Hello!
My name is erin. I was born at 11:39 on October 9, 1975, in Torrance (Los Angeles County), CA. I now live in Cookeville, TN (as of july 4th, 2011). I know that I am a wanderer, and that I am in the process of awakening. I have to say, to begin, that I have known that I am an outsider for literally my entire life. I was born to very sweet parents, whom I Love, and who also didn't know exactly what they were getting into, having me, and my difference causes them to not have the ability to truly understand me. I have a sister, 17 months younger than me, and an older brother whom my mother had at the age of 19, and gave up for adoption rather than marry the father. We just re-connected with him, which has been nice.
I have had really severe problems adjusting to this Plane of existence, and have caused (my parents & sister) much trouble, but they have essentially been there with me, for the long haul you might say, in their own ways. Unfortunately I am disabled with Chronic Pain issues and take medications for my condition, both situations of which leave me physically and mentally handicapped to varying extents which change seemingly moment to moment sometimes, I'll expand on that further down the line.
For a background on my story (the childhood stuff), these are the reasons which have brought me to here, and the things that make me positive that I am a wanderer. As a child, I was such a dreamer that it caused parent-teacher conferences, and even held me back in school. I was excruciatingly sensitive. I have always "talked" to all animals (and other things!) with my mind, especially cats, bees, and bumblebees. The bees because everybody seemed to hate them, and it caused sorrow for me. I was painfully shy. I was held back for not being "socially" ready for 1st grade, even though I was ahead of my class (of older children, I started kindergarten at four) for not talking to anyone my own age, only adults, and for sucking my thumb and daydreaming too much. Also, my mom added that it was their decision (the teacher and my parents) that because I was so sensitive and had such problems interacting with children, that it would be better for me, socially, to be older than those around me for the rest of my school career. At that time, I was pulled out of my class, and sent to "early-entry kindergarten" for the remainder of the year, which I think was about 1/2 or so, honestly I don't know. The next year, when I re-entered kindergarten, I had the same teacher as before. I did much better socially, but there was a strange phenomena that I both remember, and was relayed to me by my mother later. The girls would fight over who would do things for me, like, say, sharpen my pencil, and sit with me or play with me at recess. The teacher and aide both said she never saw anything like it before. They would have to literally break up fights over me, and I remember girls trying to carry me, and such. That phenomena was SO odd!! The only thing I can think that was happening at the time, looking back now, was that I was communicating with them telepathically without understanding what I was doing. The fighting over me, & carrying me..I just don't know, possibly it was something with my energy.
My mother said she felt like I was older than her from even before I started talking, and in school she said it was fascinating to watch me with the other children because I always stuck up for the disliked children, for instance, calling on the most disliked child first when it was my turn for question time at show-and-tell, and that it seemed to be a very natural thing. I have never had an easy time sticking up for myself, but I will speak my mind in an instant if someone is being treated unfairly or is treated as an "underdog." I wished desperately that I had violet, blue, or green skin (this went on in my head throughout my whole childhood). I was very upset when I learned what "meat" was. I was so sensitive about hurting other living things. I felt everyone's pain so much that it hurt me. This turned into a very serious problem at the age of 15, and continued to be very serious until the age of about 21. I couldn't bear/understand, and still have issues with, saying no to anyone. I still let people walk all over me without realizing it, until it makes my husband so mad that he has a talk with me. I am trying hard to work on that. Before age 15, I naturally stretched and (looking back on it) did yoga of some type to deal with my pain/stress here. If someone wouldn't volunteer for something, I always did. I even was given an award, which I still have, for, "Volunteering to be the Dad in the class play" in First Grade. So funny!! On a strange note, one of my old friends grabbed my hands when I was 18 or 19 and said, "why don't you have any lines in your hands?!" I think I was so surprised I said nothing as she inspected both of my hands intently and exclaimed, "seriously! You're palms look like they're made of wax!!" It really only made such an impression on me because she was so freaked out that I was sure that it was really, actually, weird! I mean, I had never thought of my hands like that, but, (laughing) now that I type it out and which action made me think about it, I had the hardest time when I was going through my uber-short palmistry phase in my as a budding 11 year-old "new age" enthusiast. (once I heard the term and realized that all of my most passionate interests fell under the heading, well, except for my Christianity! I was obsessed with spirits and the paranormal world beginning in the Third grade, when I checked out and read every single book I could find about ghosts in every library that I could ride my bike to.
I was always sick as a kid, but never anything too serious, except for the Pneumonia I got twice. Apparently I got Mono at some point, because I have Epstein-Barr Syndrome now. I had chronic ear infections, and can even remember times when I was in grade school and just couldn't deal with whatever emotional stress I was encountering and was able to actually make myself get a mild cold on demand (of my mind) in order to stay home a few days to try to deal with it. I have dealt with severe depression my entire life, with bouts of extreme anxiety, which got increasingly bad until the age of 15, when I had so much trouble with emotional turmoil, stress, depression and anxiety that it caused me to have psychotic episodes of hallucination and I was (mis)diagnosed with Schizophrenia two weeks after my 16th birthday and then treated for it for six years afterward. I was hospitalized 4 different times and needless to say, it was very traumatic, and I wondered incessantly WHY that sort of thing would happen to me. Obviously, I have had an extremely difficult time being here, but these things, while hugely traumatic, and at the same time in response to some trauma have made me the person I am today, and have given me strength and experience rare on this earth!
..umm, let's see.. I shall try to bring you to the present moment now.
Currently I am slowly but seriously digesting the Law of One books (I am only on session 36!) While at the same time reading 101:The Choice and AWH. I started meditating to try and clear my Chakras, and I can get up to blue, and I have had energy enter into indigo, at which time a blank screen was starting to form, and my upper body started to shake or vibrate, but I had been meditating for a long time, clearing chakras carefully, and I'm new at all this! I had to give up, but I feel like an amazing experience is on the other side of indigo!
I have been dealing with serious physical pain stemming from a major vehicle accident in 2000, after which I slowly developed a horrible case of Fibromyalgia, arthritis in my facet joints in my lower-thoracic spine, patellofemoral syndrome in both knees, and a bad right shoulder, which I had surgery on in 2004, which led to super-fast progressing carpal tunnel syndrome in my left hand from over-compensating which I had surgery on in 2006. I finally got placed on Social Security Disability Insurance last June, and I can't wait till I get medicare next Feb. (If there is a next February?!
) I'm not sure if, like Carla, I chose all of these handicaps so that I would stay focused on Spiritual things, or the job at hand, but it has been a very hard incarnation. When I learned about the choice Wanderers make before "answering the call" I wanted to tattoo on my wrist, so that I'd see it all the time, "DO NOT DO THIS EVER AGAIN." When Ra explains what it takes for Wanderers to make the choice to help, it completely resonated with me, though. It is SO something that I would do. I just hope that I haven't incurred too much Karma or done anything else that would make me have to repeat another 3rd density lifetime. I suppose that is why I never committed suicide, even though I get the ideation still. Bottom line: I've got problems. But I am thoroughly trying to solve them. That is why I am here. I need to know I am not alone, I need friends who have had some of the same experiences I have and understand me. If I could talk to my Higher Self, I wouldn't turn that chance down in a green heartbeat, but I have not had the experience. I have lots of other things from my life which make me know that I am a wanderer, I just need to stop typing!!
Below, you will find more material from my letters to L/L Research, I just don't have the energy to give them context. If anyone has any questions, and PLEASE if anyone has had some of the same experiences as I have, or ideas of what they mean, please let me know.
Thank you so much for reading this excessively long story, I Love you!!
pink.owl/erin
.:* Below is a snippet explanation of my experience with Christianity, and the strange story of how I came to find the Ra Material, and my absolutely bizarre, but honest reaction to it at the time that I wrote to L/L Research!!*:. (**all of the following was edited on May 3, 2012. If you read it previously, I had added it without editing from my original two [freakout!!] letters to L/L Research, and at the time of posting my Wanderer Story I couldn't type anymore by the time I got to this point, so I left the material from my freakout letters, without expanding the information and bringing it up-to-date regarding spiritual growth between Feb. 20th and now! Now, I stop explaining and, I edit!!**)
I went to Episcopalian Church from age 5 until maybe 11, when political issues caused my parents to leave the Episcopal Church, but I went to Awanas (Baptist Scouts, earning "badges" for memorizing Bible verses, is the best way to put it) and found God on my own, and begged my parents to go to the Church where my Awana meetings were held, which worked, so at age 12 or so we became North American Baptist. My parents and I were baptized in 1991. My sister was baptized about a year later. She and I are "Spiritual Opposites," where she was reluctant to enjoy Church as a child through pre-teen, I enjoyed going to Church in my early years, even while at the same time I was interested in Ghosts, Astrology, and pretty much anything Paranormal. I left the church, due to their intolerance of those who did not believe the same way they did, which did not sit well with my whole-hearted belief that we should accept all people for who they are, no matter what they believe or what they look like, when I was 18. And soon after she was baptized, my sister joined the "Youth Witnessing" program at the Church, and eventually became a missionary, a dream-come-true for my parents, while I did not believe it was right to tell anyone how to think or behave, let alone believe! Yet I came back to God finally, a "prodigal daughter" about this time of year(February, when I was writing my letter to L/L Research), two years ago. I have had issues with the Bible, which I did my best to investigate and reconcile with my own true feelings, while at the same time, I chose to ignore until January, when in desperation I got down on my face before God and asked to see the Truth. The truth of Him, myself, and the world, which in a round-a-bout way eventually brought me to David Wilcock's book, "The Source Field Investigations," and soon after, to the Law of One. At first when I read some of the Ra Material, I was sure it was a Demon speaking (!), until I found out that Carla always challenged entities three times in the name of Christ, which made me feel better, and when I saw that those of Ra passed her challenge I second-guessed my first reactions. One thing which I found quite peculiar was that, almost immediately I noticed that Ra spoke Hebrew, saying, "Adonai" at the end of each session. This really put a "check in my spirit," and I wondered, "why Hebrew?" and, "why Adonai??" These questions prompted me to look the Hebrew word Ra up in my Hebrew dictionary of the Old Testament, in my Favorite Bible, "The Hebrew-Greek Key Word Study Bible - NASB" and it said bad things; (literally copied from my Bible), "ra',(from 7489: ra'a; a primitive root; [properly] to spoil [literally by breaking to pieces]) and Ra; bad or (as noun) evil (natural or moral) :---adversity, affliction, bad, calamity,+displease, distress, evil ([favouredness],man, thing),+ exceedingly, x great, grief(-vous), harm, heavy, hurt (-ful), ill (favoured), + mark, mischief (-vous), misery, naught (-ty), noisome, + not please, sad (-ly), sore, sorrow, trouble, vex, wicked (-ly, -ness, one), worse (-st), wretchedness, wrong. [including feminine, ra'ah: as adjective or noun.] This dictionary was the cause of my reservations at the time, since I had read so little of the Ra Material due to my hesitating gut-feeling; which I would say, had lasted from January 18, 2012, when I had bought Mr. Wilcock's book on my Kindle, until I wrote to L/L Research on February 20, 2012, and spoke with Gary, and was concurrently doing more research of the Law of One/RA Material, which completely resonates with me spiritually, and I am so thankful for being led to. (!!!)
After learning of the Orion group's involvement with the Bible, I came to a spiritual crisis, until I spoke with my(non-Christian, non-Bible-believing, but God-believing, & sure that he's not sure of anything -he is not a seeker) husband over a very important and lovely conversation at Valentine's dinner; and he told me that if prayer works for me, I should keep doing it, and if I have reservations with the Bible, I should take the parts that are meaningful to me and throw out the rest, which was a relief and scary at the same time. So, after thinking that over, and with a little extra reinforcement of Aaron's idea from Gary, that's exactly what I did (mentally, not literally ;D) and I most certainly feel so much better!
At the time of writing my letters, I was excruciatingly fearful of negative entities. This was huge and truly interfered with my life. There was a time in my life, in my late teens-early twenties, in which I could not say or even hear the word, "alien" without a horrifying physical result in my body (extreme anxiety/fear). All of my fiends knew, and even though their favorite show at the time was the X-Files, they all knew I had to leave before they watched it, and they could not speak about, "the a-word" without me freaking out. I have no memory of any E.T. contact besides two childhood dreams. being a wholeheartedly-faithful Christian at the time, it bothered me very much to read about the Orion/negative e.t. involvement in the creation of my (then) religion, most notably in the formation of the concept of Elohim/Yahweh in the Books of Moses. My spiritual crisis was this: "When I pray, how can I be sure that I am not praying to a negative entity?" Because if they had involvement with the creation of the Jewish faith, and Christianity is based upon Judaism, I wondered, "If I have been praying to “Yahweh, the God [Elohim] of Heaven” (Ezra 1:2) or simply “God of Heaven” (Nehemiah 1:4), is there some negative entity awaiting my prayers?" I was SO confused. Now that I understand that "All is One," I am much less confused. I have to admit, I stopped praying at all for quite a while, and have only recently begun the practice with any sort of comfort.
Finding the Ra Material & the Law of One has been such an amazing blessing to me. I can finally say I am closer than ever to having the answer to the questions, "why am I so different?" , "where did I come from?" , and "What am I supposed to do here?" I haven't felt so free to be myself since I was a child, before I had to go back to Kindergarten and learn how to socialize with the children around me. I am still remembering new things that add to my Wanderer story, so as I remember those things, I will post and date those things under the heading below. I even remembered one today!
As you can see, I am extremely open and honest. I encourage any and all questions you may have regarding anything I have posted here (and elsewhere as that happens, my disabilities keep me away from the computer sometimes, and sometimes I get the chance to type for a long time, like tonight! but my hands and arms are trembling, and I need to stop typing, so my first "extra" will have to wait until later
)
Again, I can not express my gratitude enough in words to thank you for reading my very lengthy story, I hope I haven't bored you to tears!!
With True Love,
erin
.:*:..things i have remembered since writing my messages..:*:.
........
My name is erin. I was born at 11:39 on October 9, 1975, in Torrance (Los Angeles County), CA. I now live in Cookeville, TN (as of july 4th, 2011). I know that I am a wanderer, and that I am in the process of awakening. I have to say, to begin, that I have known that I am an outsider for literally my entire life. I was born to very sweet parents, whom I Love, and who also didn't know exactly what they were getting into, having me, and my difference causes them to not have the ability to truly understand me. I have a sister, 17 months younger than me, and an older brother whom my mother had at the age of 19, and gave up for adoption rather than marry the father. We just re-connected with him, which has been nice.
I have had really severe problems adjusting to this Plane of existence, and have caused (my parents & sister) much trouble, but they have essentially been there with me, for the long haul you might say, in their own ways. Unfortunately I am disabled with Chronic Pain issues and take medications for my condition, both situations of which leave me physically and mentally handicapped to varying extents which change seemingly moment to moment sometimes, I'll expand on that further down the line.
For a background on my story (the childhood stuff), these are the reasons which have brought me to here, and the things that make me positive that I am a wanderer. As a child, I was such a dreamer that it caused parent-teacher conferences, and even held me back in school. I was excruciatingly sensitive. I have always "talked" to all animals (and other things!) with my mind, especially cats, bees, and bumblebees. The bees because everybody seemed to hate them, and it caused sorrow for me. I was painfully shy. I was held back for not being "socially" ready for 1st grade, even though I was ahead of my class (of older children, I started kindergarten at four) for not talking to anyone my own age, only adults, and for sucking my thumb and daydreaming too much. Also, my mom added that it was their decision (the teacher and my parents) that because I was so sensitive and had such problems interacting with children, that it would be better for me, socially, to be older than those around me for the rest of my school career. At that time, I was pulled out of my class, and sent to "early-entry kindergarten" for the remainder of the year, which I think was about 1/2 or so, honestly I don't know. The next year, when I re-entered kindergarten, I had the same teacher as before. I did much better socially, but there was a strange phenomena that I both remember, and was relayed to me by my mother later. The girls would fight over who would do things for me, like, say, sharpen my pencil, and sit with me or play with me at recess. The teacher and aide both said she never saw anything like it before. They would have to literally break up fights over me, and I remember girls trying to carry me, and such. That phenomena was SO odd!! The only thing I can think that was happening at the time, looking back now, was that I was communicating with them telepathically without understanding what I was doing. The fighting over me, & carrying me..I just don't know, possibly it was something with my energy.
My mother said she felt like I was older than her from even before I started talking, and in school she said it was fascinating to watch me with the other children because I always stuck up for the disliked children, for instance, calling on the most disliked child first when it was my turn for question time at show-and-tell, and that it seemed to be a very natural thing. I have never had an easy time sticking up for myself, but I will speak my mind in an instant if someone is being treated unfairly or is treated as an "underdog." I wished desperately that I had violet, blue, or green skin (this went on in my head throughout my whole childhood). I was very upset when I learned what "meat" was. I was so sensitive about hurting other living things. I felt everyone's pain so much that it hurt me. This turned into a very serious problem at the age of 15, and continued to be very serious until the age of about 21. I couldn't bear/understand, and still have issues with, saying no to anyone. I still let people walk all over me without realizing it, until it makes my husband so mad that he has a talk with me. I am trying hard to work on that. Before age 15, I naturally stretched and (looking back on it) did yoga of some type to deal with my pain/stress here. If someone wouldn't volunteer for something, I always did. I even was given an award, which I still have, for, "Volunteering to be the Dad in the class play" in First Grade. So funny!! On a strange note, one of my old friends grabbed my hands when I was 18 or 19 and said, "why don't you have any lines in your hands?!" I think I was so surprised I said nothing as she inspected both of my hands intently and exclaimed, "seriously! You're palms look like they're made of wax!!" It really only made such an impression on me because she was so freaked out that I was sure that it was really, actually, weird! I mean, I had never thought of my hands like that, but, (laughing) now that I type it out and which action made me think about it, I had the hardest time when I was going through my uber-short palmistry phase in my as a budding 11 year-old "new age" enthusiast. (once I heard the term and realized that all of my most passionate interests fell under the heading, well, except for my Christianity! I was obsessed with spirits and the paranormal world beginning in the Third grade, when I checked out and read every single book I could find about ghosts in every library that I could ride my bike to.
I was always sick as a kid, but never anything too serious, except for the Pneumonia I got twice. Apparently I got Mono at some point, because I have Epstein-Barr Syndrome now. I had chronic ear infections, and can even remember times when I was in grade school and just couldn't deal with whatever emotional stress I was encountering and was able to actually make myself get a mild cold on demand (of my mind) in order to stay home a few days to try to deal with it. I have dealt with severe depression my entire life, with bouts of extreme anxiety, which got increasingly bad until the age of 15, when I had so much trouble with emotional turmoil, stress, depression and anxiety that it caused me to have psychotic episodes of hallucination and I was (mis)diagnosed with Schizophrenia two weeks after my 16th birthday and then treated for it for six years afterward. I was hospitalized 4 different times and needless to say, it was very traumatic, and I wondered incessantly WHY that sort of thing would happen to me. Obviously, I have had an extremely difficult time being here, but these things, while hugely traumatic, and at the same time in response to some trauma have made me the person I am today, and have given me strength and experience rare on this earth!
..umm, let's see.. I shall try to bring you to the present moment now.Currently I am slowly but seriously digesting the Law of One books (I am only on session 36!) While at the same time reading 101:The Choice and AWH. I started meditating to try and clear my Chakras, and I can get up to blue, and I have had energy enter into indigo, at which time a blank screen was starting to form, and my upper body started to shake or vibrate, but I had been meditating for a long time, clearing chakras carefully, and I'm new at all this! I had to give up, but I feel like an amazing experience is on the other side of indigo!
I have been dealing with serious physical pain stemming from a major vehicle accident in 2000, after which I slowly developed a horrible case of Fibromyalgia, arthritis in my facet joints in my lower-thoracic spine, patellofemoral syndrome in both knees, and a bad right shoulder, which I had surgery on in 2004, which led to super-fast progressing carpal tunnel syndrome in my left hand from over-compensating which I had surgery on in 2006. I finally got placed on Social Security Disability Insurance last June, and I can't wait till I get medicare next Feb. (If there is a next February?!
) I'm not sure if, like Carla, I chose all of these handicaps so that I would stay focused on Spiritual things, or the job at hand, but it has been a very hard incarnation. When I learned about the choice Wanderers make before "answering the call" I wanted to tattoo on my wrist, so that I'd see it all the time, "DO NOT DO THIS EVER AGAIN." When Ra explains what it takes for Wanderers to make the choice to help, it completely resonated with me, though. It is SO something that I would do. I just hope that I haven't incurred too much Karma or done anything else that would make me have to repeat another 3rd density lifetime. I suppose that is why I never committed suicide, even though I get the ideation still. Bottom line: I've got problems. But I am thoroughly trying to solve them. That is why I am here. I need to know I am not alone, I need friends who have had some of the same experiences I have and understand me. If I could talk to my Higher Self, I wouldn't turn that chance down in a green heartbeat, but I have not had the experience. I have lots of other things from my life which make me know that I am a wanderer, I just need to stop typing!!Below, you will find more material from my letters to L/L Research, I just don't have the energy to give them context. If anyone has any questions, and PLEASE if anyone has had some of the same experiences as I have, or ideas of what they mean, please let me know.
Thank you so much for reading this excessively long story, I Love you!!
pink.owl/erin
.:* Below is a snippet explanation of my experience with Christianity, and the strange story of how I came to find the Ra Material, and my absolutely bizarre, but honest reaction to it at the time that I wrote to L/L Research!!*:. (**all of the following was edited on May 3, 2012. If you read it previously, I had added it without editing from my original two [freakout!!] letters to L/L Research, and at the time of posting my Wanderer Story I couldn't type anymore by the time I got to this point, so I left the material from my freakout letters, without expanding the information and bringing it up-to-date regarding spiritual growth between Feb. 20th and now! Now, I stop explaining and, I edit!!**)
I went to Episcopalian Church from age 5 until maybe 11, when political issues caused my parents to leave the Episcopal Church, but I went to Awanas (Baptist Scouts, earning "badges" for memorizing Bible verses, is the best way to put it) and found God on my own, and begged my parents to go to the Church where my Awana meetings were held, which worked, so at age 12 or so we became North American Baptist. My parents and I were baptized in 1991. My sister was baptized about a year later. She and I are "Spiritual Opposites," where she was reluctant to enjoy Church as a child through pre-teen, I enjoyed going to Church in my early years, even while at the same time I was interested in Ghosts, Astrology, and pretty much anything Paranormal. I left the church, due to their intolerance of those who did not believe the same way they did, which did not sit well with my whole-hearted belief that we should accept all people for who they are, no matter what they believe or what they look like, when I was 18. And soon after she was baptized, my sister joined the "Youth Witnessing" program at the Church, and eventually became a missionary, a dream-come-true for my parents, while I did not believe it was right to tell anyone how to think or behave, let alone believe! Yet I came back to God finally, a "prodigal daughter" about this time of year(February, when I was writing my letter to L/L Research), two years ago. I have had issues with the Bible, which I did my best to investigate and reconcile with my own true feelings, while at the same time, I chose to ignore until January, when in desperation I got down on my face before God and asked to see the Truth. The truth of Him, myself, and the world, which in a round-a-bout way eventually brought me to David Wilcock's book, "The Source Field Investigations," and soon after, to the Law of One. At first when I read some of the Ra Material, I was sure it was a Demon speaking (!), until I found out that Carla always challenged entities three times in the name of Christ, which made me feel better, and when I saw that those of Ra passed her challenge I second-guessed my first reactions. One thing which I found quite peculiar was that, almost immediately I noticed that Ra spoke Hebrew, saying, "Adonai" at the end of each session. This really put a "check in my spirit," and I wondered, "why Hebrew?" and, "why Adonai??" These questions prompted me to look the Hebrew word Ra up in my Hebrew dictionary of the Old Testament, in my Favorite Bible, "The Hebrew-Greek Key Word Study Bible - NASB" and it said bad things; (literally copied from my Bible), "ra',(from 7489: ra'a; a primitive root; [properly] to spoil [literally by breaking to pieces]) and Ra; bad or (as noun) evil (natural or moral) :---adversity, affliction, bad, calamity,+displease, distress, evil ([favouredness],man, thing),+ exceedingly, x great, grief(-vous), harm, heavy, hurt (-ful), ill (favoured), + mark, mischief (-vous), misery, naught (-ty), noisome, + not please, sad (-ly), sore, sorrow, trouble, vex, wicked (-ly, -ness, one), worse (-st), wretchedness, wrong. [including feminine, ra'ah: as adjective or noun.] This dictionary was the cause of my reservations at the time, since I had read so little of the Ra Material due to my hesitating gut-feeling; which I would say, had lasted from January 18, 2012, when I had bought Mr. Wilcock's book on my Kindle, until I wrote to L/L Research on February 20, 2012, and spoke with Gary, and was concurrently doing more research of the Law of One/RA Material, which completely resonates with me spiritually, and I am so thankful for being led to. (!!!)
After learning of the Orion group's involvement with the Bible, I came to a spiritual crisis, until I spoke with my(non-Christian, non-Bible-believing, but God-believing, & sure that he's not sure of anything -he is not a seeker) husband over a very important and lovely conversation at Valentine's dinner; and he told me that if prayer works for me, I should keep doing it, and if I have reservations with the Bible, I should take the parts that are meaningful to me and throw out the rest, which was a relief and scary at the same time. So, after thinking that over, and with a little extra reinforcement of Aaron's idea from Gary, that's exactly what I did (mentally, not literally ;D) and I most certainly feel so much better!
At the time of writing my letters, I was excruciatingly fearful of negative entities. This was huge and truly interfered with my life. There was a time in my life, in my late teens-early twenties, in which I could not say or even hear the word, "alien" without a horrifying physical result in my body (extreme anxiety/fear). All of my fiends knew, and even though their favorite show at the time was the X-Files, they all knew I had to leave before they watched it, and they could not speak about, "the a-word" without me freaking out. I have no memory of any E.T. contact besides two childhood dreams. being a wholeheartedly-faithful Christian at the time, it bothered me very much to read about the Orion/negative e.t. involvement in the creation of my (then) religion, most notably in the formation of the concept of Elohim/Yahweh in the Books of Moses. My spiritual crisis was this: "When I pray, how can I be sure that I am not praying to a negative entity?" Because if they had involvement with the creation of the Jewish faith, and Christianity is based upon Judaism, I wondered, "If I have been praying to “Yahweh, the God [Elohim] of Heaven” (Ezra 1:2) or simply “God of Heaven” (Nehemiah 1:4), is there some negative entity awaiting my prayers?" I was SO confused. Now that I understand that "All is One," I am much less confused. I have to admit, I stopped praying at all for quite a while, and have only recently begun the practice with any sort of comfort.
Finding the Ra Material & the Law of One has been such an amazing blessing to me. I can finally say I am closer than ever to having the answer to the questions, "why am I so different?" , "where did I come from?" , and "What am I supposed to do here?" I haven't felt so free to be myself since I was a child, before I had to go back to Kindergarten and learn how to socialize with the children around me. I am still remembering new things that add to my Wanderer story, so as I remember those things, I will post and date those things under the heading below. I even remembered one today!
As you can see, I am extremely open and honest. I encourage any and all questions you may have regarding anything I have posted here (and elsewhere as that happens, my disabilities keep me away from the computer sometimes, and sometimes I get the chance to type for a long time, like tonight! but my hands and arms are trembling, and I need to stop typing, so my first "extra" will have to wait until later
)Again, I can not express my gratitude enough in words to thank you for reading my very lengthy story, I hope I haven't bored you to tears!!
With True Love,
erin.:*:..things i have remembered since writing my messages..:*:.
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, but would you mind elaborating upon what you mean when you say that it seems like my spirit complex is having a hard time staying anchored to my mind and body? I just want to be sure I understand completely what you mean.