The feeling I have.

[The_Tired_Philosopher]

I didn't know how to explain it, but now I realize its just paranoia.

The feeling I have is like, being afraid of the dark, only towards people.

Is this Anxiety too perhaps?

[Jade]

Yeah, absolutely. People are even more reliably unpredictable than the dark.

[AnthroHeart]

I have it bad too. I can't work because of paranoia. I am always afraid of getting fired.
I've been told twice when I was working that I could lose my job.

My mom makes me very nervous too. She curses a lot when she's upset and it gets to me.
I get violent thoughts when she's like this.

When I go shopping I like to be in and out quickly. But my mom likes to take 4 hours at one store.

[anagogy]

I would say so. "Social anxiety". And I would also say it is extremely common, although almost everybody tries to hide it.

Do you ever suffer from performance anxiety? Like performing poorly when being watched by others?

[AnthroHeart]

My schizophrenia makes me afraid of just being. I've been chased by black holes in my imagination that totally freaked me out. I thought the Earth's core was turning into a black hole and I could feel being crushed.

[anagogy]

My schizophrenia makes me afraid of just being. I've been chased by black holes in my imagination that totally freaked me out. I thought the Earth's core was turning into a black hole and I could feel being crushed.

Gemini, didn't you say that your schizophrenia was brought on by using pharmahuasca?

If I am not mistaken on that front, I want to ask you if you could go back in time would you have stopped yourself from doing it in the first place? Or did you learn lessons from that experience that you wouldn't undo?

I have no point, or object lesson, in asking this, I'm simply curious about your life experience.

[AnthroHeart]

I probably wouldn't have stopped myself. I am not sure if it's what brought it on.
But it wasn't fun thinking my best friend at the time was going to torture me with his tools.
It was fun seeing the leaves of the trees animated.

Though there were scary times, there was also amazing times. They were about the same amount of time.

[The_Tired_Philosopher]

I would say so.  "Social anxiety".  And I would also say it is extremely common, although almost everybody tries to hide it.

Do you ever suffer from performance anxiety?  Like performing poorly when being watched by others?

I used to, not so much anymore since I work in front of people all the time now.

Hey Gem, how has your life changed the most since becoming schizophrenic?

[AnthroHeart]

Yeah, I am no longer working. I am trying for Social Security Disability Income.
I am nervous about an upcoming interview that I have to have.

[anagogy]

Yeah, I am no longer working. I am trying for Social Security Disability Income.
I am nervous about an upcoming interview that I have to have.

Gemini, I thought you were working from home as a programmer?

Did your situation change?

[AnthroHeart]

Yeah, I am no longer working. I am trying for Social Security Disability Income.
I am nervous about an upcoming interview that I have to have.

Gemini, I thought you were working from home as a programmer?  

Did your situation change?

Yes, 7 months ago. I am on short term disability now, because of paranoia and confused thinking.
I did make a raise before I went on disability, but I always feared I would get fired for performance.