Respecting other's free will

[sillypumpkins]

I don't think it's quite necessary to go into the nitty gritty details, but long story short, a personal relationship of mine has become tumultuous over the last few years.

It's gotten to a point now where small things set my friend off. It's pretty obvious to me that they are hanging on to a lot of anger, and so (seemingly) 'small' things will happen, and it will trigger intense catalyst for this person. Once it's triggered, this person has a hard time keeping their cool and so it becomes difficult for me to have a conversation with them. That might be the understatement of the century, but.... anyways, the details aren't particularly important.

My main thing is: every time this has come up with my friend, I feel the urge to tell them how their behavior makes me feel. However, lately I have begun to feel that I am violating this person's free will by saying this, because every time I do, it is clear that this person doesn't even want to see how I feel about it.

So it has become a bit of a Catch-22 situation for me. This person wants to "talk things out" with me, and yet... it's clear that they aren't willing to understand where I'm coming from, so what can I say? I don't want to violate their free will in this situation, if they truly do not want to see this.

The only option I see now..... is to simply be silent and do what I need to do for myself.

Does anyone resonate here with what I'm saying?

[Ymarsakar]

I give people between 1 and 3 chances.

If they are still resistant or unable to seek catalyst usage, i cut them off or banish them

They likely feel better talking out their stress because your untrained empath channels take on their pain. Or they judt need someonr rlse to listen to them. Misery loves company.

Personal catalyst requires them to be alone and isolated. Outside crutches merely distract them.

[flofrog]

Silly I think it's wise to be silent. Sending silently love with no attachement is a nice little thing to do..

[Patrick]

Is your relationship with that person enforced by external factors, like living with them at the same address?

[sillypumpkins]

Is your relationship with that person enforced by external factors, like living with them at the same address?

not per say. it's a family member. I am living with one of my parents right now so they are pretty much welcome here any time (if not by me, than by my parent). this person lives with roommates about 30 minutes away from me, but again, they are free to come here whenever they wish as it's not my house.

[Patrick]

Well I would say there is some external enforcement in that case.

So then the option of no longer being friends might not be on the table. Which means interactions will continue.

I think adopting an attitude of acceptance without the wish of changing the other person in any way might help with time. From experience, even with such an attitude the other might seek confrontations, as in they want the fight. But that's a next step that may not happen for you here. Maybe just accepting this person will be enough.

[rva_jeremy]

Therefore, in the process of communication, you must give all that you have away. Is your difficulty that of a relationship? Then you must give that relationship completely away. You must lose everything so that you have no stakes in the outcome of the relationship. There are no impressions to be made. There is no grasping for meaning. You are simply there to listen and to give, with no possible loss. You may apply this to any of the areas of your illusion. Any reputation that you have, any pride, any thoughts that you wish to be of more service but the structure of your environment first must change, need to be left behind. For you who have anything at stake have too much to lose to communicate love.

https://llresearch.org/homecomings/chann..._0310.aspx

[Minyatur]

My main thing is: every time this has come up with my friend, I feel the urge to tell them how their behavior makes me feel. However, lately I have begun to feel that I am violating this person's free will by saying this, because every time I do, it is clear that this person doesn't even want to see how I feel about it.

Talking often can make people not very receptive, even worsen things as they take it as an attack. While just living how it makes you feel can instead give better signals.

So if you are feeling annoyed, you can for example become more silent and distant naturally. This already shows the effect of what this person is making you feel, or just state that you are annoyed. If you're trying to teach them something directly, then people will tend to close up and become angered because to be taught something requires being open. You can't learn for others.

[Diana]

...

My main thing is: every time this has come up with my friend, I feel the urge to tell them how their behavior makes me feel. However, lately I have begun to feel that I am violating this person's free will by saying this, because every time I do, it is clear that this person doesn't even want to see how I feel about it.

So it has become a bit of a Catch-22 situation for me. This person wants to "talk things out" with me, and yet... it's clear that they aren't willing to understand where I'm coming from, so what can I say? I don't want to violate their free will in this situation, if they truly do not want to see this.

The only option I see now..... is to simply be silent and do what I need to do for myself.

Does anyone resonate here with what I'm saying?

I think you can talk with this person or not, depending on what you want to do. The only consideration I see is that you have no expectations, and that you are not attached to any outcome (including this person understanding you). 

[zedro]

There are no free will issues if you are in an exchange, i.e. they are causing reactions in you, so I wouldn't worry about returning the volley. If anything, an argument could be made that they are infringing on you.

That being said, I would create some boundaries. Loving someone doesn't mean you get to be their emotional punching bag or garbage bin. An act of love can be to disengage from someone, it may be a more meaningful signal than an emotional plea that falls on deaf ears.

Some people are energy vampires without knowing it, the food source needs to be cut off somewhere.

[sillypumpkins]

Thank you all for your insights....... gonna come back to this thread once my brain is more organized

[Ymarsakar]

I have no need for brains any more

[Ohr Ein Sof]

I don't think it's quite necessary to go into the nitty gritty details, but long story short, a personal relationship of mine has become tumultuous over the last few years.

It's gotten to a point now where small things set my friend off. It's pretty obvious to me that they are hanging on to a lot of anger, and so (seemingly) 'small' things will happen, and it will trigger intense catalyst for this person. Once it's triggered, this person has a hard time keeping their cool and so it becomes difficult for me to have a conversation with them. That might be the understatement of the century, but.... anyways, the details aren't particularly important.

My main thing is: every time this has come up with my friend, I feel the urge to tell them how their behavior makes me feel. However, lately I have begun to feel that I am violating this person's free will by saying this, because every time I do, it is clear that this person doesn't even want to see how I feel about it.

So it has become a bit of a Catch-22 situation for me. This person wants to "talk things out" with me, and yet... it's clear that they aren't willing to understand where I'm coming from, so what can I say? I don't want to violate their free will in this situation, if they truly do not want to see this.

The only option I see now..... is to simply be silent and do what I need to do for myself.

Does anyone resonate here with what I'm saying?

Time for a self to self talk without other self (lol)...
My thought is.......well, this is catalyst for you more than it is for them. It seems to be bothering you enough to write it here to possibly gain some insight. Which I think is awesome.
But, can you reflect on any of your relationships and see if there is a breakdown in communication when it comes to "your feelings" as in, being ignored or played off as if they really do not matter? Like the other human can say anything but when it is your turn to spew your truth, you never get to?
I mean truthfully you are not in your friend's head, you are in your head where this is very bothersome. So this is your catalyst. Perhaps it is your friend's as well but how can you know that? What you do know is how this makes you feel. And to me, this is where you begin, with the emotion. Your emotions are offering you a clue possibly as to something that could need healing, attention, understanding and wisdom.
I would meditate on the situation. Replay it in my mind before bedtime and ask for clarity in my evening prayer.
I hope you find healing and lots of love, Silly.

[Raukura Waihaha]

It could be that you're learning unconditional love.
I found that when there have been people put in front of me who I can't ignore or respectfully decline to engage with, it was a lesson in not needing to control the situation. Further more, it was an opportunity to see through the behavior to see the reasons why. Then it was alot easier for me to forgive them because I felt compassion for their pain.
It's an interesting lesson though; learning to love those who know no better.

[jafar]

My main thing is: every time this has come up with my friend, I feel the urge to tell them how their behavior makes me feel. However, lately I have begun to feel that I am violating this person's free will by saying this, because every time I do, it is clear that this person doesn't even want to see how I feel about it.

Then ask permission first, do you want to know how I feel about it?
If they say "no", then respect that choice and don't tell.
If they say "yes", then tell them with full honesty.

If they got 'angry', tell them that you're not blaming them or asking or even forcing them to change.
You just telling them what you feel because they ask about it.

[Spaced]

“Unexpressed emotions will never die. They are buried alive and will come forth later in uglier ways.”

It is better, imo, to express what you are feeling with compassion and without attachment regarding how it will be received if only to get it off your chest. I don't think there is any fear of infringement in this case as you are making no effort to control the other, just freely expressing your own perspective as is your prerogative through your own free will. This is a way of using the catalyst in an attempt to balance yellow-ray.

The other option is to raise the catalyst up to the heart center and recognize the other is learning their own lessons through their own unique perspective and to offer them love and wish them well. I would, however, caution about "skipping ahead" in your lessons. If you are still feeling a strong emotional response to the catalyst offered by the other then perhaps it is better to explore and resolve that (once again, just my opinion).

[sillypumpkins]

to all of you: THANK YOU!!!!! all of the replies have been monumentally helpful for me at this time

this relationship has been a constant throughout my life and has only recently (in the last 5 years) become quite "catalytic"..... in other words, the last 5 years have been very confusing and painful!! (for both of us, might I add)

i am beginning to see now, that my brother has his own lessons on this planet. and i can see how hard it is for him to be here, as it can be for me too. so..... even in the midst of what I used to subtly recognize as "ugly behavior," (i.e, name-calling, yelling, throwing things, screaming, gaslighting, etc), i'm beginning to see beauty in him

especially in terms of my brother reflecting me back on to myself.... wow, what a trip that can be!! i suppose i am seeing what a service my brother provides for me, and that trumps all the 3d stuff that comes with it

i don't really have anything i want to say to him anymore really..... i used to get into tizzies in my mind, imaginary conversations and the like. but now.... i am comfortable with the silence. i don't really have anything to say anymore.

anyways, thanks again you guys

[Ymarsakar]

This can be resolution via astral. When it happens, the 3d avatars dont always remember but they feel the peace.

[jafar]

to all of you: THANK YOU!!!!! all of the replies have been monumentally helpful for me at this time

this relationship has been a constant throughout my life and has only recently (in the last 5 years) become quite "catalytic"..... in other words, the last 5 years have been very confusing and painful!! (for both of us, might I add)

i am beginning to see now, that my brother has his own lessons on this planet. and i can see how hard it is for him to be here, as it can be for me too. so..... even in the midst of what I used to subtly recognize as "ugly behavior," (i.e, name-calling, yelling, throwing things, screaming, gaslighting, etc), i'm beginning to see beauty in him

especially in terms of my brother reflecting me back on to myself.... wow, what a trip that can be!! i suppose i am seeing what a service my brother provides for me, and that trumps all the 3d stuff that comes with it

You're welcomed.

Every events are catalyst for you to become 'better'.

Regarding 'name calling', the most common pattern in this can also be found on rivalry within sports.
How Ali-Frazier-Foreman used to be entangled with each others in the same pattern and now each of them has realized that their 'rivals' are actually partner for them to become a better person. At the very least to become a better boxer in this case.

That's why it's beneficial to 'temporarily' dis-identify yourself from your avatar, thus you can see things from 'larger perspective', zoomed out perspective.