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Sexual addiction! and Male-Female energy roles/energies - Biu_Tze - 03-02-2010
So! Here we are, My first thread covered this topic to an extent, but as suggested by another poster and agreed upon by me, I think this would be a good topic of it's own!
So without further ado.. let's see what we can uncover here!
I feel that just sharing and bringing this stuff to light is a great act of cleansing.
As most males in our culture, ( I assume anyways?) my introduction to porn must have been around the age of 12 or 13. Before this I had had sexual experiences of a much more innocent nature, so I feel, kissing my ex gf at a roller-rink for hours at a time and what not, anyways...
It must have taken me a few attempts to masturbating to finally achieve orgasm, sad to say my first time was indeed while focusing on pornography, I believe I was in my parents room, due to them having cable. I don't think It became "slightly" out of control until when I was about 14-15ish, I recall masturbating in class rooms, full of students, while focusing on girls. In the bathrooms, still focusing on girls. At home I would stay up all night to record porn from off cable t.v. for later use, and to share with friends. I actually had someone leave a copy of something a bit more hardcore, the first time I actually saw a vagina and penis, as well as anal sex being presented.
At first I found such things rather gross, but soon enough, that became quite interesting to me, for some reason things which initially grossed me out, soon became my topic of most interest. I visited some online sites when I was 13 or so, I think it wasn't until around the age of 15 I found actual video clips online, and started downloading random stuff off of kazaa, ( for those of you who don't know.. it's like napster.. or itunes, except it was free, and had software, videos, audio, online books, ect ect) anyways, they would name files things that they really weren't and I soon came across some.. very strange things, the pattern continued, I was initially disgusted by that which I found, but soon developed a taste for such things. Among these things, was beastiality, which for a good 3-4 years I would from time to time have an urge to view again. I also found some pedophilia, while I was around the same age as these girls when I did in fact find it, and there was no intercourse going on, I don't feel too guilty about it, aside from unknowingly supporting it, I didn't have many girlfriends from the ages of 13-16, in fact I had none. So seeing naked girls my own age was something I liked a lot.
When I was 16 I began dating a girl, and within a week we had had sex, and I had lost my virginity. We had a lotttt of sex, 3-4 times a day, for months, while definitely forming some somewhat unhealthy habbits, and sadly I enacted that which I saw on pornos, mainly thinking "the harder and faster I go the better" She seemed to like it, and would even compliment me for doing as such. We spent almost every day and night together, (she would spent the night everyday for months) after about 6 months of going out, my dad died, he was my for lack of a better word "soulmate" we could read each others minds, we had the exact same energy, we were one. anyways, this devastated me beyond what words can explain, I still struggle with the emotional damage it caused, I smoked a lot of marijuana in these days, as a coping mechanism, and even became quite addicted to it, contrary to popular belief I believe that it's possible.
She had come from a hard background, she lived on the street for a few years, had been doing meth since 14, and soon I started stealing pot from my mom, which doesn't quite belong in this thread, but it does pertain to the story seeing as how pot + sex = a new formed addiction during this time. This went on for a good year or so, before she couldn't handle our lifestyle any more, I was VERY depressed, when we first met, I was full of love and light, and helped her view life in a different way as she did me, but that had been lost, she was no longer enjoying the sex we had, it was pretty much all about me, and as I was the only one doing the "work" I felt that to be fair more or less, not to mention I had no idea what else could be done, making love to me didn't quite make sense. Altho we did share such an experience once. So I felt anyways. Anyways, my porn addiction continued during our relationship, and spun out of control once we broke up, I would masturbate typically 10 times a day, sorry to get graphic here, but my penis would almost always be COVERED in scabs from over use for a good year or two.
I think I'm mixing up dates now that I think harder about it, This was more towards the 14-16 age period, when I was about 18 I went to california, and read the yaqui way of knowledge, which began my transformation. My sexual habbits persisted once I got back home, roughly 2 months later. Eventually I decided I wanted to save my sexual energy for dreaming, which was after we broke up. It was a real struggle, by this point I was absolutely addicted to porn. I could last a week or two, sometimes a month, once I even went about 4-6 months. I couldn't smoke pot during this time, which was a great asset to me being able to quit, I had ingested a poisonous extraction of Hawaiian baby woodrose seeds, which contain LSA, closely related to LSD, also found in morning glory seeds, anyways, I had severe palpitations, which I struggled through, I didn't go to a doctor or er for 3 days, but it never went away, so I couldn't bear the stress any more.
For the next 6-12 months I would try to smoke pot and have horrible anxiety attacks, heart beat rising to 180 bpm, my legs would twitch uncontrollably, I would shiver uncontrollably, while my skin felt afire. Anywayssss, Eventually I fell back into a negative loop, or more negative loop, I was sober for about 7 months without trying to do anything, focusing on the carlos castaneda books as my refuge. Than I'd relapse, start masturbating wayyy too much, and smoking small bits of pot, which always lead to my relapse with porn. For the last 16 months or so I can smoke pot without getting too uncomfortable, it helps to open my heart sometimes, others it just makes me crazy or uncomfortable or both. anyways, back to the sexual/pornography addiction! Sorry about how I trail off so easily, lol
The past two years I would focus on some pretty "bad stuff" fake rape fetish crap, girls which look quite young, but aren't, watched some youtube videos of teenage girls dancing about, gangbangs, double anal, you name it, the more f*ck*d up it was, the more I got into it for some reason. Half the time I felt guilty and detached , half the time I was VERY detached, with no sense of guilt I could discern, my guilt came from my desire to be pure and to keep my sexual energy for spiritual pursuits.
And the fact that I felt bad for the women I would masturbate to, what a sick form of corruption. It broke my heart, but at the same time I was massively detached, I would look at beautiful sunrises and feel nothing, I could see people being abused and feel nothing. I couldn't even cry, and still to this day have a fair amount of difficulty doing so.
My emotions opened up slightly a few years ago, compassion being the biggest one, it's very massive, for which I am very thankful for. Anyways, I've had a girlfriend for about a year, and while I was in love with her, my desire for porn was non existant, ( it started off as an out of state relationship) she ended up going back to her old boyfriend, which broke my fragile heart. We started going out again a few months after that. I sent her a video that touched my heart, and knew it would touch hers too, it was meant to be a goodbye, I love you and wish you well type of thing, but we ended up dating again. I didn't have the love any more, but It was nice to fill the void in my heart again. I went out to meet her last april, she was moving to texas, the plan was to eventually live together. I went out there, showed her as much love as I could. but Knew it just wasn't meant to be, it wasn't what I wanted.
I returned to minnesota, and she had fallen in love with me, she was VERY needy, calling me at all hours of the day, demanding that I wake up at 10am to call her, and goto by 2am with her, she wanted to be on the phone every second of the day, and was doing everything in her power to get me to come live with her in texas, I loved her and felt bad for her, but wanted nothing to do with her, I however let myself be bent to her will, and went back, her aunt was insane, and abusive, so I had her come back to minnesota with me to live in my house. My porn addiction pesisted every since my heart was broken the first time, she found out a few times, went ape s***, and I stopped for a week or two, or a month or two, anyways, about a month ago I ran across the some LOO related information, and it reawakened the spiritual side of my truth seeking, as opposed to just the conspiracy related stuff.
She caught me doing it again about a week before that, I have refrained since that date, I have done a fair amount of healing, and during this whole time with her, I have been trying to relate my spiritual truths to her, hoping to help her, and she has grown an enormous amount. I have a lot of love for her, but I feel more like a father/brother than a lover for the most part. She has been invading my space wanting me to be a lover and I have been telling her no this whole time, anyways.. we have finally set up some somewhat healthy boundaries, and are actively working towards making things better.
Theres a few other sexually addicted aspects of my life I haven't covered here, but this is already to jumbled about to try and add them in a way that would make a small amount of sense so yeah.. here is this much. I still have urges from time to time, had a couple dreams involving sex, one where I almost came, but stopped myself. and yeah. The struggle continues, but I'm in a much healthier place than I have been in since before my whole gf escapade started, when I was actively pursuing spirituality. I feel confident in my ability to surpress it, but I want to learn to accept it and explore it, without actually doing it? I don't quite know how to go about that to be honest. TLOO states, that accepting and embracing our "problems" is the way to heal, but I am at a loss as to how to do that in a healthy way.. I shall continue to seek answers!
-let's off a huge sigh- man that was a long stressful post eh?
MUCH LOVE!
RE: Sexual addiction! - Turtle - 03-02-2010
Wow, what a story (paragraph breaks PLEASE!
)I had a slightly similar experience with masturbation, not as severe though, from the beginning puberty days to very recently in life. The same theme of trying to fill a void by doing it as much as you can, but persistent scabs!? Wow, I couldn't go that far, you must have had a LOT of pent up energy, lol.
One thing I've definitely noticed is that if you want to do dream work, or astral travel, you're way better off not using up any sexual energy. I found that for me it would be way too hard to become lucid, even if I was slightly aware that I was dreaming. It's very much like...
[trying to run a mile, after you just had sex 5 times straight] = [trying to get lucid in a dream after masturbating ONE or TWO times.] jeez!
I've personally come to the point where masturbation can only happen for me when I feel OVERSTIMULATED by seeing way too many hot women on the streets, and this is ok with me because I know I'm still young at 24 years old, and celibate by choice. Other than that, I've been trying to play a balancing act with myself so I'm not drained, and can have great dreams.
I won't comment on porn, I think that subject is deciphered WAAAY easier on your own, using your own emotions and thoughts on the subject. Plus, I'm just not interested in talking about it, lol.
Godspeed!
RE: Sexual addiction! - ayadew - 03-02-2010
Thank you for sharing.
RE: Sexual addiction! - Biu_Tze - 03-02-2010
-Bows- Thanks for your reply!
I too have had MUCH MUCH more success with dream work when I was able to maintain celibacy.
I don't want to focus on anything if/when I do choose to release all of this energy that is being saved. my girlfriend is open to trying to express as much love as possible, with the least amount of lust as possible. Not sure how that will go, or what it will entail, time will tell.
-takes a second to sit and breath-
and now..
Much Love!
My pleasure to share freely that which should never dwell in darkness.. not like anything should eh?
Much Love!
RE: Sexual addiction! - ayadew - 03-02-2010
I can add that I've had my fair share of problems also. It is difficult to be lost in a young and excited body, with ideals and sexual desire and infinitely complex relations to deal with.
At the age of 15 I masturbated almost everyday. Now (23) I can't find motivation for it unless I am poked/provoked, that I'm in a stable relationship probably adds to the lack of it too. We appreciate eachothers company without too much sex. I want every intercourse to be sacred and a transmission of pure love. Doing it too much might just make it feel like routine..
There is magic in sex. A great mystery and much power. No kidding black magic is centered around it. But for the white mage it's one of the purest experiences of love that can be found in this existence.
RE: Sexual addiction! - Biu_Tze - 03-02-2010
When I went back to Texas, I had the intention of piercing her addictive feelings of neediness and separation with love. I feel like I was able to momentarily do so. I never felt so much love in my life, and I could tell she was on the same page. That to me was VERY sacred, I feel if we both put our intent upon such a union, with practice, it will become VERY magical indeed, thanks for sharing!'
I too am 23
RE: Sexual addiction! - fairyfarmgirl - 03-02-2010
Gee when I was 23 back in the day... I had sex often and frequently sometimes several times a day... sometimes never leaving bed!I considered it a joy and rite of passage to do so! The exploration of my beingness through learning with others... LOL ! Sometimes it was GREAT and others not so much... sometimes I was just there and it was all about their process... over time I became aware of those "types." At the time I called them the 30 second men. LOL
Ahhhh... that was before kids. Now-- It is more complicated...
To be 23 again and to have the body back...before giving away to the making of children... brings back memories...
Enjoy connecting with others in a way that is healthy and responsible. There is no wrong or right--- only isness and experience... Learn from your experiences. If something is not for you... simply choose again. Pull cords when necessary with love and firm gentleness. Every experience is challenge by choice... if you do not wish to do not do.
Also--- if something is addictive to you... then do it until it no longer holds interest to you. Repetively over 3 days time--- it will exhaust the illusion and allow you to see TRUTH.
The Great Rite is a Beautiful and opening expansive experience. Ecstatic! But there is also connecting and sharing with others to be considered.
A way one can view the whole having sex alot is that practice makes perfect. A competent partner is soooo much better than one that fumbles around obliviously and is self-absorbed in thier own process.
I found the book Tantric Quest to be quite enlightening.
fairyfarmgirl
RE: Sexual addiction! - Biu_Tze - 03-02-2010
I definitely indulged in it for days upon end and while the illusion of how meaningless and stupid/pointless it is subsided, the desire always comes back. I think there are a lot of subliminal things programmed into the men in our society, and that it is further reaching than meets the eye.
Maybe that's just to make me feel better about all of this, either way I have my suspicions.
Thanks for your reply! I appreciation those good ol intentions!
Much Love!
RE: Sexual addiction! - fairyfarmgirl - 03-02-2010
I speak from experience. Once you see past the illusion you must then transform that which is driving the illusion.
Pornography is not an issue I am familar with... Seen it and not particularly interested in it.
Do as you will as you are male.
It seems I may have stumbled on the all boys thread. Interesting is it not that this is the only post by a female.
fairyfarmgirl...
RE: Sexual addiction! - Lavazza - 03-02-2010
Edit: Please PM me for the text in this, and subsequent posts.
RE: Sexual addiction! - Lavazza - 03-02-2010
Edit: edited.
RE: Sexual addiction! - Monica - 03-03-2010
Biu_Tze, thanks so much for sharing such an important yet delicate topic.
I'm not surprised that your girlfriend turned out to be needy. She may have been reflecting back to you the same pattern of neediness, but in a different form. Both are addictions.
Here are some Law of One quotes that you may find helpful:
Quote:...energy transfer. Before the veiling such a transfer was always possible due to there being no shadow upon the grasp of the nature of the body and its relationship to other mind/body/spirits in this particular manifestation. Before the veiling process there was a near total lack of the use of this sexual energy transfer beyond green ray.
This also was due to the same unshadowed knowledge each had of each. There was, in third density then, little purpose to be seen in the more intensive relationships of mind, body, and spirit which you may call those of the mating process, since each other-self was seen to be the Creator and no other-self seemed to be more the Creator than another.
After the veiling process it became infinitely more difficult to achieve green-ray energy transfer due to the great areas of mystery and unknowing concerning the body complex and its manifestations. However, also due to the great shadowing of the manifestations of the body from the conscious mind complex, when such energy transfer was experienced it was likelier to provide catalyst which caused a bonding of self with other-self in a properly polarized configuration.
From this point it was far more likely that higher energy transfers would be sought by this mated pair of mind/body/spirit complexes, thus allowing the Creator to know Itself with great beauty, solemnity, and wonder. Intelligent infinity having been reached by this sacramental use of this function of the body, each mind/body/spirit complex of the mated pair gained greatly in polarization and in ability to serve.
Questioner: Did any of the other aspects of loss of knowledge or control of the body approach, to any degree in efficiency, the description which you have just given?
Ra: I am Ra. Each function of the body complex has some potential after the veiling to provide helpful catalyst. We did choose the example of sexual energy transfer due to its central place in the functionary capabilities of the body complex made more useful by means of the veiling process.
This instrument grows somewhat low in energy. We would prefer to retain the maximal portion of reserved energy for which this instrument has given permission. We would, therefore, ask for one more full query at this working.
Questioner: I would assume that the veiling of the sexual aspect was of great efficiency because it is an aspect that has to do totally with a relationship with an other-self. It would seem to me that the bodily veilings having to do with other-self interaction would be more efficient when compared with those only related to self, which would be lower in efficiency in producing either positive or negative polarization. Am I correct in this assumption?
Ra: I am Ra. You are correct to a great extent. Perhaps the most notable exception is the attitude of one already strongly polarized negatively towards the appearance of the body complex. There are those entities upon the negative path which take great care in the preservation of the distortion your peoples perceive as fairness/ugliness. This fairness of form is, of course, then used in order to manipulate other-selves.
Questioner: In addition, why is the ratio of male to female orgasms so heavily loaded on the side of the male?
Ra: I am Ra. We refer now to the yellow-ray, physical body or, if you will, body complex. At this level the distinction is unimportant. The male orgasm which motivates the sperm forward to meet its ovum is essential for the completion of the red-ray desire to propagate the species. The female orgasm is unnecessary. Again, as mind/body/spirit complexes begin to use the sexual energy transfer to learn, to serve, and to glorify the One Infinite Creator the function of the female orgasm becomes more clear.
Questioner: Is it meaningful to give this ratio in early fourth density and, if so, would you do that?
Ra: I am Ra. In many ways it is quite meaningless to speak of orgasm of male and female in higher densities as the character and nature of orgasm becomes more and more naturally a function of the mind/body/spirit complex as an unit. It may be said that the veil in fourth density is lifted and the choice has been made. In positive polarities true sharing is almost universal. In negative polarities true blockage so that the conqueror obtains orgasm, the conquered almost never, is almost universal. In each case you may see the function of the sexual portion of experience as being a most efficient means of polarization
There is a wealth of invaluable info regarding sexuality in the Law of One. For a shortcut to this info, just do a search for the word sex in the searchable database.
Being female, I offer a different perspective. I have always felt an intense aversion to porn, and it always bothered me whenever a boyfriend was into it. I felt cheated and violated. I realize that many women enjoy porn right alongside their mates, but for me it was just a lesser form of adultery.
One boyfriend in particular was heavily addicted to porn. I would catch him with it repeatedly. It caused a lot of stress in our relationship. He thought I was overly sensitive and having unrealistic expectations, while I thought he was a jerk and basically a junkie. His drug of choice was porn.
It also bothered me whenever I met other women who told me I should just 'accept it' because "boys will be boys." I found these women weak and I felt disgusted by their weakness. Why could they not make a stand? Why did they allow their men to disrespect them so? And how dare they imply that I was somehow demanding or prudish for not accepting my boyfriend's 'normal' male pastime?
Somehow, deep down, I felt that there was a reason for my strong feelings, but I couldn't quite put my finger on what that was. I had no support, nothing to back me up.
Why did it bother me so? I wasn't sexually abused as a child. I was pretty and always had plenty of dates, and I had no issues with sex itself, so I couldn't blame it on jealousy or pent up sexuality. Was I the one with the problem? Should I have just accepted that 'boys will be boys?' Should I have been like many women, who say, "Well he can look at whomever he wants as long as he comes home to me."...?
But no, I considered that a cop-out and a degradation.
I wasn't religious. I wasn't like those prudish, uptight people who thought showing a bit of skin would land you in 'hell.' So I really couldn't identify with them either. Yet I found myself agreeing that porn was basically 'from the pit of hell.'
Why did I feel so strongly about it?
Finally, when I read the Law of One, I came across a quote that explained it for me:
Quote:Questioner: In our illusion we have physical definitions for possible transfers of energy. We label them as the conversion of potential to kinetic or kinetic to heat and examine this with respect to the increasing entropy. When we speak of sexual energy transfers and other more basic forms of energy I am always at a loss to properly use, you might say, the terms since I am not understanding—and possibly can’t understand—the basic form of energy that we speak of. However, I intuit that this is the energy of pure vibration; that is, at the basic level of our illusion, that vibration between the space and time portion of the space/time continuum and yet somehow is transferred into our illusion in a more basic form than that. Could you expand on this area for me, please?
Ra: I am Ra. Yes.
Questioner: Would you do that?
Ra: I am Ra. You are correct in assuming that the energy of which we speak in discussing sexual energy transfers is a form of vibratory bridge between space/time and time/space. Although this distinction is not apart from that which follows, that which follows may shed light upon that basic statement.
Due to the veiling process the energy transferred from male to female is different than that transferred from female to male. Due to the polarity difference of the mind/body/spirit complexes of male and female the male stores physical energy, the female mental and mental/emotional energy. When third-density sexual energy transfer is completed the male will have offered the discharge of physical energy. The female is, thereby, refreshed, having far less physical vitality. At the same time, if you will use this term, the female discharges the efflux of its stored mental and mental/emotional energy, thereby offering inspiration, healing, and blessing to the male which by nature is less vital in this area.
In my interpretation, what this is saying is that the female has an honor and a responsibility to raise the vibration of the male. It's a complementary relationship. The female can spiritualize the sex act so that it becomes a potent exchange of energy.
Without this female contribution, the sex act is nothing more than masturbation. Or, worse, an STS act in which one person objectifies and manipulates the other.
I ask you this: Of all those porn videos you have seen, of all those women engaging in sex, how many of them actually had genuine orgasms? How many raised the energy to the heart chakra?
Answer: Very few or NONE. Women engage in porn for pay or for whatever reason, maybe they just enjoy it. I have no judgement on their choice of career. But they're not doing it for love. And when they seem to moan in pleasure, it's likely fake. They're doing it for the camera. For MEN. Not for themselves. Not for love. There is no heart connection. It's all red ray and yellow ray stuff.
So here is why the whole idea of porn was difficult for me to accept in my past relationships: Because the women in the porno videos had allowed themselves to be dragged down, to be pulled down into the lower chakra activities, instead of succeeding in their designated task of pulling the men up to the higher chakra activities. And, in many cases, it was an energy exchange of an STS nature, of dominance and submission, rather than an STO exchange of truly caring for the other person and giving of oneself in love.
Sex isn't dirty. Sex is beautiful. I marvel at the reverent way sex is addressed in the Law of One and in the later channelings. I don't see orn as 'wrong' but I see it as being less than...a degradation in the literal sense...a lessening of what it could be...sex based purely on lust is a mere shadow of a love-based sexual relationship. (I've had both.)
As with any addiction, suppressing doesn't work. Transcendance is the key. How to do that? I would suggest, for starters, to forget all about letting go of the addiction, forget all about trying to control it, and just focus on GIVING of yourself in the sexual act. Focus not on being pleased, but on pleasing. Where your attention goes, your energy flows! If you focus on GIVING to your partner, the energy will automatically flow up from the lower chakras to the higher chakras, and start releasing the blocked energy that is causing the addiction.
Another suggestion is to do some soul retrieval work to get to the root of the issue.
Another suggestion: Next time you watch porn, try really looking at the people in the video. Not at the sex, but at the people...look at their faces...who are they? What are they really doing? WHY are they doing this in front of a camera? I remember once seeing a porno flick and noticing how PAINED the woman's face was, as she serviced the man. Probably no one else on the planet had ever watched that particular video and noticed this...they were all too busy watching the action. But this is a PERSON doing this...she's doing it for pay...she probably has young children at home and that's why she's trying to just make a living...or maybe she was abused and has no sense of self-worth...whatever...we don't know her background, but the point is that she DOES have a background! Maybe she is cut off from her feelings and feels nothing. But one thing is for certain: She's not elevating that man into a state of love. I doubt that she is giving of herself out of love for him. And he certainly isn't doing it for her. Try looking at those actors and see thru the mask...see thru the acting and into the hearts and minds of the people therein...and you just might never look at porn the same way again.
And, most importantly, forgive yourself! Forgiving yourself doesn't mean that you necessarily just indulge with abandon...you can work to make different choices while, at the same time, forgive yourself for the choices you have made previously. Acceptance of oneself doesn't necessarily mean that we just wallow in whatever behavior pattern we currently have, while a part of us wants to change. It's paradoxical, but we can accept ourselves and all our deepest, darkest urges, while simultaneously CHOOSING something other than those urges...choosing to transform those urges. It is the CHOICE that transforms, the choice without judgement. Not judging doesn't necessarily mean that we just stay the same, with no effort to change. We can make the choice to change, to transcend and transform, while simultaneously forgiving ourselves for being who we are at the present moment. It is our choice in this moment that will determine the next.
I speak only in theory as I cannot relate to your dilemma. I can share only from the perspective of the pain I felt on the other side. But my experience led me to seek understanding of why porn and loveless sex are such powerful attractions for so many men. The many references to sex in the Law of One helped me to clarify and understand just what a potent force the sexual energy is.
I offer all this only for your consideration. Whatever doesn't resonate, please just discard.
RE: Sexual addiction! - Ashim - 03-03-2010
Monica, that was probably the most informative and thoughful post that I have read so far on this forum. I subscribe 100% to your views. Thanks Biu_Tze for getting the ball rolling and all others for their openness on a subject that has, in the past, been a source of great concern for both myself and my loving wife. The advice offered here is excellent. Thank you all for your Service.
Love & Light
RE: Sexual addiction! - Monica - 03-03-2010
(03-03-2010, 03:38 AM)Ashim Wrote: Monica, that was probably the most informative and thoughful post that I have read so far on this forum. I subscribe 100% to your views.
Thank you for your feedback!!! I hesitated before saying all that...as this is a controversial and potentially inflammatory topic. I'm just sharing my own experience of being on the receiving end of the male fascination with porn.
Basically, I now see it as just another distraction from spirituality, and a very potent distraction it is, since it can keep the person locked in those lower chakra blockages, thus hardening and reinforcing the blockages. Not only that, but it can be a potent vehicle for STS influences, since loveless sex can so easily degenerate into STS energy exchange.
This is all just my opinion and I don't claim to fully understand it.
(Note: I edited the post and added to it, while you were replying.)
RE: Sexual addiction! - Biu_Tze - 03-03-2010
Wow, I have to agree with ashim, and than some.. I have had a lot of insights on my own in accordance to some things you said, and I could go on, I'm REALLY tired right now tho, so yeah.. my feelings of being numb kick in big time when i'm dead tired, I will definitely be re-re-re-reading that post tho. I truly appreciate the love in your post, almost brings tears to my eyes, and for this time of night, that is truly magical, thank you so much!
Love, Daniel
RE: Sexual addiction! - Peregrinus - 03-03-2010
To paraphrase Q'uo? I think said this, "Do not mistake please for happiness". This struck me lately as being relevant to the sexual relationships of many.
Being single, I masturbate. Believe me, I would much prefer a monogamous loving mated relationship, but that is not where I am at right now (None seem to want a 44 year old man with nothing but a beautiful daughter). I have tried the abstaining thing, but then I heard Wayne Dyer or someone comment on "horny monk syndrome" which I seemed to be becoming, and since abstinence wasn't really helping me on my spiritual path, I resumed being less tense.
Now, the quote above has meaning to me, in that I think many seek pleasure and mistake it for happiness, for a connection to others, just as watching daytime soaps has been shown to improve the lives of unhappy housewives because it made them feel like they were a part of something other than what they perceived as their own dull lives, perhaps involvement by watching porn gives a feeling of intimacy to others.
I think that if one understands that distinction, that these are two separate things, and can look at what they do and come to terms with it, then responsible choices can be made.
If one is in a honest loving relationship, porn is simply not required.
Of course, not every relationship is perfect. I ended up using porn while in my last relationship. There were many sexual problems as well as her mental health and addiction problems. She was unable to emanate and connect green ray (except for the one time my daughter was conceived, and it almost destroyed her mentally). I was the first man to ever give her an orgasm she told me and she took a very intense liking to having it NOW. She desired orgasm so much it would happen for her in about three minutes, and then she was done, leaving me unfulfilled. It was simply a pleasurable experience to her, without love and intimacy. She simply would not have sex except at a time specified by her, and I eventually ceased trying to initiate. Times required perfect circumstances, and sex was only "allowed" about every three days. This is but a handful of the sexual problems. I say sex, because I made love to her, but she had sex with me. Eventually, I just began satisfying myself.
I can do without visual stimulation, but then must visualize in the mind, and that process takes much longer. I am very selective in what I watch. It must have two partners that show affection, deep kissing, all those things which leads me to believe these people love each other. I therefore watch mostly amateur stuff. I, as Monica mentioned, do watch the faces, and I will not watch anything which the woman is seemingly forced to do something or doesn't look like she is enjoying herself. I think degradation is degradation no matter how you label it. Suffering is a brutalization to the entire human species.
I think there is "better" porn to watch, and it is my moral choice to watch that. I don't know if a woman can understand that or not, in my circumstances, but that is my take on this.
RE: Sexual addiction! - Biu_Tze - 03-03-2010
The interesting thing is, My beliefs are very much akin to yours, I think porn is horrible, I think the women are clearly suffering, I believe most were abused, continue to be abused, via porn, and are either addicts, detached from love, doing it for god knows what.. it really breaks my heart, and it disgusts me, I love women so much, and the objectifaction of them infuriates me beyond my ability to describe.
Part of how all this happened, was that, she was very lustful, and I just wanted love, and she just wanted sex. not that it's her fault, that's all she knew! and even if it wasn't, you want what you want, and I am responsible for my own choices. Alas, I felt pushed away and hurt, to be honest, my emotional state is very fragile, I warned her in the beggining that I was weak, that it was unwise for me to fall in love, she has hurt me to the core of my being quite a few times, and I still hold a fair amount of resentment towards her, and she knows all of this of course, I have painstakingly expressed these things a thousand times, and she never seemed to really care until about 3-4 days ago oddly enough. There is so much info I could get into.. but yeah.. that may or may not come later, once again, thanks for posting, I love all these wonderful varied perspectives, I am very glad I came here. This is definitely my home.
-Bows-
For some reason I just didn't care about what I knew in my heart, and to some extent still don't.
RE: Sexual addiction! - Monica - 03-03-2010
(03-03-2010, 04:34 AM)Peregrinus Wrote: Being single, I masturbate.
I'd like to clarify here that my comments were about my feelings when the boyfriend indulged in porn while in a relationship with me. I would have had no problem with it had he been single! In my view, there is a huge difference.
Also, I was offering the comments from my perspective only, as another point of view to be considered. I intended no judgement towards anyone!
And, in my view, porn is an entirely different issue from masturbation. Although they obviously often overlap, they don't necessarily have to overlap. Masturbation can be done in a sacred, sacramental way, activating the higher chakras, especially in the case of those who are single. (Self-love or self-lust?)
I don't think I ever would have minded a boyfriend masturbating when I wasn't around to pleasure him. It was the use of the porn that bothered me. In my view, he was introducing another element, 2-dimensional people, into what I saw as an intimate relationship between us. Because I did feel love for him, my heart chakra was open. I felt that his use of porn (and going to strip clubs) was somehow taking advantage of my openness and robbing my energy. It felt like a violation. I would not have felt that way had he just masturbated but without props.
He told me it was nothing personal and that 'all' men see it that way. I disagreed and still do. I had to work thru my feelings of resentment towards him and even towards the women who feed this industry.
This was many years ago and I've matured in my views since then, but I remember the hurt very clearly and just wanted to offer an account of it, to show how something so seemingly benign might affect one's partner. Reading Ra's explanation of sexual energy transfer helped me tremendously to reconcile my past hurt and forgive that ex-boyfriend, as well as have more compassion for men in general.
(I don't want to sound sexist here - I'm sure there are undoubtedly women who struggle with these issues too - I just don't know any so can't comment on that. It's obviously more predominate among men, and the Law of One explains why.)
(03-03-2010, 04:34 AM)Peregrinus Wrote: Believe me, I would much prefer a monogamous loving mated relationship, but that is not where I am at right now (None seem to want a 44 year old man with nothing but a beautiful daughter).
You just haven't found her yet! You just might be surprised and meet her when the time is right! Have faith in the goodness of other-selves who will see beyond the superficial. Just as you have changed, why wouldn't some woman also change? (Just a suggestion to be open to the possibility!
)(03-03-2010, 04:34 AM)Peregrinus Wrote: I have tried the abstaining thing, but then I heard Wayne Dyer or someone comment on "horny monk syndrome" which I seemed to be becoming, and since abstinence wasn't really helping me on my spiritual path, I resumed being less tense.
I think the whole idea of abstinence was perpetuated by religious leaders to control and manipulate their priests. Sexually frustrated men (and women!) are easier to humiliate and guilt-trip, and thus to control. I see absolutely no value in such denial of natural urges. Remember, Q'uo has stated that the orgasmic experience was given to us as a gift, in order to give us a taste of divine bliss while separated by the veil. It can be a purely physical release, or it can be a momentary (or longer) piercing of the veil and thus a glimpse into the divine, whether alone or with a partner.
There aren't just 2 options here. It needn't be a choice between 'jerking off to smut' or total abstinence! There is a 3rd option for those who are single! I invite you to explore Taoist sexual practices. Whereas Christian priests were expected to remain celibate but were not given any tools to help them accomplish that, resulting in frustration, denial, and often perversion, Taoist monks were often taught the art of circulating their sexual energies when they didn't have the benefit of a partner. Their choice of celibacy meant having no partner, not necessarily having no sex! Furthermore, having sex didn't necessarily mean being fixated on the genitals! There are ways to circulate that energy, thus providing blissful experience and divine bliss, that do not involve genital release.
There are many books and resources available which are reintroducing these ancient practices. One of my husband's very dear friends is a teacher of these practices. (He's in Mexico but if anyone would like his contact info, please let me know.) Some of the teachers, like Mantek Chia, go a bit far in the structured, systematic approach. I'm a married female so I really cannot give any opinion about the different approaches, other than to say that, in my opinion, they aren't necessary. All that is necessary is your intention. If your intention is to make the experience a sacramental one based on love rather than objectification of someone you don't know and will never meet, and you focus on exploration of your own body in a reverent manner, remembering that it is the temple of your soul, that is sufficient to raise the energy to the heart and thus clear chakra blockages. Certainly those who have a partner have an advantage, but much spiritual work can be done sexually by those who are single.
(03-03-2010, 04:34 AM)Peregrinus Wrote: If one is in a honest loving relationship, porn is simply not required.
Agreed!!! Nice to hear that from a man!
(03-03-2010, 04:34 AM)Peregrinus Wrote: Of course, not every relationship is perfect. I ended up using porn while in my last relationship. There were many sexual problems as well as her mental health and addiction problems. She was unable to emanate and connect green ray (except for the one time my daughter was conceived, and it almost destroyed her mentally). I was the first man to ever give her an orgasm she told me and she took a very intense liking to having it NOW. She desired orgasm so much it would happen for her in about three minutes, and then she was done, leaving me unfulfilled. It was simply a pleasurable experience to her, without love and intimacy. She simply would not have sex except at a time specified by her, and I eventually ceased trying to initiate. Times required perfect circumstances, and sex was only "allowed" about every three days. This is but a handful of the sexual problems. I say sex, because I made love to her, but she had sex with me. Eventually, I just began satisfying myself.
Wow, she clearly had some blockages! I commend you for your efforts! But it's difficult to make love to someone who is seeking only to serve herself/himself. Be good to yourself. Forgive yourself. There is no reason to feel any guilt over your use of porn during that difficult time. From your description, it sounds like you were both working out some karmic issues. It's entirely different when green ray is activated and both partners are serving and giving to the other, and want their partner to be pleasured instead of just themselves. I think people are attracted to mere lustful release in an effort to find what they are seeking: sexual energy exchange as an expression of love and service to the other-self.
(03-03-2010, 04:34 AM)Peregrinus Wrote: I think there is "better" porn to watch, and it is my moral choice to watch that. I don't know if a woman can understand that or not, in my circumstances, but that is my take on this.
Well here is one woman who does!
(03-03-2010, 04:46 AM)Biu_Tze Wrote: Part of how all this happened, was that, she was very lustful, and I just wanted love, and she just wanted sex.
Contrary to stereotypes, this shows that it's not always the man who is the one stuck in the lust mode!
(03-03-2010, 04:46 AM)Biu_Tze Wrote: not that it's her fault, that's all she knew!
Exactly.
(03-03-2010, 04:46 AM)Biu_Tze Wrote: and even if it wasn't, you want what you want, and I am responsible for my own choices. Alas, I felt pushed away and hurt, to be honest, my emotional state is very fragile, I warned her in the beggining that I was weak, that it was unwise for me to fall in love, she has hurt me to the core of my being quite a few times, and I still hold a fair amount of resentment towards her
As we near Harvest, more and more 4D light is penetrating our 3D reality, and this is bringing up many old karmic issues so that we can resolve them. According to the Law of One, forgiveness is the key to neutralizing karma. I know it's difficult to forgive when someone has hurt you. Just making the choice to forgive her, even if you don't yet feel it, is an important first step! A cornerstone tenet of the Law of One is to find the love in the present moment. Each time you consciously choose love and forgiveness, you are reinforcing your choice, and eventually the resentment will be replaced by love and compassion.
It might help to realize how much joy and fulfillment she is missing out on. Perhaps she is suffering too, but in a different way that might not be apparent to you. Obsession with lower-chakra sex indicates an emptiness inside, a yearning for love and cosmic union. It might be easier to forgive her when you realize just how empty and unfulfilling this may actually be for her. She might not be conscious of it. This is where she's at.
(03-03-2010, 04:46 AM)Biu_Tze Wrote: and she knows all of this of course, I have painstakingly expressed these things a thousand times, and she never seemed to really care until about 3-4 days ago oddly enough.
That happened with that ex-boyfriend of mine, the one who was addicted to porn and strip clubs. After dumping me, and then I finally became strong and didn't need him anymore, he wanted me back. I think he was attracted to my newfound awareness.
Likewise, this woman might be sensing in you the changes you are experiencing, and part of her yearns for it.
(Needless to say, I didn't take the guy back.)
(03-03-2010, 04:46 AM)Biu_Tze Wrote: love all these wonderful varied perspectives, I am very glad I came here. This is definitely my home.
We are happy to have you! Thank you for sharing such personal issues. Undoubtedly this thread will be helpful to many!
I invite you to explore the Law of One and the other Confederation channeled sessions. There is much there regarding sexuality.
RE: Sexual addiction! - Lavazza - 03-03-2010
Edit: edited.
RE: Sexual addiction! - charlie2012 - 03-03-2010
I have to share and ask all of you if you have had similar experiences, my girlfriend and i have had sort of telepathic sex since this summer, where we can give each other orgasms just by focusing on the yellow-ray chakra, with clothes on and everything, just laying completely still. Have you heard of similar things or noticed it in yourself? I remember reading in LOO that 6th density wanderers might have this "treat", or is it simply another human feeling that has been suppressed in western society?
Love & light!
RE: Sexual addiction! - ayadew - 03-03-2010
About porn... visualization is much more powerful. The master adept knows little difference between the real world and the visualized world.
My only reason for not training visualization too much is that I should live in this world, not any other. I am here to be human. If this has no bearing on your judgement, feel free to explore your mind.. infinity is there for the taking
RE: Sexual addiction! - Monica - 03-03-2010
(03-03-2010, 12:34 PM)charlie2012 Wrote: I have to share and ask all of you if you have had similar experiences, my girlfriend and i have had sort of telepathic sex since this summer, where we can give each other orgasms just by focusing on the yellow-ray chakra, with clothes on and everything, just laying completely still.
WOW!!! You are indeed lucky! What an amazing connection you must have! No I've never heard of that, but it makes perfect sense.
(03-03-2010, 12:31 PM)Lavazza Wrote: Monica... Wow! Thank you for sharing your views. I think you have some really insightful comments there.
And thank you for sharing yours! You have made some very insightful comments as well!
(03-03-2010, 12:31 PM)Lavazza Wrote: In particular I appreciate your interpretation of Ra's comments on the unique sexual energies that each gender has. I remember reading that in my first pass through the LOO books, but didn't pause to consider it. It makes perfect sense. Each partner comes to the exchange with different gifts, and each leaves having gained something new, creating a balance.
For me, this was a crucial key to understanding why porn evoked such strong feelings in me, even when it no longer concerned me personally. Understanding the role of the different genders helped me to release resentment and have compassion for those in the industry. I see every woman as a potential priestess, even goddess, and every man her priest/god counterpart. Substituting porn for personal contact is automatically bypassing the heart connection. Hence, I see it as inherently STS. Thus, I see the women being objectified as a degradation of that which is sacred - the Cosmic Divine female principle.
But the solution isn't to suppress or deny. I think the solution is to focus on that which you want to attract. I think the more the heart chakra is engaged in sexual activity (whether alone or with a partner), then the less appeal porn will have. (But again, I speak only in theory.)
(03-03-2010, 12:31 PM)Lavazza Wrote: One quote that did strike me however, was this:
Quote:31.1 (Ra speaking) The orange and the yellow ray attempts to have sexual intercourse create, firstly, a blockage if only one entity vibrates in this area, thus causing the entity vibrating sexually in this area to have a never-ending appetite for this activity. What these vibratory levels are seeking is green ray activity. There is the possibility of orange or yellow ray energy transfer; this being polarizing towards the negative: one being seen as object rather than otherself; the other seeing itself as plunderer or master of the situation.
Ah, I was looking for that quote! I referred to it earlier. Thanks for posting.
(03-03-2010, 12:31 PM)Lavazza Wrote: You begin to crave it in much the same way someone might crave a recreational drug. It's a bit more than the physical nerve stimulation, and I believe is the reason why long time porn viewers eventually wish to see new and shocking things. Satisfaction is only transitory and the desire to become satisfied creates the urge for more. Of course this is not a factor in green ray sexuality.
I hadn't thought of that. I never understood the urge for such 'shocking' material. Any drug wears off after awhile and higher doses needed. So that makes perfect sense!
(03-03-2010, 12:31 PM)Lavazza Wrote: So, part of my approach to changing my past porn patterns in addition to seeking out green ray relations more often has been to treat myself as a recovering junkie.
That sounds like an excellent approach!
(03-03-2010, 12:31 PM)Lavazza Wrote: I am not, however, attempting to stop masturbation when I feel I need to, as that is something quite different in my opinion, although obviously related.
I just said exactly the same thing. It's an important distinction.
(03-03-2010, 12:31 PM)Lavazza Wrote: Again, I want to be clear that I have not really made up my mind about pornography being inherently bad (although Monica made some great points), and I am only willing to pass judgment on it so far as it relates to myself.
I apologize if any of my comments come across as judgemental! I don't mean to say it's inherently 'bad' but I do personally see it as STS oriented.
(03-03-2010, 12:31 PM)Lavazza Wrote: One thing I will be happy to say however is that addiction sucks, and unfortunately such things as pornography addiction can happen if one isn't careful.
Agreed!
RE: Sexual addiction! - Biu_Tze - 03-03-2010
Had to start posting now, I know how empty she is, that's how I somehow managed to make love to her when her goal was lust, It broke my heart so much, from the moment we met, I saw her conduct with other guys, and I KNEW she didn't know a damn thing about love, than we talked about her parents, her dad, ex bfs, it just broke my heart so bad for her, -tearing- I knew it was going to be a horrible task "converting" her, and I hope to god I didn't infringe too much upon her free will, but she is starting to understand a little, she has had glimpses of it..
Thank you for reminding me to forgive her, I do want that, for both of us. I need to help her, so I feel, and she definitely can help me. I was getting jealous as I read all of those thoughtful posts to pere, something I want to feel bad about, but realize maybe I should just accept it for once. No guilt this time.. either way you have my apologies! I have a lot of love for both of you, hearing your stories, it has truly opened my heart
I'd like to thank ya again monica, some very deep stuff, the part where you said "needless to say, I didn't take him back" kinda dismantled my new found feelings of love and forgiveness, I don't want to separate myself from this person, I feel like she's here for a reason. I don't feel like I've passed the test yet, there is much work to be done. I am pretty prone to suggestion it seems! or maybe that's just how things are for me when my emotional state isn't blocked off.
I never thought much about the dopamine, bigger higher dose aspect of this before, that's food for thought, thank you!
Wow, I couldn't have imagine something like that charlie.. thanks for sharing!
RE: Sexual addiction! - Biu_Tze - 03-03-2010
Hey lava/Eric I completely missed your story on the first page somehow! Thanks so much for sharing, that's awesome that your wife let you try to change on your own, because it's so true, if you don't want to or need to, than you won't. There is a wealth of information there, thanks again!
Mucho amor!
RE: Sexual addiction! - Monica - 03-03-2010
(03-03-2010, 03:08 PM)Biu_Tze Wrote: No guilt this time.. either way you have my apologies!
No need to apologize! We love and accept you!
(03-03-2010, 03:08 PM)Biu_Tze Wrote: I have a lot of love for both of you, hearing your stories, it has truly opened my heart
Wonderful!
(03-03-2010, 03:08 PM)Biu_Tze Wrote: I'd like to thank ya again monica, some very deep stuff, the part where you said "needless to say, I didn't take him back" kinda dismantled my new found feelings of love and forgiveness, I don't want to separate myself from this person, I feel like she's here for a reason. I don't feel like I've passed the test yet, there is much work to be done. I am pretty prone to suggestion it seems! or maybe that's just how things are for me when my emotional state isn't blocked off.
I was only sharing my own personal experience. I am not in any way suggesting that you should or shouldn't continue a relationship with her! That is something you will have to decide for yourself, based on your own personal guidance.
In my case, I think I actually helped him more by not getting back together with him. It would not have served either of us to get back together. Forgiving the other person doesn't necessarily entail being around them or in a sexual relationship with them. And sometimes we can help a person more if we're not sexually entangled, because the sexual relationship forms all sorts of connections which can sometimes confuse the interactions.
Then again, green-ray sex can be very healing. The key here is: green-ray meaning that it's based on love/giving/serving the other-self. Only you can decide whether a sexual relationship with this person is for the highest good for both of you.
RE: Sexual addiction! - Lavazza - 03-03-2010
Edit: edited.
RE: Sexual addiction! - Lavazza - 03-03-2010
I've gone ahead and ordered a copy of the book, "The Esoteric Philosophy of Love and Marriage". If there is any interest, I'll post my impressions of the book here once I read it!
http://www.amazon.com/Esoteric-Philosophy-Love-Marriage/dp/1578631580
RE: Sexual addiction! - Monica - 03-03-2010
(03-03-2010, 09:27 PM)Lavazza Wrote: I've gone ahead and ordered a copy of the book, "The Esoteric Philosophy of Love and Marriage".
Great! Here's another awesome book on sexuality:
Conscious Conception: Elemental Journey Through the Labyrinth of Sexuality by Jeannine Parvati Baker, Frederick Baker
It's not just about conception. It's about recognizing the god/goddess in your partner. Amazingly beautiful book! Out of print, but some are available on amazon.com
RE: Sexual addiction! - Pablísimo - 03-04-2010
Isn't it amazing how these forums force us to look at any number of complicated issues from multiple angles, perspectives, and dimensions? It's like we don't allow ourselves, collectively, to be shallow or one dimensional about ANY issue that comes along, no matter how taboo. Well, we wanted to understand what Oneness really means, didn't we? What better way than to hear our other-selves speak from an infinite number of paths? I mean, look at Biu Tze's fearless, heartfelt, and troubled first post that brought us all into public contemplation of pornography and related addiction. And Lavazza's very personal chronicle of addiction and technology that enhanced our contemplation further, or Monica's incredibly insightful post on sexual energy exchange and pornography that I would wager jarred most of the male readers. Not to mention all the shorter comments and thoughts from all our brethren, heck even my own musings. Surely this must be a preview of the learnings that social memory complexes experience!!! We are living in the baby stages of 4d consciousness right now, I think.
Now, I am not a porn addict nor do I have any strong aversion to it and so can't comment on the main topic per se. However, I would like to offer some thoughts for contemplation on what could be one of the reasons why pornography is so addictive, particularly to males. That reason, I believe, lies in how men are visually triggered by sexual stimuli. This is not an idle thought, this is a topic I've pondered at great length. I also have come to believe that it is something that most women do not realize about men, and indeed have trouble initially understanding. Of course, it is only my perspective in an infinite sea of perspectives.
I feel it necessary to briefly explain my sexual landscape, hopefully tactfully. I am in a deeply fulfilling and loving marriage, and we love each other physically quite frequently. We have been partners for about 13 years and have reached a level of trust, love, and understanding that really defies words to adequately describe. We both enjoy sex a great deal and take many opportunities to enjoy each other. For me, my wife is the ultimate gateway to femininity. In the microcosm that is her, every facet of feminine energy and womanhood exists for me to study and take joy in. She is the Daughter, the Impish Sprite, the Mother, the wise Crone...She is the Goddess personified. When I put myself inside of her, it is like Gaia herself opens to me, and I am humbled and filled with joy. While I ultimately know that all women contain that exact same divinity, in my bulky 3D body with the veil in place I just cannot see it nearly so clearly as I can with my beloved wife. Anyway, that said, it doesn't always mean our physical expressions of love are always on the highest plane. We have been blessed with many sublime sexual experiences that were sacred, spiritual, full open Green Ray loving experiences. At other times, though, we are still loving but not so serious -- more playful, or adventurous, or kinky, and occasionally quite silly! Though we have alot of sex, it doesn't really feel routine... we cycle through a wide range of things and learn to enjoy each other more and more as the years go by. We have made home made porn together and enjoyed it, and it doesn't feel wrong. I was just letting you know where I am coming from first.
Thank you for bearing with my rambling and wordy style. Back to the heart of the matter! As I see it, men are "wired" to be visually triggered by sexual imagery. If I see a woman in a sexually suggestive pose, or wearing very revealing clothing, I CANNOT help but react on a very primal level. It doesn't matter if it is my dear wife wearing lingerie, a dirty email from a friend, or a total stranger walking in the mall who has breasts that are falling out of a ripped up shirt, my inner male energy just reacts to the stimulus. I truly, honestly, deeply cannot help it. Now don't get me wrong here -- I am a nice guy and I respect women. I certainly don't leer, stare or react to the arousal openly. I have gotten extremely good at averting my eyes without being obvious if I find they have strayed and not exhibiting any outward signs of arousal even when forced to interact closely with a woman baring a lot of skin. There have been a few times where I had to have a long involved business conversation with an extremely attractive woman wearing very inappropriate clothing. Those times were difficult, it is so hard to concentrate and remember NOT to look at certain parts of her. Keep eyes focused, don't leer, ack pay attention to what she's saying so you can respond intelligently, etc. Hey, I'm being totally honest with my brothers and sisters in the interest of honest communion with my brethren. Inwardly, that stimulus makes me start thinking about sex and begin to crave sexual activity. And this isn't even porn and I'm well fulfilled sexually! It's just that visual trigger, it gets me every time. I have honestly come to believe that most men are wired in exactly the same way. Some are just not quite as good at hiding it with strangers, or worse don't care to. This visual hardwiring is odd. My wife can get in a provocative pose and push my buttons, and that's very nice sometimes. But that same internal wiring makes me react to the constant barrage of T&A I see in movies, advertisements, magazines, and even alot of women walking down the street. I sometimes get a little angry at society for bombarding me with sexual imagery that pushes my buttons. I've noticed, for example, that if we watch a movie with alot of sexual content, that I tend to want sex more later that evening and the connection seems obvious. It's not that my desire wasn't naturally there, it just feels like it was somewhat artificially stoked by the visuals I was exposed to that day.
When I was younger, I had a neighbor who was extraordinarily beautiful. Sizzling hot and one I definitely reacted around. Well, she happened to be Muslim but did not cover her hair and wore skimpy outfits. At some point, her religious faith deepend and she started wearing a hijab (Muslim headscarf to cover the hair) and wearing very loose, modest clothing. I remember how stunned I was the first time that I saw her like that! It was as if she had been de-sexualized for me. That is, without seeing her curves or her hair, my body no longer reacted to her feminine energy due to visual triggers! It was amazing and something that I have given alot of thought to when contemplating the very complex issues of women & Islam. My wife & I, who are not Muslim, recently had the good fortune to go to Egypt and she decided to wear the Hijab while out in public while we were there. It was only a 2 week trip and it was a sign of respect for the local culture. That was a good move as there were some places she would have been extremely uncomfortable in if she had not had her hair covered. Anyway, it was certainly an odd experience seeing my wife wearing a hijab and western, but very loose desert clothes. I have to say that while there I had less sexual thoughts and cravings. My wife was still beautiful and sweet and kind and radiated love and all those other things I usually see in her....but with the visual elements of her femininity removed, I just didn't have the same subtle sexual reactions to her during the day that I usually do. In the evenings, it all would come rushing back as she uncovered her hair and changed into skimpier clothing. All of that was further confirmation for me that men just react strongly to visual sexual stimuli.
I think that if, in general, women could understand more consciously what it is like to be sexually wired in such a visual way, that they would be more compassionate and understanding of the "male dilemma" in the Western world. Male & Female strip clubs exist, but it is fairly obvious that strip clubs catering to men greatly outnumber those catering to women. Couples and groups notwithstanding, alot more single men go to strip clubs than single women. My perception (again only my opinion) is that women sort of need to be in a group and be into the atmosphere and energy flows from their girlfriends to be in the right mood to enjoy and get turned on by male strippers. Men, on the other hand, just react to the visuals. The curves, the skin, etc. We can't help but react. Though I firmly believe men and women are equal and that even gender is ultimately an illusion, women seem a bit more evolved in this department. They do not seem to be wired in the same way visually that men are. If anything, they TEND to require more than just mere visual stimuli to become sexually aroused. Whereas, despite the depths of sacred sexuality I have touched, I still can be aroused by nothing more than raw sexual images. A woman who at least intellectually understands the male ocular-sexual wiring is much better positioned to be loving and understanding when her mate quite understandably reacts to an unexpected sexual stimulus. To me, that is positive female tolerance of the male condition not submission to degradation. Just as, in all fairness, men have to tolerate some not so evolved qualities in women.
All this applies, I think, in the pornography context because if men are so naturally, powerfully attracted to visual sexual stimulus, one can certainly see how the siren call of pornography could begin to overwhelm him with addiction. What a difficult pitfall! It is essentially raw, pure, visual sexual stimuli. Which apparently amplifies sexual desire in men. While I do not believe porn is an inherently service to self creation per se and that there is such a thing as hardcore art, the majority of pornography I've been exposed to has major service to self elements. Monica's post was a real eye opener for me in that regard. The power of these extreme images and some of the dark avenues they take our minds down are what makes porn a danger to our spiritual selves. I would say there is probably no serious harm in looking at some pornography occasionally, even hardcore pornography, as long as it is not overly frequent and any STS elements in it are rejected by you internally. That said, attempting moderation is clearly easier said than done for some people.
Quote:In my interpretation, what this is saying is that the female has an honor and a responsibility to raise the vibration of the male. It's a complementary relationship. The female can spiritualize the sex act so that it becomes a potent exchange of energy.
Without this female contribution, the sex act is nothing more than masturbation. Or, worse, an STS act in which one person objectifies and manipulates the other.
Thank you for posting this quote. It was one that blew me away when I first read it. When my wife has an orgasm during sex, I have noticed this almost instant feeling as if a blanket of love and emotion descended on me. I actually feel more in touch with my feelings and connected... almost feminine. When I have an orgasm during sex, she seems to be energized. Sometimes after the glow she literally jumps up and claps her hands and says "OOoo! I love you!! Now let's go make some tea!/go for a walk/do it again" or some other such thing, while I am there, drained somewhat of physical energy but radiating love and feeling very emotional and in touch with earth. When Ra explained how the energy exchange works during sex, it was like "Ahhh! So that's what's going on!". I suspect it goes even further in that it helps balance male & female energies within you. I am giving maleness and receiving femaleness, we are balancing our energies and unifying gender.
As for the second part of your quote, I'd like to give you a few tidbits to consider. Have no fear, I know very well what you meant by those words, sister, and I agree with the spirit of what you wrote. Simply because you are a thinker and ponderer I wanted to share some thoughts upon the idea that sex can be one-sided or masturbatory and not necessarily STS or even "just" masturbation. Sometimes, sex can be a kind of service of love from one partner to another. Oral sex is probably the best example. One partner can give it to the other as a gesture of love.. to make the other feel good and enjoy pleasure. They may not have an orgasm themselves but the whole point is to serve the partner. I see it as the same type of love energy that goes into, say, cooking an elaborate meal for your spouse, or even just making them a sandwich. One of the lessons for STO folks is you have to learn to ACCEPT service from others in addition learning to give it. Think of situations like giving a back rub or foot massage, though sex isn't really very different. You may want to give to your STO partner to show your love, but remember that they too want to show their love and give their service. So, you have to learn when it is appropriate to serve and when it is best to allow yourself to be served. That balance must be struck so that both are fulfilled in mutual service. Just because sex has a HIGHER Potential to exchange energy doesn't mean that other, even baser uses of it can't still be loving and worthwhile as well. I believe most men have a higher sex drive than women, no doubt due in part to the constant visual sexual stimuli, and it seems unrealistic to expect every sexual interchange to result in the highest energy transfer. I'm not implying that you believe otherwise, I just thought this would be an interesting avenue to explore as a middle possiblity to the total STS act or total STO act. The person doing the "giving" is performing an STO act by wanting to relieve the pressure or give pleasure to their partner, but the person receiving it is not objectifying, dominating, or masturbating in/on the other, but rather is receiving a loving service in true gratitude. While not much energy is exchanged here, I believe that overall positive polarity will increase over time for both people.
Well guys, sorry for the super long post. I get so longwinded when I type! I've been reluctant to post for just that reason but I've been reading the forums for some time now. I was going to post something in the Wanderer forum but when I wrote it all up it was so long I decided not to post it. So this turned out to be my first post but I see I've done the same thing with this one. Oh well!
Love to all
Pablísimo
RE: Sexual addiction! - Biu_Tze - 03-04-2010
Wow, what a great first post, thanks so much for sharing, that was a great read, I love how open you folks are! <3
I'm glad someone else types longwinded posts! whew! what a relief!
The visual stimuli thing is a great point, it's at such a primal level, I don't think the dali lama himself doesn't feel such things, but I could be wrong! I plan on trying to respond to a bit more of the fine information you've shared, but my girlfriend is getting impatient, (she lives with me, in my room)
Talk to ya soon, thanks again!
Much Love!
By the way, lava, please, I'd love to hear your thoughts about the book you mentioned, monica too! your insight is a beautiful thing to watch unfold. Cheers!