Disinterested.

[Turtle]

Themes...lessons...ups and downs...repeating over and over and over and...

I find it hard to care anymore...about anything. I feel emotions come over me when I am reminded of some past events and people, let the emotion wash over and through me, and do not care to fully understand what happened. I no longer care about the concept of progression...of soul growth. I no longer care about any of the beauty or positive things I see in my life, nor am I shaken or fearful of the negative. This life, is very tiring...

...and I'm beginning to not care about the fact that I'm tired of it all.

Detachment? Apathy?

I don't think either of those words are completely accurate. I'm observing...watching every moment. I am pulled and pushed with every emotion, every event and every person I come across...sometimes roughly, sometimes gently...sometimes lovingly, sometimes with spite. All I can do is watch how everything plays out...

...and I'm not sure I care about seeing how it all plays out.

I am, disinterested...with who and what I am, and with what everything is all about.

I am at peace.

(this is presented as contemplative WD-40 for the gears that grind in your head. I do not desire any advice or cheering up..and if you think I do, you've missed the point of what I wrote above. Godspeed!)

[βαθμιαίος]

I hear what you're saying but I'm not sure I care.

;-)

[Aaron]

After reading the last couple of sentences, I was made very aware of my thought process while reading your entire post...

Thank you for the "WD-4D" hehe

Hmm, looking up "disinterested" in the thesaurus yields many results, from aloof to withdrawn, which seem to somewhat lend themselves to the peace we feel, but not to the joy.

However, one sticks out at me. "unselfish"! Perhaps the most joyous word there.

[ayadew]

Hello Turtle.
This is not advice, this is fact (for me). Take what you wish out of it, as I surely did with your post!

We have ups and downs, the spiritual evolution can be likened to an axe striking a tree.
The more momentum/rest the greater the impact to the tree/spiritual evolution.

If nothing else, perhaps you have something to look forward to in your disinterest-ness while still being at peace (?) in it.

[Ali Quadir]

It's all a bit of a choice, who am I to tell you to choose otherwise, I'm just going to empathize that it is in fact a choice.

Namaste

[Peregrinus]

What struck me about your post were the words "I'm tired of it all". The word I would use, to describe how I feel similar, is weary. It seems to me that this has been a long path to have been travelled, and I am simply weary. I think we get this way because of the intensity of the illusion, or perhaps it is just a part of the cycle.

[creationist]

I am very weary of walking in this blinding snowstorm as well, and it would be so easy to just lay down in the snow and let the wind bring me wherever it will. However, my choice is to face the wind... one step at a time... even if it is slicing deep into my skin, tearing into my heart. In time, it will serve to sharpen and strengthen my resilience, and stoke the flame that is my soul. Listening to inspirational music helps me big time.

[Turtle]

I love the replies to this...the variety of interpretation/feedback is delicious.

Yummy.

Godspeed!

[ayadew]

Those of Q'uo says

If you are too weary to move on, if that is the sense that you get at this
point, then we say to you: lighten the load. Remove expectations from
your own self and allow yourself to play, to be as the daisies that dance
upon the wind, carefree and blameless. You do not have to learn today.
You do not have to work today. You have to do only that which is in
your heart to do.

one of my favourite q'uotes. So very empowering, loving and wise

[creationist]

Those of Q'uo says

If you are too weary to move on, if that is the sense that you get at this
point, then we say to you: lighten the load. Remove expectations from
your own self and allow yourself to play, to be as the daisies that dance
upon the wind, carefree and blameless. You do not have to learn today.
You do not have to work today. You have to do only that which is in
your heart to do.

one of my favourite q'uotes. So very empowering, loving and wise

thanks for the quote, perhaps it is true that my constant self expectations are draining me. Interesting that this conversation has occurred, what a coincidence, because lately I've been trying to just help/love without expecting results. I think that removal of certain expectations will increase the level of the light level more. I haven't achieved consistent success yet, still working hard at it.

[Questioner]

Ayadew, that is such a delightful quote. Thank you for posting it.

Turtle and Peregrinus, I think you might enjoy this article on "old souls" from "the Michael teachings," channeled material from a social memory complex that discusses patterns of human psychology. This article is not channeled quotes, but a summary of the teachings.http://www.michaelteachings.com/old_soul.html

...little desire or effort to release their understanding into the world in general. In fact, in the last Levels, some Old souls can be so world-weary that they are ready to just lay down and die. Like a person in the last decade of life, the Old soul is "winding down" so to speak, or "in retirement", preparing for death, settling the estate, and tying up loose ends. In terms of the theory of reincarnation, the Old soul is clearing the way for the final break with the physical plane....

When Old souls do seek companionship, they often do so in metaphysical groups - astrology and tarot classes, psychic endeavors, and so on. Here they will be most likely to meet those with whom they have spiritual connections. They seek out the few others who are like themselves, and form networks of people with similar interests.... just to share being with other Old souls. When Old souls "party", they usually sit around and just talk.

Rather than give more extensive quotes here, since I think that might be outside the rules of this forum, I'd like to ask if that article's description of weariness, isolation, and a turn towards spiritual principles, resonates with your own feelings and thought processes.

[ayadew]

The few of us who have been here for two (?) major cycles (50'000 years?) must be weary indeed, the 100 or so who were harvested then and yet decided to stay.
There is a small weariness inside me, and I can relate to most about that link Questioner, but mostly there is a deep longing.

It's increasing everyday as the 4th density vibrations of this earth become more intensive and it becomes less bearable and noticeable, but also the joy and feeling of purpose/oneness becomes clearer.

Persist my friends. We're soon through.
Remove the expectations. You are perfect and doing what you are supposed to. Let us dance unhindered through the world and spread our light consciously or unconsciously.

[Turtle]

Ayadew, that is such a delightful quote. Thank you for posting it.

Turtle and Peregrinus, I think you might enjoy this article on "old souls" from "the Michael teachings," channeled material from a social memory complex that discusses patterns of human psychology. This article is not channeled quotes, but a summary of the teachings.http://www.michaelteachings.com/old_soul.html

...little desire or effort to release their understanding into the world in general. In fact, in the last Levels, some Old souls can be so world-weary that they are ready to just lay down and die. Like a person in the last decade of life, the Old soul is "winding down" so to speak, or "in retirement", preparing for death, settling the estate, and tying up loose ends. In terms of the theory of reincarnation, the Old soul is clearing the way for the final break with the physical plane....

When Old souls do seek companionship, they often do so in metaphysical groups - astrology and tarot classes, psychic endeavors, and so on. Here they will be most likely to meet those with whom they have spiritual connections. They seek out the few others who are like themselves, and form networks of people with similar interests.... just to share being with other Old souls. When Old souls "party", they usually sit around and just talk.

Rather than give more extensive quotes here, since I think that might be outside the rules of this forum, I'd like to ask if that article's description of weariness, isolation, and a turn towards spiritual principles, resonates with your own feelings and thought processes.

Resonates? It describes my inner state to a "T"....ESPECIALLY this part..

"little desire or effort to release their understanding into the world in general. In fact, in the last Levels, some Old souls can be so world-weary that they are ready to just lay down and die."

I have been coming to terms and balancing my emotions and thoughts around what that quote describes lately...thankfully with much haste.

It's been grand...but when this life is over, I am NOT going to reincarnate into any "veiled" realms again. If I decide to reincarnate, it must be on a level that has no mystery because of the veiling, and harmony throughout all of whatever society it may be. Other than that...it shall be non-physical exploration for me. Godspeed!

[Lorna]

oh my goodness, that old soul description - SO much resonates, particularly in relation to bonds with other people

the concept of an old soul isn't really anything i'd contemplated before

thanks so much for posting questioner, and for being sufficiently disinterested to start this thread turtle

[Peregrinus]

It's been grand...but when this life is over, I am NOT going to reincarnate into any "veiled" realms again. If I decide to reincarnate, it must be on a level that has no mystery because of the veiling, and harmony throughout all of whatever society it may be. Other than that...it shall be non-physical exploration for me. Godspeed!

This is only your current 3D perspective. Perhaps you are weary now, as I am also, but as with everything, there are cycles. Behind the veil it is impossible to say what choices will be made.

I understand that I am here to help, and I believe when the harvest is complete, I will have finished my contract and return to the density whence I came, but I do not preclude the idea that I will not travel back to a 3rd density again, wherever it may be. I obviously came to this one with great love, so who knows? Perhaps another... it is only 75,000 years after all, a blink of the eye in creation.

[Turtle]

Peregrinus...I understand what you're saying...and to that, I would reply with what Ali wrote, .

It's all a bit of a choice, who am I to tell you to choose otherwise, I'm just going to empathize that it is in fact a choice.

Namaste

[Peregrinus]

All I was meaning was that stating something when behind the veil is meaningless. This is only the 25? 50? 75? 100? year you. The unveiled you has a much larger perspective than what we perceive in a mere single incarnation. You have your free will to decide what you will do while in the incarnation, but spiritually you make much bigger decisions when not in this plane.

[Ali Quadir]

I kind of have gotten the feeling that we do in fact make those bigger decisions while in this plane. I don't think we exist on two levels. We just exist on this one, we lack the insight to oversee how big that one level is. We just often don't follow all our understanding to take part in the decision making process.

As humans we tend to get hung up on rationality. The rational is a restricted world view, it is an accurate representation of the whole but like a picture it is a 2d representation of a 3d event. Our rational/mental mind similarly lacks depth.

Perhaps if you feel lack of interest. Your motivation exists outside of your current realm of perception. You're simply not aware of it.

It doesn't make it much easier though. I have days I prefer to stay in bed too... Actually most my days are like that. Once I get out and wake up it's a lot better. But if you'd ask me right after waking up.. My answer would be, "I'm not interested in the world today. I was just in the middle of a coconut Daiquiri. Wake me in 3, no 4 hours."

[Peregrinus]

The only big decision we make in the third density is which direction of polarity we choose, thus this being called the "density of choice".

Our spirit, being a spark of the One Creator, is infinite and will never die, but in this plane, time itself, as well as this entire realm of existence, is but an illusion. Though we endeavor to learn lessons here, they are but small in comparison to the billions of years learning them in the higher densities when we actually feel with the one true emotion, and understand with the one true wisdom.

Though we may come to what we believe to be an understanding of many things, we understand the illusion, with only the beginnings of understanding actual reality. That only happens outside of this density.

[artichoke]

I'm often tired of the damnable choices presented in this density, either you abuse yourself or you abuse someone else. At the current moment I have to do things because a family depends on me. That keeps me stuck in very stupid choices that I would never deign to be a part of otherwise. It's nobody's fault, it's just the stupid setup here.

Sometimes people tell me I'm too proud. Sometimes people let me know one way or another that they think I'm very humble. Actually I'm just getting offended with this place and I've had enough of it.

If an old soul is as described in the Michael Teachings, how about a soul that already finished this nonsense ages ago? I have some recollections of deciding to face difficulty here, but in the future I'll have to remember not to put myself through this again, at least not for a long long time! This isn't a threat, it isn't a promise, but it certainly is my current intention.

[Ali Quadir]

Then don't restrict yourself to 3d thinking! You have a vague idea what the choices of a 4d entity would be like. So go for those.

Faith is not a 3d mechanism. It is a mechanism that exists in 3d. Does it matter that we're not 4d entities yet? The next step will always present itself you don't need to see to run.

ww4dmdo (What would 4d me do?)

We've already crossed the boundary... What we see of 3d is in overtime. Snow in the spring.

@artichoke, if you're done, then why are you here? Would it be more likely that the universe made a mistake in keeping you here or that you made a mistake?

[ayadew]

Perhaps you're here to make yourself comfortable with 3D? This existence is also part of the infinite.. if you have strong feelings against this place, then there is something you can work on!

I must agree though, that this place is, in lack of better word: pathetic. It is miniscule, limited, depressing. But it also contains the polarities of those. The patheticness comes from that there are those who are stuck in the negative parts of the polarity.

[artichoke]

Then don't restrict yourself to 3d thinking! You have a vague idea what the choices of a 4d entity would be like. So go for those.

Faith is not a 3d mechanism. It is a mechanism that exists in 3d. Does it matter that we're not 4d entities yet? The next step will always present itself you don't need to see to run.

ww4dmdo (What would 4d me do?)

We've already crossed the boundary... What we see of 3d is in overtime. Snow in the spring.

That's enough if one doesn't have to produce 3D results. If one does have to produce 3D results, then it's a more interesting question. I think one still must generally meet the 3D requirements to get the 3D results; those are the rules here.

@artichoke, if you're done, then why are you here? Would it be more likely that the universe made a mistake in keeping you here or that you made a mistake?

Q'uo would say there are no mistakes. (But if I did make a mistake, one would also have to say the Universe made a mistake, and probably vice-versa as well.) As I said, I believe I made a choice, and now I'm expressing frustration with it. But to clarify a bit more, my recollection is that I made the choice to face difficulty without a clear reason, because it felt somehow like the more substantial choice, not the only way through here.

Maybe I'm learning something from this. Grumble ...

OT perhaps: I'd like to design a better 3D, one where a choice can be made with less sturm und drang . Perhaps the concept of graduation schedules is working suboptimally. Why make almost everyone wait a few thousand years, make the STO put up with STS nonsense for so long until the end of the cycle -- once they've decided, get 'em outta here! Would that work?

[creationist]

OT perhaps: I'd like to design a better 3D, one where a choice can be made with less sturm und drang . Perhaps the concept of graduation schedules is working suboptimally. Why make almost everyone wait a few thousand years, make the STO put up with STS nonsense for so long until the end of the cycle -- once they've decided, get 'em outta here! Would that work?

I've wondered about 3D inefficiencies before, but I suppose if everyone did it very efficiently, nobody would be fulfilling the wide range of experience that needs fulfilling. "It's a shitty job but someone gotta do it"

[thefool]

I completely understand. It is so hard and weary. I have had my phases of being done with all this. It feels so stupid sometimes. and everything is so hard like typing letter by letter on this key board. Like working so hard to grow food, cook food and then eat and digest it so we can get small amount of nourishment until the next meal. like walking or struggling against gravity to go someplace. I agree completely. At one point I wanted to just leave but sent back. Even now I need so much time alone with myself.

Now I realize that we are here for something special. To experience 'limitation'. And limited we are. And experience we are having. Sometimes you need a contrast to generate vividness. You need a Blackboard to show the White chalk marks. If it is all white then you would not appreciate the markings. I try to remember that we have the 'Golden Ticket'. While there are so many souls waiting to get in to these exciting and adventures times. We made it and I have all the intention to enjoy it and make the best use of it. It is just like going to the 'theme park' and after standing in line for a few hours to ride the scariest and most dangerous roller coaster. The ride might be scary at times and I might even throw up later on but that does not stop me from having fun, does it

[Turtle]

Now I realize that we are here for something special. To experience 'limitation'. And limited we are. And experience we are having.

This is exactly what I started a thread about (titled - "The purpose of everything...")

I think that's what it is ALL about. To simply experience.

Godspeed!