Greatful

[Ankh]

search for love in the moment

Namasté, beautiful soul.

I will do my very best.

Namaste, brother.

---

Ankh, if you have not listened to episode #52 of the podcasts at the Sons of the Law of One page, please consider doing so.

Thank you for your concern, Eddie. I have listened.

[zenmaster]

I need to practice love for the self also. Suggestions, someone?

'Love' for the self is your idea of the logos. The body and mind duality provides a teach/learn and learn/teach opportunity. As far as I know, there is an infinite learning potential from evaluating what you like and what you don't like - or what makes you 'comfortable' and what doesn't. That is, the conscious evaluation of the 'what', 'when', 'where', 'why' and the 'how' of it.

The evaluation must occur - either consciously or unconsciously. Many do not consciously seek a 'level of comfort' from this evaluation. Rather, they seek a level of discomfort that they are willing to tolerate. The latter process is more undetermined and random - often in the form of a repetitive, unconscious reaction to catalyst. And there will be a compulsory emotional response due to not 'owning' the moment. However, we can also choose to work by shining our light on the subjectively significant events or themes of the day, for example. Now revealed as an aspect of the logos, the 'light' thereby grows. This light, in turn, creates an opportunity for 'love' - to accept it and to provide it.

[kia]

Ankh we share more than a lot. It was very touching too. Its great to know that you are here.
Congratulations for finishing your book!!!
Love

[kycahi]

Low self-esteem is not easy to fix, but worth every effort. I hold you in high regard, Ankh, even if you don't/can't.

One fix is to succeed at something, and maybe the book can do that. Have you shared it for feedback? For example from another writer, even one that has no interest in things spiritual. In fact that probably is a better choice because such reader would evaluate your sentences, paragraphs and content style without being influenced by a shared belief system.

These things usually work both ways, so as you evaluate something, that writer will appreciate your evaluation and know it's from your heart. When you express and receive from heart, it will benefit both of you.

Writers clubs exist in a lot of places, and not just in large cities. Look for notices in book stores and libraries and, of course the Internet.

If you couldn't possibly share something so personal as this book, then write something else first. You're in it for the exercise, to start. Make it a short story or an essay. You have already done essays right in these fora.

[Ankh]

Ankh we share more than a lot.

You just tickled my curiosity.
I felt something move inside of me when I read your story.
Love and light, sister

---

Make it a short story or an essay. You have already done essays right in these fora.

LOL Ye feels like it sometimes! Spend waaay to much time here!

[Tenet Nosce]

Good morning, my dear Wanderer's of the world!

Good morning to you! We are grateful for your presence!

[Steppingfeet]

Dear Ankh,

I spent time with your story of pain and beauty this evening. Thank you for the courage to reawaken a heart that earlier circumstances in your life caused you to numb and hide, and thank you for opening and sharing this story with other seekers, Ankh. I offer thanksgiving also that in darker days you did not succumb to the desire crying out for a quick and final escape from the pain and limitation of this incarnation.

Like you, the thrust of my adult life has been the whole mind/body/spirit dedication to and seeking of the mystery of being. And like you, key to my own quest has been the reactivating/unblocking of the heart, the reawakening of unconditional love. An accumulation of small circumstances in the formative years of the incarnation - none so dramatic and hurtful as your own - caused my heart center to seek protection in a numbed state of being. Like you, many truths were intellectually perceived, many moments of beauty and depth were known by the mind, but I could not *feel* what I "knew", I could not connect the experience to the central door in the being that brings it all to life in the vivifying presence of light, like flowers struggling to grow in a permanently shaded meadow, I yearned for the sunlight to warm and make visible the colors and the beauty/joy of my heart's upward reaching for life.

This icy situation caused me great pain, because how can you celebrate life if the heart is not open? If there are guard dogs around the heart protecting you from a threatening world, how can you embrace this experience and say, "Light and dark, good and bad, pleasure and pain, I absolutely, unreservedly open myself to you, and *love* each iota of this experience! I see these outer forms, accept their rightness in my life and the divine from which they spring, and I seek the deeper truth these symbols represent with my heart open and free!" Without the heart you see things as separate parts and pieces diced up in the analysis of your mind, each thing its own thing but connected to you only through philosophy or science or utility, not through knowing its essential oneness with yourself, and *feeling* the aliveness of consciousness contained within what appears to be an outer shell of minimum interest. Without love you are unable to, in an experiential way, render the many sharp-edged boundaries transparent to the unifying divine within each seeming part.

Self-judgment was a big heart-pummeling agent for me, creating an icy experience due to the thinking that analyzes but separates one from the living truth or suchness of the experience. I have long consciously known that no progress forward can I make without the re-opening and full activation of the key of keys, the heart. So I have sought the experience of love, asking for the divine to again make the heart fearless in knowing and expressing itself.

Much work has been undertaken already and progress, in terms of being able to feel the moment and give/receive love, has been made. Two sources of catalyst have proven pivotal in the dethawing of the glaciers surrounding my heart: One is and continues to be meditation. No more powerful a means for effecting self-knowing, self-accepting, and transformation do we have than meditation, in my opinion. The other no less important catalyst was the love of a mate. The intimacy of another mind/body/spirit who lives nearly always from the open heart undermines the various self-negating illusions we spin about ourselves, both through the mechanism of the mirroring effect and in the same way that darkness is dispelled by light. Ultimately of course the true and only healer is within, but in my experience I have found these two sources crucial in tapping that inner healer to allow the rivers to again flow through parched soil.

I believe you are a magician of the heart, and have powers and oceans within awaiting your exploration and your expression through the vibrancy and light-giving nature of your being.

I hope your wounded heart continues to turn toward the forever available limitless nourishment of inner light. And in so doing I wish for you the discovery of infinite identity and infinite worth. Thank you dear Ankh for sharing your beautiful story, I am "greatful". = )

I would truly enjoy reading your book sometime should you ever feel the impulse to share, and would most like to know its ending when it begins writing itself in you. : )

In the Creator,
Gary

[Ankh]

Sometimes I "get other people's ideas in my head". So our king is dyslexic, and "greatful" things happen sometimes! j/k

This icy situation caused me great pain, because how can you celebrate life if the heart is not open? If there are guard dogs around the heart protecting you from a threatening world, how can you embrace this experience and say, "Light and dark, good and bad, pleasure and pain, I absolutely, unreservedly open myself to you, and *love* each iota of this experience! I see these outer forms, accept their rightness in my life and the divine from which they spring, and I seek the deeper truth these symbols represent with my heart open and free!" Without the heart you see things as separate parts and pieces diced up in the analysis of your mind, each thing its own thing but connected to you only through philosophy or science or utility, not through knowing its essential oneness with yourself, and *feeling* the aliveness of consciousness contained within what appears to be an outer shell of minimum interest. Without love you are unable to, in an experiential way, render the many sharp-edged boundaries transparent to the unifying divine within each seeming part.

Amen.

Thank you, Gary.

In loving Oneness,
Lana