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Should I continue to have contact with my father? - Vince - 06-08-2009
Should I continue to have contact with my father?
My father married a man who was just released from jail. His 'husband' had kidnapped, drugged and raped a little boy from out of state. Now my father and his 'husband' are moved in together again after twelve years, in denial about their diagnosed HIV status. I'm afraid that their relationship together will predispose them to potentially hurt more children. It really drains and distresses me to think about it.
What does LOO say?
Thanks.
RE: Should I continue to have contact with my father? - Ali Quadir - 06-08-2009
How about... I hope you had a good mother.... :-/
I wish I had a clear answer for you. But basically all I can say is that, it's okay to choose for yourself if you feel you can't handle these guys. He is your father, he helped put you into the world. But that was his choice. It's your choice to decide if that deserves your everlasting love.
If you were around and there would be problems then perhaps there'd be something you could do, ring an alarm bell someplace for example. But that in itself is not enough reason to stick around. You don't carry the responsibility to keep your father who is an adult on the right track. You don't have to like or support his choices either.
For what it's worth. Being in a relationship does not mean we need to visit them every Sunday. A phone call now and again might be enough. And you can build up from there. If you break off the relationship then that move is pretty much final. The possibility to rebuild is much smaller.
So I think I'd personally not break off the relationship, but just show my nose less and less, and less...
Good luck friend.
RE: Should I continue to have contact with my father? - Phoenix - 06-08-2009
I have a different situation for sure, but one that might be useful to you.
A couple of years ago his wife moved out of the country and he slept with another woman. He told me about it and I was a bit young at the time and just sort of agreed with him.
The second time, he told me about it and I think was obviously planning to do it with another woman. I refused to laugh it over with him and told him not to do it because it is the 'difference between right and wrong.' And he didn't, as far as I'm aware.
If you get into astrology, or psychology or NLP. Something that helps you understand other people it may help you accept the situation. The fact of the matter is if you did have a relationship with him and his partner did something like that. If you found out you would have to report it. There should be no moral dilemma. Simply report it so another kid doesn't get injured. And I don't think there's much moral agonising even after that decision.
RE: Should I continue to have contact with my father? - Ali Quadir - 06-08-2009
(06-08-2009, 07:18 AM)Phoenix Wrote: The fact of the matter is if you did have a relationship with him and his partner did something like that. If you found out you would have to report it. There should be no moral dilemma. Simply report it so another kid doesn't get injured. And I don't think there's much moral agonising even after that decision.
Very good points!
Especially if you make it abundantly clear up front that you will not keep secrets for others. The problem with broken secrets is the feeling of betrayal which is the result of a broken expectation. If you make it absolutely clear that the expectation of you keeping a secret is false. Then you create no expectation and therefore can't break it.
Also it seems to me that being a friend is often saying "Don't do it" like you told your father Phoenix. You were a friend when you told him not to do it. And since he followed your advice you were a useful friend. Being a friend is not telling what the other wants to hear, but telling them what they need to hear.
RE: Should I continue to have contact with my father? - Vince - 06-08-2009
(06-08-2009, 04:15 AM)Ali Quadir Wrote: How about... I hope you had a good mother.... :-/yes, i had a very good mother who raised me. she was the exact opposite of my father, and that's probably why they got divorced when i was six years old. i'm 40 years old now. my mother passed away three years ago, so that support is recently gone, and this strange man (whom i only met in person once) just moved in again with my father after being in jail for fourteen years.
Quote:I wish I had a clear answer for you. But basically all I can say is that, it's okay to choose for yourself if you feel you can't handle these guys. He is your father, he helped put you into the world. But that was his choice. It's your choice to decide if that deserves your everlasting love.they don't pose an immediate threat to me personally, although i start to get mentally distressed when thinking about it. i can't hug my father or anything ever, because he interprets physical contact (a simple hug from his son) the wrong way, and tries to respond sexually if he's drunk. the one man also has the HIV virus, but they both deny the doctors' diagnoses. I'm afraid to touch them or use their toilet, so i've always had to limit myself to restaurant contacts with my father.
Quote:If you were around and there would be problems then perhaps there'd be something you could do, ring an alarm bell someplace for example. But that in itself is not enough reason to stick around. You don't carry the responsibility to keep your father who is an adult on the right track. You don't have to like or support his choices either.we live a half hour from each other, so i don't really have to contact him if i don't want to. i've been going out to lunch with my father about once every two months for the last few years, but that was before this pedophile ex-contact recently moved in with him again. they live in a mobile home park with several children, so i get concerned that way. the sex offender lists don't get published online for a few months.
Quote:For what it's worth. Being in a relationship does not mean we need to visit them every Sunday. A phone call now and again might be enough. And you can build up from there. If you break off the relationship then that move is pretty much final. The possibility to rebuild is much smaller.i had once ceased total contact with my father from age 14 to 28 under the counsel of a pastor many years ago. now i'm 40. i'm more concerned with maintaining my own health than a relationship with my father. he had married this man without my knowledge during the time that i had ceased contact with him when i was younger. the wierd thing is that this man that he married is exactly my age. they're not the same age. it's like he was trying to marry a replacement for me as his son. so this strange man is both a surrogate son and a husband to him.
Quote:So I think I'd personally not break off the relationship, but just show my nose less and less, and less...i think that it will be a lot less. i tend to be very strict in my relationships in general. i don't affiliate with anyone who might endanger my health in any way. i'm also concerned that illegal activity with children may recur, because they don't necessarily hold each other legally accountable. they are against the government, whereas i'm extremely law-abiding myself, perhaps due to the way that my mother raised me.
Quote:Good luck friend.thank you. blessings.
(06-08-2009, 07:18 AM)Phoenix Wrote: If you get into astrology, or psychology or NLP. Something that helps you understand other people it may help you accept the situation.i strongly believe that they're very ill, like if a person damages their physical brains on drugs or something. i try to find no rhyme or reason in it. if one tries to understand madness, one will simply go mad. i find it impossible for me to reason logic out of madness. i understand a bit more intellectually about it, but it seems like sheer madness to me emotionally. they're not into psychological counseling like they should be, because they deny a problem.
Quote:The fact of the matter is if you did have a relationship with him and his partner did something like that. If you found out you would have to report it. There should be no moral dilemma. Simply report it so another kid doesn't get injured. And I don't think there's much moral agonising even after that decision.i'm more concerned about a child's safety than i am about maintaining a relationship with my father. i'd report something immediately if ever i found out, because i have zero tolerance about harming children. especially since the man has HIV and has been in denial about it too. it can be life or death when extended to that point.
RE: Should I continue to have contact with my father? - Sirius - 06-08-2009
I'm 20, so I'm bound to have a very different idea to this.
Cutting people off is something I have long pondered. Having been in a situation when a "friend" had lied to me and my partner about having cancer. Amongst other things, it all hit breaking point and I do not speak to her anymore. She is the one person who has offended me to such a degree, and I have never been treated so lowly by another human being.
She had her chance to have shared my wisdom, and through her negative actions she lost that chance.
The way I justify it, If i don't think about her, at all or at least not very negatively my mind is clear. I don't hold a grudge against her, she can mess up her own life without my help.
It may sound like I have not, but I have made many an attempt at forgiving her, within my mind. I have no desire to be her friend again, but I do not want her negativity to affect me, ever again.
These lives of ours are full of choices, with and without hindsight, I made the best choice to get out of the worst situation of my life.
My advice is no not make yourself negative about it. Give them the benefit of the doubt maybe, but deffinately do not stay quiet, and let yourself boil about it. It clearly is having an affect on yur thoughts, as evidence of this thread.
Ali's approach is good. Slightly less extreme than my own, But don't do it if it makes you sad.
As this is a parent figure, and we choose our parents, I would look into what lessons could be learnt. There are many reasons why this person is your father, maybe there are yet your you may not have discovered.
Maybe it is the lesson of forgiveness you need to learn, and it is your Dad who is facilitating that?
Just some flowing thoughts on the matter, don't take me too seriously if you don't want to.
Blood is thicker than water,
Love and Light
RE: Should I continue to have contact with my father? - 3D Sunset - 06-08-2009
(06-08-2009, 01:50 AM)Vince Wrote: Should I continue to have contact with my father?
What does LOO say?
Hi Vince,
You've already received some excellent practical advice from Phoenix and Ali. I'd like to present a slightly different perspective and look at what I feel are a couple of applicable passages from the Law of One, and draw some associated metaphysical advice. Please bear in mind though, that since I am choosing the passages to present, the perspective cannot help but be distorted by my personality.
Interestingly, I was first drawn to the following passage (note that I will quote the question / answers in their entirety, to maintain the context of the original discussion, which may be slightly different than our context now)
Ra, Book I, Session 17 Wrote:Questioner: Is it possible by the use of some technique or other to help an entity to reach fourth-density level in these last days?
Ra: I am Ra. It is impossible to help another being directly. It is only possible to make catalyst available in whatever form, the most important being the radiation of realization of oneness with the Creator from the self, less important being information such as we share with you.
We, ourselves, do not feel an urgency for this information to be widely disseminated. It is enough that we have made it available to three, four, or five. This is extremely ample reward, for if one of these obtains fourth density understanding due to this catalyst then we shall have fulfilled the
Law of One in the distortion of service.
We encourage a dispassionate attempt to share information without concern for numbers or quick growth among others. That you attempt to make this information available is, in your terms, your service. The attempt, if it reaches one, reaches all.
We cannot offer shortcuts to enlightenment. Enlightenment is, of the moment, an opening to intelligent infinity. It can only be accomplished by the self, for the self. Another self cannot teach/learn enlightenment, but only teach/learn information, inspiration, or a sharing of love, of mystery, of the unknown that makes the other-self reach out and begin the seeking process that ends in a moment, but who can know when an entity will open the gate to the present?
I think this is both appropriate and fascinating. If we divorce ourselves for a moment from the details of your father's spouse's past (and possibly his own), and ask the crucial questions of the LOO in 3D, then we find here some rather clear direction. At this point in 3D, all should be concerned about graduation to 4D. Graduation is accomplished though polarity, which is gained by processing of catalyst.
Your position in this arrangement, as an outsider, is to offer aid, in the form of catalyst, to entities attempting to polarize. According to Ra, the catalyst you can best offer is "the radiation of realization of oneness with the Creator from the self". Such radiation can be offered either in person or from a distance. Also remember that your relationship with both your father and his spouse transcend space/time, so one never really cuts off contact with another.
It should be noted that your father and his significant other may be on the path to polarization toward STS. Your position in this is still the same, radiate your realization of oneness with the Creator from the self. Doing so is a catalyst that will encourage a response from your father.
The next quote that resonated with me with respect to your question was this:
Ra, Book I, Session 19 Wrote:Questioner: I will make a statement then of my understanding and ask you if I am correct. There is a, what I would call, physical catalyst operating at all times upon the entities in third density. I assume this operates approximately the same way in second density. It is a catalyst which acts through what we call pain and emotion. Is the primary reason for the weakening of the physical body and the elimination of body hair, etc. so that this catalyst would act more strongly upon the mind and therefore create the evolutionary process?
Ra: I am Ra. This is not entirely correct, although closely associated with the distortions of our understanding.
Consider, if you will, the tree for instance. It is self-sufficient. Consider, if you will, the third-density entity. It is self-sufficient only through difficulty and deprivation. It is difficult to learn alone for there is a built-in handicap, at once the great virtue and the great handicap of third density. That is the rational/intuitive mind.
Thus, the weakening of the physical vehicle, as you call it, was designed to distort entities towards a predisposition to deal with each other. Thus, the lessons which approach a knowing of love can be begun. This catalyst then is shared between peoples as an important part of each self’s development as well as the experiences of the self in solitude and the synthesis of all experience through meditation. The quickest way to learn is to deal with other-selves. This is a much greater catalyst than dealing with the self. Dealing with the self without other-selves is akin to living without what you would call mirrors. Thus, the self cannot see the fruits of its beingness. Thus, each may aid each by reflection. This is also a primary reason for the weakening of the physical vehicle, as you call the physical complex.
The first quote addressed the question from what is needed to aid your father's advancement. This quote looks at it more from your perspective. You have here an excellent opportunity to learn and to process catalysts applicable to you by dealing with the other self. This seems to be an opportunity for you to "see the fruits of your beingness", as it were. From my other readings, I would suggest that Phoenix was square on with his suggestion to accomplish this through open honest communication with the pair. If you are interested in hearing more related quotes that address this issue, please let me know.
Love and Light,
Your humble servant,
3D Susnet
RE: Should I continue to have contact with my father? - irpsit - 06-09-2009
My gut feeling reply: do not cut contact. If you feel, give less contact (in a subtle way, not to hurt him), to protect yourself. If necessary, your father may also need help and reassurance if he is ill, in the future. Remember your father may see you still as a friend. This is a delicate situation. The best would be that your father (and his mate) would open himself to counselling or some kind of help. But I don't know your situation in detail... I wish you all the best and healing in this!
RE: Should I continue to have contact with my father? - Monica - 06-09-2009
Vince, I'm sorry for the loss of your mother and that the relationship with your father didn't work out. I have a few ideas and suggestions to consider, with the usual disclaimer that if any of them don't resonate with you, just discard!
I suspect that there is more to this beneath the surface. You said your pastor recommended ending your relationship with your father - was that because he was gay, or some other reason (like abuse)? If the former, then I would invite you to ask yourself whether your distaste is based on him being gay, or the HIV concern, or the pedophilia concern.
If your concern is primarily for the children, then there is a simple action you could take to help the parents in that neighborhood raise their awareness. You could make a simple flyer saying 'Parents, please use extra caution with your children - possible pedophile in the area.' and stick them on the doorknobs in the neighborhood. (I would NOT specify the name of the man, because that would undoubtedly result in ostracizing. I once saw a Law & Order episode in which someone did that, and the man turned out to be innocent! Also, there is always the possibility that the could have been or will be healed - I wouldn't want the karmic responsibility of causing someone to be ostracized. Anyway, it isn't necessary to specify any names. The parents should be careful with their children's safety anyway! If you alert them to a possible danger in the area, then it becomes their responsibility to keep their children safe, not yours.)
If your concern is primarily fear of infection from HIV, then I would suggest doing some research on how the disease is transmitted (you've probably already done that). I don't know much about it, but, if I remember correctly, casual contact does not transmit the virus. If you are clear on what exactly can transmit the virus, you will be able to establish healthy boundaries with your father. There is no reason to expose yourself to the virus, but neither is there any reason to keep him at arm's length unnecessarily. OTOH, that's definitely creepy about your father getting sexually turned on by a simple hug, even from his own son. I definitely wouldn't want to hug someone either if they responded that way!
If, after some introspection, it turns out that your father's homosexuality is an issue for you, then I would suggest doing some healing work on that aspect of yourself. Your father's sexual orientation is a completely separate issue from the pedophilia issue; the former is no cause for concern because it harms no one, whereas the latter is obviously a concern because children could be harmed. Could your pastor have conveyed a wariness or even a prejudice towards gays, which might have influenced your relationship with your father when you were young? If so, it might be helpful to distinguish how much of this has to do with his homosexuality, and how much is because of other issues (like abuse, tolerance of or participation in pedophilia, etc.).
If your pastor recommended disassociation from your father because your father had abused you, then it would be understandable that you'd want to avoid any sort of relationship with him. At the same time, that's all the more reason to seek healing and clearing of karma via forgiveness. Again, this can be done from afar! You needn't put yourself into a stressful or dangerous situation. I agree with 3D that it's possible these men are polarizing towards STS. There's no way for us to know. What's important is the choice of forgiveness/love towards the person who harmed you.
You don't have to answer these questions here on the forum if you'd prefer not to. I offer them only as ideas to consider! What I'm suggesting is to separate the concerns and see if you can get to the core issue of what bothers you about your father's life and choices.
We ALL mirror to one another. If someone pushes our buttons, then there is something in ourselves in need of healing. That does NOT mean we must continue to be around that person! Sometimes the appropriate action is to avoid contact with that person. But, I think it's healthier (and more loving) to be very honest with ourselves as to what that person represents to us and why they bother us so much. Whether you continue contact with him or not, it's always advisable to send wishes of love and healing, even if from afar.
Regardless of what you choose as to whether or not to have any sort of contact with your father, since you asked what the Law of One says, that answer is easy: Forgiveness.
Forgiveness is, according to the Law of One, what eradicates karma. There is clearly some karma between you and your father. The answer is always the same whenever there is karma: Forgiveness.
Forgiveness does NOT mean you approve of the other person's actions. It simply means that you are choosing to LOVE that person anyway, and love is the most powerful force in the UniVerse! Love is what the UniVerse is made of!
I would suggest extending love and forgiveness (from afar!) to your father's lover also. It might sound strange to think of forgiving a pedophile, but those who have harmed others are the ones who need love the most!
Here is a fascinating story that you might find helpful:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wSfbkG97H7Q
Love and blessings to you, as well as to those men.
RE: Should I continue to have contact with my father? - pluralone - 06-09-2009
For what it's worth -- and so please disregard if this is not helpful --
For various reasons I've released a number of relationships in my life. The relationships had become toxic in one way or another, meaning the person's behavior in some way impacted my life and/or other relationships in a way that caused interference (emotional pain, repeated assaults on boundaries, attempts to poison other relationships we had in common) that was beyond my ability and/or willingness to continue to endure. When I'm (figuratively) getting slapped, I do step back and may even have to walk away.
From a perspective of unconditional love, it's important for me to balance the expression of love for my self with the expression of love for others. Yes, we are all one, but as a human my experience of oneness filters through my experience of individuality. If another individual is actively causing me harm, I will do what I must in order to stop the harm from continuing.
Ok, that's the pretty version. Fact is, there have been some folks with whom the relationship simply changed and I no longer enjoyed their company. If I feel the relationship is no longer in either of our best interests - for whatever reason - I will release it.
When the release of a relationship is particularly difficult, I have an affirmative mantra to help put it in perspective:
I love you
I bless you
I release you
"I love you" means I love the person unconditionally; that I value the person's life as well as the part the relationship has played in my life. "I bless you" means I acknowledge that the person and I are (ultimately) one, and that even as our paths diverge, we are in our proper and equal positions within All That Is. "I release you" is pretty self-explanatory; our paths have diverged, by my choice. We may find ourselves on the same path again, but in the mean time I will not maintain any physical connection. I often continue to actively surround such folks with unconditional love energy.
Vince, I personally would support whatever decision you make about your contact with your father. I do have a suggestion, however: If you continue having contact with him, you may want to state some boundaries. You indicated his behavior is particularly inappropriate when he is drunk, for instance, so it's well within reason to tell him you do not ever want to see or speak with him while he's intoxicated. If contact with his partner is difficult, you might want to consider only spending time with your father when his partner is otherwise occupied.
I could not say for certain how I would handle this situation. To maintain contact may help your father and/or his partner in some way, but then again it may simply enable them to continue their behaviors unquestioningly. When people I love are sick and don't acknowledge this about themselves I feel a particular sense of despair. I know I would come to "accept the things I cannot change", but how that manifested in terms of continued contact would really depend on the individual/s involved.
I ask that no one take offense that I've taken my part of this discussion outside the scope of LOO; my main intent here is to acknowledge the difficulties Vince faces with this situation and to offer support.
I'll be keeping you in my meditations, dear Vince.
plur
RE: Should I continue to have contact with my father? - Vince - 06-16-2009
(06-08-2009, 09:24 AM)Sirius Wrote: I have no desire to be her friend again, but I do not want her negativity to affect me, ever again.this is basically where i'm at. i really have no energy to put up with my father's mistakes anymore at this point. i'm getting together with him this father's day, but i'm not sure how frequently that i'll bother to have contact with him after that. if he calls and contacts me occasionally, i suppose that's fine, but i'm not necessarily going to go out of my way to maintain contact with him beyond that. he's started into his drinking again since this man has moved in with him again, and i don't really care to talk to him when he's drunk. he at least wouldn't be drunk when talking with me on the phone when this man wasn't living with him for the last twelve years.
These lives of ours are full of choices, with and without hindsight, I made the best choice to get out of the worst situation of my life.
My advice is no not make yourself negative about it. Give them the benefit of the doubt maybe, but deffinately do not stay quiet, and let yourself boil about it. It clearly is having an affect on yur thoughts, as evidence of this thread.
RE: Should I continue to have contact with my father? - Monica - 06-16-2009
(06-09-2009, 07:38 PM)pluralone Wrote: I ask that no one take offense that I've taken my part of this discussion outside the scope of LOO; my main intent here is to acknowledge the difficulties Vince faces with this situation and to offer support.
Answering the call for help is very much within the scope of the Law of One!!!!
RE: Should I continue to have contact with my father? - Vince - 06-16-2009
(06-08-2009, 09:47 AM)3D Sunset Wrote:i'm not quite sure how to express oneness with my father. he doesn't interpret affection properly.Ra, Book I, Session 17 Wrote:Ra: I am Ra. It is impossible to help another being directly. It is only possible to make catalyst available in whatever form, the most important being the radiation of realization of oneness with the Creator from the self, less important being information such as we share with you.
for example, one time about ten years ago, i was visiting him for a holiday. i went to give him an innocent hug goodbye from son to father, but he somehow misinterpreted it and attempted to reciprocate sexually with inappropriate touching. i became somewhat startled by his response and had to forcibly break away from his grasp. from that time on, i've refrained from giving my father any physical hugs, for fear that he might misinterpret again. he doesn't seem to know how to interpret physical affection (such as a hug from son to father) non-sexually.
(06-09-2009, 02:09 AM)irpsit Wrote: My gut feeling reply: do not cut contact. If you feel, give less contact (in a subtle way, not to hurt him), to protect yourself. If necessary, your father may also need help and reassurance if he is ill, in the future. Remember your father may see you still as a friend. This is a delicate situation. The best would be that your father (and his mate) would open himself to counselling or some kind of help. But I don't know your situation in detail... I wish you all the best and healing in this!they refuse to get counseling because they fail to see a problem. even the man's probation officer is requiring counseling, but they both struggle against it and act like the government is bad or something. i'm just going to refrain from contacting my father unless he directly calls me on the phone or something. maybe i'll call him once every six months if i don't hear from him, if even that.
RE: Should I continue to have contact with my father? - 3D Sunset - 06-16-2009
(06-16-2009, 03:42 AM)Vince Wrote: i really have no energy to put up with my father's mistakes anymore at this point.
In an infinite universe of unconditional love, there are no mistakes. Try to remove yourself from how you feel about his actions, and focus on the unconditional love (and compassion) that you feel for the Godspark that is your real father. Remember that he is following his own path back to the source, and although it is different from yours, it is no better or worse. His path may include more difficulties caused by his actions, but ultimately all reunite with the creator and bring to Him the bounty of their experiences along their chosen path.
Follow your inner guidance about how much time and effort to devote to your father in person, but send him daily your unconditional love and light. Love the actor, not the actions.
Then rest in the peace that comes from knowing you are doing all you can,
3D Sunset
RE: Should I continue to have contact with my father? - fairyfarmgirl - 06-16-2009
Good Greetings Vince:
Have you considered that your dad is on a STS path and your are on a STO path? Each path is valid although not compatible.
Also, you must follow your heart and Higher Guidance. I agree with 3D Sunset in that sending unconditional love is a way to have contact with the Godspark that is your father... but that does not mean you have to place yourself in danger by being with someone who is making dangerous choices---- choices that place you or others in jeopardy.
There was a time in my life where I was at odds with my parental unit. They simply were from another time and place that was fading. My dad was very racist and blamed ethnic/racial groups and me for his own life experiences and my mother was a master manipulator--- and an energy stealer joined him in his cause. I had to cut myself off from them because they were trying to use me for their own ends. I found myself more hurt when I visited then and long afterwards.
In the absence of me in their lives they had to face their own issues--- because their issues were in front of them--- there was no one to distract themselves from the pain they felt and the pain they were creating. This led to them having no one to blame--- and no one to abuse. After about 5 years, I reunited with them and we began to build a new relationship based on respect and love. During the first couple of years, I would remind them that I did not have to present in their lives (whenever they started to revert to their old ways)... and if they wished to be mean then they were welcome to do so but I nor my children would be present in their lives.
During the time I was not speaking or relating to my folks, I sent them loving energy. And learned to build a family of choice by making friends with older folks that could fill that unmet need for love and acceptance and wisdom. This is an act of self-love for me. I still maintain those friendships and am much richer for it.
Since that original time, they have grown. Learning new ways to do things--- new ways of relating to others.
I wish you well.
fairyfarmgirl
RE: Should I continue to have contact with my father? - Monica - 06-16-2009
(06-16-2009, 03:55 AM)Vince Wrote: i went to give him an innocent hug goodbye from son to father, but he somehow misinterpreted it and attempted to reciprocate sexually with inappropriate touching. i became somewhat startled by his response and had to forcibly break away from his grasp. from that time on, i've refrained from giving my father any physical hugs, for fear that he might misinterpret again. he doesn't seem to know how to interpret physical affection (such as a hug from son to father) non-sexually.
Whoa, that's some pretty heavy-duty confusion there. I wouldn't hug him either!!
RE: Should I continue to have contact with my father? - Vince - 06-16-2009
(06-09-2009, 12:18 PM)Bring4th_Monica Wrote: I suspect that there is more to this beneath the surface. You said your pastor recommended ending your relationship with your father - was that because he was gay, or some other reason (like abuse)? If the former, then I would invite you to ask yourself whether your distaste is based on him being gay, or the HIV concern, or the pedophilia concern.my pastor had counseled me to cease contact with my father due to abuse issues that were extended from my father against my brother.
Quote:If your concern is primarily for the children, then there is a simple action you could take to help the parents in that neighborhood raise their awareness. You could make a simple flyer saying 'Parents, please use extra caution with your children - possible pedophile in the area.' and stick them on the doorknobs in the neighborhood. (I would NOT specify the name of the man, because that would undoubtedly result in ostracizing.i've remotely considered doing mailings to the people who live in the trailerhome park where they live.
Quote:OTOH, that's definitely creepy about your father getting sexually turned on by a simple hug, even from his own son. I definitely wouldn't want to hug someone either if they responded that way!this is primarily if my father gets drunk. he always has a slight buzz, insofar as he drinks at least lightly throughout all hours of the day, unless he's driving at work. he's nearing his 70's now.
Quote:If your pastor recommended disassociation from your father because your father had abused you, then it would be understandable that you'd want to avoid any sort of relationship with him. At the same time, that's all the more reason to seek healing and clearing of karma via forgiveness. Again, this can be done from afar!the issue has always been moreso about abuse than homosexuality.
Quote:Regardless of what you choose as to whether or not to have any sort of contact with your father, since you asked what the Law of One says, that answer is easy: Forgiveness.i had communicated forgiveness to my father, but he basically denied doing anything wrong ans still denies it.
Quote:Forgiveness is, according to the Law of One, what eradicates karma. There is clearly some karma between you and your father. The answer is always the same whenever there is karma: Forgiveness.a disappointment of mine is that he doesn't respond in repentance. my aunt had confronted him some years ago about sexually abusing my brother, but he said that he enjoyed abusing him.
Quote:Here is a fascinating story that you might find helpful:thanks for the video link. it really resonates with me. it suggests the idea that the simple discharge of a positive energy aura from a person will automatically bring healing to those in the immediate vicinity. the focus is not on trying to 'fix' the other people around us, but simply to discharge a positive energy aura that will affect others around us. such is an issue i've actually been deeply contemplating for the past couple of months now. i've found that trying to intellectually expand the consciousness of other people around me is ultimately futile in 9 out of 10 cases, and have been seeking alternative methods of positively affecting others around me on more of a positive energy level.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wSfbkG97H7Q
Love and blessings to you, as well as to those men.
blessings to you. thanks for your thoughtful and heartfelt replies.
RE: Should I continue to have contact with my father? - Sirius - 06-16-2009
I do not know if my version of forgiveness is the same as everybody else's. I learnt this from ACIM.
Forgiving in the respect that it never happened.
You forgive yourself for being offended, you have reacted negatively and this is due to a further issue of your own. (difficult to understand with an example like this one)
This reality is illusion, as this is the illusion of separation from the creator, so what ever happens here, doesn't 'really' happen. From this perspective you fogive yourself and your father for something that did not happen.
You do not need both parties to Forgive. You are 'broadcasting' forgiveness, and if you want acceptance of forgiveness your not forgiving yourself properly. I feel this is portayed slightly with Ra's words of how you can't directly help another individual.
I'm not saying this is what you should do, but may give you an insight to differences of forgiveness.
As for what you say above about the aura, I found expanding my aura was one of my most useful tools to unglamoursly term 'bending reality closer to what I want' which is coincedently positive. My aura was my love energy, and at the time it was my most 'powerful tool' for the ammount of concentration/attention I had been paying it. It sounds to me the same difference as this positive energy discharge. You are a positive entity so why wouldent your expanded positive aura just be a sustained positive boost? A little warning if you do try to use your aura, make sure you have the energy in order to do so. Sometimes when I went a little too far with my aura, I would exhaust myself for a day or two. Keep positive!
Dismiss the following as you will.
Without sounding crude,
If you can forgive him in this way, it would be easier to walk away from him.
As he is so old you do not neccerseraly have to deal with it for long, giving you reason to stay with him. Make him understand you better, if he has a shread of decency, which we all have, I would imagine him giving you the space you desire. Let him understand that you have transended physical desires of his par and thier is a bigger picture. (mention TLOO?)
Without having a degree in psycology or knowing either of you personally, he may have a very dark reason concious/unconcious as to why he is doing these things. Maybe attempt to find that root?
As I say disregard as you will, I feel as if I shouldent be saying these things at all, but what is the use of an opinion if it is not shared?
Love and Light fellow wanderer ^^
RE: Should I continue to have contact with my father? - Vince - 06-16-2009
(06-09-2009, 07:38 PM)pluralone Wrote: Fact is, there have been some folks with whom the relationship simply changed and I no longer enjoyed their company. If I feel the relationship is no longer in either of our best interests - for whatever reason - I will release it.does this include family members for you? do you cease contact with family members also if the company is no longer enjoyed? or are there exceptions made for family members?
Quote:I do have a suggestion, however: If you continue having contact with him, you may want to state some boundaries. You indicated his behavior is particularly inappropriate when he is drunk, for instance, so it's well within reason to tell him you do not ever want to see or speak with him while he's intoxicated.i usually only encounter him drunk when i try to contact him via phone. or i may leave a message for him and he calls me back drunk. if i were to avoid him entirely, then he would not likely contact me while drunk as far as i know, but i'm not sure. this just all gives me another reason to avoid contact with him honestly. of course, his drinking has increased again since he got together with this man again, so things may change and he may be drunk in person again. if that turns out to be the case (namely, if he gets drunk in person again), i'll probably just leave his presence.
(06-16-2009, 09:12 AM)3D Sunset Wrote: Remember that he is following his own path back to the source, and although it is different from yours, it is no better or worse.
i'm not quite sure what you mean. a little boy was kidnapped, drugged and sexually assaulted. i don't view certain paths as legitimate if they harm other people.
RE: Should I continue to have contact with my father? - Sirius - 06-17-2009
(06-16-2009, 11:10 PM)Vince Wrote: are there exceptions made for family members?
This is more from ACIM, it isnt uasually at the forefront of my mind but the way you word things keep making it jump out to me.
"Special" Relationships.
Going on the illusion factor, and going on the Oneness factor we are all equally related. Parents especially are given this special relationship and for nearly no reason at all, we feel OBLIGATED to keep contact. It does contradict the saying Blood is thicker than Water.
If you want a further description of this idea just say, but the main point is across I hope.
In a non ACIM sence, if your an ET wanderer, you have a different family all together. Maybe there is some comfort to be made with those?
Love, Light and Luck
RE: Should I continue to have contact with my father? - xlsander - 06-17-2009
i am sorry if this might be OT - i wasnt sure where to formulate this thought where it would fit in better than here- but i would really love to hear someone to elaborate on the reincarnation issue of souls within a close relationship. Say my current father was my daughter in another lifetime etc
it seems some souls incarnate together in special relationships (family, business, love (affairs) etc) - are these souls fragments of the same oversould? or what thoughts do you might have regarding this?
much love my friends!
RE: Should I continue to have contact with my father? - Phoenix - 06-17-2009
This thread has illuminated a part of my life to me.
The post I said before in this thread, there was more to that and if you notice I had worded it funny (not deliberately), to avoid saying the label 'father'. My situation however, is far more positive than yours.
He gets drunk when he has this friend of his around? Well, that means there's obviously something in him that doesn't like this friend of his and he's using alcohol to force himself down.
I knew someone who used Louise Hay (Visualisation and healing methods) almost exclusively, and Partially restored a very bad relationship with his mother!
I think you should turn to healing work about this. Finding the places in yourself that can help. The blockages, particularly around the crown chakra, that can show things about yourself to you.
That is not to say that it can or can't heal. I would imagine a biblical Jesus to say that your father lives in heaven, and your earthly father need not concern you.
The Law of One wasn't really questioned in depth about this area. There is a post on my blog, the first post, which may be able to help you understand how your energy fields interact in any relationship.
RE: Should I continue to have contact with my father? - Sirius - 06-17-2009
(06-17-2009, 08:57 AM)xlsander Wrote: i am sorry if this might be OT - i wasnt sure where to formulate this thought where it would fit in better than here- but i would really love to hear someone to elaborate on the reincarnation issue of souls within a close relationship. Say my current father was my daughter in another lifetime etc
it seems some souls incarnate together in special relationships (family, business, love (affairs) etc) - are these souls fragments of the same oversould? or what thoughts do you might have regarding this?
much love my friends!
Like Carla Don and Jim?
I am a strong beleiver of these close groups. These groups are formed from people who have come from the same sub-sub-sub ... creator, Star fragment, Oversoul call it what you will. In my experience of this lifetime I have hada large awakening which was facilitated by being around the right people. To the point it was my fate to be asleep until this point. Apparantly thier had been trouble in getting 1 of us into the group over numerous lifetimes, but it finally happened in this one.
As I said, this is one of my firmest beleifs due to the proof I have been given about it.
Love and Light
RE: Should I continue to have contact with my father? - Vince - 06-17-2009
(06-16-2009, 11:57 AM)fairyfarmgirl Wrote: Have you considered that your dad is on a STS path and your are on a STO path? Each path is valid although not compatible.what is STS and STO?
Quote:In the absence of me in their lives they had to face their own issues--- because their issues were in front of them--- there was no one to distract themselves from the pain they felt and the pain they were creating. This led to them having no one to blame--- and no one to abuse.i had ceased contact with my father from age 14 to 28. now i'm 40. he doesn't try to upset me anymore, although i get very distressed by his unhealthy relationship with this criminal pedophile man whenever i think about it.
(06-16-2009, 02:27 PM)Bring4th_Monica Wrote: Whoa, that's some pretty heavy-duty confusion there. I wouldn't hug him either!!my father can't really be reasoned with. he's in a great deal of denial and can't admit to things when they are brought up.
RE: Should I continue to have contact with my father? - fairyfarmgirl - 06-17-2009
Good Greetings Vince and All:
This is my understanding of the Polarities of STS and STO:
In the universe there are two main paths back to the Creator: the long way around focusing on service to self--- doing things in the interest of self irregardless of who it hurts or how it is done...For a Service to Self entity everyone exists to their own ends. They will "help" you only if it will benefit them. Often times Service to Self individuals lack the ability to have empathy or connect with Love. This is a Closed Heart Chakra path. A good example of Service to Self is Ghangas Khan or Alexander the Great--- Hitler of the Modern times is a good example of a soul that is confused as to what path they are choosing. Ra speaks of this often. Modern media is rife with Service to Self characters. Think Hannibal Lecter or Lex Luther. Service to Self entities are largely responsible for the Fall of Man. They are the reason the Ascension is stalled at this time... it is speeding up as more hearts open. Service to Self seems like it would be the quick way to get back to the creator but it is in fact anti-Love. Thus, it takes until 6D to actually reconnect to the creator and that is because the STS entity must switch to Service to Others in polarity in order to continue expansion. There is no exception here. Ra has spoken of this at great length.
STO is Service to Others. This is the short way back to the Creator through focusing on opening the Heart and connecting with others and to the best of ability doing and creating things that benefit the whole... the all. This is STO. Most people on this forum are of Service to Others polarity. RA is also of Service to Others polarity. A good example of Service to Others is the historical Jesus, Mother Theresa, Ghandi, Martin Luther King. Modern Media has some great Service to Others characters, think Superman, Yoda, Captain America. Most people are indeed Service to Others (although some are very much asleep to this.. ). 6D is all Service to Others. There is no polarity at this level of being. The Earth (the Entity that is Earth not just her body which we live upon) is Service to Others. She is in the process of transforming herself in a higher level of being with or without us... In order to contiunue living on this Earth as she Shifts each soul must be polarized to Service to Others. All other entities will be moved to more appropriate learning environments.
Ra has spoken at great length about Service to Others, as well.
fairyfarmgirl
RE: Should I continue to have contact with my father? - Vince - 06-17-2009
(06-16-2009, 09:45 PM)Sirius Wrote: As for what you say above about the aura, I found expanding my aura was one of my most useful tools to unglamoursly term 'bending reality closer to what I want' which is coincedently positive. My aura was my love energy, and at the time it was my most 'powerful tool' for the ammount of concentration/attention I had been paying it. It sounds to me the same difference as this positive energy discharge. You are a positive entity so why wouldent your expanded positive aura just be a sustained positive boost? A little warning if you do try to use your aura, make sure you have the energy in order to do so. Sometimes when I went a little too far with my aura, I would exhaust myself for a day or two. Keep positive!i'll probably have to spend a fair amount of time meditating before i see him next this father's day to strengthen the positive energy within my aura.
(06-17-2009, 08:43 AM)Sirius Wrote: In a non ACIM sence, if your an ET wanderer, you have a different family all together. Maybe there is some comfort to be made with those?
i defintely need a surrogate family. i have little natural family left at this point. they are either moved out of state, passed away or estranged.
RE: Should I continue to have contact with my father? - Sirius - 06-17-2009
There are some 'far out' ideas ina book I'm reading at the moment, Star Bourne. The author of this book has said through the ammount of people that have learnt how to reach thier Star names, they consist of 2 parts, and in my understanding they are almost cross refernces of whaere you came, the theory is that people may share part of a name, meaning that they came from the same star. She has found some resounding sucsess, to the point where she herself is suprised at how many people have matching 'Star Lineages' as she calls them.
Obviusly this is heavily influenced by this individuals perception, and needs a very rough translating for TLOO which I can't do yet, but I do feel that thier is some truth in the material.
All of that aside,
We where quick to the aid of Taha, in saying we where a family that he was a part of, be sure to know you are a part of it too!
I could be your Forum Brother, or something like that ^_^
Enjoy, although he is negative, and your father there is no reason to be feeling down (negative) about it.
There is nothing we shouldent take a break from sometimes.
I hope this reaches you in positivity,
Love and Light
RE: Should I continue to have contact with my father? - Vince - 06-17-2009
(06-17-2009, 09:10 AM)Phoenix Wrote: He gets drunk when he has this friend of his around? Well, that means there's obviously something in him that doesn't like this friend of his and he's using alcohol to force himself down.
not to sound crass, but i think that he uses his alcohol as a type of flavoring for his unhealthy relationship, much like people use steak sauce to flavor their steak. he likely uses alcohol to avoid bad things that he sees within himself and not in the other person. the other person may simply be a mirror of some type to him.
(06-17-2009, 03:08 PM)fairyfarmgirl Wrote: Good Greetings Vince and All:oh okay, i've heard this spoken often in the materials and at our study group. i just got tripped up on the abbreviations, but now i know completely what you're referring to. i just hadn't heard the the abbreviations used before, so i didn't make the immediate connection.
This is my understanding of the Polarities of STS and STO:
In the universe there are two main paths back to the Creator: the long way around focusing on service to self--- doing things in the interest of self irregardless of who it hurts or how it is done...For a Service to Self entity everyone exists to their own ends. They will "help" you only if it will benefit them. Often times Service to Self individuals lack the ability to have empathy or connect with Love. This is a Closed Heart Chakra path. A good example of Service to Self is Ghangas Khan or Alexander the Great--- Hitler of the Modern times is a good example of a soul that is confused as to what path they are choosing. Ra speaks of this often. Modern media is rife with Service to Self characters. Think Hannibal Lecter or Lex Luther. Service to Self entities are largely responsible for the Fall of Man. They are the reason the Ascension is stalled at this time... it is speeding up as more hearts open. Service to Self seems like it would be the quick way to get back to the creator but it is in fact anti-Love. Thus, it takes until 6D to actually reconnect to the creator and that is because the STS entity must switch to Service to Others in polarity in order to continue expansion. There is no exception here. Ra has spoken of this at great length.
STO is Service to Others. This is the short way back to the Creator through focusing on opening the Heart and connecting with others and to the best of ability doing and creating things that benefit the whole... the all. This is STO. Most people on this forum are of Service to Others polarity. RA is also of Service to Others polarity. A good example of Service to Others is the historical Jesus, Mother Theresa, Ghandi, Martin Luther King. Modern Media has some great Service to Others characters, think Superman, Yoda, Captain America. Most people are indeed Service to Others (although some are very much asleep to this.. ). 6D is all Service to Others. There is no polarity at this level of being. The Earth (the Entity that is Earth not just her body which we live upon) is Service to Others. She is in the process of transforming herself in a higher level of being with or without us... In order to contiunue living on this Earth as she Shifts each soul must be polarized to Service to Others. All other entities will be moved to more appropriate learning environments.
Ra has spoken at great length about Service to Others, as well.
fairyfarmgirl
here's a question for you though on the topic of STO and STS: aren't most people generally a combination of the two, as opposed to simply being one or the other? aren't people often equally divided within their own selves and not merely polarized against each other? we had discussed in our group that people may actually grow beyond polarization at around 6D, but i'm not sure.
(06-17-2009, 08:57 AM)xlsander Wrote: it seems some souls incarnate together in special relationships (family, business, love (affairs) etc) - are these souls fragments of the same oversould? or what thoughts do you might have regarding this?might i have originated from the same oversoul as my father and/or other family members?
(06-17-2009, 06:24 PM)Sirius Wrote: We where quick to the aid of Taha, in saying we where a family that he was a part of, be sure to know you are a part of it too!
I could be your Forum Brother, or something like that ^_^
Enjoy, although he is negative, and your father there is no reason to be feeling down (negative) about it.
There is nothing we shouldent take a break from sometimes.
so we as people could be related to each other as families beyond our realm of physical incarnations?
RE: Should I continue to have contact with my father? - Sirius - 06-17-2009
(06-17-2009, 08:10 PM)Vince Wrote: so we as people could be related to each other as families beyond our realm of physical incarnations?
It is perfectly feasable, even within TLOO after mulling it about.
One the route to oneness, take for instance Ra, he is made up of tens of thousands of individuals from venus, so in a way they are all related at the time.
Then you have Oneness with the creator, or God. He is your family ultimately.
RE: Should I continue to have contact with my father? - Vince - 06-17-2009
(06-17-2009, 09:13 PM)Sirius Wrote:is this the same as saying that the human species is all one family? or are we saying something additional here?(06-17-2009, 08:10 PM)Vince Wrote: so we as people could be related to each other as families beyond our realm of physical incarnations?
It is perfectly feasable, even within TLOO after mulling it about.
One the route to oneness, take for instance Ra, he is made up of tens of thousands of individuals from venus, so in a way they are all related at the time.
Then you have Oneness with the creator, or God. He is your family ultimately.