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+--- Thread: Looking for advice: friendship (/showthread.php?tid=20077)
Looking for advice: friendship - AstralOrphan - 06-23-2022
How does one find and make friends?
I am 35 and have had a friend here and there, for a few weeks or even a few years. But it always feels one-sided. Like they mean a lot to me, and I mean very little to them (ie: they have many other friends). And one day they just kind of disappear and I never hear from the again. It hurts me so deeply and I'm left feeling like I do not matter to anyone.
I am an introvert so I'm as low-maintenance as friends come. A text here and there, a hang out once a month and I'm set...but i don't mess around with small talk. I want to talk about meaningful things and ideas but also laugh and joke around. Maybe it's all too paradoxical for most...
I wonder if this is a karmic lesson, a pattern I'm meant to break. I honestly can't figure it out and wonder if my fellow wanderers have any insights to share or similar struggles. I don't know where else to turn.
I hope it's alright to post this here. Thanks for your time,
L+L
AO
RE: Looking for advice: friendship - Quincunx - 06-23-2022
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RE: Looking for advice: friendship - IndigoSalvia - 06-23-2022
Thanks for bringing this up, and sharing your experiences.
I am an introvert as well, and have gone through friendship 'droughts'. I usually have a few close friends but sometimes I forget to maintain relationships well because I'm content being alone. And then I wonder: where is everybody?
I second Q's ideas (above) about meeting people. Find something you enjoy doing or are interested in doing, and do social activities with others who have these similar interests.
Are you comfortable with:
- Strike up friendly conversations with random people standing in line, etc.
- Offer to help someone.
- Smile at passers-by.
While this may not make a long-term friend (although it could), it could bring one's energies to friendliness, openness, etc. And I think of these as "light" social activities.
(What if there were an introvert club of some sort? Those introverts who were feeling uncomfortable could put out a "need social contact" plea and another introvert could respond if up to it. They'd fill one another's "social" tanks.)
This situation may well be a catalyst, an invitation to explore what is arising within and about you.
RE: Looking for advice: friendship - AstralOrphan - 06-23-2022
Thank you both for your input!
Q - Now that in-person workshops and classes are available again in my community, it's worth looking into, thanks!
IS - I like what you said about creating friendly energies with gestures. I am probably a bit broody lately and can see how that won't create an inviting vibe. The little things can make a difference for both me and others, thank you for the nudge.
RE: Looking for advice: friendship - tadeus - 06-24-2022
(06-23-2022, 11:55 AM)AstralOrphan Wrote: How does one find and make friends?
I am 35 and have had a friend here and there, for a few weeks or even a few years. But it always feels one-sided. Like they mean a lot to me, and I mean very little to them (ie: they have many other friends). And one day they just kind of disappear and I never hear from the again. It hurts me so deeply and I'm left feeling like I do not matter to anyone.
I am an introvert so I'm as low-maintenance as friends come. A text here and there, a hang out once a month and I'm set...but i don't mess around with small talk. I want to talk about meaningful things and ideas but also laugh and joke around. Maybe it's all too paradoxical for most...
I wonder if this is a karmic lesson, a pattern I'm meant to break. I honestly can't figure it out and wonder if my fellow wanderers have any insights to share or similar struggles. I don't know where else to turn.
I hope it's alright to post this here. Thanks for your time,
L+L
AO
This sounds like the typical problems of a wanderer.
My usual answer is to try to find an explanation and solace by reading A Wanderer's Handbook. from Carla.
Hopefully this will help to get another view on your situation.
RE: Looking for advice: friendship - AstralOrphan - 06-24-2022
(06-24-2022, 04:22 AM)tadeus Wrote:(06-23-2022, 11:55 AM)AstralOrphan Wrote: How does one find and make friends?
I am 35 and have had a friend here and there, for a few weeks or even a few years. But it always feels one-sided. Like they mean a lot to me, and I mean very little to them (ie: they have many other friends). And one day they just kind of disappear and I never hear from the again. It hurts me so deeply and I'm left feeling like I do not matter to anyone.
I am an introvert so I'm as low-maintenance as friends come. A text here and there, a hang out once a month and I'm set...but i don't mess around with small talk. I want to talk about meaningful things and ideas but also laugh and joke around. Maybe it's all too paradoxical for most...
I wonder if this is a karmic lesson, a pattern I'm meant to break. I honestly can't figure it out and wonder if my fellow wanderers have any insights to share or similar struggles. I don't know where else to turn.
I hope it's alright to post this here. Thanks for your time,
L+L
AO
This sounds like the typical problems of a wanderer.
My usual answer is to try to find an explanation and solace by reading A Wanderer's Handbook. from Carla.
Hopefully this will help to get another view on your situation.
T - I think you're right. I first read the Handbook a few years ago and it might be time to revisit it. It's so rich with guidance. Thank you
