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+--- Thread: I am a Mystery unto Myself (/showthread.php?tid=6301)
I am a Mystery unto Myself - Zachary - 12-27-2012
For me a large part of remembering existence 'before' this life..has a lot to do with regressing myself, in thought, back to being a child...and remembering what feelings and thoughts I experienced then, at a very young age...this has been most helpful for me when remembering 'who I was before'.
As a very young child, I remember feeling like I was very far away from 'home'. I felt as though home was warm, loose, fluid, loving, and expansive...at home I Am powerful and my raw will manifests my experience around me...in other words I felt as thought I could do anything that I wanted....As a young child I felt as though there was tremendous power and will stirring within me yet I was confused because I couldn't manifest it outwardly in the way I wanted to...I used to stare at things and try to move them through shear will and I would be continuously disappointing that I couldn't. The thing I remember most strongly is the feeling of connection with a Completeness, a presence that one just knew and cant be described..My mother was very affectionate and loving and sweet with me growing up and I can clearly see why we agreed for her to be my mother in this life because it helped ease me into this reality which (remembering my thoughts as a young child) felt cold, heavy, harsh, foreign and loud...I was very very sensitive to noise as a young child...since I can remember..I would always be bothered by loud noises and often they would make me want to cry they were so 'piercing'. I remember as a child picking up rocks...touching things that I wanted to touch yet never completely feeling satisfied...I wanted to merge with the things I touched...experience their totality...it was confusing to me...I felt so separate.
I was very telepathic as a child...I didn't necessarily pick up on conscious thoughts as much as just the raw intent behind people (I am still like this)...and the emotions...I can clearly remember growing up and being able to in a a way, see through people yet they had no Idea I could read them so well...I would be annoyed when people treated me like I didn't understand things.
I am an extremely emotional being, and even more so I felt, as a young one....if someone told me I was doing something wrong (I wasn't much of a trouble maker) I would be deeply hurt and it would stick with me of a while...it was almost traumatizing. I guess if there is one word that I feel could describe me best it is Sensitive...I am extremely sensitive...most of all to emotions...I can feel other peoples emotional state...When I was about 12-13 and starting middle school I purposely began to blunt my sensitivity and toughen myself up because it was so difficult dealing with other people who weren't positive and loving.
I remember being young and even to this day being in awe just by the fact that I am here, as a human being...in this body...seemingly separate from everything around me. Just wondering about stuff, like gravity and why things are the way they are...it was very confusing because I felt so foreign to myself yet I couldn't exactly pin point 'what I was before'.
I have since realized that I fit the description of a wanderer...my 'home density' is that of Completeness, Fluidity, Warmth, Comfort...Anything and everything is possible...there is no feeling of separation..yet there are others...there is no 'sight' as we know it...it is all raw energy...there is color...you experience the color...there is light....it is alive...manifestation occurs instantly through direct will...there is a feeling of having immense power and being limitless. There is this constant feeling of having company...an energy that you have always known... consciousness itself...there is never a feeling of being alone.
I don't have much of a sense of what the catalyst was that caused me to be here...its almost like all I know is BAM im here...almost as if I was 'sent' here. What I have picked up on so far about my 'reason' for being here...or rather one of them...is to better understand myself...and to tame my power and be humbled...because this is a density of 10,000 things as they say...there are limits.
One thing I have realized about myself, the greater I...is that I am a constant mystery to myself...I know I am here, I know I am experiencing...there is a familiarity to my consciousness yet its still a mystery...who am I? better yet who are we? we feel It but what is that which we feel?
I believe it is beyond words, beyond questions....it simply is..and there is only to accept it.
Fastforward:
My awakening began before I found the Ra Material...but the Ra Material has been one of those books that just felt more right than others....I feel that it takes an incredible amount of trust, and attentiveness to the words in the book to really get it....It takes patience and persistence because it is one of those books that if its not digested on every level...it can easily be overlooked and/or underestimated...It takes a being who can digest the information for what it is, personal biases aside. the most beneficial part of finding the Ra Material was that it led me to this forum where I am suprised to find other very similar to me...some so similar I am consistently amazed...some of you guys, I feel like I've known forever....I feel you. Thank you for being with me.
Zachary
RE: I am a Mystery unto Myself - Lycen - 12-30-2012
Thank you for sharing you're story and thoughts Zachary!
I think it still weird I can't move things with my mind. It sometimes feels so possible yet it has not worked for me so far "here", only in dreams.
Haha I think I may be doing the same thing, "regressing" back to a more child/natural like state. But with the things learned/experienced here as this physical body complex. Kinda gave up who I am/was to learn/mimic who to be here. And now "knowing" enough, rediscover who I was/am again.
At first I did not think so, but as time has moved on, I agree that finding B4 may have been a most significant part I "got" from Ra-s sessions. I am grateful as well for all thoughts and feelings expressed here. I feel blessed having such a place to come to.
Thank you for being here Zachary
and happy holidays 
RE: I am a Mystery unto Myself - zariyab - 01-31-2015
which is why the most famous proverb here is 'nana i ke kumu' look to the source. I think it's remarkable that you are interested in understanding this. I hope your journey is fruitful!
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sara
RE: I am a Mystery unto Myself - Minyatur - 01-31-2015
Welcome to the forum and thank you for sharing your story!