Is my job healthy?

[GreatSpirit]

So I'm at work and my boss sends me an IM about an account that I made an error on. I had a panic attack and my heart kept pumping really really fast while I was investigating it. I was literally telling myself "calm down! calm down! calm down!". It's an office job that's based on numbers and I am only allowed to make 3 errors in a month, and I am barely passing. I'm always getting 2/3 errors a month now. It was never this bad before and now I'm barely meeting my production, when it was previously fabulous.

Is it really healthy to have such a job where I have panic attacks and always worry about getting errors? I'm only there because I get paid really good for a job in this area. There isn't much here. Plus I get to work at home so I'm only in the office once a week.

But I cringe and freak out whenever I open my email to see if I got QC back. If I go on a written warning because of quality/prod, then I lose my work from home privileges and have to go back into the office which I DO NOT want to happen.

I should be grateful to have a job, but it's a nightmare scenario to go back into that office and deal w/all these a-holes there. I have my reasons for trying to minimize my presence in that office as much as possible.

And I think to myself.....wow I only work really just to take care of my cat. Other than that, why am I even here?

[AnthroHeart]

My friend is trying for social security disability because he has OCD, ADHD, and he can't stand for long and has pain in his hands and feet, so he can barely use a mouse. It doesn't pay well, but if you have disability insurance on your home and you become disabled, it will pay your mortgage for you.

I'm going that route too because I have PTSD among a few other conditions. I've been on disability since April of last year.

[GreatSpirit]

My friend is trying for social security disability because he has OCD, ADHD, and he can't stand for long and has pain in his hands and feet, so he can barely use a mouse. It doesn't pay well, but if you have disability insurance on your home and you become disabled, it will pay your mortgage for you.

I'm going that route too because I have PTSD among a few other conditions. I've been on disability since April of last year.

I heard they deny a lot of social security claims these days. Sucks. I hope he gets it.

You're lucky to be on disability man. Even though its a fixed income and doesn't pay a whole lot, you don't have the burden of having to go to a job you don't really care for and deal w/all kind of a-holes and immaturity. Sucks for me at the office because I have to fart a lot and I obviously cant rip them in my space.

[AnthroHeart]

I've heard of people getting SSDI after 8 tries. I was denied the first time. I'm on temporary disability through a company that works with my former job. If my appeal doesn't work, they will provide me with a lawyer.

My current disability pays enough. I don't have a mortgage to worry about and my truck is paid of. But it will only pay for another year at the most. I'll need SSDI for permanent, though that doesn't pay as much as what I get now. I don't pay taxes on what I get now, and I do a job on the side, which is taking care of my mom. It pays less than the cutoff for disability.

[Nicholas]

So I'm at work and my boss sends me an IM about an account that I made an error on. I had a panic attack and my heart kept pumping really really fast while I was investigating it. I was literally telling myself "calm down! calm down! calm down!".

I see your boss here as a "messenger" and his communication as your "trigger". I can relate to this so I will share my messenger/trigger story.

I was on holiday in Spain a few years ago and on one of the days my partner and I went scuba diving. We started practising in a pool first and in the afternoon we sailed into the mediterranean. We jumped in as instructed and my scuba teacher ran me through the process before diving. This involved looking down at the sea bed while breathing through my apparatus, and I was informed that the sea bed was about 8 metres deep. When I looked at the bottom it seemed more like 80 metres deep and I immediately panicked, through off my breathing apparatus and began to hyperventilate. I calmed down and gave it another go but the same uncontrollable panic took over me. It was after failing the second time that my instructor asked if I wanted to get back on board the boat. This in retrospect was like a message to my subconscious, "do I want to quit?". I emphatically refused and said I just need a few moments. I visualised what I had seen and reminded myself that it was only 8 [i]metres[i] deep. I could easily swim back to the surface if things went wrong down there. Then I gave my instructor the OK sign and put my head under for a third time, while concentrating on my breathing. This time I kept my composure and panicked while we were descending. All I could see was bubbles so I just focused on my breathing and equalising patterns. Once I was at the bottom I had a great time for 20 minutes and even got to see a purple spotty octopus!

What this experience showed me was the unprocessed memory of when I was 6 years old. I never had a male role model in my life and my step father was no exception. When I was 6 he thought it would be fun (showing off in front of his friends) to grab me and hold me upside down over a balcony. We were 3 storeys up in a block of flats and the floor at the bottom was concrete. He then pretended to drop me, while showing his strength by grabbing my leg at the last moment. I began to fall and saw death, if for a split second.

So seeing the bottom of the mediterranean sea many years later "triggered" that unresolved memory. I did not know that at the time though, hence the panic.

So it seems to me that something similar has happened to you? Why panic at making mistakes? Why did I panic with something I longed to experience?

It's an office job that's based on numbers and I am only allowed to make 3 errors in a month, and I am barely passing. I'm always getting 2/3 errors a month now. It was never this bad before and now I'm barely meeting my production, when it was previously fabulous.

I love numbers! Give me a ten digit number and that will stick in my mind like glue. For example my partner just asked me to remember 01206570088 (the phone number for our local pizza delivery store). She could ask me next week and it will roll off my tongue!  

Is it really healthy to have such a job where I have panic attacks and always worry about getting errors? I'm only there because I get paid really good for a job in this area. There isn't much here. Plus I get to work at home so I'm only in the office once a week.

Our problems do not really lie at the heart of the challenges we face in life. They are more surface indicators (triggers) imo. If you were to get another job that might pay a little less, yet make you feel more fabulous, do you think it would last?

But I cringe and freak out whenever I open my email to see if I got QC back. If I go on a written warning because of quality/prod, then I lose my work from home privileges and have to go back into the office which I DO NOT want to happen.
I should be grateful to have a job, but it's a nightmare scenario to go back into that office and deal w/all these a-holes there. I have my reasons for trying to minimize my presence in that office as much as possible.

Reading between the lines, GreatSpirit, I don't think I would want to return either. I would probably nail one of my work colleagues with a well deserved headbutt. Gangs of bullies tend to have leaders and I would aim straight at em, then beat myself up for busting their noses and losing my job altogether.

And I think to myself.....wow I only work really just to take care of my cat. Other than that, why am I even here?

If you are like me then you allow your cat under the covers at night, right? Of course you may not appreciate the noisy purring of your feline companion. I do!  

You are also here to experience things that confront the way in which you perceive the world, confront the way in which you interact with it.

My personal challenge right now is providing my partner with the emotional support she needs from me. If I don't, she will over eat or keep me awake at night. Both behaviours annoy me, and yet they are pointing something out that needs addressing. So shall I cancel our wedding so I can free myself from these burdens, or look a little deeper as to the part I am playing in them?

Again, its simply a matter of recognising the "triggers", and decoding the "message".  

[GreatSpirit]

So I'm at work and my boss sends me an IM about an account that I made an error on. I had a panic attack and my heart kept pumping really really fast while I was investigating it. I was literally telling myself "calm down! calm down! calm down!".

I see your boss here as a "messenger" and his communication as your "trigger". I can relate to this so I will share my messenger/trigger story.

I was on holiday in Spain a few years ago and on one of the days my partner and I went scuba diving. We started practising in a pool first and in the afternoon we sailed into the mediterranean. We jumped in as instructed and my scuba teacher ran me through the process before diving. This involved looking down at the sea bed while breathing through my apparatus, and I was informed that the sea bed was about 8 metres deep. When I looked at the bottom it seemed more like 80 metres deep and I immediately panicked, through off my breathing apparatus and began to hyperventilate. I calmed down and gave it another go but the same uncontrollable panic took over me. It was after failing the second time that my instructor asked if I wanted to get back on board the boat. This in retrospect was like a message to my subconscious, "do I want to quit?". I emphatically refused and said I just need a few moments. I visualised what I had seen and reminded myself that it was only 8 metres[i] deep. I could easily swim back to the surface if things went wrong down there. Then I gave my instructor the OK sign and put my head under for a third time, while concentrating on my breathing. This time I kept my composure and panicked while we were descending. All I could see was bubbles so I just focused on my breathing and equalising patterns. Once I was at the bottom I had a great time for 20 minutes and even got to see a purple spotty octopus!

What this experience showed me was the unprocessed memory of when I was 6 years old. I never had a male role model in my life and my step father was no exception. When I was 6 he thought it would be fun (showing off in front of his friends) to grab me and hold me upside down over a balcony. We were 3 storeys up in a block of flats and the floor at the bottom was concrete. He then pretended to drop me, while showing his strength by grabbing my leg at the last moment. I began to fall and saw death, if for a split second.

So seeing the bottom of the mediterranean sea many years later "triggered" that unresolved memory. I did not know that at the time though, hence the panic.

So it seems to me that something similar has happened to you? Why panic at making mistakes? Why did I panic with something I longed to experience?


[/i]

It's an office job that's based on numbers and I am only allowed to make 3 errors in a month, and I am barely passing. I'm always getting 2/3 errors a month now. It was never this bad before and now I'm barely meeting my production, when it was previously fabulous.

[i]

I love numbers! Give me a ten digit number and that will stick in my mind like glue. For example my partner just asked me to remember 01206570088 (the phone number for our local pizza delivery store). She could ask me next week and it will roll off my tongue!  


[/i]

Is it really healthy to have such a job where I have panic attacks and always worry about getting errors? I'm only there because I get paid really good for a job in this area. There isn't much here. Plus I get to work at home so I'm only in the office once a week.

[i]

Our problems do not really lie at the heart of the challenges we face in life. They are more surface indicators (triggers) imo. If you were to get another job that might pay a little less, yet make you feel more fabulous, do you think it would last?


[/i]

But I cringe and freak out whenever I open my email to see if I got QC back. If I go on a written warning because of quality/prod, then I lose my work from home privileges and have to go back into the office which I DO NOT want to happen.
I should be grateful to have a job, but it's a nightmare scenario to go back into that office and deal w/all these a-holes there. I have my reasons for trying to minimize my presence in that office as much as possible.

[i]

Reading between the lines, GreatSpirit, I don't think I would want to return either. I would probably nail one of my work colleagues with a well deserved headbutt. Gangs of bullies tend to have leaders and I would aim straight at em, then beat myself up for busting their noses and losing my job altogether.



[/i]

And I think to myself.....wow I only work really just to take care of my cat. Other than that, why am I even here?

[i]

If you are like me then you allow your cat under the covers at night, right? Of course you may not appreciate the noisy purring of your feline companion. I do!  

You are also here to experience things that confront the way in which you perceive the world, confront the way in which you interact with it.

My personal challenge right now is providing my partner with the emotional support she needs from me. If I don't, she will over eat or keep me awake at night. Both behaviours annoy me, and yet they are pointing something out that needs addressing. So shall I cancel our wedding so I can free myself from these burdens, or look a little deeper as to the part I am playing in them?

Again, its simply a matter of recognising the "triggers", and decoding the "message".   [/i]

[GreatSpirit]

Ha, the cat is actually banned from being underneath the covers. He cuddles w/me every night but is only allowed on top of the comforter.

Regarding my job, its a test that I fail at miserably. I simply cannot deal with nonsense and foolishness in a supposed "professional" environment so I make every effort to keep away from that office and people there and it works best that way.

Thursday is my day to go in the office, yet the previous Thursday was the worst day of the week. Why?
- The one application I use on the computer was malfunctioning and this one snotty girl who sits across from me was laughing.
- I was walking to the break room and there is a part of the floor that creaks and it sounds like you're farting so I got laughed at again.
- I had that panic attack w/that account.

The real reason I don't want to go back in and freak out is because I'd have to deal w/my boss everyday. I really can't stand her because she's two faced and unprofessional. I recognized this when I first stated working there. She'll make fun of you and talk about you, despite her claiming to be such a good person. You could be walking down the aisle, and if she is with someone else she'll whisper to that person and make fun of you. She makes fun of people because it makes her feel good about herself since she is obese and miserable. Plus she has bad DNA probably.

Well in short, its causing me a mental breakdown so if I have to go back in the office, I will make an attempt to documents every single infraction against her and report it to HR. If I have to quit due to intolerable work conditions, I can collect unemployment.

We're so far behind in our work that there are not firing people for bad quality. As long as you can produce. My one buddy there who lost his work at home privileges because of errors is on like a final extension...meaning they won't fire him because he's just a body. So for me, I'll still be stuck there even if I try to get fired!! The only way Id get fired is if I walk out or attack my boss. lol.

[Nicholas]

Ha, the cat is actually banned from being underneath the covers. He cuddles w/me every night but is only allowed on top of the comforter.

Regarding my job, its a test that I fail at miserably. I simply cannot deal with nonsense and foolishness in a supposed "professional" environment so I make every effort to keep away from that office and people there and it works best that way.

Thursday is my day to go in the office, yet the previous Thursday was the worst day of the week. Why?
- The one application I use on the computer was malfunctioning and this one snotty girl who sits across from me was laughing.
- I was walking to the break room and there is a part of the floor that creaks and it sounds like you're farting so I got laughed at again.
- I had that panic attack w/that account.

The real reason I don't want to go back in and freak out is because I'd have to deal w/my boss everyday. I really can't stand her because she's two faced and unprofessional. I recognized this when I first stated working there. She'll make fun of you and talk about you, despite her claiming to be such a good person. You could be walking down the aisle, and if she is with someone else she'll whisper to that person and make fun of you. She makes fun of people because it makes her feel good about herself since she is obese and miserable. Plus she has bad DNA probably.

Well in short, its causing me a mental breakdown so if I have to go back in the office, I will make an attempt to documents every single infraction against her and report it to HR. If I have to quit due to intolerable work conditions, I can collect unemployment.

We're so far behind in our work that there are not firing people for bad quality. As long as you can produce. My one buddy there who lost his work at home privileges because of errors is on like a final extension...meaning they won't fire him because he's just a body. So for me, I'll still be stuck there even if I try to get fired!! The only way Id get fired is if I walk out or attack my boss. lol.

I love my cat because he is devoted to me. Its a conditional type of love but I am still grateful because he chooses to annoy me with his presence. Today I had to cut his claws because of his persistence! 

So its a power issue that you are dealing with? 

My bad 

If you ever truly breakdown, mentally, help is always available   

[GreatSpirit]

Cats are the best! IMHO. He can be a d-bag tho, but that's usually when I ignore his I've had enough que.

Back to the job issue, it's not the power that I hate, but the unprofessionalism. I've actually hung out w/her before outside of work and I've smoked w/her at my house and in general I'm cool with her and she's helped me out at work sometimes, but its just when she starts that snotty two faced ignorant behavior either at others or me, and I'm like "F this!! You can't do this!!!"

Two faced people are definitely on my shyte list. Don't even have the audacity to call me a friend if you're going to just pretend to be a friend.

I accept she's my boss and has authority over me while at work, but talking trash and making fun of people on company time is truly unacceptable and I'm actually surprised she hasn't been reported to HR before. It's just one of those situations where I don't have an ace up my sleeve. Just got to deal with it. The job itself I can tolerate more than her! lol. I can't really afford to lose my job over something this stupid since they pay me well, I work from home, and I get unlimited overtime. I've been working mandatory overtime for almost 4 years now.

Now yes it does give me a challenge to accept her and deal w/her as she is. Although I find this VERY EFFEN HARD!!! Also, I've realized that in any job, there are going to be people that just give you problems no matter what.

[Jade]

Coworker catalyst is one of those mainlines that never runs dry.

[outerheaven]

If you have to ask, your job isn't healthy.

[Raz]

I recommend starting a habit of regular Reishi and Chaga extract. Made me go from coping with my work to thriving in it.

[GreatSpirit]

I recommend starting a habit of regular Reishi and Chaga extract. Made me go from coping with my work to thriving in it.

Hell yea I'll try this! I hope it helps with the panic attacks and anxiety that comes w/this job.

Ironic thing is that I really can't get fired! lol. It's just losing my work at home privileges that will kill me.

[GreatSpirit]

Coworker catalyst is one of those mainlines that never runs dry.

[Minyatur]

What is the purpose of coworkers catalysts?

[rva_jeremy]

My 2¢: jobs in general are unhealthy. Renting your body and mind for the ability to eat, have shelter, etc. is not an ideal arrangement. Go easy on yourself and reflect on these feelings.

[Jade]

What is the purpose of coworkers catalysts?

What I personally meant is that when you are working in a typical work environment where you have to have a level of cooperation with others, that there will be many opportunities for catalyst, as a coworker situation forces you to 'team up' with someone you may not 'vibe' with. The more coworkers you have, the more likely a potential 'bad day' for one of them pops up to work with.

I'm speaking from a personal place because my current catalyst involves my coworkers: They treat me, intensely, like competition, so I'm working on dealing with that.

[Nicholas]

Cats are the best! IMHO. He can be a d-bag tho, but that's usually when I ignore his I've had enough que.

Back to the job issue, it's not the power that I hate, but the unprofessionalism. I've actually hung out w/her before outside of work and I've smoked w/her at my house and in general I'm cool with her and she's helped me out at work sometimes, but its just when she starts that snotty two faced ignorant behavior either at others or me, and I'm like "F this!! You can't do this!!!"

Two faced people are definitely on my shyte list. Don't even have the audacity to call me a friend if you're going to just pretend to be a friend.

I accept she's my boss and has authority over me while at work, but talking trash and making fun of people on company time is truly unacceptable and I'm actually surprised she hasn't been reported to HR before. It's just one of those situations where I don't have an ace up my sleeve. Just got to deal with it. The job itself I can tolerate more than her! lol. I can't really afford to lose my job over something this stupid since they pay me well, I work from home, and I get unlimited overtime. I've been working mandatory overtime for almost 4 years now.

Now yes it does give me a challenge to accept her and deal w/her as she is. Although I find this VERY EFFEN HARD!!! Also, I've realized that in any job, there are going to be people that just give you problems no matter what.

I understand now. Your boss's ethics do not resonate with your own and you/others have been played for fools in the past. I had a big and open fall out with my boss a couple of years ago when I criticized his business ethics in front of the work team. What I learned (and failed to consider before opening my gob) was that some members of the team felt threatened by my overt criticism. An old boy phrase, "don't bite the hand that feeds you" is how some people saw things and one particular member thought it loyal to tell our boss what I had said. This resulted in a near 30 minute phone call with him and I elaborated on what I thought about his money management. I lost trust within the company (understandable) and in turn my foreman position (got demoted which turned out to be a positive outcome). My work production also decreased as I tried to reconcile things (I developed an unhelpful swagger) and got a hefty pay cut (ouch!). 

At every occasion when I meditated on this issue there was a strong feeling to not quit (I wanted to!), but rather to repair the trust, produce the amount I am capable of and counterbalance the negative thought-forms that had developed within my mind. I am very glad that I trusted my intuited guidance on this issue because all is now well. Even if I got another job elsewhere there is no longer a negative texture to leave behind, that I co-created.

You sound pretty confident in your job so why do you think the errors have crept in? Obviously I cant advise on what is best for you but I hope that sharing my experience may be of help.

That said, keep a watchful eye on your thoughts here dude!

 

[Minyatur]

What is the purpose of coworkers catalysts?

What I personally meant is that when you are working in a typical work environment where you have to have a level of cooperation with others, that there will be many opportunities for catalyst, as a coworker situation forces you to 'team up' with someone you may not 'vibe' with. The more coworkers you have, the more likely a potential 'bad day' for one of them pops up to work with.

I'm speaking from a personal place because my current catalyst involves my coworkers: They treat me, intensely, like competition, so I'm working on dealing with that.

This answers what the catalyst is but not the purpose of the catalyst toward yourself.

[Jade]

Oh, generally I meant it was a glut supply of accessible, conscious, workable, daily catalyst. Do you mean specifically? For me it's about cultivating patience, and the ability to offer love and acceptance without expecting anything (love and acceptance) in return.