Quote:I sometimes get a little angry at society for bombarding me with sexual imagery that pushes my buttons.

(03-04-2010, 12:56 PM)Lavazza Wrote: Fantastic post, Pablisimo! That was a pleasure to read- do not fear that you're being received as long winded. I very much appreciate you, and everyone here for sharing so candidly and being so willing to jump in and really examine these topics from all angles. I've mostly just had my own thoughts to examine and re-examine over the last 5 or so years while I grew more uncomfortable with my habits. That can be a real dead end after a while. Having all of your voices to add in with my own has opened up many new avenues of thought to explore.

Regarding the way males respond to visual sexual stimuli, yes, I couldn't agree more. It's a fact that has been exploited by the media and advertisers in the last 60 years or so, in ever increasing "density" shall we say. It's almost a collective neurosis, which might be a good side discussion at a later point. But suffice to say, I would be willing to stake that no male in western culture can go through life without being effected by it to some degree. I'm also quick to add that this does not excuse anyone from being responsible. But yes, it's very true that we have the extra baggage of finding an internal balance that our perhaps more evolved female counterparts do not, in general, have to worry about

Quote:This is a typical male response to feminine energy--- And what of the cultures where women are wearing the chadorah... or in cultures where every one is naked--- Rape and subjectation and objectifying of women still occurs... boys--- you miss the point this is about power and the misuse of power. Claiming that you are victims of your anatomy is a cop-out.

(03-04-2010, 01:35 AM)Pablísimo Wrote: Isn't it amazing how these forums force us to look at any number of complicated issues from multiple angles, perspectives, and dimensions? It's like we don't allow ourselves, collectively, to be shallow or one dimensional about ANY issue that comes along, no matter how taboo. Well, we wanted to understand what Oneness really means, didn't we? What better way than to hear our other-selves speak from an infinite number of paths?

(03-04-2010, 01:35 AM)Pablísimo Wrote: That reason, I believe, lies in how men are visually triggered by sexual stimuli. This is not an idle thought, this is a topic I've pondered at great length. I also have come to believe that it is something that most women do not realize about men, and indeed have trouble initially understanding.

(03-04-2010, 01:35 AM)Pablísimo Wrote: my wife is the ultimate gateway to femininity. In the microcosm that is her, every facet of feminine energy and womanhood exists for me to study and take joy in. She is the Daughter, the Impish Sprite, the Mother, the wise Crone...She is the Goddess personified. When I put myself inside of her, it is like Gaia herself opens to me, and I am humbled and filled with joy.

(03-04-2010, 01:35 AM)Pablísimo Wrote: While I ultimately know that all women contain that exact same divinity, in my bulky 3D body with the veil in place I just cannot see it nearly so clearly as I can with my beloved wife.

(03-04-2010, 01:35 AM)Pablísimo Wrote: We have made home made porn together and enjoyed it, and it doesn't feel wrong.

(03-04-2010, 01:35 AM)Pablísimo Wrote: men are "wired" to be visually triggered by sexual imagery. If I see a woman in a sexually suggestive pose, or wearing very revealing clothing, I CANNOT help but react on a very primal level.

(03-04-2010, 01:35 AM)Pablísimo Wrote: There have been a few times where I had to have a long involved business conversation with an extremely attractive woman wearing very inappropriate clothing. Those times were difficult, it is so hard to concentrate and remember NOT to look at certain parts of her. Keep eyes focused, don't leer, ack pay attention to what she's saying so you can respond intelligently, etc.

(03-04-2010, 01:35 AM)Pablísimo Wrote: And this isn't even porn and I'm well fulfilled sexually!

(03-04-2010, 01:35 AM)Pablísimo Wrote: When I was younger, I had a neighbor who was extraordinarily beautiful. Sizzling hot and one I definitely reacted around. Well, she happened to be Muslim but did not cover her hair and wore skimpy outfits. At some point, her religious faith deepend and she started wearing a hijab (Muslim headscarf to cover the hair) and wearing very loose, modest clothing. I remember how stunned I was the first time that I saw her like that! It was as if she had been de-sexualized for me. That is, without seeing her curves or her hair, my body no longer reacted to her feminine energy due to visual triggers! ...it was certainly an odd experience seeing my wife wearing a hijab and western, but very loose desert clothes. I have to say that while there I had less sexual thoughts and cravings. My wife was still beautiful and sweet and kind and radiated love and all those other things I usually see in her....but with the visual elements of her femininity removed, I just didn't have the same subtle sexual reactions to her during the day that I usually do. In the evenings, it all would come rushing back as she uncovered her hair and changed into skimpier clothing. All of that was further confirmation for me that men just react strongly to visual sexual stimuli.

(03-04-2010, 01:35 AM)Pablísimo Wrote: I think that if, in general, women could understand more consciously what it is like to be sexually wired in such a visual way, that they would be more compassionate and understanding of the "male dilemma"

(03-04-2010, 01:35 AM)Pablísimo Wrote: that is positive female tolerance of the male condition not submission to degradation. Just as, in all fairness, men have to tolerate some not so evolved qualities in women.

(03-04-2010, 01:35 AM)Pablísimo Wrote: if men are so naturally, powerfully attracted to visual sexual stimulus, one can certainly see how the siren call of pornography could begin to overwhelm him with addiction. What a difficult pitfall! It is essentially raw, pure, visual sexual stimuli.

(03-04-2010, 01:35 AM)Pablísimo Wrote: Thank you for posting this quote.

(03-04-2010, 01:35 AM)Pablísimo Wrote: It was one that blew me away when I first read it. When my wife has an orgasm during sex, I have noticed this almost instant feeling as if a blanket of love and emotion descended on me. I actually feel more in touch with my feelings and connected... almost feminine. When I have an orgasm during sex, she seems to be energized. Sometimes after the glow she literally jumps up and claps her hands and says "OOoo! I love you!! Now let's go make some tea!/go for a walk/do it again" or some other such thing, while I am there, drained somewhat of physical energy but radiating love and feeling very emotional and in touch with earth.

(03-04-2010, 01:35 AM)Pablísimo Wrote: When Ra explained how the energy exchange works during sex, it was like "Ahhh! So that's what's going on!". I suspect it goes even further in that it helps balance male & female energies within you. I am giving maleness and receiving femaleness, we are balancing our energies and unifying gender.

(03-04-2010, 01:35 AM)Pablísimo Wrote: sex can be one-sided or masturbatory and not necessarily STS or even "just" masturbation.

(03-04-2010, 01:35 AM)Pablísimo Wrote: Sometimes, sex can be a kind of service of love from one partner to another. Oral sex is probably the best example. One partner can give it to the other as a gesture of love.. to make the other feel good and enjoy pleasure. They may not have an orgasm themselves but the whole point is to serve the partner.

(03-04-2010, 01:35 AM)Pablísimo Wrote: Just because sex has a HIGHER Potential to exchange energy doesn't mean that other, even baser uses of it can't still be loving and worthwhile as well.

(03-04-2010, 01:35 AM)Pablísimo Wrote: I believe most men have a higher sex drive than women, no doubt due in part to the constant visual sexual stimuli, and it seems unrealistic to expect every sexual interchange to result in the highest energy transfer.

(03-04-2010, 01:35 AM)Pablísimo Wrote: IThe person doing the "giving" is performing an STO act by wanting to relieve the pressure or give pleasure to their partner, but the person receiving it is not objectifying, dominating, or masturbating in/on the other, but rather is receiving a loving service in true gratitude. While not much energy is exchanged here, I believe that overall positive polarity will increase over time for both people.

(03-04-2010, 01:35 AM)Pablísimo Wrote: Well guys, sorry for the super long post.

(03-04-2010, 04:32 PM)fairyfarmgirl Wrote: It has been only recently that men have been held accountable for their actions... in many places male arousal is considered to be a woman's fault... It is interesting is it not... Blaming the other. In some places, "I couldn't help myself she is so__________. And that's why I did ________________. is considered to be a real reason. Once again, this is about power over another.

(03-04-2010, 04:32 PM)fairyfarmgirl Wrote: Porn is this and Sex Magic is this. And the objectifying women is this.

(03-04-2010, 04:32 PM)fairyfarmgirl Wrote: As a woman my body is not for your pleasure. If I choose I share with another. It is not for you to have or take. This herein is where PORN is. The taking. Have you ever considered some of that which you watch is women who are ENSLAVED-- Sold to the highest bidder and that which you watch is a rape scene? How far of a leap is it for you to jump to kiddie Porn... oh she is only twelve I can't help myself because she is just so... fill in the blank. It's her fault for being so fill in the blank.

(03-04-2010, 04:32 PM)fairyfarmgirl Wrote: Do you realize the largest way station for slavery in the world is in Ohio and Misssori and North Carolina? Have you ever thought that one of those women could be your sister or child?

(03-04-2010, 02:54 PM)Pablísimo Wrote: Perhaps I should continue to use these forums as a way to better understand the STO path from others without speaking as much.

(03-04-2010, 02:54 PM)Pablísimo Wrote: There is great wisdom in silence

(03-04-2010, 06:07 PM)Bring4th_Monica Wrote: WOW, Pablisimo, what an amazingly awesome, thoughtful, sensitive, and love-filled discourse! Thank you so much for sharing the male perspective with the Light of Love and Wisdom illuminating it!

(03-04-2010, 04:32 PM)fairyfarmgirl Wrote: It has been only recently that men have been held accountable for their actions... in many places male arousal is considered to be a woman's fault... It is interesting is it not... Blaming the other. In some places, "I couldn't help myself she is so__________. And that's why I did ________________. is considered to be a real reason. Once again, this is about power over another.

I touched on this in my previous post. This is so very true. How many rape victims never reported the rape because, until recently (and it still happens now, unfortunately), the woman was often blamed for 'tempting' the man...just by being a woman!

I think it's important to note, though, that, although in most cases it's the man abusing the woman, certainly there are cases in which the woman intentionally wields her own feminine power to ensnare the man. It can work both ways!

(03-04-2010, 04:32 PM)fairyfarmgirl Wrote: Porn is this and Sex Magic is this. And the objectifying women is this.

Can you clarify this please?

(03-04-2010, 04:32 PM)fairyfarmgirl Wrote: Do you realize the largest way station for slavery in the world is in Ohio and Misssori and North Carolina? Have you ever thought that one of those women could be your sister or child?

Wow, I didn't know that! I would have thought Thailand or something...That is really disturbing.

(03-05-2010, 12:38 AM)fairyfarmgirl Wrote: I meant in the context of misuse of power. When a person is objectifyed-- personhood is denied. Some much harm is done to another and self when a sentient being is objectified... This is what happens in Porn... the woman ceases to be a Human Being and is instead an object... an object to be viewed and used as such.

(03-04-2010, 06:02 PM)Biu_Tze Wrote: Part of why I dislike porn so much, is that I feel by watching these things alone, we are contributing to more and more females being put into that situation, willing or unwillingly, I feel both are very sad and unfortunate outcomes. I tend to be more sympathetic to those who are forced into it. But to willingly partake in something to me means, that.. they don't care about themselves or their fellow women, which is truly heart breaking,

(03-04-2010, 06:02 PM)Biu_Tze Wrote: I sense the potential for people to feel guilty about this, which In my opinion would be a good thing, to an extent, only to open their eyes to new possibilities and try to incorporate them into their belief system.

(03-04-2010, 06:02 PM)Biu_Tze Wrote: I have in the past had a disconnect from that in terms of what I saw on the internet. It didn't seem real to me.

(03-04-2010, 06:02 PM)Biu_Tze Wrote: I know I can refrain from doing it, accepting that I have these urges I can do too, but how then do I go about exploring them, without hurting anybody, myself included,

Quote:WOW, Pablisimo, what an amazingly awesome, thoughtful, sensitive, and love-filled discourse! Thank you so much for sharing the male perspective with the Light of Love and Wisdom illuminating it!

Quote:Taoism states that the woman worships the man as god, and the man worships the woman as goddess. For more on this, see Sexual Secrets by Nik Douglas and Penny Slinger.

Quote:It has been said (forgot who said it) that the reason we mate is to learn devotion to 1 other-self, and if we can't even do that, how can we be one with all other-selves? To start with a partner, extend that love out to family, then to strangers...it's a start.

Quote:How could it be 'wrong' if it's your own stuff? What bothered me about my (ex-) boyfriend viewing porn was that he'd get aroused by another woman, then expect me to finish the job. That seemed adulterous to me. So it wasn't the nudity or the sex that bothered me, but the fact that he was essentially engaging in sex with someone else.

Quote:Seriously, I think the key word here is primal. It's clearly a lower chakra thing. But then so is physical violence, eh? I wonder if this urge will lessen as we evolve, just as we hope the urge for violence lessens.

Quote:Someday I will ask our elders why they designed it like that. Along with asking about mosquitoes and cockroaches.

Quote:I'm glad you brought up this very important point. I don't see it as a cop-out at all, but as added understanding to help us women be more forgiving and compassionate. At the same time, I think it's important to realize that this anatomical feature is just another layer of catalyst.

Quote:I would never dream of blaming my husband for noticing a pretty girl walking by. Although the primal response to visual stimuli isn't generally as strong in women, we still do have it too! I've been known to turn my head if a long-haired bodybuilder walked by! But, as my husband says, "look don't stare." At that moment of spontaneous interest or even arousal, we have a choice. We can choose to feed it, or we can choose to starve it.

Quote:We're living in a school for juvenile delinquents, who happen to also be drug addicts. There are many drugs, with loveless sex being but one of them. Being bombarded with sex in tv commercials, movies, billboards, magazines, etc. is like a heroin junkie having heroin offered on every street corner.

Quote:[i]Two monks were travelling from one monastery to another.. They were celibate monks, even not allowed a direct gaze at women. After long walk, they came to a river, which they had to cross. The river was flooded and there was no way that they would
get across without getting wet. One lady was also at the banks of river, wanting to cross.. Monks decided to cross the river by walking thorough the shallow part of the river, Since the lady also needed to get on the other bank, one of the monk without much ado, carried her on his shoulders, and soon they reached the other bank, where he set her down.. The lady went her way and the two monks continued their walk in silence. The other monk was really upset, finding the other monks act disturbing. As per their injunctions, they were not allowed to look at the woman, forget touching and the other monk carried her across the river!!

After some time the confused monk couldn?t stand the thought and asked other monk? "We are not allowed to look at other women, not touch them.. but you carried a woman across the river?!" The other monk had a smile on his lips when he replied "I put her down when I crossed the river, are you still carrying her?!"

Quote:Now who's being the dominating/manipulative one? It's outrageous when women intentionally act/dress provocatively in an inappropriate setting, then blame the man for reacting. To a point. On the other hand, why shouldn't women be free to look and feel sexy? Why must they cover up their sexuality? Who gets to decide what is appropriate and what isn't? And should men be expected to control their impulses and not stare? Is it sexual harassment when they haven't perfected the art of looking away, as you have?

These are difficult questions. We've all heard of those cases in which rape victims were blamed for 'tempting' the rapist by wearing shorts, etc. Say, what?? Why should a woman be victimized just for being a woman? I don't know the answers to these questions. Why are we wired this way? All I know is that it's all catalyst.

Quote:Likewise, I now invite you boys to stretch your mind and hearts and try to understand what it's like for us women.

Women are expected to be pretty. If you men are having a difficult time being bombarded with T&A, think about what's it like for us women, to be constantly compared to the most beautiful, the most slender, among us. Then, these already exceptionally beautiful specimens have gotten silicone in their lips, their breasts artificially enlarged to the point that they're abnormally disproportionate to their tiny waists...being models, they have access to the finest clothing and makeup...and then the photos are airbrushed to cover up any imperfections. And of course none are over age 25! Their breasts haven't started to droop yet, they don't yet have stretch marks or flabby thighs...they are, essentially, completely unrealistic.

How do you suppose that makes us 'normal' women feel? To have our men gawking at such perfect creatures? Such physical perfection that will never be achievable by most women?

And what about women who may have been beautiful in their youth, but got disfigured, whether by age, accident, illness, weight gain, etc.? What if they lost their hair to chemo, their breasts to mastectomy?

It's hard enough to live up the male ideal of physical perfection for even the prettiest among us (even models have their hangups, unbelievably), but women who weren't blessed with beauty, or who lost their beauty, have additional challenges in loving and accepting themselves.

If men could understand this, it might help them to be more sensitive to their lovers/wives/mates. I once had a boyfriend tell me he 'preferred' a certain shade of skin on a certain area of the body. ??? As if that was something I could control! It was deeply hurtful and insensitive. In contrast, my husband goes out of his way to tell me how much he loves and appreciates me, and how beautiful I am to him, even though I don't look like I did when we got married, and I certainly can no longer wear my old size 5 clothes! I know full well that I no longer turn heads the way I once did, but it doesn't matter, because I know my man appreciates me, and that's all that matters to me! But women whose men are constantly drooling over more beautiful women don't have that reassurance. I know because I experienced it, and it was really awful.

Quote:Agreed. I think this entire discussion is very beneficial, for all of us, to have more compassion...to think about the struggles our mate has instead of just feeling hurt. By viewing the situation from our mate's perspective, it can help to climb out of that hurt and feel forgiveness.

Quote:Isn't it amazing how these forums force us to look at any number of complicated issues from multiple angles, perspectives, and dimensions? It's like we don't allow ourselves, collectively, to be shallow or one dimensional about ANY issue that comes along, no matter how taboo. Well, we wanted to understand what Oneness really means, didn't we? What better way than to hear our other-selves speak from an infinite number of paths? I mean, look at Biu Tze's fearless, heartfelt, and troubled first post that brought us all into public contemplation of pornography and related addiction. And Lavazza's very personal chronicle of addiction and technology that enhanced our contemplation further, or Monica's incredibly insightful post on sexual energy exchange and pornography that I would wager jarred most of the male readers. Not to mention all the shorter comments and thoughts from all our brethren, heck even my own musings. Surely this must be a preview of the learnings that social memory complexes experience!!! We are living in the baby stages of 4d consciousness right now, I think.

Quote:This led me to contemplate these incredible forums and reflect on how difficult it must have been for Biu & Lavazzo to share their stories and how each subsequent post just added to the overall Gestalt picture that was forming of the topic. I began to feel Oneness and kinship with all of these great souls sharing their Light and perspectives. It forced me to think about things that are not deeply personally relevant, but yet view it from a variety of angles and perspectives. We can learn so much more when we see it through so many eyes. I was overwhelmed with the idea that this must be a tiny glimpse into how a social memory complex grows in the early stages of harmonization. I guess I felt like I was communing with my people, if that makes sense.

(03-05-2010, 08:02 PM)Pablísimo Wrote: Hi Monica. Thank you for the warm, kind words!! I'm really glad you appreciated the post, because I regretted posting it, initially.

(03-05-2010, 08:02 PM)Pablísimo Wrote: For some reason, I really felt compelled to share it with you specifically. When I read your earlier long post, it felt like you were being very real and were trying to explain your perspective on an issue you had obviously done a great deal of soul-searching about.

(03-05-2010, 08:02 PM)Pablísimo Wrote: As I said earlier, porn for me was never really much of a big issue. I wrote it off as a silly thing to think about, obsess over, or argue about, but I realize now after reading this thread that I should have contemplated it much more deeply.

(03-05-2010, 08:02 PM)Pablísimo Wrote: Over the years, I have given a great deal of thought to the visual wiring of men and the catalyst that this brings with it. I had a few conversations with women on related topics over the years, but never, ever heard a balanced, nuanced feminine perspective from anyone. I also never really shared my own male views clearly.

(03-05-2010, 08:02 PM)Pablísimo Wrote: So, even though the topic was not personally important to me, the perspective you shared was incredibly feminine, insightful, and non-judgmental and it forced me to think about the topic in a way that was alien to me, but mind-expanding. I thought to myself, now here is a female who is trying to SHARE her perspective and EXPLAIN what and why she feels in a non-accusatory fashion and with a Law of One grounding to boot.

(03-05-2010, 08:02 PM)Pablísimo Wrote: This led me to contemplate these incredible forums and reflect on how difficult it must have been for Biu & Lavazzo to share their stories and how each subsequent post just added to the overall Gestalt picture that was forming of the topic. I began to feel Oneness and kinship with all of these great souls sharing their Light and perspectives.

(03-05-2010, 08:02 PM)Pablísimo Wrote: It forced me to think about things that are not deeply personally relevant, but yet view it from a variety of angles and perspectives.

(03-05-2010, 08:02 PM)Pablísimo Wrote: We can learn so much more when we see it through so many eyes. I was overwhelmed with the idea that this must be a tiny glimpse into how a social memory complex grows in the early stages of harmonization. I guess I felt like I was communing with my people, if that makes sense.

(03-05-2010, 08:02 PM)Pablísimo Wrote: Because I have thought so hard on the visual stimuli topic and felt it was part of the key to understanding porn addiction, and male reactions in general, I thought it could help those struggling with porn (and those affected by it) with more compassion for self and others.

(03-05-2010, 08:02 PM)Pablísimo Wrote: Understanding is the ultimate key to forgiveness, in my view.

(03-05-2010, 08:02 PM)Pablísimo Wrote: That made me want to share my thoughts, but what pushed me to register for an account and actually post was your sharing. I thought to myself that if we had a woman here so willing to share an honest, open female perspective that I almost had a DUTY to reciprocate and share what I hoped to be its male counterpart.

(03-05-2010, 08:02 PM)Pablísimo Wrote: You know, I see your point, I really do. I have heard friends have arguments with their mates about this topic, but thought it was jealousy-based since, as far as I was concerned, men couldn't help being turned on by attractive women due to visual wiring but they COULD control whether to be faithful or not, to act on their urges. I really just never thought of it like mental adultery before and a violation of intimacy. Thank you for sharing that insight.

(03-05-2010, 08:02 PM)Pablísimo Wrote: I agree with you that it is indeed primal. I find it, like so many other things about 3d life to be a pitfall on the one hand but a possible vehicle for further growth on the other. Ah, the paradox of this existence.

(03-05-2010, 08:02 PM)Pablísimo Wrote: In my own particular path, I've experienced an unusually large amount of catalyst involving the animal kingdom. Including cockroaches & mosquitoes, interestingly enough! Maybe I'll mention some of it the next time an animal or vegetarian type topic comes up.

(03-05-2010, 08:02 PM)Pablísimo Wrote: It makes me feel so good that you received the point in the light I intended it. And I agree it is just another layer of catalyst, for BOTH sexes.

(03-05-2010, 08:02 PM)Pablísimo Wrote: That is the key: we have a choice on whether to feed that lower chakra, primal urge or balance the feelings and elevate ourselves.

(03-05-2010, 08:02 PM)Pablísimo Wrote: I realize that thoughts like those are a slippery slope to what you were talking about with some men using a woman's appearance as a way to JUSTIFY rape. Like she was asking for it or something, which is clearly insane. But yet I can't help but feel that there is some basic validity to the thought that an enlightened woman should at least be mindful of the way men are visually wired and make some practical adjustments.

(03-05-2010, 08:02 PM)Pablísimo Wrote: I never really joined in because I saw it as nothing but frustration. Why would I want to allow myself to get all worked up and hot and bothered when I wasn't in an appropriate setting and had no partner? That would just leave me unfulfilled and craving. I preferred to save my passion for actual women at appropriate times and I couldn't really see why these guys who I knew had sexual relationships would waste their time and energy watching dirty videos. I mean, I was interested in light pornography before I started having relationships with real girls, but after I started dating, I completely lost interest in it.

(03-05-2010, 08:02 PM)Pablísimo Wrote: Monica, thank you once again for this awesome female insight. I never heard the female dilemma explained so clearly. I will have to meditate on this at length.

(03-05-2010, 08:02 PM)Pablísimo Wrote: About 6-7 years ago, quite out of the blue, my wife mentioned to me that she would be willing to get breast implants for me. It shocked me to the core and I had an extremely negative reaction to the suggestion. She and I were friends before becoming lovers and she knew that I used to have a preference for larger breasts, which she reminded me of. While that was technically true, love changes everything. I am (and was) so completely in love with her that she was perfect to me in every way. I didn't and don't wish to change a thing about her physically. And I certainly would never want her to subject herself to something so bad for her health for something so utterly shallow!! I never said anything negative to her about her body and I was a little hurt that she obviously didn't realize how much I adored her and thought that I could be so shallow.

(03-05-2010, 08:02 PM)Pablísimo Wrote: It may affect me visually but likely affects her emotionally on some level. I spent so much time thinking about that topic..that maybe I wasn't reassuring her enough, that perhaps I had made some idle comment that I couldn't even remember. I never stopped to think about the impact of the physical ideals women are subliminally programmed to live up to in our society.

(03-05-2010, 08:02 PM)Pablísimo Wrote: I must say again that true love dissolves the physical issues.

(03-05-2010, 08:02 PM)Pablísimo Wrote: My wife is 14 years older than me and when we first started dating, she told me she was worried I would look over at her one day and realize just how old she has become and be upset at the mistake I'd made.

(03-05-2010, 08:02 PM)Pablísimo Wrote: Ha! This woman has become more and more and more beautiful to me as the years have gone by. Yes, she ages, but our love has become so intense that she seems more and more perfect, inside and out with every passing year. I'm far more attracted to her now than I was 13 years ago!!

(03-05-2010, 08:02 PM)Pablísimo Wrote: I looked at her just the other day and the sunlight glinted off of a few gray strands of her otherwise dark hair. I imagined her with a full head of silver hair and thought to myself how beautiful that would look on her. In that instant, I realized that she would continue to be my goddess no matter how old she became or how her body changed. I think love transcends physicality. I know, she will one day be a very beautiful "old lady" and I will be proud to stand at her side.

(03-05-2010, 08:02 PM)Pablísimo Wrote: Regardless of one's real attractiveness, a loving committed relationship blinds us to our mate's physical flaws and amplifies their inner and outer beauty.

Quote:Due to the veiling process the energy transferred from male to female is different than that transferred from female to male. Due to the polarity difference of the mind/body/spirit complexes of male and female the male stores physical energy, the female mental and mental/emotional energy. When third-density sexual energy transfer is completed the male will have offered the discharge of physical energy. The female is, thereby, refreshed, having far less physical vitality. At the same time, if you will use this term, the female discharges the efflux of its stored mental and mental/emotional energy, thereby offering inspiration, healing, and blessing to the male which by nature is less vital in this area.

Quote:In green ray there are two possibilities. Firstly, if both vibrate in green ray there will be a mutually strengthening energy transfer, the negative or female, as you call it, drawing the energy from the roots of the being-ness through the energy centers, thus being physically revitalized; the positive, or male polarity, as it is deemed in your illusion, finding in its energy transfer an inspiration which satisfies and feeds the spirit portion of the body/mind/spirit complex, thus both being polarized and releasing the excess of that which each has in abundance by nature of intelligent energy, that is, negative/intuitive, positive/physical energies as you may call them; this energy transfer being blocked only if one or both entities have fear of possession or of being possessed, of desiring possession or desiring being possessed.

(03-06-2010, 05:07 PM)origin Wrote: Before I read LOO, I explained to him that I felt that Sex should be Spiritual, but he did not understand my perspective or seem to agree with it. I felt brokenhearted, but I still attempted to show him what I meant when we made love after discussing this...What I have been trying to figure out is whether this is the result of an energy blockage that I may have or that he may have or that both of us may have.

(03-06-2010, 05:07 PM)origin Wrote: He has shared with me before that he could have sex every day if I wanted, which surprised me. I have never quite felt that way because I always thought it was about the quality of experience and not necessarily the quantity. So I am still contemplating this because this same sexual dynamic continues and I am feeling confused and saddened by it.

(03-07-2010, 12:44 AM)Bring4th_Monica Wrote: Here's another suggestion: you might consider throwing caution to the winds and surrender yourself to joyful abandon...try doing it every day for awhile and see what happens! Without any judgement or expectation on the 'quality' of the experience, just be there in the moment, and accept it for what it is...you just might be surprised! And he might be so appreciative that his heart chakra might just open!

(03-05-2010, 09:09 PM)Bring4th_GLB Wrote: I so embrace the consciously merging with you fellow seekers in resplendent, joyful oneness. As it is, you blow my mind with a keyboard! To know oneness with you would be a never-ending joy.

(03-06-2010, 12:18 PM)Bring4th_Monica Wrote: At the time, I sought help from other women. But, being young, my friends certainly weren't any help. I read the advice columns in which the advice was always the same: Don't make a big deal out of your man's porn habits or you'll lose him. Be ready and willing to have sex at any moment, if you want to keep your man. It's ok for your man to look as long as he doesn't touch.

The prevalent attitude among most women I knew was that this was something they didn't dare mess with. To take on the male obsession with porn was an insurmountable task, something doomed to failure. Any woman who didn't understand that was stupid and destined to lose her man and it would be her fault for being so possessive. After all, everyone knows that Boys will be boys, right?

This was the mentality I was dealing with, and I wasn't mature enough or confident enough at the time to trust my own feelings or guidance.

(03-06-2010, 12:18 PM)Bring4th_Monica Wrote: (03-05-2010 08:02 PM)Pablísimo Wrote: Understanding is the ultimate key to forgiveness, in my view.
I would say that it can be a key, thus making forgiveness easier to accomplish, but in many cases we don't have the luxury of understanding. Understanding is not of this density, so if we have it, that's great, but many times we don't have it, and in those cases, making the choice to forgive first, before we have understanding, is powerful indeed. To choose to forgive someone when you really disagree with them and don't have a clue why they did what they did...can in turn unlock the key to understanding! So it can work both ways!

(03-06-2010, 12:18 PM)Bring4th_Monica Wrote: Definitely. It's helpful if we can get past seeing the other sex as adversarial. Let's all work together to solve this, but in order to do that, both sides have to acknowledge the validity of the other person's feelings and challenges.

(03-06-2010, 12:18 PM)Bring4th_Monica Wrote: Well said! It is indeed a slippery slope. Perhaps the determining factor is intention. Was she intentionally challenging those men, so that she could then find an excuse to criticize men? Or was she reveling in her own youth and beauty, oblivious to the effect she was having on men?

(03-06-2010, 12:18 PM)Bring4th_Monica Wrote: There is so much more. I've barely scratched the surface. Looksism is everywhere. Here are some examples:

Barbie dolls. Who designed Barbie dolls??? They are anatomically impossible. Totally unrealistic. What kind of signal is this giving to impressionable children? Most little girls play with Barbie dolls, and it's perpetuating the ideal male image of an impossibly tiny waist, long slender legs, and disproportionately large breasts. Did you know that there is a movement to change that? There are anatomically realistic dolls on the market, that aware mothers buy as an alternative to Barbie?

When was the last time you saw a movie with the female lead character played by a short, plump actress?

(03-06-2010, 12:18 PM)Bring4th_Monica Wrote: While it's certainly good to offer compliments about her beauty, I would suggest giving equal time to complimenting her on her other qualities, when she is still beautiful. Don't wait until she loses her beauty! (We all lose our physical beauty eventually, some sooner than others.) Tell her now, that you admire her beauty but love her deeply anyway, regardless of how physically beautiful she is. Then, if down the road she ever loses that beauty, she will remember what you told her in the days of her youth, and it will comfort and reassure her more than anything you could say later. (This is just a generic suggestion and not directed to Pablisimo or anyone else personally.)

(03-06-2010, 12:18 PM)Bring4th_Monica Wrote: It's understandable that she would be concerned about that. Right now I know a woman 10 years older than her husband, and their marriage is falling apart for that very reason. She is 65 and has a lot of health problems and looks like an old woman, while her husband is young, fit, and virile. In fact, they look so mismatched that I was shocked when I first met them! Not so much because of the physical difference but because of the distance between them. He seemed to view her with disgust. There was zero affection displayed. She might have been his mother! I wonder how much of their problems are because of her own insecurity, and how much is the man not appreciating her.

(03-06-2010, 12:18 PM)Bring4th_Monica Wrote: (03-05-2010 08:02 PM)Pablísimo Wrote: Regardless of one's real attractiveness, a loving committed relationship blinds us to our mate's physical flaws and amplifies their inner and outer beauty.

I would suggest only a minor modification: Substitute the word physical for real. What is the real attractiveness?

(03-06-2010, 05:07 PM)origin Wrote: I am hesitant to comment on an already amazing, thorough and lengthy thread about the nature of Sex/Sexual Energy Transfers, but I guess that I am still wondering about it in relation to my own experiences.

(03-06-2010, 05:07 PM)origin Wrote: What I have been trying to figure out is whether this is the result of an energy blockage that I may have or that he may have or that both of us may have. He has shared with me before that he could have sex every day if I wanted, which surprised me. I have never quite felt that way because I always thought it was about the quality of experience and not necessarily the quantity.Blush So I am still contemplating this because this same sexual dynamic continues and I am feeling confused and saddened by it.

(03-07-2010, 12:54 PM)Pablísimo Wrote: I"ve often found the best position to take to be somewhere between two extremes. I believe there is always a Middle Way. The balance between tolerance and acceptance of your mate's challenges and insisting upon honor and respect for yourself must be struck.

(03-07-2010, 12:54 PM)Pablísimo Wrote: regardless of my relative understanding, it should not be a prerequisite to forgiveness, especially since forgiveness itself can lead to at least greater understanding,

(03-07-2010, 12:54 PM)Pablísimo Wrote: Wow, some old catalyst just jumped up at me. All these years, I assumed it was the former, and I could be right, but what if it was the the latter? That changes the equation dramatically. Thanks for the insight on intent!

(03-07-2010, 12:54 PM)Pablísimo Wrote: cultural predisposition towards judging a woman's value on her physical attractiveness rather than on other qualities. It was this catalyst that made me examine my compliments to my wife in a new light and I confess I was guilty of some of the same speech patterns despite my inner thoughts. That awareness helped me to adjust my speech to match my heart.

(03-07-2010, 12:54 PM)Pablísimo Wrote: Wow, no doubt they had some real issues. I would wager, though, that the age difference itself was not the cause of any of those problems.

(03-07-2010, 12:54 PM)Pablísimo Wrote: Our love, and our sex life, evolved naturally over time.

(03-07-2010, 12:54 PM)Pablísimo Wrote: I think that if you focus on developing your love and deepening your relationship with each other in all other ways, that the quality of your sexual energy exchange will improve by itself. As you both become more spiritual and grow together, the sexual relationship will become more spiritual as well...
...what ended up happening is that from time to time, she "took care of me", that is, gave me sexual release without full intercourse as a gesture of love. Here's a delicate (and true) analogy. Sometimes she needed a backrub after a long day and even though my own back didn't hurt and I didn't want a massage for myself, I was glad to do it for her as a service of love.

(03-07-2010, 12:54 PM)Pablísimo Wrote: Still, my best advice is to focus on the love you share, do fun things together, share your feelings and learn to honor and respect eachother in all ways. Work on the love relationship rather than the sex relationship. I believe that if you tend the garden of your love well, that the sexual flowers within it will bloom in their own good time.