competition

[KYDoug]

Of the many things I am trying to work on, the concept of competition is up there at the top. Being more specific, we can examine others and compare our behaviors to theirs. With objectivity and humility, that exercise can be quite useful in identifying areas that each of us could improve upon - so far, so good. Yet, I find myself slipping into a “ranking” trap where that objective process leads to a determination of “better” or “worse”.

This is so frustrating! I can intellectually understand that, in a Reality where everything is infinite, the whole idea of better or worse is ridiculous from so many perspectives. Not only is it just silly because even the best of us, or the best of a 6th dimensional, or anyone is still, by definition, infinitely away from perfection. Moreover, since understanding is infinite, we don’t know what is better or worse, so only by trial and error - a generalized scientific method - do we gradually learn.

Now, I catch myself doing this ranking most of the time right after I do it, but it DOES happen. I try to say that I will learn from this, and I guess I am. I think this whole ranking need must stem from an intrinsic insecurity which itself may be tied to the concept of perfectionism. Yes, I know being a perfectionist is just plain wrong, as stated above, but it exists somewhere in me anyway. 

Ranking is connected to competition which seems to be a very fundamental part of the human condition. A small part of competition might be beneficial in learning, but for the most part, it seems detrimental. Does anyone have suggestions that might help kick me of this “habit” other than purely intellectualizing it?

Thanks, I truly appreciate it.

If a similar thread appeared previously, I apologize. I did do a search in the forum and didn't see quite what I was looking for - but it is a big forum.

[IndigoSalvia]

Update: Never mind, it is now viewing normally. 

Is it just me, or is this post microscopic? When I copy/paste, my posts are also. I reported it on the bug thread. 

Workaround: when creating a post, change the font size (via icon), or go to html source and edit. 

[Diana]

Update: Never mind, it is now viewing normally. 

Is it just me, or is this post microscopic? When I copy/paste, my posts are also. I reported it on the bug thread. 

Workaround: when creating a post, change the font size (via icon), or go to html source and edit. 

I just edited the OP.

Yes, the html viewing option is toggled in the last icon on the compose menu (looks like a page with lines on it). There you can remove styles such as font size.

Also, when copying and pasting text, it's better to go to the browser menu > edit > paste and match style, and there won't be any embedded styles.

[IndigoSalvia]

By recognizing and contemplating our own distortions when they arise, this is a first step. In my understanding of the teachings, we can take the distortion (perfectionism, in this case) into our heart in a warm, tender embrace. In essence, send L/L (understanding, compassion and wisdom) to this distortion, which may have served us well (or not so well). Contemplate its polar opposite. Recognize this distortion's expression in other-selves. Here, we can see the distortion as common to both self and others, which serves to connect us with our true nature as One and Infinite. 

If any of this rings true for you, use it ... if not, let it go.

[KYDoug]

I do see this distortion, sort of understand it, have thought a lot about the opposite, seen it in others, but I haven't sent it any love. That's a hard one since it truly bothers me, but maybe this is just what it, and I, need. I will try that. As I said, it's not that I don't see it, but it knee-jerks in as a habit or something. Thank you again, IndigoSalvia.

[unity100]

Think simple:

The situation, success, achievements, feelings or thoughts of someone else has absolutely zero effect on whether you are where you want to be.

If someone is more successful than you, and you are at a point in life where you always wanted to be, the other person's situation or status or thoughts have zero effect on your situation.

Conversely, if you are more successful/competent than someone else or if you are in a 'better' situation/status than that other person, it matters absolutely nothing if you are not where you wanted to be in life.

So in the end, what matters is where you are and whether where you are is where you wanted to be.

[KYDoug]

Thank you, Unity. You are so correct. I do get that. What is more difficult is that, even though I do understand what you said and can correct myself AFTER the "ranking" thought pops into my head, it does not negate the fact that the thought DID pop into my head. That is, how do I stop that reflex habit, no matter how brief if may be, from popping up in the first place? It almost makes it worse that I understand its ridiculousness immediately after the fact since it is truly is so ridiculous. Arrgh...

I have been trying IndigoSalvia's suggestion and will see how that plays out. I realize that the odds of it working are most likely related to the attitude that I go into it with, so I am trying to be optimistic about it.

[tadeus]

This is so frustrating! I can intellectually understand that, in a Reality where everything is infinite, the whole idea of better or worse is ridiculous from so many perspectives. Not only is it just silly because even the best of us, or the best of a 6th dimensional, or anyone is still, by definition, infinitely away from perfection. Moreover, since understanding is infinite, we don’t know what is better or worse, so only by trial and error - a generalized scientific method - do we gradually learn.

Does anyone have suggestions that might help kick me of this “habit” other than purely intellectualizing it?

Ranking seems to be part of evolving our connections to other beings and the corresponding chakras.

Maybe this is only part of finding out what is better or worse as the one infinite creator.
Because we are all one and part of the one infinite creator, this method is ridiculous, but there is maybe no other way to find it out?

[Dtris]

Thank you, Unity. You are so correct. I do get that. What is more difficult is that, even though I do understand what you said and can correct myself AFTER the "ranking" thought pops into my head, it does not negate the fact that the thought DID pop into my head. That is, how do I stop that reflex habit, no matter how brief if may be, from popping up in the first place? It almost makes it worse that I understand its ridiculousness immediately after the fact since it is truly is so ridiculous. Arrgh...

I have been trying IndigoSalvia's suggestion and will see how that plays out. I realize that the odds of it working are most likely related to the attitude that I go into it with, so I am trying to be optimistic about it.

Competition gets  a lot of flack on here and in spiritual circles but I personally think that it can be a very useful tool. Like any other tool or catalyst what matters is how you approach it.

If you are having a contest with a group of friends or co-workers, for example, which has a universally beneficial goal then the competition can help everyone. If the dynamic of the competition is supportive, and not destructive it is also more useful.

It sounds to me like you may be comparing yourself to others habitually and in ways which is not really useful. Which your mind is interpreting as competitive. Some people have that kind of drive and turn everything into a competition.

I would say if that is the case that a healthy competitive outlet may help you focus your competitive energies in a useful direction.

Also it is easier to build a new overlapping habit than to cause a habit to go extinct without a replacement. So instead of trying to not rank yourself and others, instead replace those thoughts with something else, like "they are very good at this, maybe I can learn something from them." Or " I may have more experience than them, perhaps they would be able to learn from me." Those are just examples but the point is to think something else that is positive instead of the ranking thoughts.

[KYDoug]

Thank you so much tadeus and Dtris; you responses were spot on and helped greatly. I get what you are saying...and I am still trying IndigoSalvia's strategy, too!

[flofrog]

I feel for you KYDoug, it was a great habit of mine too.. lol

and then many many years ago I read this passage in Conversations with God, which said something akin to : if you look at someone who seems behind think of children that are in first grade versus children in 11 grade. They obviously have not the same view or same achievements, yet the child in first grade is as hard working and worthy and to be admired as the one in 11th.. it’s very basic, i know, but strangely it gave me lots of patience towards myself… or towards anyone

Best wishes KYDoug…