper or a keyboard with a blank document and you've given a magician his wand.


Hmm.  I especially like the 'Ra is pure truth'.  I kind of feel that's wrong because Ra's pure truth is illogically and factually wrong in areas.  I guess your idea of pure is some weird dualistic view of im/pure if I were to guess off of what you've provided me so far, it seems the impure part got you more than the pure.

Honestly...  That's a pretty concerning view, and I won't lie when I say I feel some concern for your mental health.

I can see this material has an interesting following.

(how do you guys quote multiple people??)

@Aion
Hi big bad wolfie, I've found even the biggest baddest wolf is just lonely.  They are a pack animal after all.  I sense a lot of loneliness here.  And I don't feel what you've described with this egregore, but that may be my own biases filtering my perceptions.  I just feel that it is out of place and 'stuck' here.  I think it wants to go but something else has it.  Are there magical practitioners here because if so, there mere presence is like a light to a moth that can't help fly into it.  In fact if I were to actually allow it a viable connection beyond just surrounding me, I'd have to say I'd be damaged afterwards, this energy is not a flexible one...  It wants to reshape things to it's way.  Maybe that's an issue here as, no one wants to be forcefully shaped (...Uh, unless they do...I had a weird ex once who was way too into femdom...)  But I can say I don't appreciate your egregore for it's pushiness.  It feels like a troll trying to get under my skin lol, I wonder how many of those are lurking here.

For real, I do not see at all what you see, are you sure that egregore doesn't have some wool cast over your perception of it?  If it's been taught these things, it is a mindless entity following instincts of a metaphysical energetic nature (I didn't even know metaphysical beings had instincts.)  And what will the instincts be of selfish users vs selfless users?  Think of a kitten, it's instincts are to play and pounce to learn how to hunt.  What would an egregore do instinctually if it had darkness in it?  I can't judge darkness well so I'm a bit clueless, I just have feelings that intuitively inform me, and from the moment I began interacting here I have felt and observed some 'BS' happening in real time.  My phone for starters.  I got goosebumps and knew some kind of energy found me, but beyond that, I never allowed it in because I don't allow anything in until I'm certain, and I'm certain I won't be letting the egregore in.

In fact, you all should do something about it if you're aware of it.  Just because you think it's being manifested by you or this community doesn't change the fact it is colored from all the visitors who allowed it to touch them, awarefully or not.  I do not sense the love in it that is claimed to be there.  That means something.  I wonder if my witch friend could parse it.  She probably won't though, she doesn't like working with negative energy, she says it taints her body and she has to flush it out.

It's interesting to already see these things, this is a magical community huh.  Maybe that's why he was so adamant I stay away.  I mean for real,  he told me when I first began reeading the Law of One with him that the attached community and it's forum were not an appropriate place for real or pure seeking or real research.  But I mean, you guys are called L/L Research so I didn't understand how he meant that.  Still, I wasn't going to join but with him the way he is I didn't feel any other avenue worth exploring.


You guys should know he hasn't done well since he left.  He's honestly a wreck, and I think he actually missed people here but was too stubborn to admit it because he spoke very positively about some people here, Geminiwolf, Glow, Isis, but other people it seemed just thinking about them upset him.  I will admit one of those people was a moderator, never gave me a name but said 'she' so it's a female.  Dunno who the mods are but even when I find out who she is I don't intend to judge, just to have my guard up.  He told me that he felt her issues with him were justified by his conduct and didn't blame her for her demeanor towards him, but he said the real issue was with her 'attitude' in general towards certain things.  I can guess what that means.

He also said someone named SMC was a mixed bag of awesome with some of the greatest caring he ever witnessed, but warned me he should have never of argued with her lol, so I can just imagine where that came from.  Oh, and he said something about not thanking her when she deserved it regarding some discussion on free will, he regretted that.  I can't apologize for him, but if that user is reading this, just know you left overall a positive impression on him.  He wished he felt as you did, so he could talk to you more easily.

He only spoke so much though because inevitably he'd get upset.  Most of what I know about this place is from discussions we had when I'd smoke his brains out enough to where he could talk and just laugh about something else immediately.  Some of those discussions were pretty mind blowing.  I never thought that down is up because a sphere's geometry with gravity allowed for the bottom to host a sky the same way the top does, causing the sky to be down and up no matter where we stand.  The geometry of the sphere, he used to say was, and I literally quote he used the exact word 'sexy' to describe it.  No clue how a sphere's geometry is sexy lol...  Unless he meant the curves?  He does like curves...

I'm sorry.  I like talking about him.  I wish.  Ah.  It sucks he doesn't date.  I feel like he's my soul mate or something, it's not fair other's got to have him before me and messed him all up...  Like, he can't shower most days because his mom has the only working shower, but no matter how dirty his hair is you can run your fingers through it, it's so filled with volume, I'm jealous of his hair, his eyelashes.  I mean, he is an ass no doubt but he directs it to those he feels deserve it.  Beyond that he is, a, fucking, angel.  I have never met someone so thoughtful and loving, yet so destroyed inside.  It really feels like fate to me, and it feels like he's fighting it...  And I don't blame that of him having been around him enough to see how life seems to throw him curveballs no matter what.

The adage you get what you give forgot about him.  He gave so much love to all of his friends and tried so hard to love his family, only for them all to take and give nothing back.  It actually has me tearing up, it's just all wrong to watch.  It's like he designed his life to f*** him up, became aware of it, and proceeded to attack his own soul for it.  I would sum him up with the song Mr. Self Destruct from his favorite band.  He does build himself up, he looks for work, manages things, and then like a precisely timed occurrence, it all collapses on him.

I can't fathom why, I just can't piece his life together in a way that makes sense, I can SEE his hell.  I have WATCHED life literally turn into hell for him right before my eyes from out of nowhere.  I have and.  It hurts.  It hurts a lot.  I don't know what to make sense of with it all.  He has the views he has for a reason, his life to him has been processed and observed, he's noted the patterns and he discovered how ruthless they were.

He gains three things and loses five.  He goes ten steps up and gets shoved down twenty.  My own life was rough but it had a consistent upside, his doesn't.  He is truly a sufferer of life.  He lurches from one suicide attempt to the next.  Did you guys know he's tried to kill himself literally over twenty times across his life?  And that's omitting the times when he didn't get things setup to follow through.  He knows he can call me whenever to talk, but I don't know if he will when the next time comes.

What really breaks my heart is this most recent time, only twice has he ever gotten into the car while it was running, the first time was in 2013, and he swears a spirit guide 'reminded him he wanted to play Watch Dogs' and he has admitted that because that was the thought that got him out of the car, he should've just stayed in it.  This time though the details I got were from his bestfriend who pretty much forcefully sat as a visitor to talk to him.

I just want to say, shame to whoever put this idea in his head.  He left a suicide note...Letter...  Novel...  No really it was a document on his laptop left open at home plugged in with the power settings set so the screen doesn't dim or shut after a while.  It was labeled '72nd Edition' and was literally a note dating back from his first suicide attempt, with an additional entry for every attempt he had after that.  Over 20 pages.

In it he mentioned someone from here gave him the idea to go to a peaceful place to avoid anyone he loved finding him, he didn't name 'her' but said she was one of the first people to talk to him here.  Shame to you.

He was on a hiking trail south of Sedona (or north?  I don't remember, sorry hard to take in information when you're crying), pretty much in his car with a hose running from the exhaust into the trunk into the cabin.  THANKFULLY his car had a catalytic converter on it because he was found barely conscious with vomit on him.  THANKFULLY he had his wallet and they could identify him and from there got his emergency contact info and called his mother.  Who informed his best friend.  Who was the only one to inform me.  When I visited him though...  He just yelled at me to get out, and apologized, then began crying.  And told me not to visit him, but I still did the next day.  Then the next and that's when he talked to me.

But the thing is I could hear in his voice that tone one makes when they're defeated.  He's been cold, doesn't smile.  I can't just leave him like that.  He's still angry, he's still so angry that he swears he'll spend eternity yelling at god for being a POS.

How.  Can you leave someone like that?  I don't know what to do either because he has the staff not allowing visitors now, I didn't even know you could ask that in a suicide watch.  You'd think they'd want the person to have visitors.  I mean he's supposed to be let out tomorrow (oh crap it's 2am????!!!!)

Long story short, I'm only here because I honestly am in love with him and I am desperate to find answers to help him.  Something.  Anything.  I have a friend who lost her best friend to cancer, and seeing how that destroyed her.  I selfishly admit, I don't want that to be me.  I don't want him to die because I want him.  Death can get in line.

Anyways, he's supposed to be let out in a couple of hours, and I intend to bring him back to my place, or to try anyways.  I don't even know what to say or do, I just want to start off with 'I love you' and then, 'Come live with me' or something.  I can't let him go back to live with his mom.  She has singlehandedly destroyed him internally.  My real concern is he seems to believe he will hurt anyone he's close to, and he has declined an offer to live with me in the past after we became really close friends and I can't fathom why.

I think he declined because he didn't want to burden me.  Which, honestly, I actually want that burden...  I don't mind supporting him, god knows his mother's support is more of a drain than invigorating.

Do you guys have any insights as to a way to persuade him?  I've heard that abused people instinctively form a strong bond with their abuser if it occurs over a long time as a defense mechanism.  He's had over 20 years since childhood being abused by her so I feel like I'm going to need to pull out a trump card or a low blow or something to get through to him.

You are denying a relative reality. Only sith deal in absolutes.

[EvolvingPhoenix]

Isn't THAT an absolute? X,D

[AnthroHeart]

I'm starting to give up searching outside for the truth. I'm currently enrolled in an online course for kriya yoga, but I'm losing interest because their forums have a $20/mo. service fee tacked on, which I refuse to pay.

You don't need yoga. Just be present, in the moment, with love, as much as you can. And see others as yourself.
The Universe will start to open up for you. You will feel connected.
From there you will know where to go.

[Aion]

Uh oh!  Ding ding, my BS Meter went off!

A quick Google search revealed that Himmler was one of the directly responsible individuals in pushing the holocaust forward.  Who exactly is was he benefiting with by endorsing and perpetuating their torture and slaughter?  I mean I'm literally laughing, in disgust.  This is a prime example of something having gone wrong with this material, to think it'd crop up in front of me so fast.  It's a farce, tricky tricky,

If you could offer some kind of editorial on your thought processes that brought you to believe service to self = service to others depending on circumstances.  I mean as far as I am aware, the laws of nature including the metaphysical laws are not flexible and mutable.  If the mechanics aren't going to flipflop for us, why would polarity?

Even Ra broke the Law of Confusion and incurred a polarity lose.  Yet they did so while helping someone, does their selfless acts of breaking the law come from a selfish place and if so, why?  To be honest I have had misinformative dreams of this material, I dreamed I read about some kind of pyramid sun meditation, but rereading I found no mention of it.  I also have a weird memory of recalling Ra saying they were something with polarity, outside?  Above?  Somehow detached from it despite being attached to it?  Even CA recalls this memory but neither of us could find it in the Material.  What's up with that?

Very tricky stuff here.  The mental illusions (like an optical illusion but on the mind itself) that have already shown up are interesting.  I like puzzles and all but this is more like a book of puzzles.  Don't mind if I crack it open, but beware, I like to read.

In fact, I'm actually enjoying his journal, he has a real life one that's personal that he won't let ANYONE read, but uhm, I might have sneaked a look.  Through it all!  But his handwriting made it kind of a rough read and you can tell when his hand gets tired cause his writing gets even worse lol, seemed to shorten things up compared to THAT journal.  You put that guy in front of a piece of paper or a keyboard with a blank document and you've given a magician his wand.


Hmm.  I especially like the 'Ra is pure truth'.  I kind of feel that's wrong because Ra's pure truth is illogically and factually wrong in areas.  I guess your idea of pure is some weird dualistic view of im/pure if I were to guess off of what you've provided me so far, it seems the impure part got you more than the pure.

Honestly...  That's a pretty concerning view, and I won't lie when I say I feel some concern for your mental health.

I can see this material has an interesting following.

(how do you guys quote multiple people??)

@Aion
Hi big bad wolfie, I've found even the biggest baddest wolf is just lonely.  They are a pack animal after all.  I sense a lot of loneliness here.  And I don't feel what you've described with this egregore, but that may be my own biases filtering my perceptions.  I just feel that it is out of place and 'stuck' here.  I think it wants to go but something else has it.  Are there magical practitioners here because if so, there mere presence is like a light to a moth that can't help fly into it.  In fact if I were to actually allow it a viable connection beyond just surrounding me, I'd have to say I'd be damaged afterwards, this energy is not a flexible one...  It wants to reshape things to it's way.  Maybe that's an issue here as, no one wants to be forcefully shaped (...Uh, unless they do...I had a weird ex once who was way too into femdom...)  But I can say I don't appreciate your egregore for it's pushiness.  It feels like a troll trying to get under my skin lol, I wonder how many of those are lurking here.

For real, I do not see at all what you see, are you sure that egregore doesn't have some wool cast over your perception of it?  If it's been taught these things, it is a mindless entity following instincts of a metaphysical energetic nature (I didn't even know metaphysical beings had instincts.)  And what will the instincts be of selfish users vs selfless users?  Think of a kitten, it's instincts are to play and pounce to learn how to hunt.  What would an egregore do instinctually if it had darkness in it?  I can't judge darkness well so I'm a bit clueless, I just have feelings that intuitively inform me, and from the moment I began interacting here I have felt and observed some 'BS' happening in real time.  My phone for starters.  I got goosebumps and knew some kind of energy found me, but beyond that, I never allowed it in because I don't allow anything in until I'm certain, and I'm certain I won't be letting the egregore in.

In fact, you all should do something about it if you're aware of it.  Just because you think it's being manifested by you or this community doesn't change the fact it is colored from all the visitors who allowed it to touch them, awarefully or not.  I do not sense the love in it that is claimed to be there.  That means something.  I wonder if my witch friend could parse it.  She probably won't though, she doesn't like working with negative energy, she says it taints her body and she has to flush it out.

It's interesting to already see these things, this is a magical community huh.  Maybe that's why he was so adamant I stay away.  I mean for real,  he told me when I first began reeading the Law of One with him that the attached community and it's forum were not an appropriate place for real or pure seeking or real research.  But I mean, you guys are called L/L Research so I didn't understand how he meant that.  Still, I wasn't going to join but with him the way he is I didn't feel any other avenue worth exploring.


You guys should know he hasn't done well since he left.  He's honestly a wreck, and I think he actually missed people here but was too stubborn to admit it because he spoke very positively about some people here, Geminiwolf, Glow, Isis, but other people it seemed just thinking about them upset him.  I will admit one of those people was a moderator, never gave me a name but said 'she' so it's a female.  Dunno who the mods are but even when I find out who she is I don't intend to judge, just to have my guard up.  He told me that he felt her issues with him were justified by his conduct and didn't blame her for her demeanor towards him, but he said the real issue was with her 'attitude' in general towards certain things.  I can guess what that means.

He also said someone named SMC was a mixed bag of awesome with some of the greatest caring he ever witnessed, but warned me he should have never of argued with her lol, so I can just imagine where that came from.  Oh, and he said something about not thanking her when she deserved it regarding some discussion on free will, he regretted that.  I can't apologize for him, but if that user is reading this, just know you left overall a positive impression on him.  He wished he felt as you did, so he could talk to you more easily.

He only spoke so much though because inevitably he'd get upset.  Most of what I know about this place is from discussions we had when I'd smoke his brains out enough to where he could talk and just laugh about something else immediately.  Some of those discussions were pretty mind blowing.  I never thought that down is up because a sphere's geometry with gravity allowed for the bottom to host a sky the same way the top does, causing the sky to be down and up no matter where we stand.  The geometry of the sphere, he used to say was, and I literally quote he used the exact word 'sexy' to describe it.  No clue how a sphere's geometry is sexy lol...  Unless he meant the curves?  He does like curves...

I'm sorry.  I like talking about him.  I wish.  Ah.  It sucks he doesn't date.  I feel like he's my soul mate or something, it's not fair other's got to have him before me and messed him all up...  Like, he can't shower most days because his mom has the only working shower, but no matter how dirty his hair is you can run your fingers through it, it's so filled with volume, I'm jealous of his hair, his eyelashes.  I mean, he is an ass no doubt but he directs it to those he feels deserve it.  Beyond that he is, a, fucking, angel.  I have never met someone so thoughtful and loving, yet so destroyed inside.  It really feels like fate to me, and it feels like he's fighting it...  And I don't blame that of him having been around him enough to see how life seems to throw him curveballs no matter what.

The adage you get what you give forgot about him.  He gave so much love to all of his friends and tried so hard to love his family, only for them all to take and give nothing back.  It actually has me tearing up, it's just all wrong to watch.  It's like he designed his life to f*** him up, became aware of it, and proceeded to attack his own soul for it.  I would sum him up with the song Mr. Self Destruct from his favorite band.  He does build himself up, he looks for work, manages things, and then like a precisely timed occurrence, it all collapses on him.

I can't fathom why, I just can't piece his life together in a way that makes sense, I can SEE his hell.  I have WATCHED life literally turn into hell for him right before my eyes from out of nowhere.  I have and.  It hurts.  It hurts a lot.  I don't know what to make sense of with it all.  He has the views he has for a reason, his life to him has been processed and observed, he's noted the patterns and he discovered how ruthless they were.

He gains three things and loses five.  He goes ten steps up and gets shoved down twenty.  My own life was rough but it had a consistent upside, his doesn't.  He is truly a sufferer of life.  He lurches from one suicide attempt to the next.  Did you guys know he's tried to kill himself literally over twenty times across his life?  And that's omitting the times when he didn't get things setup to follow through.  He knows he can call me whenever to talk, but I don't know if he will when the next time comes.

What really breaks my heart is this most recent time, only twice has he ever gotten into the car while it was running, the first time was in 2013, and he swears a spirit guide 'reminded him he wanted to play Watch Dogs' and he has admitted that because that was the thought that got him out of the car, he should've just stayed in it.  This time though the details I got were from his bestfriend who pretty much forcefully sat as a visitor to talk to him.

I just want to say, shame to whoever put this idea in his head.  He left a suicide note...Letter...  Novel...  No really it was a document on his laptop left open at home plugged in with the power settings set so the screen doesn't dim or shut after a while.  It was labeled '72nd Edition' and was literally a note dating back from his first suicide attempt, with an additional entry for every attempt he had after that.  Over 20 pages.

In it he mentioned someone from here gave him the idea to go to a peaceful place to avoid anyone he loved finding him, he didn't name 'her' but said she was one of the first people to talk to him here.  Shame to you.

He was on a hiking trail south of Sedona (or north?  I don't remember, sorry hard to take in information when you're crying), pretty much in his car with a hose running from the exhaust into the trunk into the cabin.  THANKFULLY his car had a catalytic converter on it because he was found barely conscious with vomit on him.  THANKFULLY he had his wallet and they could identify him and from there got his emergency contact info and called his mother.  Who informed his best friend.  Who was the only one to inform me.  When I visited him though...  He just yelled at me to get out, and apologized, then began crying.  And told me not to visit him, but I still did the next day.  Then the next and that's when he talked to me.

But the thing is I could hear in his voice that tone one makes when they're defeated.  He's been cold, doesn't smile.  I can't just leave him like that.  He's still angry, he's still so angry that he swears he'll spend eternity yelling at god for being a POS.

How.  Can you leave someone like that?  I don't know what to do either because he has the staff not allowing visitors now, I didn't even know you could ask that in a suicide watch.  You'd think they'd want the person to have visitors.  I mean he's supposed to be let out tomorrow (oh crap it's 2am????!!!!)

Long story short, I'm only here because I honestly am in love with him and I am desperate to find answers to help him.  Something.  Anything.  I have a friend who lost her best friend to cancer, and seeing how that destroyed her.  I selfishly admit, I don't want that to be me.  I don't want him to die because I want him.  Death can get in line.

Anyways, he's supposed to be let out in a couple of hours, and I intend to bring him back to my place, or to try anyways.  I don't even know what to say or do, I just want to start off with 'I love you' and then, 'Come live with me' or something.  I can't let him go back to live with his mom.  She has singlehandedly destroyed him internally.  My real concern is he seems to believe he will hurt anyone he's close to, and he has declined an offer to live with me in the past after we became really close friends and I can't fathom why.

I think he declined because he didn't want to burden me.  Which, honestly, I actually want that burden...  I don't mind supporting him, god knows his mother's support is more of a drain than invigorating.

Do you guys have any insights as to a way to persuade him?  I've heard that abused people instinctively form a strong bond with their abuser if it occurs over a long time as a defense mechanism.  He's had over 20 years since childhood being abused by her so I feel like I'm going to need to pull out a trump card or a low blow or something to get through to him.

I can really see and feel how much you care for him. I'm happy for that, cause he deserves that. Theatrics aside I did try to genuinely help him on a few occasions and I understand the sort of helplessness that can come with that. He is really a sensitive individual and I think very good hearted. I think that he really genuinely wanted to help people here as well and that he had idealized that this could be a haven of sorts for people who wanted to discuss the philosophy of unity but I think he had a very unique perspective which was difficult to reconcile with the feelings of others here.

I also want to help you although I can't say I exactly have any certain answers. To clarify I wasn't suggesting the egregore is some STS monster but rather I think there is all the colouring as you say. There have been many magical practitioners on the forum and I don't doubt there are some 'stuck' entities around.

I'm sorry to hear he's still having such troubles, I really did hope that after he left here he had found a more positive experience. My heart to yours I appreciate your vigilance in wanting to take care of him. He is a good person and my impression is that you are too.

Also I think the issue with 'doing' something about it is getting people on board with the idea that there is something that needs to be done.

As for getting through to him, I admit I don't know him well enough to really say what would affect him.

[One of Love]

It's alright Aion, I just wanted to be honest about how I felt.

He's out.  Nothing really went as I had planned.  He's not really doing too well...  It didn't help that he deleted everyone's number right before doing it and stopped being friends with everyone including me.  Took a lot of persistence to get him to let me back in.

I haven't told him about here yet.  I don't know for sure really what to do.

That I've already found one person I feel no need to reply to on this forum of love, kind of isn't surprising to me, I can see this place has some interesting dynamics of hypocrisy.  It's my understanding when management lays down rules you follow them or face consequences.  For instance, when these mind games or volatile members are causing people in this community to commit suicide, there should be consequences, responsibility.  At the very least moderate a post by these people before it's posted so you can tell the individual what is and isn't going to fly here.  One of his biggest issues was with polarity, with people like mr. Reckoning here I now can see precisely why after some further browsing...

If you like messing with peoples heads, maybe the management here should do the selfless thing, lose a few members but save some lives.  Doesn't it only take one to be a success to Ra?  Save one life by moderating these volatile people hurting people here.  Incur a loss to acquire a gain.  If people like to hurt others here, you cannot call yourself a loving community without sounding like a schizophrenic unaware of their surroundings.

I would like to know why this community thinks causing people to commit suicide isn't serious enough to warrant an action of some kind.

[Glow]

K

It's alright Aion, I just wanted to be honest about how I felt.

He's out.  Nothing really went as I had planned.  He's not really doing too well...  It didn't help that he deleted everyone's number right before doing it and stopped being friends with everyone including me.  Took a lot of persistence to get him to let me back in.

I haven't told him about here yet.  I don't know for sure really what to do.

That I've already found one person I feel no need to reply to on this forum of love, kind of isn't surprising to me, I can see this place has some interesting dynamics of hypocrisy.  It's my understanding when management lays down rules you follow them or face consequences.  For instance, when these mind games or volatile members are causing people in this community to commit suicide, there should be consequences, responsibility.  At the very least moderate a post by these people before it's posted so you can tell the individual what is and isn't going to fly here.  One of his biggest issues was with polarity, with people like mr. Reckoning here I now can see precisely why after some further browsing...

If you like messing with peoples heads, maybe the management here should do the selfless thing, lose a few members but save some lives.  Doesn't it only take one to be a success to Ra?  Save one life by moderating these volatile people hurting people here.  Incur a loss to acquire a gain.  If people like to hurt others here, you cannot call yourself a loving community without sounding like a schizophrenic unaware of their surroundings.

I would like to know why this community thinks causing people to commit suicide isn't serious enough to warrant an action of some kind.

Well on that note the same would have been applied to CAs friend from Turkey that was quite hateful towards women. His worst posts were deleted but he was not banned. He could come back any day and be welcome. We all change and grow constantly so to ban would assume one incapable of change.

We of course all need to heal so we cannot be triggered but you can’t apply sweeping judgements on one without doing it to all. Posts are removed that are clearly beyond the pale and offensive or attackative but for the most part things are moderated with a light hand allowing people to be as long as the service offered is being requested.

I’m not sure why there is some expectation of change here.
CA made it clear the philosophy no longer suited his path of development and he had lost faith in the channeling when he left.

Has that changed? I do not really recall it being about the members.
He thought it was causing issues for him so needed to get away.
Why would a forum need to ban people or change because someone no longer resonates with the teachings they discuss?

I’m sorry to hear he is struggling so. He has a lot of blocks to self love. Often that keeps people from letting others love them.
Just be there and I’m sure he will come around.

As to Aion, perhaps you should read more without the filter you were given. Aion actually is a pretty balanced individual who has nurtured and provided guidance and care for a lot of beings who have wandered through here over the years. Myself and CA included.

I am quite greatful to all the members who have been through here including CA. Much like a family sometimes old wounds clash and things are taken the wrong way. I do not feel there is ill will here from anyone.

[Glow]

And who exactly did the forum cause to commit suicide?
Most that come through here are unfortunately on that path. Myself included not terribly long ago and it and it’s members likely help me avoid that action at least 20 times. If I had done it, it would not be because of Bring4th but because of my own wounds which brought me here.

Often the nurturing and perspective gotten here plus doing the inner work will actually help avoid that.

I can’t imagine this place has ever caused such actions. The dark night yes and often people on that journey do find themselves here.
Coralation does not equal causation as they say.

Perhaps we could open a part of the forum for extra gentle care when folks are feeling especially bad they could stay in that area till they feel up to venturing further into discussion. That could work or alternatively a high trigger area.

I know I triggered the heck out of Blossom for a while when I was only discussing my own experience. It generally isn’t some intentional thing that triggers others, just self exploration of one being isn’t always suitable for all eyes.

Love ya Blossom hope you don’t mind me using our short term stumbling through tricky bits as an example. ?

[Glow]

You write in a very similar manner as CA, must be a good match as friends or otherwise.
That’s pretty sweet.

I read the bit about some one giving him the idea for the suicide. That sounds a bit wild.
We have so few female members and I cannot think of any who would say something like that.
I wasn’t here when he was tired philosopher so perhaps before my time.

Either way I don’t think they are still here I at least haven’t seen anyone here that would suggest such a thing.

[Glow]

...

I know there are times here when people "play" dark games with one another, mind games, clever manipulative thought patterns to freak someone (anyone) out yet make it seem unexplainable to others so one who's mind is broken and traumatized can't redeem itself because nobody will believe or understand.

---

I have honestly never seen that. Am I oblivious or is it open to interpretation. I think most conflicts are simply wounds bumping each other. I'd be surprised if people were purposely trying to mess with people, but maybe I avoid those threads before they get to that point. If you see one point it out. I am feeling a bit clueless.

[xise]

Uh oh!  Ding ding, my BS Meter went off!

A quick Google search revealed that Himmler was one of the directly responsible individuals in pushing the holocaust forward.  Who exactly is was he benefiting with by endorsing and perpetuating their torture and slaughter?  I mean I'm literally laughing, in disgust.  This is a prime example of something having gone wrong with this material, to think it'd crop up in front of me so fast.  It's a farce, tricky tricky,

36.14 ▶ Questioner: Was Himmler in any way in contact with his higher self at that time while he was incarnate in the 1940s?
Ra: I am Ra. We remind you that the negative path is one of separation. What is the first separation: the self from the self. The one known as Himmler did not choose to use its abilities of will and polarization to seek guidance from any source but its conscious drives, self-chosen in the life experience and nourished by previous biases created in other life experiences.


36.13 ▶ Questioner: Then using Himmler as an example, was his higher self at the time he was incarnate in the 1940s a sixth-density positively oriented higher self?
Ra: I am Ra. This is correct.


35.5 ▶ Questioner: Thank you. An important example, I believe. I was wondering if any of those who were subordinate to Adolf at that time were able to polarize in a harvestable nature on the negative path?
Ra: I am Ra. We can speak only of two entities who may be harvestable in a negative sense, others still being in the physical incarnation: one known to you as Hermann; the other known, as it preferred to be called, Himmler.

36.12 ▶ Questioner: Let me take as an example the one you said was called Himmler. We are assuming from this that his higher self was of sixth density and it was stated that Himmler had selected the negative path. Would his higher self then dwell in a sixth-density negative type of situation? Could you expand on this concept?
Ra: I am Ra. There are no [negative] beings which have attained the Oversoul manifestation, which is the honor/duty of the mind/body/spirit complex totality of late sixth density, as you would term it in your time measurements. These negatively oriented mind/body/spirit complexes have a difficulty which to our knowledge has never been overcome, for after fifth-density graduation wisdom is available but must be matched with an equal amount of love. This love/light is very, very difficult to achieve in unity when following the negative path and during the earlier part of the sixth density, society complexes of the negative orientation will choose to release the potential and leap into the sixth-density positive.
Therefore, the Oversoul which makes its understanding available to all who are ready for such aid is towards the positive. However, the free will of the individual is paramount, and any guidance given by the higher self may be seen in either the positive or negative polarity depending upon the choice of a mind/body/spirit complex.

36.15 ▶ Questioner: Well, then let’s say that when Himmler, for instance, reaches sixth-density negative at the beginnings of sixth-density negative, at this time would it be [the] case that an entity would realize that his higher self is sixth-density positively oriented and for that reason make the jump from negative to positive orientation?
Ra: I am Ra. This is incorrect. The sixth-density negative entity is extremely wise. It observes the spiritual entropy occurring due to the lack of ability to express the unity of sixth density. Thus, loving the Creator and realizing at some point that the Creator is not only self but other-self as self, this entity consciously chooses an instantaneous energy reorientation so that it may continue its evolution.

www.lawofone.info has a search function. The above are the results when searching for "himmler"