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my Journey to the One - seejay21 - 11-15-2009
Greeting all! I just found this forum from a link on the "Law of One" website. Who new?
I wanted to share my story of "awakening". Before I share it though, I want to make it 100% clear that the use of drugs to achieve "enlightenment" is a selfish act, and it will not serve you. Inspiration to discover the truth must only come from within.
I originally posted my story (testimony) in "The hip forums" about a year and a half ago, and it can be found here:
http://www.hipforums.com/newforums/showthread.php?t=299718&f=117
This forum looks like a better place for me to share my experience. When I first wrote about this experience 20 years after the event my goal was to not tell a "story" but to give my testimony. When I read it today it comes across as "romantic". I could have written it in much greater scientific detail, but I believe(d) the the thurst of the experience would be lost if I included to many details. There is no point in re-writting it, so I will cross-post it instead.
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It’s been over 20 years now. It’s hard to believe that it’s been that long, yet it is something that I still think about almost every day.
I was 17 years old. It started in Omaha Ne, the summer of 1987. My friend “M” had his eyes on a new girlfriend. Her name was Cindy. The problem between “M” and I was that this was Cindy # 3 since the start of school last September. Cindy 1 and 2 ended up wanting to be with me, even though M did the leg work. I couldn’t help it though, it was out of my control, and M knew it and didn’t blame me, but DAMN IT.
M and I, and our friends were always game for dropping acid. I thought of acid as a nothing more than a party drug.
M told me that his new friend Cindy was from Fremont, and she new a guy there that had or made some really good acid. M arranged to go to Fremont with Cindy, and he invited me to go with him on the condition that I would not cock block him again. M and I always did well together when chasing the girls, despite the recent Cindy phenomenon. I agreed, and off we went.
Somehow the seating arrangement on the way to Fremont had me in the back seat with Cindy. M was riding shotgun. Inexplicitly and right on queue, I immediately started hitting it off with her. M was not pleased, and he started giving me the stink eye. I couldn’t help it though. It wasn’t me. Cindy was making her own choices, and I wasn’t pushing her, it was just happening that way. To make matters worse, I really liked Cindy, and it would be hard for me to let go because we had already begun to bond. I would nonetheless honor my commitment to M. Cindy was off limits.
When we got to Fremont it was getting dark. We got dropped off at the local convenience store, and soon picked up by the guy who had the acid. He was much older than us, an adult. M and I got in the back seat, and Cindy rode up front. We got to the guy’s house, and he and Cindy went inside. M and I waited in the back seat, and we again went over the fact that I wasn’t to cock block him.
They came out of the house and got back in the car. The guy started telling us about the acid. He told us that it was fresh, made that day. It was called “Rubik’s Cube” it was blotter. He also said that it went on the sheet thick in some spots, and that he wasn’t sure how much acid he was giving us, and as such would be a responsible “guide” and stick with us on our journey, as to keep us out of trouble.
No problem. M and I bought 2 hits each. M took them both, I myself was more cautious only taking one being a little spooked by the “thicker in some parts” speech. Our guide and Cindy weren’t dropping. They would take care of us. We smoked a bowl or two of weed in the car and off we went.
I wasn’t on any kind of vision quest when we dropped. I was just a teenager looking for a good time, but what transpired next has changed me forever.
My trip started off as per usual. Trails, laughing, and the on rush of what was to come. I waited anxiously for the trippy things I would see and feel. We smoked some more weed. Our guide started driving us in a loop, into and out of town as we waited for the acid to take full effect. He put his ZZ-Top tape in, and it played on a loop for the duration of the night.
So there we were, smoking weed, listening to ZZ-Top “la Grange” over and over, and then driving in and out of town, going from the “LIGHT” to the dark in an endless cycle.
Before I knew it I was tripping really hard. I began asking myself a question. I’m not sure what this “divine” question was exactly, but I was asking myself this question over and over in chorus with riding in and out of the dark. When we would ride into the dark, I was fearful. I’m not sure if our Guide ever actually spoke, but it was as if he was saying to me “We are going into the dark, do you choose this dark path? Only you can choose the path to the Light. The decision is yours, Dark or Light?” The dark way was empty, void of anything. The Light way was Truth, Love, and the connection to everything that binds everyone and everything together as one.
As I sat there in the back of the car, I lost my connection to my body. I couldn’t feel my body in the same way as normal. I had a different center. I could not tell what my hands were doing. I had the sensation that I was… touching myself inappropriately. I had to sit on my hands to ensure that they weren’t doing anything that they ought not to be doing, and I felt very embarrassed. I then had the sensation of crying uncontrollably. I felt the strong emotions related to crying complete with uncontrollable Alligator tears, yet my face was dry.
From time to time we would stop in town at the convenience store. This at first seemed to be a reprieve from my current condition… choice between Light and Dark, but it wasn’t to be. I was loosing track of myself. At times I would slip into another world, and spoke words in another language that I do not know. I would then suddenly “return” not knowing what I had just said, or what actions I had just taken. I asked M, “What did I just say?, What did I just say!!?” He didn’t know. “I don’t know, it sounds like you are talking backwards.”, he said. “It’s just the acid”.
Back into the car we went. Back into the cycle of light and dark, zz-top, crying, and now the added freak show of speaking in tongues that I do not understand. The reality that I was destined for the dark was becoming all to convincing, and I pondered the Question in an absolute panic to save my own soul when WHAM, the Love and Truth of the Light overwhelmed me. I had answered the riddle. I basked in the glory of the Light of Love for everyone, and everything. The Light of Truth and Love shined on me proudly, and at that moment I knew everything that there is to know. The truth of us all, and of the love that connects everything in the Universe. The Light was proud of me, and so was Cindy who was also in the Light. She looked at me and smiled. She was as proud of me as the Light was, and I loved her for it. She, the Light, I and everything were One. We were the “Only One”.
We got back into the car and somehow I forgot the answer to the question. It put me in a panic. I knew that I didn’t want to go back into the dark, but that it would be my destiny if I couldn’t solve the riddle.
While I pondered the question I learned that we are all One. “THE ONE”. We are on the Journey of the One. All of creation in the universe, and all of time in all places is one thing. One beautiful “One” and it was me, I was everything, and everything was me.
Despite the revelation I continued to go into and out of the dark. I would answer the question and see the love, joy and bliss with everything in the Light, then back to the darkness of ignorance. I did this over and over, back and forth.
Finally the Light said to me “Thank you for coming, don’t forget I love you. Don’t forget the lesson you have learned. Take heed as I have shown you the true path to me, don’t let the dark be your destiny, you now know the way, and we will meet again. Always believe in the sacred Love and Truth, and practice Goodness in your life, and you will find me easily.”
Morning came and the trip was over. That was that.
M, our guide, Cindy and I started back to Omaha to drop M and I off home. I was speechless on the way home. I had so many questions. How could this be? Who else knows the Truth? What do I do now that I know that life is an illusion?
I never saw Cindy again after that night. M and I drifted apart, yet that night will live with me forever. I will never forget it.
RE: my Journey to the One - Marina - 11-16-2009
Thank you. What a beautiful story. I have never had a vision like this. It seems like a wonderful picture of the LIGHT and how we are faced with these choices.
RE: my Journey to the One - fairyfarmgirl - 11-16-2009
Thank you for being here now!
--fairyfarmgirl
RE: my Journey to the One - Brittany - 11-16-2009
Hmm...the strange thing is that I've had experiences like this without drugs. I could never touch the stuff because I grew up in a household that saw a lot of drug use and it made for some really ugly experiences. I guess one could say that drugs simply amplify the process, causing it to come quicker...often too quickly. A lot of people who trip get so overwhelmed that they can't make anything of the experience and maybe even go a little crazy. There were several times when I began to open my 3rd eye of purely natural means and ended up freaking out and having to shut it again. Regardless, I am glad your discovery brought you something positive. Welcome to the forum!
RE: my Journey to the One - seejay21 - 11-17-2009
Some will call this experience nothing more than a drug induced delusion, and heck maybe they are right, but I don't think so. There are a lot of different things that happend outside the box.
Ahktu, you post "There were several times when I began to open my 3rd eye of purely natural means and ended up freaking out and having to shut it again"...
I think by the time I truely began to ponder the question, I had completely 100% accepted that the life I had known was gone, and there was no road back. The only thing that existed was the light, the dark, and the choice/question/answer.
I very much simplified the choice in my story. The dark way was very frightening. Totally terrifying. It also had another aspect, which was shame, and the shame was mine. IT was extreme shame. It was like the shame of a hundred murdering rapists that was mine to bare alone. It was as if I had commited the most horrible crime against all of humanity and the world, and I was going to be punished for it, and it was this fact caused me to continue to try and solve the riddle, desperately.
I don't know what the question is, and I don't know what the answer is today. I don't think you can form the question with words. What I do know is that it is a paradox. It is both the hardest question and the easiest question ever devised. Also the question IS the answer. That doesn't make sense, but that is what it is.
One last thing. Upon "answering" the riddle I discovered that all of the life I had kown before was/is a very cleverly devised paractical joke. I'm serious. The illusion we call life is a practical joke that we play on ourselves, and we participate in it freely and willingly, over and over again. In other words, we choose this space we inhabit to experience love, shame , guilt, laughter, happiness and everything else, and when it comes time, we go "ha ha ha, tricked you!!!!", and then we say "ahh that was funny, you got me... Let's do it again!! horrray!"
RE: my Journey to the One - Brittany - 11-18-2009
lol, I resonate with your words Seejay21. I remember the moment when I realized life was a joke. An important, growth-inducing joke, but still a joke. And it was a funny one.
I do not think you are suffering delusions. I just can't imagine how terrifying it would be to have awakened all at once like that. I think I would have gone loopy. My shrink put me on some kind of barbituates once and I really started freaking out and seeing all kinds of stuff and landed in the mental hospital, and this stuff was legal!
As for not being able to put the feelings into words...I also know this all too well. For some reason a lot of times I expect everyone to just know what I'm feeling. I don't understand why I should have to explain it to them. Can't they just *feel* it? Can't they read my thoughts and see the pictures in my head? Words are so frustrating sometimes. There aren't nearly enough of them to describe matters of the soul.
I also know that feeling of shame. Realizing that you ARE the ones who commit those terrible acts...you are one with the most horrifying people in the world, can be a real eye-opener. When I realized this I had to do a LOT of internal squaring away, because I started seeing all these terrible mindsets deep within myself. There were days I just hated myself so much I felt like I should stop existing, but then I realized that that kind of attitude wasn't going to provide the service I came here to give. Only when I'm at peace with myself can I share that peace with others, so I've had to learn to cut myself a little slack and realize I'm an okay gal after all. Deep down, we're all okay. If only everyone could realize that...
RE: my Journey to the One - love everything - 04-17-2010
Hello seejay21,
Thank you for sharing your experience. Absolutely wonderful.
I am curious what has brought you to ask this question on your post:
"What do I do now that I know that life is an illusion?" From your 'moment' what has lead you to consider that "life is an illusion"?
Thank you again
Love Everything xxx
RE: my Journey to the One - seejay21 - 11-29-2010
(04-17-2010, 12:06 AM)love everything Wrote: Hello seejay21,
Thank you for sharing your experience. Absolutely wonderful.
I am curious what has brought you to ask this question on your post:
"What do I do now that I know that life is an illusion?" From your 'moment' what has lead you to consider that "life is an illusion"?
Thank you again
Love Everything xxx
I left and returned to the illusion. I guess when you go and come back it is easy to see what it is. When I "left" I saw my physical life as a movie, or an illusion.
Quote:30.4 Questioner: Is there any loss to the mind or spirit after this transition which we call death or any impairment of either because of the loss of this chemical body which we now have?
Ra: I am Ra. In your terms there is a great loss of mind complex due to the fact that much of the activity of the mental nature of which you are aware during the experience of this space/time continuum is as much of a surface illusion as is the chemical body complex.
In other terms nothing whatever of importance is lost; the character or, shall we say, pure distortion of emotions and biases or distortions and wisdoms, if you will, becoming obvious for the first time, shall we say; these pure emotions and wisdoms and bias/distortions being, for the most part, either ignored or underestimated during physical life experience.
In terms of the spiritual, this channel is then much opened due to the lack of necessity for the forgetting characteristic of third density.
Something like that.
When you go and come back, you see the man behind the curtain. There is another quote that describes the nature of the illusion more clearly. I can't find it. Something about how the details of the content in the illusion isn't important, the importance is that there is content.
RE: my Journey to the One - Ankh - 11-30-2010
Welcome to the forum Seejay!
Sometimes I can feel that too, that great illusion it is, life. It is like someone is laughing, sometimes I laugh too, but other times I can get a bit offended and sad at all that laugh and answer: "Easy for you to laugh, but it is real to me here and now. What am I supposed to do if not take it as it appears?"
RE: my Journey to the One - Tenet Nosce - 07-17-2011
Greetings, seejay21. Welcome to the forum!
(11-15-2009, 12:18 PM)seejay21 Wrote: Greeting all! I just found this forum from a link on the "Law of One" website. Who new?
Who knew? Well just about everybody that has ever gone to the "Law of One" website. That's who.
Quote:I wanted to share my story of "awakening". Before I share it though, I want to make it 100% clear that the use of drugs to achieve "enlightenment" is a selfish act, and it will not serve you. Inspiration to discover the truth must only come from within.
Thanks for sharing your story. I too, have employed various substances in order to elevate my consciousness. In my experience, mushrooms and ayahuasca both resulted in some sort of lasting change. Marijuana is good for short bursts of deep thinking, but the effects are neither reliable nor long-lasting.
One time that I took some LSD many years ago, I was sure that I was "this close" to going insane. It was like something was making itself known that my consciousness was not prepared to receive. It kind of scared the crap out of me to tell you the truth!
Every now and again things start to spin really quickly in my mind. If it starts to feel too overwhelming, I just go outside and put my feet in the grass, breathe some fresh air, and feel the sunlight on my skin. Some fresh water always helps as well.
Remember, we don't need to understand it all right now. Understanding is not of this density!
RE: my Journey to the One - Urantia444 - 08-02-2011
The illusion is a learning tool......you can use this current illusion to discover yourself inside......you can thank those that you "perceived" to be a "catalyst" for your own self-discoveries.....there are no "mistakes" to the illusion....only learning opportunities. We are not truly meant to discover or wake up too early from this Game, for the body/mind at times cannot "cope" well. There needs to be a certain level of maturity involved before you get that "peak behind the veil". You chose to be in this Game for growth/expanding your spirit......all of us were literally "chomping at the bit" (prior to birth) for this unique and extremely special "training" in the Current Earth Illusion. I possess my pre-birth memory and was as follows:
I was in a spirit form and was waiting to be "called", I get the impression that I was in a line with thousands of other spirits that were also waiting to be called. While I was waiting, I remember feeling "unworthy" of such greatness or sensing that I was not good enough to be born a human that carried such potential. I realized that some of the spirits were sent on different assignments, but I was chosen to be an earth babe! I remember feeling elated, because I was provided the chance to experience all the necessary hardships/disappointments to gain Courage, that I would get the opportunity to face uncertainties so that I could, in turn, forage for Hope. I was ecstatic that I was going to know less than I would be ABLE to believe – thus, displaying Faith in something grander! I knew that I was in for pain, but on the flip side – without suffering ever-present experiential trials – I would not know the Joy and Pleasure! I knew that I would have to experience situations of social inequality and grapple for better things – but through experiencing “mucking through the trenches – I would gain Loyalty, Altruism, Idealism, Unselfishness!
This is WHY we are here! All of us are so lucky to be chosen for this Game! I truly believe that there are literally millions of spirits “waiting in line” for the opportunity to walk in Jesus’ footsteps! You know the famous saying about being at the “bottom of the barrel”. It builds character – it creates magnificent (seasoned) beings! I believe that all human spirits were "chosen", and they “forgot” why they came! Actually, I get the impression that our pre-birth (soul) memory is concealed on purpose! Because, we must find it in ourselves to learn and grow through life’s experiences. Angels are in awe at times because of us. I think some celestial beings may envy our position, yet are saddened because we have not filled our potentials.
Thank you for your story....acid was something I was to afraid to try, because of a friend that had a horrible trip that "messed him up".
My love and light to all of you reading these letter symbols at this very precise moment in eternity!
RE: my Journey to the One - Unbound - 08-02-2011
Ah, bravo, you discovered that which drugs is meant to reveal. Interestingly, psychedelics are good for showing you the path, but since this happens every time you do them this also means that each time you forfeit your current choice for another round of "What if"s?
Excellent story, blessings, love and light from Creator to Creator, adonai.
RE: my Journey to the One - 3DMonkey - 08-02-2011
(08-02-2011, 01:31 PM)Urantia444 Wrote: – but through experiencing “mucking through the trenches – I would gain Loyalty, Altruism, Idealism, Unselfishness! [/size][/font]
This is WHY we are here!
Are you sure? I feel like I need to release all these things. I don't think these things do anything for anybody.
RE: my Journey to the One - Unbound - 08-02-2011
I would not let oneself speak for anybody but oneself, 3D. Valueless to you perhaps, but only because you have given them no value.
RE: my Journey to the One - 3DMonkey - 08-02-2011
(08-02-2011, 06:41 PM)Azrael Wrote: I would not let oneself speak for anybody but oneself, 3D. Valueless to you perhaps, but only because you have given them no value.
Loyalty- good to be loyal to a few, detrimental to be loyal to all
altruism- good to give selflessly to my children, detrimental to give selflessly to the entire neighborhood, ultimately it would be selfish and hurt my children
idealism- one person's garbage is another's treasure
unselfishness- back to the loyalty idea, all others have different ideals, all others have opposing considerations
What I am saying is that in my striving for these things, I am not growing as an entity, I am dissolving myself back into nothingness, which is where I came from. The idea of waiting in line for the chance to do that, it just an idea found while being here.
RE: my Journey to the One - Unbound - 08-02-2011
You are playing with semantics and missing the conceptual nature of these ideas, I feel. You are speaking with an absolute perspective where none is applicable.
What is loyalty if not part of your nature? What is altruism if not part of your nature? Etc
The things you are describing are manners of using these virtues, not the virtues themselves. This is what Ra speaks of as necessarily balancing Wisdom and Compassion, and not practicing what Dzogchen Buddhism calls "Idiot Compassion".
RE: my Journey to the One - 3DMonkey - 08-02-2011
(08-02-2011, 07:27 PM)Azrael Wrote: The things you are describing are manners of using these virtues, not the virtues themselves.
I'm getting caught up in becoming the virtues, maybe? That the virtues contradict themselves in their application? To be loyal to one, I see that you must be disloyal to someone else. Are you saying that this is the proper use of learning the virtue? I see that. How can it be loyalty, idealistically?
RE: my Journey to the One - Unbound - 08-02-2011
You are making the small mistake of approaching the virtues as something to be attained rather than being a part of the overall nature. The virtues are always present.
No, to be loyal to one does not mean to be disloyal to another. Loyalty is to be loyal, disloyalty is to be disloyal. Ideal idealism is unconditional, the ideal state being without expectation. Your view of necessity of disloyalty to achieve loyalty is in fact only a manner of doubt of the purpose of loyalty.
What IS loyalty, is another question, no? Honesty, could be another word for loyalty. Do you need to betray someone in order to be an honest person? I think you see what I am getting at. Loyalty does not mean service to one, it means being genuine and true.
Just with altruism as an idea. Selflessness is a state of mind, truly, not an action. Being unselfish doesn't mean being without priorities. In our current third dimensional state we are beings of choice. This comes to the idea between philanthropy and charity. Giving people everything they desire is in fact a selfish act because you strip away their capacity to provide for themselves.
Give a little, take a little, love a little, receive love a little, be good a little, receive good a little. Negativity, selfishness and disloyalty only become a factor when they become motivation.
Virtues in balance are much more effective than over-active virtue.
RE: my Journey to the One - seejay21 - 08-03-2011
(08-02-2011, 03:54 PM)Azrael Wrote: Ah, bravo, you discovered that which drugs is meant to reveal. Interestingly, psychedelics are good for showing you the path, but since this happens every time you do them this also means that each time you forfeit your current choice for another round of "What if"s?Blessing to you as well.
Excellent story, blessings, love and light from Creator to Creator, adonai.
I wouldn't say that it happens every time, but it's a bold risk. There is forfeit. Then we choose to come back here to do it again, risk and all. Coming back into the illusion is a choice that we are honored to do, all of us. Everyone on this forum, and every other soul everywhere is honored to be here, not only to play this game, but to finish it, and choose to play again. I can't describe what it is to live the life of a 4th 5th or 6th density being. I do know though, humbly, choosing to be 3D is a noble virtue and adventure unmatched in prize and peril than any other density.
RE: my Journey to the One - Unbound - 08-03-2011
Couldn't have said it better myself!
RE: my Journey to the One - Urantia444 - 08-03-2011
(08-02-2011, 06:02 PM)3DMonkey Wrote:(08-02-2011, 01:31 PM)Urantia444 Wrote: – but through experiencing “mucking through the trenches – I would gain Loyalty, Altruism, Idealism, Unselfishness! [/size][/font]
This is WHY we are here!
Are you sure? I feel like I need to release all these things. I don't think these things do anything for anybody.
I suppose from my personal view/standpoint, that I would not be half the person that I am without the trials and adversity. The differentiation would be that - I learned and grew from each individual "negative" events or "mucking it through", to grasp a higher truth. Perhaps this is merely my Personal Truth. Even though I have personally encountered cruelty, abuse, abandonment, I was able to look outside myself and real-eyes that I was not the true issue - those "perpertrators" had the real misery, I just elected to be a part of their negativity or not. I would do nothing over - how else would I have gained the wisdom and experience? I have learned vital traits of pity and compassion for those "perpertrators". I view them as catalysts for growth. It may take some people, numerous cycles to grasp this third desity "trick". Mainly it is up to the individual on A) whether they want to change the way the view and re-ACT to things (as in being a "survivor" rather than the "victim", or B) stagnate.
Admittedly, I was "stagnant" for 15 years! Until divine providence occured. My veil was lifted and I AWOKE. I have been having a beautifully indescribable journey since........
