Wandering into the Military (Be prepared for wall of text)

[Wyze89]

I'm from "the streets". I never had a positive father figure my whole life, except God. I've had to learn the hard way about how women gravitate to the "bad boy" archetype, being a "nice guy" due to the upbringing with my female family figures to always "respect" women. Take them out on dates, compliment them, etc...which has led to them rejecting me or cheating on me. Let me tell you guys, if it weren't for the loving, caring, and nurturing nature of my grandmother and the articles I've read about forgiveness and compassion, I'd be a straight up misogynist by now. I still treat women with respect, but I do NOT put them on a pedestal. My mistake for calling them "women", because most of the girls I've talked to can NOT keep their word. I've been flaked on so many times that I've lost count. But somehow I still do my best to be myself and make them laugh and keep conversations going. Due to the lack of a large social circle, I stayed on the internet, and stumbled on the Law of One website. I have a part time job, the sixth I've had after graduating high school. But as the days go on, they've been giving me a LOT less hours, the same reason I had left the previous job, because of over-hiring. Since I haven't been able to work and serve like I like to, i get depressed and lonely and write about my life in a creative way, through rap lyrics. I love to serve others when it makes another happy, because that happiness is reflected then by me. My grandma and mom know this, and think that I'd be happy going into the national guard. I also think that it'd be a good polarization process towards service to others. And with the money and benefits, I'd be able to purse my interests and hobbies more efficiently. And women love a man in uniform. What do you guys think?

[3DMonkey]

I know.

Once you stop looking for a "pedestal type female", you will take note of all the wonderful women who aren't like that.

BTW, I have been told by one man that his army status never pulled in squat. On the other hand, he is a fire fighter now, and he says women flock to him. (He is married now, so the status is not available for abuse)

[Oceania]

women like bad boys mmhmm. well, i know loads of guys that only go for idiot women and then b**** about it to me! and i say, well why do you date b******? why not date a nice girl? but apparently that's out of the question.

[3DMonkey]

Even nice girls don't like nice guys. If you can find one that thinks you are bad, snatch her up.

[kycahi]

Tee hee. Women definitely have a subtlety about what attracts them. A guy might start out opening doors for them and treating them as feminine equals and, so often, they pay him back as you described. Some of that is just because they had their father's behavior locked into their own wiring, but not always.

You need to know that even they can't explain why they behave this way, but it's just built in from very ancient times. This is my theory: Because survival of herself and her future children affected female behavior by successfully creating offspring that achieved adulthood, a woman is attracted to a guy that thinks of himself first and her second. She may not say so or even think so consciously that if the man isn't skillful enough to survive a cataclysmic event on his own, he is missing some necessary survival trait.

Once he has established that by some bad-boy behaviors, only then will the woman appreciate door opening. The wiring for that is that he now shows concern for a possession, i.e. he is bonding with her. She will like that then because it is sincere, not just for show. Complex, yes?

The successful guy may not win a pure thoughtfulness contest, but he will get the girl.

This is all bell-shaped curve stuff. Some women are so attracted to bad boys that they get into one horrible situation after another. Others might like high-politeness from the get-go just fine.

Finally, keep in mind that you might get an "attractive" female that otherwise isn't for you. :-/ That's what Oceania meant.

Edited to add this: after the relationship is well-developed, then the woman really will want her man to put her well-being and the offsprings' first, for obvious reasons. So be ready to adjust as necessary.

[Namaste]

I would also add that people attract those which reflect their own state of being. That very much includes relationships as catalyst :¬)

[Cassandra11]

It looks like you are attracted to/attracting the "wrong" type of women. Then you get the same results over and over again. Have you considered looking at those relationships as catalyst? Is there something you are missing here? The catalyst will continue until you get what your soul wants you to understand and change. And since we can never change others then it must be our selves that need some change. I would say what we mostly learn from relationships is self love and self worthiness. Then comes forgiveness and acceptance.
I suggest you do not take shortcuts if that is what you are attempting to do.
You deserve a girl who sees how attractive, confident and lovable you are with or without that uniform. She is out there waiting for you to be ready for her.

[Lavazza]

I can't speak very well about the military enrollment idea, but I believe I can speak to the relationship issues you mentioned. As a married man and father of two, I can attest to what you said about women being attracted to that sort of archetypal 'rebel' if you will. I think it goes back to prehistorical survival interests- i.e. females are attracted to someone who it seems will fight for their best interest, shows power, etc. None of these desires are in any way at the conscious level, it all operates in the deep "old" mind. As for myself, I would not categorize myself as a 'bad boy' by any measure, and fortunately for me my wife was never attracted to that sort of thing primarily. However we have spoken about the phenomenon together and even she admits that there is an appeal to it. And she's gone so far as to say that she actually appreciates in a non-direct way times where I will hold my ground on something, even if it is at odds with her.

Also there are ways in which we as men can help our female companions feel fulfilled without having to be jerks (bad boy, rebel, etc). One such way is to stand by her side in times of need. This opportunity doesn't come up all the time, but it happened with my wife and I about six months ago when an overly rude and condescending receptionist at a hospital nearly brought my wife to tears. I was waiting in the car while this was going on. When I found out what happened, I marched back in and calmly but sternly informed the lady in question that she was out of line and disrespectful, especially unacceptable at a hospital where people might be dealing with stress, anxiety, fear or sadness. I did this in front of her peers and customers who were in line. In truth I didn't like doing it, I was a nervous wreck leading up to and after the encounter, but I saw it as an honor / duty to support my wife (primary reason) and to offer the receptionist a reality check (secondary reason).

I'd be interested to hear more about what you all think on this topic.. it's quite complicated and I only understand it well from my perspective with my wife.

Lastly, for a somewhat comedic, somewhat truthful view on this matter, we can always turn to the wisdom of The Onion,
http://www.theonion.com/articles/girlfri...nter,1507/

Love and Light,
Eric

[3DMonkey]

Whoop! Eric! You attracted me with that story

Women just wanna hear stories like that too. It doesnt have to be true. Women have better imaginations than men. Just look at the soap opera industry.

I've told this to someone before. A woman wants a warrior that she believes she alone has the power to break down his defenses. A man wants a "lady" the he believes only he is capable of attracting. A woman wants a tough nut that only she can crack. A man wants a lady in the streets and a freak in the sheets.

[Cassandra11]

That might be true for the first couple of months...

[3DMonkey]

Gotta keep the dream alive

[Meerie]

women like bad boys mmhmm. well, i know loads of guys that only go for idiot women and then b!tch about it to me! and i say, well why do you date b******? why not date a nice girl? but apparently that's out of the question.

I think many guys only go for looks in girls, character is secondary. So then don't be surprised to land b******.
Try to decide with your brains a bit, not only with your willy
But then, maybe they really cannot help it :

  male_brain.gif (Size: 11.16 KB / Downloads: 13)

[kycahi]

But then, maybe they really cannot help it

Excellent diagram, Meerie. It explains so much! LOL.

This brain should encourage a woman to take an engagement slowly to notice signs of flexibility. If the bad boy can't improve at least a little over, say, six to nine months, write him off.

Not that she ever will fix everything. One of my favorite observations is that guys fall for their "perfect girl" and don't want her to change, ever. Gals fall for their favorite bad boy and are eager to improve him. Result: disappointment for both.

[Meerie]

One of my favorite observations is that guys fall for their "perfect girl" and don't want her to change, ever. Gals fall for their favorite bad boy and are eager to improve him. Result: disappointment for both.

Very astute observation, you are spot on, imo.

[turtledude23]

There are as many personalities as there are people on Earth, as far as I can tell. Even the bell curve someone mentioned would be a generalization and simplification, never mind an assumption like the attractiveness of assertiveness to all females. Interesting discussions aside, lets get to the core of this topic: Wyze wants to attract a significant other to the extent that he's willing to change his personality in small ways or join the army. I've been in a state of loneliness and desperation before too so I know it's hard to take this advice but here goes: be yourself, follow your bliss, and the right people will come into your life naturally. If joining the army or being more assertive is what makes you happy then great, but if you feel its something you "should" do then I'd think twice about it. Like Namaste said: you'll attract someone like you, so if you're willing to ignore your honest desires in favour of conforming to a certain role you think others expect of you then that's the kind of person you'll find, and repression never leads anywhere pleasant.

On the other hand I find these generalizations to be helpful for more casual relationships like friendships, because they lack the depth of a romantic relationship you can compensate with "tricks" like being more assertive at times or keeping people guessing (the mysterious/misunderstood guy archetype seems popular too). But for romantic relationships I'd say be as honest as possible (but still tactful) and be patient, the right lady will come your way someday, when you're both ready.