Created Darkness/Chaos

[AnthroHeart]

Back in October, 2011 I had a small taste of creating a universe within me. My own beliefs actually shaped how I was to manage this creation, and all the beings within it. It's funny when you think you know what's best for a creation. I honestly thought that it was Creator's desire to experience.

In my infinite folly, I thought it best for the beings within me to experience as much contrastyness as possible in order to make the creation more colorful. The universe within me soon became a very uncomfortable place, also making me feel unbalanced. I wanted ultimate contrast between the polarities.

It soon became chaotic within me because I was watching a lot of videos to further emphaize the difference in polarities.

Within me, this type of weirdness became the norm: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6qIoejk7mtY

And it goes into cataclysmic variable meltdown around 2:15.
Can you imaging living in a creation that chaotic?
It makes me totally appreciate the structure of 3D.

I found the musical group Ra on YouTube, which really humbled me because it was like the lyrics were telling me how my creation was going (badly). The music has some darker themes, and the lyrics made me realize some of my own folly. My creation was essentially overloading the senses of the beings within. There was way too much contrast in it. I learned that focusing on intensity and contrast in lieu of balance is as foolish as one can get. One thing I found is that energy snowballs. It can quickly get out of control. The creation made me face my own darkness.



The “From One” album

Here are some lyrics from songs that really humbled me.

Song: Do you call my name?
“kill me with a beat.” - My creation was so dense that even sounds could kill.
“Some people seem to think they know what's best for you” - I definitely don't know what's best for them.
“The bolt is thrown, the cage is locked, you saw this, don't you lie.” - I wasn't giving my creation free will. I basically had them locked in a cage without realizing it.
“At first you cry and then you hate those people stole your will” - At first my creation was beautiful and made me cry before I realized it affected my own will.
“My eyes are blurry and I can't see you anymore” - The beings within couldn't see me anymore because existence was too intense.
“My heart is bloody and I can't take it anymore” - Even emotions were way too intense for them.
“Don't try to escape 'cuz you don't have nowhere to go” - I had to right the mistakes I had made.
“it's me.... I see, please... let me out I'm petrified” - My creation was living in fear.

Song: Rectifier
“I close my eyes but can't go blind
I'm feeling all the heat, all the chaos
It's gotten underneath my skin
So far to go to reach absolution
My sanity, my soul runs thin” - Again, creation in me was so intense that it caused suffering.

It teaches me that if I ever get to make a creation again, I'm going to do it in balance. To heck with trying for intensifying experiencing. To heck with increasing contrast. And certainly to heck with trying to maximize the differences between STO and STS. That's separation pal, not unity. It's a little scary that when one intends to do good, it can turn out so bad. Strange how the mind works, huh. Dang, so many mistakes.

I'm realizing that those within me weren't physical flesh-and-blood beings as I'm aware. I don't know what they were actually. All I knew is I could communicate with them.

Love and Light,
Indigo Gemini Wolf