07-24-2022, 09:15 AM
At last, since bring4th is becoming a read-only archive, I feel like sharing the story of this unit of life as Gaia as "R", or back before hearing of the Ra material "Ra" or even the full legal name, Razvan.
So, when I was born on the 19th of June 2007 (Sun in Gemini, pretty sure moon in Leo) I almost...
You know, i am gonna take the story straight from the frontline of present focus first: After at the end of 4th grade I started utilizing various means to feel happy about life, around 6-7th gradde adding learning as a distortion and around the end of 7th grade adding what I would call basic spirituality, my mind did do things like yoga and meditation for a while, but was primarily focused on LOA (Law of Attraction) and just how real it seemed to be as classes were miraculously cancelled (pff, and other things too, only thing that didn't work was reality shifting to a world without covid).
Around Novemeber 2021 to January 2022 I achieved all my personal goals, including quitting fapping yet this too fell apart and gave me no happiness, I am writing this with a slight bias in my mind about making it sound like the typical story, it's very subtle, but I do notice it, keep in mind thus that the truly beautiful light I seek is just: perfection to be honest, It was perfect, it is perfect, it will be perfect-
anyways - So I also was starting to do guided meditations as a side note, by April I am pretty sure there was no return point, but it did not pop entirely until the end of May 2022, soon on June 12 I took the choice of quitting all technology for a year, it lasted 19 days, but in these days so much happened, and I also meditated on many days, actually from before June 12 every day for 1-2 hours. I guess I did not want to fall back into old patterns and that wish of life as "R" sure went trough.
After this I soon had beaten all limits I thought my body had and entered a state of pure darkness, followed by a state of pure love towards all, this is when I made a post about love from the Pride Parade where I got to spend hours hugging people for no reason and telling them they are loved, or chatting them up and trying to give them hope that it will all be okay in the end, "after the storm when the rainbow shines most brightly".
Then, I started doing daily Karma yoga, and then Bhakti yoga too, on the first day after tasting some things as the beloved, and seeing things as the beloved I had the thought of "I want to see the darkness too, love can get boring", and so a lot happened, but basically after meditating for 4 hours on a bridge after an event police came and long story short I wound up in a mental health facility for 6.5 days.
Now it is day 2-3 after, and I am still learning the lessons of acceptance and simultaneously not allowing the mind to give up on life, which is a theme from that pure darkness I mentioned.
I hope to as this all settles down more and as I get less or no medication prescribed work on projects that help others joyously, this mind-body unit is familiar with all sorts of languages, verbal (like Latin, French (Flofrog, parlez-vous francais? Si oui, comment ca va?) or... intermediate by most people's standards, Japanese though given the vastness of the language I'd say beginner), programming languages and some assembly. Now it's just about having the energy to carry out things like making a forum.
I mean hey, I know I can since I created HTML tutorials and I even created a chatroom service where people can create chatrooms in November of 2021 though this service is a bit weird at first, and had back then no consideration for the existence of those whose eyes do not perceive the light as the majority of entities on the planet, this connects as a part of the story I guess to how for a long time I used anime characters and Discord friends as means of feeling loved, the latter going in November, the first going on June 12, though still my mind being inspired in ways by it.
So, when I was born on the 19th of June 2007 (Sun in Gemini, pretty sure moon in Leo) I almost...
You know, i am gonna take the story straight from the frontline of present focus first: After at the end of 4th grade I started utilizing various means to feel happy about life, around 6-7th gradde adding learning as a distortion and around the end of 7th grade adding what I would call basic spirituality, my mind did do things like yoga and meditation for a while, but was primarily focused on LOA (Law of Attraction) and just how real it seemed to be as classes were miraculously cancelled (pff, and other things too, only thing that didn't work was reality shifting to a world without covid).
Around Novemeber 2021 to January 2022 I achieved all my personal goals, including quitting fapping yet this too fell apart and gave me no happiness, I am writing this with a slight bias in my mind about making it sound like the typical story, it's very subtle, but I do notice it, keep in mind thus that the truly beautiful light I seek is just: perfection to be honest, It was perfect, it is perfect, it will be perfect-
anyways - So I also was starting to do guided meditations as a side note, by April I am pretty sure there was no return point, but it did not pop entirely until the end of May 2022, soon on June 12 I took the choice of quitting all technology for a year, it lasted 19 days, but in these days so much happened, and I also meditated on many days, actually from before June 12 every day for 1-2 hours. I guess I did not want to fall back into old patterns and that wish of life as "R" sure went trough.
After this I soon had beaten all limits I thought my body had and entered a state of pure darkness, followed by a state of pure love towards all, this is when I made a post about love from the Pride Parade where I got to spend hours hugging people for no reason and telling them they are loved, or chatting them up and trying to give them hope that it will all be okay in the end, "after the storm when the rainbow shines most brightly".
Then, I started doing daily Karma yoga, and then Bhakti yoga too, on the first day after tasting some things as the beloved, and seeing things as the beloved I had the thought of "I want to see the darkness too, love can get boring", and so a lot happened, but basically after meditating for 4 hours on a bridge after an event police came and long story short I wound up in a mental health facility for 6.5 days.
Now it is day 2-3 after, and I am still learning the lessons of acceptance and simultaneously not allowing the mind to give up on life, which is a theme from that pure darkness I mentioned.
I hope to as this all settles down more and as I get less or no medication prescribed work on projects that help others joyously, this mind-body unit is familiar with all sorts of languages, verbal (like Latin, French (Flofrog, parlez-vous francais? Si oui, comment ca va?) or... intermediate by most people's standards, Japanese though given the vastness of the language I'd say beginner), programming languages and some assembly. Now it's just about having the energy to carry out things like making a forum.
I mean hey, I know I can since I created HTML tutorials and I even created a chatroom service where people can create chatrooms in November of 2021 though this service is a bit weird at first, and had back then no consideration for the existence of those whose eyes do not perceive the light as the majority of entities on the planet, this connects as a part of the story I guess to how for a long time I used anime characters and Discord friends as means of feeling loved, the latter going in November, the first going on June 12, though still my mind being inspired in ways by it.
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