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+--- Thread: In a quandary (/showthread.php?tid=8767)
In a quandary - gerriclem13 - 02-24-2014
Not sure where to post this,
I am at a point in a relationship with a friend that I know is keeping me from moving forward. I know I must make a stand not only for me to move to the next level but for him as well. I have asked my guides for the courage to let go and not worry about what will happen to him, but I have moved way past him in my travel and don't want to go back to where I was. I really don't want to seem like I'm rejecting him, but I can't stay where I am because I see too much ahead. I have been aware that this moment in my life would come and have dreaded it because I really hate leaving him behind. But on a spiritual level and on an earthly level I feel that we are at an em-pass. How to I cope with the fear that letting him go will to more harm to him than good in order for me to move forward?
RE: In a quandary - isis - 02-24-2014
i feel staying with some1 u don't want to be w/ causes far more harm (to both parties) than leaving him could ever cause
mayb there are things u could do in order to make him no longer want to be in a relationship with u? i can think of a million ways to scare some1 off
RE: In a quandary - reeay - 02-24-2014
Faith.
RE: In a quandary - Parsons - 02-24-2014
I have a similar situation with a friend from high school I talk nearly every week. I have been undecided on if it makes sense to leave him behind for at least a year. In high school, we were best friends and related to a lot. But 10 years later and him having PTSD from being deployed infantry in the army, we are so completely different. I was an atheist when I befriended him and obviously no longer am. I 'came out' to all my friends and family about my spirituality and he has been the least accepting of it BY FAR. He can be quite degrading about it. If a new person joins our group and the topic of spirituality comes up, he will jump to describe me as "in a cult worshiping Ra" despite telling him numerous times that is wildly inaccurate.
A huge chunk of the reason I am so undecided and choose to be supportive of him is he is just so messed up, I really feel sorry for him. I'm sure if I recorded a typical group get together with him, most would be shocked and immediately suggest I ditch him. What keeps me undecided is I just remember the person he used to be before the military; he was like a brother to me. The contrast of what he was like pre-military is what makes me feel so sorry for him, plus almost all of his friends have disowned him because of his behavior. It's not like he bothers me outside of when I see him once a week, so he only ever becomes a problem then.
I'm not so much offering a solution to the OP as I obviously don't know what to do either. I guess I am just commiserating.
RE: In a quandary - gerriclem13 - 02-25-2014
Yeah I know him for the man he could be, not the "poor me" he is right now, I am not so sure that he isn't thinking that this will keep us together, but it is not going to, I really need him to drop the attitude now and, as they say, man up. Because he is not in the least bit attractive to me now, and I am beginning to not feel sorry for him. We are both in a situation, I was put out of my home as victim of the hurricane Sandy, which foreclosed, I went the route of letting the Red Cross advise me and wound up in a shelter. It isn't much but it is a step in the right direction. We were living together at the time, and instead of standing with me, which means we would have been together, he packed up and moved to his daughter's where he gets no respect from either her or his grands. Now he is regretting his move and wants me to help him.
I really don't want to be with him because soon after I got by myself I was led to the Ra material and am discovering what my path is, not to mention a new found freedom and a love for the metaphysical that he does not accept. He is pushing me to help him get out of where he is, and I will take him on the path that I was led. but I only feel I can go so far and then I must let him go in order for him to progress.
RE: In a quandary - Melissa - 02-25-2014
It seems like you're answering your own questions
And you can't harm him by choosing a different path, he would essentially be harming himself and that's not your responsibility.
RE: In a quandary - xise - 02-25-2014
If one person wants to part ways and the other doesn't then someone getting hurt is inevitable. It's a part of the process and a part of life. Not parting ways when one person wants to usually ends up hurting both. You know when that time comes to part ways, and it's for the best.
RE: In a quandary - Rusalka - 02-26-2014
(02-25-2014, 12:09 AM)gerriclem13 Wrote: Yeah I know him for the man he could be, not the "poor me" he is right now, I am not so sure that he isn't thinking that this will keep us together, but it is not going to, I really need him to drop the attitude now and, as they say, man up. Because he is not in the least bit attractive to me now, and I am beginning to not feel sorry for him. We are both in a situation, I was put out of my home as victim of the hurricane Sandy, which foreclosed, I went the route of letting the Red Cross advise me and wound up in a shelter. It isn't much but it is a step in the right direction. We were living together at the time, and instead of standing with me, which means we would have been together, he packed up and moved to his daughter's where he gets no respect from either her or his grands. Now he is regretting his move and wants me to help him.
I really don't want to be with him because soon after I got by myself I was led to the Ra material and am discovering what my path is, not to mention a new found freedom and a love for the metaphysical that he does not accept. He is pushing me to help him get out of where he is, and I will take him on the path that I was led. but I only feel I can go so far and then I must let him go in order for him to progress.
Looks like you need to let him go to let YOURSELF progress, too...
He will benefit most from facing himself and having an opportunity to man up. We can't live other peoples' lives for them and solve their problems because this deprives them from an opportunity to grow by facing the challenge.
I had a very similar dilemma recently enough and I came across this brilliant book by Harriet Lerner "The Dance of Anger". In it she explains how it is much better for everyone to let people feel their emotions and face their monsters rather than do the "feeling work" for them. Otherwise they become like spoilt babies: hard to be with and lame. She explains how to make a change in your attitude. Hope that helps x