Hate human physical contact

[Jade]

One thing that helped me (I acutely understand what you mean by the emotional drainage) is to remember that we do not have a finite supply of energy: and when it comes to offering healing energy to others, we have the infinite energy of the Creator to move -through- us to offer to others.

Now I'm a very kind person IRL, but one thing I have never participated in is fawning over people with compliments. I agree that it's a very insincere thing to do unless it's entirely organic. I haven't thought about it but I would guess that this issue stems from the orange ray - our relationships with others. If we feel they are using us, even if it's just for petty emotional validation, we are going to buck against that, especially if we feel it's a one way street. It is true that others can siphon our finite supply of energy (even unintentionally with waaaah make me feel better gripes), but if we are alert again, we can move the infinite energy through us.

I do think the military service is probably very applicable to how you feel - being taught and told that your body no longer belongs to you is hard to get over. But you are sovereign, your body does belong to you, and the energy you use does, too. So I'd say this is definitely orange ray in nature but also affected by yellow-ray blockages after having been told that you belong to the country to be used, so to speak. I'm not sure what exactly they -say- to you but I don't think it's in any uncertain terms that your body is no longer yours to make decisions about.

[Steampunkish]

Recently I've been extremely aversive to human contact (I have been for a long time, but more so lately). It makes my skin crawl and makes me very angry. The nearest emotion I can think to describe it is disgust. It will bother me for hours and make sleep difficult.

Has anyone else ever experienced this?

Are you sure you're alright ? That's a really awkward thing to say.

[The_Tired_Philosopher]

Jade, I've only once in my life experienced a moment where I felt a siphoning of extra energy into my own finite supply, one morning when I was working a morning shift and had laid down to sleep for 5 hours, and got none.  I was about to just not show up and go to sleep when I sat in my car, feeling really crappy and I just asked myself for help, one of those 'if I've got it please let me have it now' and bam, small boost of energy out of nowhere.

Now if only I could synergize that infinite supply with my finite one.  Something akin to Naruto Sage mode is the thought that comes to mind (if anyone isn't familiar with this concept, Naruto uses 'chakra' energy which is finite, and can synergize his own energy with the infinite available supply in nature to enter Sage mode, but he must balance it properly against his own energy, or else basically become a toad permanently.)

[Aion]

You can, that's literally what 'energy practice' like qi gong/martial arts, yoga and ritual magic is for.

Using one of my Reiki symbols I can 'charge' myself at will.

[Karl]

Are you sure you're alright ? That's a really awkward thing to say.

I'm not sure, that's why I brought it up here. I don't think it's the problem so much as the symptom of something else

[lily]

I do think the military service is probably very applicable to how you feel - being taught and told that your body no longer belongs to you is hard to get over. But you are sovereign, your body does belong to you, and the energy you use does, too. So I'd say this is definitely orange ray in nature but also affected by yellow-ray blockages after having been told that you belong to the country to be used, so to speak. I'm not sure what exactly they -say- to you but I don't think it's in any uncertain terms that your body is no longer yours to make decisions about.

This seems quite accurate to me. The experience I mentioned in my uncertain forum actually dealt with yellow blockage. There is a lot that comes with military experience that change a person on the inside. Which in part can explain my encounter with my shadow self. I think that is partially what I feel in regards to an aversion to physical touch. As in, the parts of me that are so human, the very parts I do not like similar to what The_Tired_Philospher spoke of when he said, "And I still am, not for lack of trying but people... People hurt me. Their ugly attitudes, their pithy excuses to mistreat others. Their gross demeanors. Their theft and madness and cruelty."

It is that very energy that is real and within me that merges when people get too close. In addition to what would be left of the positive that I tirelessly attempt to hold on to drains effortlessly into another's pitiful esteem. Honestly, I feel more blockage in the green lately and nothing is seen but a feather. This just becomes so frustrating.

[Adonai One]

One can only do what they are able to do. One should not harm themselves unless one wants a life suffering.

In other words, you ought to expose yourself to people as you can handle it if the experience has any hope of becoming pleasant.